Junhyung’s POV

Haneul said nothing except look at me while I cried. I tried to stop my tears but they kept flowing.

“Sorry.” I muttered, burying my face into my palms.

“Don’t you realize that it is actually you who should be receiving the apology, instead of you saying it?” She pulled my hands down.

“I owe you an apology, Junroro. I owe you so many things.” She said, pulling me into a tight hug.

I winced a little at the pressure on my arm.

“I owe you an ‘I’m sorry’, ‘Are you okay’, ‘I love you’, and ‘I’m here for you’.  When that accident happened, I forgot about your feelings totally. I let you endure everything on your own. All these while I thought what I was doing was ‘for your own good’, but I never realize that I never actually asked what you needed. I did everything that I thought was the right thing to do for you instead of actually asking you for your opinion on yourself. Only until just now when I saw your face did I realize that while you may look like you’re recovering well on the outside, your inside is still as shattered as ever.” She said.

“I’m sorry, Junroro. For being such a to you when the accident happened and when I found drugs hidden in Loki’s room. Are you okay, Junroro? Are you still hurting? But you know, it’s okay to hurt. I love you, Junroro. Always and forever. I’m here for you, Junroro. I’m not leaving anymore.” She said.

I buried my face into her neck and cried my heart out.

“Cry, darling. I’m not letting go of you, so you can cry till your heart content.” She whispered into my ear.

“Aigoo~ Look at your swollen face.” She chuckled and poked my cheeks.

“But are you feeling better?” She asked, wiping my face.

I nodded.

“But I’m so sleepy now.” I mumbled.

She laughed and squashed my cheeks.

“Aigoo~ Why are you so cute?” She said.

I shrugged my shoulders.

“You can sleep. I’ll be here.” She said, holding onto my hand.

“I don’t want to sleep. I want to talk.” I said.

“What do you want to talk about?” She asked.

“Are you okay? Were you badly shocked?” He asked.

“I’m fine. I’m offended thou. Gosh~ So disgusting. But I kicked him. So half of my anger is gone.” She said.

“Kicked him where?” I asked.

“There.” She said, staring at my crotch.

“Ouch~” I groaned just thinking about the pain.

“But good job.” I smiled.

“Thank you for protecting me.” She said.

“Don’t say thank you like we’re strangers. And besides, I have to guard what is mine, no?” I asked.

“Oh, so I’m yours?” She asked.

“No. I’m yours.” I said.

“Nah~ We belong to each other.” She poked me.

I smiled at her, admiring her face.

“What?” She asked, blushing slightly.

“You’re beautiful.” I said, caressing her cheek.

“Like you’re not handsome.” She said.

“I know I am.” I said.

“Oh my!” She laughed.

“But you don’t know you’re beautiful and that’s a pity.” I said.

She looked down, smiling. I lifted her chin up.

“You’re beautiful.” I said again.

“Only to you.” She said softly.

“Is that not enough?” I asked.

“It’s more than enough.” She said, planting soft pecks all over my face.

“I was thinking…” She said as she leaned against my shoulder.

“About?” I asked.

“Maybe it’s time you come back.” She said.

“Come back?” I asked.

“Yea. Come back out and continue your life. As Beast’s rapper, Ji Eun and Tae Hyun’s daddy, my husband…” She said.

I froze. Leave rehab and go back out? I sure have been wanting to do that, but… I am scared, honestly.

“I… I don’t know.” I muttered.

“You’re well, Junroro. You don’t even need to be there.” She said.

I said nothing.

“You don’t have to be scared, you know. We’re all here for you.” She patted my chest lightly as she spoke.

Her friend, that in-charge, he did talk to me about it before. He said the same thing as Haneul did. I did not need to be there at all. The rehab has been acting like my comfort zone. No one here can harm me psychologically. Even back then when I was bullied on a daily basis, I still felt safe to a certain extent when I was there. Once I step out of this place, it is reality.

Would I be able to be the same Junhyung anymore? Would I still be welcomed as Beast’s rapper? Would Ji Eun and Tae Hyun accept me? Would the world still accept Yong Junhyung, the one with past mistakes? What if they hate me? What if they bash me? What if they want me dead? What if I cannot take the pressure? So many ‘what if’s, and no answers at all.

“Mmm..” I hummed in response.

“Whenever you’re ready, Junroro.” She said.

“I’ll think about it.” I said.

She smiled and kissed me on my lips.

“I’ll be here for you. Whatever that happens, whatever decision you make, please know that I’ll always be supporting you.” She said.

***
I found myself walking endlessly through what seemed like a forest. It was daytime but there was no one around. It was just me, the trees and the singing birds. For some odd reason, I did not seem fearful that I might get lost. Something inside me just told me to carry on walking. As I walked, I listened to the birds and let the sun warm me up. I in a few breaths of fresh air. Ahh, how I miss this. I smiled to myself unconsciously. It felt like the environment relaxed not only my body, but also my soul.

“I miss that.” I heard a voice say.

Familiar voice. But where was it coming from?

I looked around, but I was clearly alone.

“Who is there?” I asked.

“Me.” The voice said.

“Loki?” I asked, tears welling up in my eyes.

“Loki, is that you? Are you here? Where are you? Come to Daddy.” I said, starting to cry.

“Uh uh~ I’m not coming out if you don’t smile.” He said.

“Loki, where are you? Stop playing games with Daddy. Please. Come out.” I cried.

I turned when I felt a tug on the back of my shirt. Loki stood there, smiling at me.

“Baby!” I cried and hugged Loki tightly.

“Ahh ahh~ Can’t bweathe! Daaaddy!!” He whined.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I said, letting go of him slightly.

He tackled me to the floor and then started tickling me. I tickled him as well, but let him have the upper hand. This boy is like his mother; they never like to lose.

“Okay, okay. Stop.” I held onto his wrists.

He sat on my stomach, palms resting on my chest, still giggling.

“Look at you~” I said, wiping his forehead with my palms. His cheeks were rosy from all the laughing and playing around.

“Daaaddy~~” He squeezed my cheeks, amusing himself.

I sat up, letting him sit on my lap.

“I miss you so much, my baby.” I said as I hugged him close to my chest.

He was warm, unlike that day.

“Are you cwrying?” He asked, still in that baby tone.

“Yea. Because I miss you.” I admitted.

He caressed my back with his small palm.

“Daaady, don’t cwry. Loki is here.” He said, which made me cry even harder.

“Pwease…” He pleaded.

“Alright, alright.” I said, slapping my cheeks to stop myself from crying.

He poked his fingers under the corner of my lips, forcing a smile out of me.

“WAH~ SO HANDSOME!!!” He chuckled.

I laughed at his little gesture.

“Have you been well?” I asked him.

“When Daddy is happy, Loki is well. When Daddy is sad, Loki is sad too. So Daddy, have you been sad or happy?” He asked.

I was lost for words. I ended up shrugging my shoulders. He copied my actions and started giggling. I miss his giggle so much. I would never get tired of listening to him giggle and blabber nonsense. I would sacrifice even my life for that to come back.

 “Daddy~” He hugged my waist, chin against my chest, looking up at me.

“Daddy, I love you.” He said.

He does not want me to cry, but he keeps saying things like that.

“I love you too, my baby. Do you hate me for letting you go?” I asked.

He pouted angrily at me.

“Why? I’m sorry.” I said.

“I just said I love you!” He punched my arm.

“Loki, Daddy is sorry. If I wasn’t careless, if I wasn’t sleepy… this wouldn’t have happened. Loki, I’m so sorry.” I cried.

“Daddy, actually…” He said, playing with my fingers.

“Hmm?” I asked.

“Actually, it was Loki’s fault. Loki ran into the water although hyung and noona said not too.” He pouted.

I said nothing.

“Are you angwy?” He asked, pouting.

“Why would I be angry?” I asked.

“I did not listen to you. Sowrry, Daddy.” He said.

I held him close to me, hugging him tightly.

“Were you scared?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Sorry, I was too late.” I said.

“Sowrry, I was pwayful.” He said.

I laughed and kissed him on his hair.

“I guess we should not have named you Loki after all.” I said, remembering the conversation Haneul and I had when we were deciding his name.

“But I like the name! It’s spewcial!” He said.

“You like it?” I asked, surprised.

He nodded.

“I’m glad.” I said.

“Are you alone here?” I asked.

“I have fwriends!” He punched his fist into my chin by accident.

“SOWRRY DADDY!!!” He apologized, kissing me.

“It’s fine.” I ruffled his hair.

He stood up suddenly.

“Daddy, I have to go.” He said.

“GO!? I mean.. so soon? Can’t you stay?” I asked, almost begging.

“I’m pwaying hide and seek with my fwriends. They are coming. I cannot let them find me.” He said in a hushed voice.

“But…” I held onto his hand, not wanting to let go.

He jumped into my arms, hugging me.

“Daddy, I love you. I don’t like it when you are sad, Daddy. Please be happy again, Daddy. Don’t worry about Loki. Loki is fine here. Loki is very happy here, and Loki wants Daddy to be happy too. When Daddy is happy, it makes Umma, Noona, Hyung and Loki happy too. Please, Daddy. Please.” He said.

“But how can I be happy without you, baby? How can I be happy when it was me who killed you? How can I afford to be happy knowing that you’re here alone? You’re not supposed to die so young, baby. Daddy should be dead before you. But…” I cried.

Loki pouted, looking down.

“Okay. Alright. Daddy promise you. I’ll be happy.” I said, forcing a smile.

“Daddy, happiness doesn’t come from here.” He said, poking my lips.

“But here.” He said, touching my chest.

“Oh no.” He looked around suddenly.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“They are coming.” He whispered.

“Daddy, Loki loves you wery, wery much. Loki loves Umma, Noona, Hyung, Jace, BEAST and MBLAQ ahjusshis, Minji noona and Minki wery wery much too.” He said.

“Aww Minki~” He pouted.

“You miss her?” I asked.

He nodded.

“I’ll let her know you miss her.” I said.

“Really?” He asked, beaming with a smile.

“Yes. I promise.” I said.

“Can you give Daddy one last hug before you go?” I asked.

He crashed his small body against mine, squeezing me tightly. He pulled away, and then suddenly lean in to kiss me on my lips, startling me.

“Hehehe~ Daddy, bubye!” He waved as he ran off.

I watch him run off, but he surprised me when he stopped and turned back suddenly.

“DADDY, LOKI LOVES YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!” He shouted loudly before making a heart shape with his arms, and then he ran off.

I was left alone in that forest again.

As much as I wanted to spend forever with him, I know that we do not belong in the same world anymore. But I was thankful for this little bit of time I had with him. At least I know he is well. At least a small part of me can be at peace.

“Junhyung. Junhyung.” I felt someone shake me.

I opened my eyes  to find Haneul staring at me worriedly.

“Are you okay? Why have you been crying and laughing in your sleep? What’s wrong?” She asked.

“I…” I muttered.

“What?” She asked.

“I dreamt of… Loki.” I said, smiling and crying at the same time.

Her expression fell.

“How… is he?” She asked finally.

“He is.. still our baby boy.” I said.

“That boy is like a chameleon. He adapts well.” She smiled, but was tearing up too.

“He says he misses you.” I said, holding onto her hand.

“I miss him too. Like crazy.” She cried.

I forced myself up with my good arm and invited her into my embrace.

“I miss him.” She cried into my chest.

“He says he loves you, and that he wants me to be happy so Umma, Noona and Hyung will be happy.” I said, recalling what Loki said.

“That hopelessly thoughtful boy.” Haneul punched my chest as she cried.

I let her lie on my chest as I held onto her tightly. I closed my eyes, watching the dream replay in my head. I cried again, but this time, it was happy tears.

***
“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!?” A loud voice shouted, shocking both Haneul and me out of sleep.

We opened our eyes to find Shin and J staring at us, jaws hanging low.

“HYUNG!!! YOU HAVE A WIFE!!!” J shouted, pointing at us.

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO SEDUCE HYUNG!!!” He glared hard at Haneul.

“Hyung, how could you do this? What about your wife, Haneul? How can you do this to her?” Shin asked, sounding disappointed.

Haneul stood up, giggling. I looked at her worriedly, but she just smiled.

“What’s his wife’s name, by the way?” She asked.

“Why.. why do you want to know?” J asked, sounding protective.

“Haneul. Hyung’s wife is called Haneul.” Shin said.

“What’s my name?” Haneul asked.

My eyes widened. I thought she said not to mention?

“Lionny~” I shook her hand.

“BOTH OF YOU ARE SO CLOSE YOU EVEN HAVE A PET NAME FOR HER!? OH MY GOD I’M FAINTING!” J said, holding the back of his neck.

“What’s my name?” Haneul asked again.

“SKYE!” Shin said angrily.

“Yea. My name is Skye. So? Skye. Haneul. S.K.Y?” Haneul asked.

They looked confused.

“You’re Haneul too?” Shin asked.

Haneul shook her head.

“I’m not Haneul too. I am Haneul. His Haneul.” Haneul said, intertwining her fingers with mine.

My Haneul.

“YOU’RE HYUNG’S WIFE!?” Shin and J yelled in a unison voice after they regained from their shock.

Haneul nodded, sitting beside me.

“Does that mean…” J muttered.

“OH MY GOD! HYUNG! WE’RE SORRY!!!!!” The both of them got down on their knees in front of me.

“What’s going on?” The in-charge asked as he stepped in.

“Nothing much. The both of them just realized that they have been flirting shamelessly with their hyung’s wife and is seeking for forgiveness now. That’s all.” Haneul said, winking at me.

I laughed and kissed her on her cheek. Now, I can get my revenge on them. I have been waiting for this day but I never thought it would come so soon. 

***
Junhyung's broken arm

Haneul: “I’m not Haneul too. I am Haneul. His Haneul.

J: Does that mean…