Krystal’s Pov

What can I do? What can I do to ease her pain? I’m not used to feeling like this. She has helped me so many times, and I can’t think of anything to do but hold onto her. I’ve never been the big spoon in our relationship. I’ve never had to be the one that holds her in my arms, but that is what she needs right now. Never being one that is easily brought to tears when she has wiped mine away countless times. I have only seen her cry about one thing: her family. Be it that she was missing them like when she first got to Korea, or was just thinking about what they were doing without her. The past few hours have been completely new territory for us. After I managed to help calm her down outside of the car she didn’t say anything as I took the keys from her, and drove us back to the hotel. Since I can’t carry her or support her weight, we had to do things on her terms. We sat in the car in silence for an hour until she finally got out. I just have to be patient and let her know that I’m here. She walked around the front of the car with a tear stained face, having given up trying to wipe them away half an hour ago. She looked so lost, so I moved to stand beside her and take her hand with my right hand and hold onto her arm with other hand. She didn’t look at me, but her hand squeezed mine and I could feel how hard she was trying. It was hard for me to assess exactly what was going through her mind since the worst part of her exchange with her parents occurred in Chinese. But the look on her mother’s face as she left the room was enough for me to understand that how she saw Amber had changed. How could she not see what I do in her own daughter? She raised her to be this incredibly kind human being, whose heart is filled with nothing but love, and this is how she makes her feel? Unwanted? Disgusted? Unlovable?  How could you do that to your own child? When we finally made it back to our room, I remembered that she had the room key in her wallet. But she was just staring at the door, her mind in another place. I let go of her, and moved closer to her face. She kept looking straight head, and couldn’t face me. I put my hand on the side of her face and gently made her look at me.

“Am, you have the key,” I whispered looking into her heavy eyes.

“Krys-” she choked out before beginning to sob.

In rapid fashion she latched onto me in a tight hug, and I tried to reach for the wallet in her pocket.

“It’s going to be ok....um...just let me get you inside...please Amber you have to help me here,” I said as she began to lean more of her weight on me. “I’ve almost got the key,” I said in a strained voice as I lost my grip on the wallet and it fell to the floor.

I got a firm grip on her arms before moving her against the door. Her crying halted suddenly at the contact with the door and she looked at me confused. “Am please...honey you have to calm down for a second. I can’t do this by myself. I’m not strong enough to pick you up in my arms or hold you up. Let me help you. We have to do this together. Baby...please you have to come back to me...I’m scared that I won’t be able to help you...just breathe and focus on me,” I said making sure she was supporting her own weight before bending down to pick up her wallet.

I took out the key and used it to open the door behind her. I put my arm around her back and helped her get through the door. I made sure to keep our momentum moving towards the bed. She sat down on her side of the bed and laid down and curled into herself all in one motion. I moved in a frenzy around the room. Removing her shoes, pulling the covers over her body, and putting the tissues next to her bedside table. Then I paused before joining her under the covers. She didn’t say anything as I pulled her close to me and wrapped an arm around her middle. She was facing away from me, and the silence was killing me. I had to know that she would be alright.

“What can I do? How can I help you? There must be something I can do?” I questioned desperate to get a response.

After what seemed like an eternity she turned to face me. I noticed that some life had returned to her vacant eyes.

“I didn’t think it would feel like this. They raised me, gave me everything...how can they not be in my life...it hurts like nothing else I’ve ever felt...it’s not physical pain but worse, because I don’t know how to fix it...my whole body hurts. I swear if you weren’t touching me right now I would be convinced this was just a bad nightmare. I want it to end...my heart hurts,” she told me with a pained expression.

“I wish this was a nightmare. But I’m here with you, and I love you. You hear me? I love you. I want you to wear this for a while,” I said taking off the ring she gave me and putting it on her pinkie finger, since her hands were bigger than mine.

“What?” she asked confused.

“You need it more than I do righ