Switch It Up



I felt myself fuming mad at those two. Even when they were already far from my sight, my eyes were still blazing, hoping I could set them on fire with my mere gaze.


I felt a hand touched my tensed shoulder and I gasped when I realized I was not alone.


"Hey, chill. You're so tensed." Khun Khun said with a chuckle.


I narrowed my eyes at him and glared. "You shouldn't have stopped me! I should have grabbed those bwitches' hairs and twisted them 'til they screamed in pain!" I hissed in frustration.


"SShhh. calm down, Dara. Don't stoop to their level." He tried his best to calm me.


Instead of feeling calm, though, I felt a tear slid down my cheek. I looked at my guitar, two of its strings were already broken.


"STUPID! STUPID!" I hissed in frustration. 


I hated confrontations but those two really hit a chord in me (no pun intended) when they decided to lunge at my guitar.


I nursed the broken guitar, a special gift I treasured for years now.


It was his gift for me on my birthday two years ago.


This same guitar serenaded him with sweet lullabys.


And now, it's broken.


"Mian..." I whispered as tears started to spill. I was thankful we were on an isolated corridor, away from the discerning eyes of everyone.


I felt him pulled me in a hug, surprising me.


"That must have been a very special gift seeing as how you spilled tears over it." He stated.


"It is." I whispered as I sobbed silently against his chest.


"Must have been from someone very special." He said once again, his voice lowering into a whisper. His face maintained a soft smile despite the gloominess in his voice.


I looked at him for awhile and nodded before bowing my head once again.


"He is."


I felt him flinched and all I could do was bow my head.


Mian, Khun Khun but I don't want to lie to you...


"It's Jiyong, right?"


I looked up to him and followed his gaze.


Standing just a few feet away from us was Jiyong, looking intently at the two of us.


I jumped back and pulled myself away from Khun Khun, as if I have been caught on the spot.


"Ji..."


"YG-hyung called earlier. We're needed in his office." He said simply, his eyes never leaving Khun Khun who was standing beside me.


"Neh." I answered. I turned to Khun Khun and bowed my head. "I'll go ahead, Khun Khun and thank you."


I bowed my head to him once again and followed Jiyong, clutching the broken guitar close to my chest.


We walked in complete silence, mindful of the distance between us. Neither of us did anything to close the gap that was separating us from each other.


"Don't mind them. Those girls are just jealous of you." He said simply, keeping his hands inside his jean pockets.


I stole a glance at him and saw him giving me a small smile.


I bowed my head and looked at the guitar in my hands.


"It's not that... it's..." I heard my voice shake as I lifted my guitar for him to see.


His face turned into a frown the moment his eyes set on it. I flinched and silently cursed myself from attracting a confrontation once again.


"Mian, Ji... Don't be mad at me. I did my best to~"


"It's not you I'm angry at, D." He moved a bit closer and wrapped his arm around mine when reached the isolated parking lot.


We stopped walking when we reached his Bentley. He scruffed his hair and faced me.


"It's just that I don't get why some people are like that. Finding happiness in other people's misery." He heaved a deep breath, closed his eyes and clenched and unclenched his fists.


"I don't get it as well, Ji." I told him which made him nod. I looked again at my broken guitar then at him. 


"There are a lot of things I don't get."


My words made him chuckle despite the foul mood he was in earlier.


"You're really random, neh, Ssantokki?" He asked, teasingly. I just gave him a brief smile.


He ruffled his hair again and opened the car door for me. I entered the front passenger seat and settled in.


"So... what are those things that you don't get, D?" He asked me as soon as he had settled on his seat. He pulled the seatbelt from my side and attached it to the other side, his simple action elicited unnerving reactions from deep within me.


It was a little secret of mine that he had not decrypted yet. That ever since I came back from Japan, he had that unexplainable effect on me.


I heaved a deep sigh and fixed my gaze on him as I struggled to answer his probing question.


"This..." I clutched my hands to my chest.


"I don't get why it seems to stop and beat rapidly at the same time whenever you're near me."


I must have caught him off-guard with my confession for his cheeks suddenly flushed. 


Finding the courage I have never thought I possessed, I went on with my confession.


"I don't get it, Ji. My mind says we cannot be, yet this..." I pointed towards my heart, the cause of my temporary insanity. 


"It's says that we are meant to be."


I heaved a sigh, feeling a huge burden had been lifted off from my shoulders. 


I looked up to him then, unaware that he was already watching me. I felt myself turning red after all that things that I have said.


"Why does your mind says that? That we cannot be?" He asked me, his eyes searched for something in mine, wandered around it and explored its very depths.


"We've hurt each other too much for too many times, Ji. We spilled far too many tears already that it scares me to think how much more of those we will endure if we stay together." I answered him honestly.


Don't judge me, I'm not one to give up easily. It's just that sometimes, I fear that if we continued this dangerous attachment with each other, we'd end up hurting each other more with our stupid and reckless actions.


"I don't want to reach the point when we end up hating each other because of all the hurt we have inflicted on one another." I confessed to him, sadly.


"I could never hurt you, D. There's no in' way I'd hate you, D." He gripped the stirring wheel he was holding on to earlier.


"We could never tell what will happen in the future, Ji." I told him softly as I caressed the his back, trying my best to ease his tension.


I felt him heaved a deep breath before asking me another question. 


"So you'd rather stay with Nichkhun when you know very well that your heart yearns for me?" He asked, sounding irritated.


Even when furious, he could still be the cocky and overconfident Kwon Jiyong. Tsk.


I stifled a laughter as I mused at his cockiness.


But it was true. My heart still yearns for him even after all those months away from him.


"I'm not using Khun Khun to push you out of my life, Ji. He's not just some replacement for you either." I answered.


No, Khun Khun was more than that. 


"Before returning here, I felt myself already falling for him. I felt that I was finally ready to open my heart to him." I felt him tensed under my touch and noted that his grip on the steering wheel became tighter.


"But then I came back here and it was like along with coming back to Korea, my heart also came back to you..."


I looked up at him and met his gaze with mine. Tears were already welling in his eyes.


I felt him pull me closer and enveloped me in his hug, his hold almost crushing my frail body.


"I love you so much, D. God, how I love you so much!"


He buried his head on my shoulders and let his tears fall freely. I did the same and held him tighter even if it meant crushing my body against his.


And in that moment, I finally let go of the wall I had put up to protect myself from hurting again.


"I love you too, Ji. I love you so much too." 


I felt him stop sobbing and froze in our hold.


After a few seconds, he pulled away from our embrace and faced me, his hands cupping both my cheeks.


"Dara..." He began to say but his words got lost along the way.


"Neh, Ji. I love you. I always have."


I smiled, not only for him but for myself as well. Finally, I was able to speak the silent confessions of my heart.


He smiled as well, a smile that some people might say they rarely see from him.


It was the smile that he reserved for me. Only for me.


He pulled me in for another hug, this one's tighter, more passionate than the other one which sent me into a little trance.


The moment's not exactly magical. There were no butterflies dancing around outside the car or fireworks setting off by the Han River.


But it was enough to send me to heaven.


I was in the arms of Kwon Jiyong, the man who loves me with all his heart.


And the man who have always owned my heart.


























"Uhm, Ji, I think you can pull away now." 


I told him meekly as I shifted uncomfortably in his arms. I've lost track of how long we were locked in each other's arms but since mine were already becoming numb, I figured we've been doing it for a long time now.


And when I said, doing it, I mean "hugging" each other and not the "IT" that you guys were probably thinking.


Nope, we didn't do the deed that rhymes with "six".


Ani, we didn't have in his Bentley!


Okay, there, I said it. Phew!


"I love you so much, Dara. I want you so much I want to make love to you right now, at this very moment..."


WHAT THE ?!!


I glanced to him nervously and noticed that his eyes were filled with longing, pleading and passion, that they almost seemed to be blazing, ready to emit fire any second now.


Uh-oh.


I guess I have spoken way too soon. By the looks of Kwon Jiyong's state at the moment, there's a LITTLE (emphasis on the word "little", mind you) possibility we might end up doing IT.


LITTLE possibility? Yeah, right, Dara!


A little voice inside my head said.


OFF!


The more rational voice inside me hissed.


You know you want him, Dara. Why are you even denying it?


That pesky little voice taunted me once again, smirking at my prudeness.


I DON'T WANT TO FRICKIN' DO IT INSIDE HIS CAR THAT IS PARKED INSIDE SBS STUDIO!


I yelled that, thankfully, to myself only. 


AND HOW THE HELL DID THAT LITTLE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD MANAGE TO SMIRK??


I stole a glance at him and saw him staring at me with those eyes again. Those eyes that seemed to say "Watch out, D. I'm going to pounce on you anytime."


I gulped as he moved in closer towards me, like a savage beast closing in on its prey.


Fearing for my safety, I closed my eyes and let out silent prayers to whoever might be available to accommodate my sudden cry for help.


Oh sweet Jeesuz! I know that we are both right now after long grueling months of not being together but please! Please, I beg you! Put some sanity into that lust-filled head of his...


"D, let it go. I know you want me just as much as I want you right now." He whispered hoarsely as his face was just a few inches away from mine. His hot breath was caressing my face, sending shivers all over and activating my body heat.


Mary, sweet Mary (oh, how appropriate, Dara!), please give me strength to fight this sudden urge to throw myself at him and kiss him senseless. As you very well know, I'm not a and I strongly oppose public exhibition but with the way he's looking at me right now, I think I~


My thoughts got cut off as he began roaming his hands underneath my shirt. I silently cursed myself and our stylist for choosing a loose shirt as my stage costume. That gave him an easier time for his hand to travel from my stomach to my back then back again to where it first came to then venturing upwards, to where a man's hand should not be lurking at.


Dear God, I know I haven't been in my best behavior lately but I promised, just give him a distraction, anything to keep him from devouring me whole, and I promise to always pray at night even if I'm dead tired and beat…


And just like an answer to my prayers, a loud ring resonated inside his car.


I thought I was finally off the hook.


But lo and behold! The Great Kwon Leadah seemed to have lost his ears (or the function of it) as he continued exploring my body, making me tremble with his every touch.


"Ji..." I whimpered as he began attacking my neck with his tender kisses. "Your phone's ringing." I pointed out rather weakly. 


Yes, his kisses have the power to make me weak.


"Let it ring." He lazily mumbled as he continued kissing and the sensitive spot on my neck.


CRAP! Why is he so good in doing that?!


My body screamed for him to continue what he was doing but my mind, you see, my mind was still alert despite of all the scream-inducing pleasure he was giving me.


"I think it's sajangnim, Ji." I lied. Well, it could be sajangnim. After all, he's so used to calling Ji's phone.


That got to him. Jiyong frowned and pulled away, much to my disappointment. He took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the caller's name.


He looked at me and gave me a smirk. I cocked my eyebrow at him in confusion.


"Neh, hyung?" He answered his phone after awhile. "Hmmm." He cast a brief glance at me before facing forward once again. "Neh, neh. She's with me right now." He listened to the other line again and nodded his head repeatedly. "Arasso. We'll be there quickly." He hung up the phone and started the engine which made me sigh in relief.


He looked at me and chuckled, probably noticing my relieved expression.


"Just you wait ‘til I get you alone Ssantokki. You'd be set on fire." He smirked as he drove smoothly out of the parking lot. I bowed my head and pretended to tie my shoelace when the guards greeted Jiyong.


After we successfully exited SBS' parking lot, I sat straight once again and a playful smile was pasted on my face.


"Ooh... what would the dragon do? Huff, puff and blow fire at me?" I , wriggling my eyebrows playfully at him. I noticed him smiling, that boyish grin of his, before stealing a brief glance at me.


"I'm a man of action, D. I'd rather show you." He cocked an eyebrow at me confidently before focusing his sight on the road again.


I stuck my tongue out at him to feign embarrassment. Yes, even though Jiyong and I have already done IT many times already, (oh come on! we've been together for five years already that's why.) I still get giddy and shy every time he would tease me with his ual innuendos. 


"Besides, if I tell you, you might not be able to concentrate the whole day, babe." He turned to me and looked at my... chest. GAWWWD! This y man was looking at my chest and even his lips while doing so!


"YA! YOU !!!"


I hid my face with my palms, convinced that my cheeks were already glowing red from too much embarrassment.


I heard him chuckled as he ruffled my hair.


"You can be really cute, D. How do you do that?" His voice was filled with disbelief as he continued chuckling.


I revealed my face for awhile so that I could stick my tongue out to him and quickly hid it quickly under my palm once again.


“It comes naturally.” I mumbled while still hiding my face.


That earned laughter from him. I took my palms away from my face and watched him laugh his heart out. Somehow, it made me smile seeing his laughing that way.


It’s been awhile since I last saw him this happy…


My heart was filled with so much joy as I stared into his eyes. There was no longer any trace of the sadness that once resided there.


And like a contagious disease, I found myself laughing along with him as we drove on the smooth ride, unaware of what was waiting for us when we reach our destination.


































“Uhm, Ji, why are we here?” She asked hesitantly.


I parked the car inside of KBS’ parking lot. It wasn’t our original destination actually but YG-hyung called earlier, instructing me to drive here instead.


“I have no idea as well, D. Hyung just told me to come here quick.” I said as I exited my car and dashed to her side. She was about to open the door but I beat her to it.


She smiled as she let me open the door for him. “Still the gentleman, Kwon Jiyong.” She remarked as she looked at me appreciatively.


I just flashed her my lopsided smile, the smile she was so amused at and earned a giggle from her. I started walking when I realized she still hadn’t moved from her spot.


“Dara, come on.” I urged her to come near me and she obliged happily. 


When we were already side by side each other, I grasp her left hand and intertwined my fingers with hers.


Right. This is how it is supposed to be. I grinned to myself in satisfaction.


I felt her hesitating at first but that only made me hold her hand tighter.


“Relax, baby. It’s just you and me. Don’t mind everyone else. It’s you and me.” I smiled at her in assurance.


She looked up at and bit her lip before giving me a sweet smile. A small groan escaped my lips as my eyes zoomed in on those pink luscious lips of hers waiting to be showered with my kisses.


“Uhm, Ji?” I heard her ask me tentatively. 


“Neh?” I didn’t bother looking up as my eyes were focused on her tempting lips.


“I think we should enter now.” She told me. I nodded my head distractedly.


I felt a tug on my hand. That made me look up to her, momentarily disrupting the naughty thoughts that float around my head.


“Open it then. The knob’s right in front of you.” She pulled our intertwined hands and pointed to the door knob that was directly in front of me.


I felt my cheeks flushed as I realized we were standing for awhile now, with her waiting for my next action.


I chuckled in embarrassment before twisting the knob and stepping into the cold hallway of KBS.


I felt her trying to pull her hand away from mine but I just maintained my tight hold on her, determined not to let her go. I was sick of all our charades. It was time that people start realizing who my girl really is, who my butterfly truly is.


We were met by gasps and murmurs as we walked the hallway of KBS. One staff unknowingly let go of the papers she was holding while another stopped halfway from drinking his coffee.


I knew that Dara was starting to sweat from nervousness and I knew that alarms were already going off on that paranoid head of hers.


While, I, on the other hand, was overjoyed and filled with contentment at the display of affection we were flaunting. I held my head high and smirked at the wide open mouths and awestricken faces of the people we happened to passed by.


It took us a good five minutes to reach our destination. Once outside the door, I knocked thrice, signaling our arrival.


The door opened and we were greeted not only by YG-hyung and Music Bank PD Kwon Jae Young but also four of the last persons we thought we’d ever meet that day.


“Oh good, Jiyong and Sandara are already here.”


My head shot up to the direction of the owner of the voice.


I felt Dara stiffened beside me as she let out a hush murmur.


“Lee Soo Man.”


He smiled, that condescending, cunning smile of his that I wanted to slap out of his face.


“Jiyong, Dara, come join us.” The calm and collected voice of YG-hyung echoed throughout the room but it did nothing to calm me especially when I saw who was sitting beside him.


It was Nichkhun, looking intently at our intertwined hands. Dara looked up to him then bowed her head once again, probably in apology.


I anticipated that Dara would pull her hand away from me and the thought suddenly saddened me. 


Much to my surprise, though, she held on tighter to my hand, as if finding support from it.


I smiled at her and guided her to our seat which was to Yg-hyung’s right.


Once we were already settled in our seats, PD Kwon stood up and presided over the meeting.


“Jiyong-sshi, Dara-sshi, Yoona-sshi and Nichkhun-sshi, you are all probably wondering why we called for you.”


The four of us looked at one another before nodding our head in agreement.


“As you all know, we have plans on doing drastic changes in KBS Music Bank. Sadly, we’ve been receiving a lot of negative feedbacks from fans as to how we treat the senior idols, especially BIGBANG.” He looked at me directly and I felt myself heating up as I remembered the crappy stage they gave us when we performed “Tonight” ten months ago but I willed myself to give a courteous nod.


“Yang Goon-sshi, I sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding and inconvenience our show might have put your artists through.” He bowed politely at YG-hyung which hyung accepted wholeheartedly.


“I told you before, Jae Young-sshi, we are not a proud company. We just don’t want our artists being at a disadvantage. My apologies as well if our company has caused any misundertstanding.” Hyung answered calmly. 


A loud smirk echoed throughout the room, making me clench my fist tightly and shooting deathly glares at the CEO of SME.


“Ji, don’t mind him.” Dara whispered to me as she laid her hand on mine, instantly calming my raging temper.


“To show our appreciation for your understanding, we decided to give a special stage to some of your artists. We want invite 2NE1 and BIGBANG to perform “Lonely” and “Stupid Liar”, two of your group’s biggest hits this year, in back-to-back performances.” That made Yg-hyung smile.


“Thank you for the invitation, Jae Young-sshi. I’m sure the boys and the girls will be happy to hear that.” He turned to us and smiled. Though I was still apprehensive as to how our stage would turn out, I couldn’t help but let out a smile as I saw how excited Dara was. It was after all, awhile since she and the girls last performed in KBS.


“What does that have to do with us then? Do SNSD and TVXQ get special stage performances as well?” Lee Soo Man interrupted, making the hairs on my arms stand in irritation.


“About that, I think we both agreed that SNSD will be performing “Hoot” while TVXQ will be performing “Maximum”.” PD Kwon answered calmly. With that, Lee Soo Man settled on his seat.


“So that leaves JYP.” PD Kwon looked at Jin Young-sshi and Nichkhun.


“Nichkhun, we have heard about the success 2PM has achieved during your stay in Japan.” He smiled at Nichkhun who politely nodded to him.


“Kamsahamnida. We are actually very grateful for the warm reception we received from the Japanese fans.” He answered genuinely.


PD Kwon paused and seemed to ponder for awhile. After a few seconds, he resumed.


“I have also heard that among the 2PM members, you were the most loved there.” Nichkhun blushed at the compliment of PD Kwon.


“We have been receiving tons of fan mails requesting for you to hold a special stage…” His eyes lingered towards our direction. “…with Sandara Park.”


I felt myself stiffened at PD Kwon’s words. 


There was no way, NO ING WAY, I would let that happen!


I won’t let her get near Nichkhun now, more than ever, especially after finding out who Dara truly loves.


I was about to speak my mind when PD Kwon continued what he was saying.


“We thought it was a good idea, having the most popular couple in Japan doing a special stage to welcome the New Year.” PD Kwon smiled as if he had just cooked a brilliant idea. Personally, I wanted to wipe that stupid grin off his face.


“Then, we thought why not make it more special by adding the most popular couple in the country right now.” He first looked at me then at Yoona.


I felt Dara stiffened. I looked at her and she gave me a small smile as if to say everything is okay.


But things are not okay. It was far from okay.


“I think that’s a great idea!” That b*stard Lee Soo Man did not even try to hide his contentment.


I was so agitated that I felt I could thrash PD Kwon’s office with my mere hands.


Why do complications always come when everything starts to fall into place??!


I was so frustrated to say the very least but Dara’s soothing hand worked its magic once again to calm me.


I turned to YG-hyung and noticed that he was watching me intently. I gave him a pleading look.


“Hyung, do we really have to do this…?” I was almost begging, pleading hyung not to let it happen.


I saw him stared at me for a few seconds before focusing his eyes on Dara who remained stiff beside me.


“Can I make a phone call first?” Hyung asked which made us all turn to him in confusion. PD Kwon nodded and hyung left the office in haste.


Awkward silence followed once YG-hyung exited the office.


It was probably the longest six minutes of our lives but we managed to survive. I stole a glance at Yoona and smiled weakly at her. I know for sure she was also dreading the proposed special stage of the four of us.


When YG-hyung came back, he was wearing a serious expression on his face, one that signified he meant business.


“Jae Young-sshi, I am agreeing to let Jiyong and Dara join in this special stage performance.”


I clenched my fist tightly and heaved a deep breath.


I have never felt so betrayed in my entire life.


The man I looked up to as my second father, just sold us to the devil.


“However, I will only agree to it if you let me choose the Musical Director for the special stage.”


Hyung’s word made me pause.


The Musical Director chooses the songs that will be used in the performances, oversees the whole choreography and blocking.


The MD is basically the god of the stage performance.


“And, I would like to personally choose the choreographer for this performance. You know me, Jae Young-sshi, I value my artists so much and I want them to be at their best when they are performing especially if it’s for a special stage.”


My fist gradually unclenched with what hyung said.


I looked around the room and saw Yoona and Nichkhun staring in open space, with blank expression on both their faces. Jin Young-sshi seemed to be amused at hyung’s audacity while Lee Soo Man looked as if he was breathing fire.


PD Kwon, on the other, looked baffled.


“But Yang Goon-sshi, we already have our own MD. We don’t want to create another~”


“These are my only condition, Jae Young-sshi. And let’s admit it, after the crappy stage and rigged result you gave BIGBANG last March, I think it is but fair to grant us this small favor. Don’t you think?” Hyung let the words linger for awhile before continuing.


“It’s either you grant that request or we pull out Dara and Jiyong. It’s your call.”


I saw PD Kwon paled at hyung’s ultimatum.


“Don’t we have a say on this? After all, it’s not only your artists who are joining in this collaboration.” Lee Soo Man retorted, obviously angered by the situation.


“What do you have to say, Soo Man-sshi?” PD Kwon, though shaking a bit, managed to sound professional.


Lee Soo Man arrogantly crossed his arms. “I won’t stand for it. Music Bank already has its own MD. Getting a new one for just a single performance is just downright outrageous.” He added with a smirk.


PD Kwon seemed to be relief. I glanced at hyung and saw that he was calm as ever.


“Jin Young-sshi, what do you have to say?”


All eyes were turned to Park Jin Young, the CEO of JYP. 


He pondered on it for awhile. He looked at his long-time friend, YG-hyung and smiled.


“I’ve been friends with this guy for a long time now. He had never let me down.” Both of them smiled at each other, as if an unspoken agreement has been made.


“I’ll go with what Yang Goon says.”


I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. I turned to Dara and saw her smiling softly. I squeezed her hand under the table, sharing the relief we both were feeling.


PD Kwon stood up and approached the head of the table. 


“It’s settled then. We’ll go with whoever Yang Goon-sshi chooses to direct and choreographed the collaboration stage.” He said with clenched teeth. I could tell he was trying his damnest to control his anger.


We were about to stand up when PD Kwon turned to hyung.


“By the way, Yang Goon-sshi. Have you already chosen who your MD will be?” 


We all looked at hyung, anticipating his answer to PD Kwon’s question.


“As a matter of fact, I already have. He’s supposed to be here any minute from now.” He answered simply.


And as if proving hyung’s point, the door burst open. My smile grew wide as I recognized who the person was.


“Am I late?” The newcomer asked.


“Just about time, Teddy.” 


YG-hyung happily greeted the musical genius we all know as 1TYM’s Leader and 2NE1’s Producer, Teddy.



























We were all in shock at Hyun Suk-sshi’s revelation earlier.


1TYM’s prominent leader and 2NE1’s popular producer, Teddy would be the one to direct our KBS Gayo Daejun collaboration.


I could tell that Soo Man-sshi was pissed off but I got to say, he had it coming. If he hadn’t been such a prick since day one, Hyun Suk-sshi wouldn’t have gone through such extent just to piss him off.


Yes, I was well-aware of the ongoing psychological battle between two of the most powerful men in the industry.


Too bad for Soo Man-sshi but he was definitely outnumbered in this battle. JYP and Hyun Suk-sshi are as tight as could be and I knew that JYP’s loyalty belonged to Hyun Suk-sshi.


JYP would always tell us how he grew a bond with YG-sshi, how he treasures their friendship and how Hyun Suk-sshi would always have his back and vice versa.


So it didn’t come as a surprise to me that JYP chose to side with Hyun Suk-sshi on the MD matter. Actually, I, too, would have agreed with him. You see, I was a closet fan of YG. I have always admired their stage and it was common knowledge that whenever YG hold a performance, people should expect nothing but the best.


But somehow, I felt a little sadness upon knowing that Teddy would be directing our stage. I was not ignorant not to know that Teddy and Jiyong were quite close. I knew that it would be easy for Jiyong to use their friendship to ask favors from his hyung.


But still, I didn’t blame Jiyong for whatever misfortunes I was having at the moment because frankly, life is unfair and I just have to it up.


What pained me the most, though, was seeing Dara entering PD Kwon’s office while her hands were intertwined with Jiyong.


What does that mean? Are they together?


I stole a glance at them and saw them whispering to each other.


I tore my glance away for it was too painful for me to look at.


Shouldn’t I be the one, Dara? Didn’t I earn the right to date you?


“You know, you can’t dissolve them just by simply staring at them.”


I looked to my right and saw Yoona seating beside me with a soft smile on her face.


“It would have been if it were that easy, right?” I asked her, letting out a bitter chuckle as well.


“That’s what I’ve always liked about you, Khun. Despite sticky situations, you never lose your humor.” Her smile widened as she sat comfortable beside me.


“And that’s what I always liked about you. You never fail to point that out each time.”


We both laughed, completely shutting down everyone else for a few seconds.


“How are you now, Yoon-ah?” I asked her and almost immediately regretted it as I saw a flash of sadness passed by her eyes.


“I’m getting by.” She looked thoughtful for awhile but then a smile grazed her lips. “What about you?” She asked me, her face turning serious.


I casted a glance at Dara and Jiyong and heard myself letting out a sigh.


“I think I’ll get by.” I told her with a weak smile.


She smiled once again. “If you want to talk or anything, you know you can always call me.” 


My head suddenly snapped up, uncertain if what I heard was right.


“B-but don’t you hate m~”


“I could never hate you, Khun.” She shook her head vehemently. “You may have hurt me but I could never hurt the man who owns my heart.”


I felt a sting in my heart from what she said. The impact was too much, much too much for my fragile heart to take.


“Yoon-ah, I…”


“Don’t worry, Khun. I’m not forcing you to love me too. It’s my personal decision to stay in love with you.”


She gave me a small smile.


“I think someone wants to talk to you.”


She pouted her lips towards the direction of Dara who was slowly approaching.


“Unnie, I’ll see you around?” Yoon-ah asked as she waved both of us and Jiyong goodbye. She walked off and exited the office but somehow, my eyes lingered on her.


“Don’t worry, Khun. I’m not forcing you to love me too. It’s my personal decision to stay in love with you.”


Her words keep on ringing on my mind that I failed to notice Dara sitting down beside me.


“Khun Khun…”


My head shot up as I heard her faint voice.


“Can we talk?”


And there it was. The dreaded “can we talk” conversation which would end up with one of us hurting badly.


I glanced at her and noticed that she was fidgeting in her seat, a sign that she was anxious with whatever we were supposed to talk about.


But something else caught my eyes.


Despite her obvious anxiousness, I notice a gleam in her eyes, one I have never seen before.


And right then and there I knew, she was somehow happy, no matter how much she tried to hide it from.


So I told myself to calm down and not let her show the anxiety that was slowly consuming me. I didn’t want to make her feel guilty for I knew that by doing so, it would only cloud her judgment.


Though I’m pretty sure, just by looking at how she stared at Jiyong, she pretty much made up her mind.


“Right now?” I asked her with a small smile.


“Neh. Let’s drive to the park.” She invited me, returning the smile I gave her.


“Arasso.” I said, managing another smile though inside, I was gradually weakening.


And as we walked out of the room, as her eyes met with Jiyong and lovingly bade him goodbye, I knew that I was walking my way towards my own quicksand.


The quicksand I have no idea if I could pull myself out of.



































Seventeen minutes later, we arrived at Mirror Lake in Seoul Forest. 


I chose this park because besides being a peaceful and isolated place where one could reflect, it can also calm and ease the tension of a person just by looking at the serene and still water that reflected the beauty of Eungbongsan Mountain.


I took a glance of my reflection by the water and felt my tensed muscles calmed immediately. I also saw Khun Khun standing just beside me, watching me as I marveled at my own reflection.


I stood up and turned around to face him.


I knew that there was no way of making things easier for him. No matter how much I try to sugarcoat my words, one thing will remain the same, I would still be breaking his heart.


“Khun Khun, remember when I told you before that I think I could never love another man again after what Jiyong did to me?”


Khun Khun looked at me and nodded solemnly.


“I lied. I found myself falling for another man just before we left Japan for Korea.” I turned my back at him and faced the open water, closed my eyes and let the gentle breeze caressed my face.


“I fell for you, Khun Khun. It came unexpectedly.” I confessed to him as I continued enjoying the gentle breeze that enveloped my body.


He chose to remain silent when I expected him to interrupt me. That was what I have always liked about Khun Khun. He was a listener. He would patiently listen to all my rants and raves and would never criticize or judge me for it.


“I already conditioned my mind that I would open my heart once again, this time for you. I was ready to love again, Khun Khun. I was ready to give my heart again.”


I turned to him and saw the pain in his eyes.


“But you couldn’t condition your heart, right?” He asked me seriously.


I stared at him and silently sent him my apology for my mouth couldn’t speak what I truly wanted to say.



“When we came back here, Jiyong confessed to me the real reason he let me go.” I admitted. “I was still angry at him at that time. I told myself that even though he had no intention of deliberately hurting me, that still didn’t change the fact the he let himself hurt me. I told myself that I would not let him enter my life again, that I was contented with what we have.”


I felt courage surged inside of me. Khun Khun deserved to know the truth, no matter how painful it might be for the two of us.


“I put up a wall inside, determined to keep Jiyong away from it. I tried, Khun Khun. God knows how much I tried to prevent myself from falling from his trap once again. Sometimes I could almost feel my heart cry out from bleeding too much every time I knew that I have hurt him.”


I bit my lip to stop the impending tears from falling.


“But Jiyong somehow found a way to break that wall inside me, Khun Khun. He somehow managed to get through to my heart again.”


I refused to look at his eyes, afraid that by doing so would only break my heart as well.


“It was then that I realized that no matter how I try to deny it, Jiyong would always occupy an important space in my heart.”


I turned back and faced the water again, thankful for its silence. Thankful for its accepting nature.


I hurt Khun Khun just like I hurt Jiyong and yet, the two of them still stood beside me, ready to accept the flawed me.


I stopped talking and once again, silence engulfed the two of us. I watched Khun Khun’s reflection in the water but thought it was clear, I couldn’t make out of how he was feeling.


After minutes of prolonged silence between the two of us, he finally decided to speak up.


“I have always kept faith that you would love another man again, Dara, even if you said those words before. And I was happy, so happy when you decided to give me a chance to love you right before we left Tokyo.”


I turned around and faced him, explored his eyes for a hint of his emotion.


All I could see was the tortured pain her was trying his best to conceal.


“But I knew already when we came back, even during the times when we’re together, your heart was somewhere else, being held by someone else.”


I looked up to him and bravely met his eyes, his eyes that spoke of misery and heartache.


It was then that I broke down and cry. I didn’t care if my cries resonated throughout the whole forest. For once, I allowed myself to pour out all of my heart’s frustrations and apologies.


Life and it big time.


But despite the pain I have caused him, I still felt his gentle arms laid on my shoulders, supporting my weight as I felt myself slowly crumbling to the ground.


Khun Khun, just like before, was still there for me during my lowest moment.


“Ssssh… Dara… I understand.”


I cried even more, his kind and understanding nature slowly killing me along with the guilt that was growing inside my heart.


“I believed that you loved me, Dara. I could feel it then. But I understand that your love for Jiyong, it’s just too powerful for anyone, including me, to overcome.”


My sobs died down as I listened to his each and every word.


“Your bond with Jiyong is just too strong, much too strong for anyone, including me, to break.”


He pulled me closer to him, caressing my hair lovingly as I soaked his shirt with my fresh tears.


“Just give me five minutes, Dara. Five minutes to hold you like this. Five minutes to feel that you are mine. Then afterwards, I’d willingly let you go…”


I gently nod my head against his chest as I succumbed to his embrace. His hold was full of love, full of longing and I knew I should be happy. 


But deep inside, my heart was breaking for the man who have been by my side for the past eleven months of my life.


“Khun Khun… Kamsahamnida…”



I mumbled incoherently and yet, those words came straight from my heart.


I felt him sigh deeply before holding me much tighter.


“Thank you too for sharing your heart with me, Dara, even for a brief time.”


I felt at peace with his words, as if those words were what I was waiting for from him for a long time.


We stayed that way for the remainder of our five minute vow. We didn’t care if our knees were becoming wobbly and the coldness was seeping through us already.


We couldn’t care less for we knew that the five minutes that we were sharing at the moment might as well be the last five minutes we’d ever have being this close to each other.
























And just like that, our five minutes was over.


I felt her pull away from me and looked up at my eyes. I mustered all of my strength to look straight into her eyes and smile at her, make her feel that everything was fine between us.


She bid goodbye but not before planting a gentle kiss on my cheeks, a gentle kiss as a sign of friendship.


I watched her as she walked away, her figure slowly becoming smaller and smaller as my eyes became more and more blurred.


And when she was just a tiny speck in my vision, I allowed all the tears that have been hiding behind my eyes to flow freely, letting the clear and peaceful water be the only witness to the gradual death of my heart.












































It was much too early for all of us and yet, we will ourselves to enter YG’s dance hall.


The four of us were all standing scattered inside the room.


I observed Khun Khun who was uncharacteristically quiet, stealing a few glances at Dara-unnie but never taking any step further to approach her.


I then laid my eyes on Jiyong and found him plopped on one of the benches, occasionally glancing at Dara-unnie then at Khun Khun but he never took a step further to approach either of them.


Lastly, I took a quick glance at Dara-unnie. Though her face looked strained and exhausted, she was emitting a certain aura, a certain glow that one could already recognize even from afar.


She was at peace.


She must have sensed someone watching her as she turned to me and smile. I did the same and somehow felt happy that she was finally at peace.


I was about to approach her when a man suddenly opened the hall, startling the four of us.


“Shaun!”


Jiyong excitedly called him. I noticed Dara’s face lit up as well in recognition.


“Oppa!”


We all watched as the cool and charismatic man moved suavely towards us.


“Hi everyone! I’m Shaun Evaristo, by the way. I’ll be your choreographer for KBS Gayo Daejun.”


We all looked at him in amazement as he moved with so much swagger.


“Hmmmm…”


We all looked in confusion as he moved Jiyong towards Dara while he pulled me towards Yoona.


“So what do you say? Let’s switch it up then?”