Stuck Like a Statue



There he was. The man who caused my heart so much pain. The man whom I dreaded seeing yet his face is stuck on my mind like stubborn glue on a wilted paper.

There he was standing just a few inches away from me, staring deep into my eyes, probing my very soul as if he still owns it.

I mustered up all my courage to pry my gaze away from his face but the more I try, the more it seemed to want to stay.

Like magnet attracting metal.

Like quicksand slowly pulling me closer to hell.

I was stuck in his gaze, lost in his wondering eyes.

Damn you, Kwon Jiyong.








I told myself never to look at her again. I have always known this kind of thing will happen because every time I look at her, all of my barriers, all of my pretensions and all of the walls I worked so hard to build just start crumbling down, bit by bit.

Just like now. Looking at her for the first time in seven months, I noticed how frail she have become. The dark circles under her eyes were more visible, as if she cried herself to sleep every night. Her eyes, though filled with sincere kindness and joy had a hint of sadness to them.

Though she may try to laugh off all her sorrows, I could see through her eyes that she was in pain. And it's because of me.

I tried to take my eyes away from her. Tried so hard to concentrate my gaze on another but every time I'll do so,my eyes drag me back to the place it wanted to be in: lost in her eyes.

Like gravity pulling me back into earth.

Like a butterfly attached to the sweetest, most beautiful flower.

I was stuck like a statue, just staring right at her.

You still haven’t changed, Sandara Park.









Dara thought she could no longer endure the torture being inflicted on her. His stare is like a knife plunging deep into her heart.

How dare you look at me like that? You have no right to hurt me more.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to yell at him for all the pain he had caused her. But instead, she found herself speaking with a newfound strength.

“What are we guys doing here, standing still?” She asked the group who seemed to be holding their breath. Bom blinked a couple of times.

“Ssantoki…” Bom was cut of by Dara.

“Now, let’s not be rude. Our sunbaes are here to visit us. We’re holding a special dinner right? We have more than enough food to share. I’m sure Big Bang’s tired and hungry as well.” She smiled to Big Bang who looked at her as if she’s speaking an alien language. Taecyeon stood up.

“Dara noona’s right. The food is more than enough for us. Turns out we have more reasons to celebrate!” He announced cheerfully. The Big Bang members smiled awkwardly. Jiyong, on the other hand, still was rooted in the place where Dara left her.

“Araso. Let’s go!” Dara said, a little too cheerfully. 



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The dinner preparation did not go as smoothly as planned.

Bom and Junsu were preparing the ingredients when Seung Hyun joined them. Without saying a word, he grabbed the knife from Junsu and started chopping the onions like a robot.

"Whoa!" Bom gasped. "He's not even blinking." She whispered to Junsu. He nodded and watched Seung Hyun in utter amazement.

Junsu picked up a carrot stick and was about to give it to Bom when Seung Hyun intercepted it and ate it in one swift move. Bom groaned.

Junsu's panda eyes' became tiny slits at Seung Hyun's sudden action. As if sensing the other guy's stare, he faced him and gave the fiercest, coldest glare that T.O.P was famous for.



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Minji and Junho were enjoying their job of setting the table. Minji was fixing the table napkins while Junho was pairing the utensils.

Daesung was quietly observing the two. He crinkled his nose when Minji placed the napkin on the table.

“Minji-ah. Fold the napkin more neatly so it will stand in place.” He instructed Minji who was still fixing the napkin. She redid the folding and held it up for Daesung to inspect. He shook his head in disapproval.

“Aniyo!” He answered. “Here, let me show you.” Daesung stood up and got the napkin from Minji. Minji went to the other side of the table and sat down, her chin resting on the table.

After a few folding, Daesung neatly placed the napkin on the table, making a note that the napkin stood in place. He smiled, proud of his accomplishment.

“That’s how you fold the table napkin!” He said, proudly. His smiled trailed off when he saw Junho mixing up the pairing of the utensils.

“Aniyo!” He warned Junho. Junho jumped in surprise.

Daesung approached him and took the utensils from him. Junho was left with no choice but to sit next to Minji, also resting his chin on the table.

Daesung proceeded to set the whole table, making sure everything was neatly tucked in all the right places.

After a few minutes, the table looked shiny and expensive. Both Minji and Junho let out a surprised gasp.

“Wow!”



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Chansung, who was blending the drink near the dining table, chuckled upon witnessing the incident between Daesung, Minji and Junho.

“Dae’s like that.” Youngbae informed him with a smile. “He loves preparing those kind of things.” He added.

“Well, he’s pretty damn good at it.” Chansung complimented. “Poor Lil Minji had to watch on the sidelines.” He commented with a chuckle while mixing the bowl of punch. Youngbae looked at the bowl.

“You shouldn’t put too much alcohol in that.” Youngbae commented. “Dara noona doesn’t react too well with alcohol.” He pointed out seriously. Chansung nodded.

“Yeah, I remembered the last time we went drinking with the girls, Dara noona sang and danced this crazy Filipino song at the karaoke.” He laughed at the memory.

“In or Out?” Youngbae asked. Chansung shook his head.

“Aniyo. It sounded like, ‘ang kanda kow, feel na feel an long hair kow’.” He recalled. Youngbae frowned in deep thought. 

Haven’t heard that before.

“That’s why you shouldn’t put too much alcohol in it. Wouldn’t want Dara noona embarassing herself again.” Youngbae warned him. Chansung smiled.

“On the contrary, it was rather adorable.” He chuckled. “Anyway, I made sure to put in just a few. Khunnie Boy will kill me if I overdosed on alcohol. “ Youngbae looked at him, curious.

“I thought Nichkhun loves drinking?” Chansung nodded. 

“It’s for Dara noona.” He explained. “The last time noona got drunk, she kept on throwing up. The next day, she had stomach pain and had to stay in bed for two days. After that incident, Khunnie Boy would always bug me when we have alcohol, making sure that Dara only drinks this much.” Chansung made an estimate, which is quite small.

Jiyong, who was standing not too far from the two, have heard everything.



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Seungri was tiptoeing to see behind Taecyeon, hoping to see what he and CL were cooking. 

CL frowned at Seungri’s childishness. “Seung-rat!” She yelled. “Do you want me to boil your head in this soup? “ CL warned.

“How fitting. We don’t have meat in the soup yet.” Taecyeon joked. “I was just teasing you, Seungri.” He added, laughing as he noticed Seungri giving him deadly stares.

Do I look like a clown to be teased?

His attention turned back to the two as he saw CL placing a spoon near Taecyeon’s mouth.

“Here.” She said while placing the spoon near his mouth. “Taste if it’s ok.” She instructed with a smile.

Seungri’s blood boiled as he saw Taecyeon tasting the soup from CL’s spoon. He shuddered with disgust as Taecyeon let out a cheesy smile bundled with a cheesy line.

“Taste like heaven!” He answered with a wink. CL laughed out loud and playfully punched him. 

Seungri couldn’t take it anymore. “Ya, ChaeCat!” He exclaimed. “Let me taste your soup as well!” He demanded. CL turned to him and smiled sweetly

“Oh, you want to have a taste as well?” Seungri nodded and smiled like a little boy. CL smiled sweetly again.

“Why didn’t you say so?” CL said while getting a fresh spoonful of soup. Seungri shot Taecyeon a triumphant smile. CL positioned the spoon towards Seungri.

“Open your mouth, Seungri-ah.” CL said sweetly. Seungri did as instructed. However, instead of slowly placing the spoon in Seungr’s mouth like what she did to Taecyeon, she shoved the spoon towards Seungri’s wide open mouth.

Seungri let out a loud yell. “ChaeCat!” He yelled angrily. CL laughed evily.

“RAT!”



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The dinner was more civil rather than festive. Each one tentatively picked up food from the table. Some made small talks while others (mostly Big Bang) chose to eat in silence.

Jiyong chose the scallops, shrimp and fish from the Seafood Soup that CL and Taecyeon cooked and were about to place it in Dara’s plate when he noticed that Nichkhun has already beaten him to it. Dara smiled sweetly and thanked him. Nichkhun smiled like a boy being rewarded for getting the highest score in the test.

He watched the two. They seemed unaware of the other people surrounding them. Nichkhun would whisper something to Dara and a few seconds later, Dara would start laughing. He also noticed how Nichkhun would continuously ask Dara for or for anything that she needed. Dara would only smile and say what she has is enough.

He’s acting like a frickin’ boyfriend! Since when did he become the boyfriend? Jiyong thought, frustrated.

What made you think he’s not the boyfriend now? A voice inside taunt him.

Because Dara’s not the type to play around while her heart is still suffering. He answered his own thought.

He looked up at the two and caught Dara stole a glance at him. He held his gaze for awhile until she retreated her gaze.

Dara… is it too painful for you to look at me? He asked sadly.



After dinner was done, Dara excused herself. She needed fresh air.



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Outside the apartment, Dara was silently crying. It hurt too much to act as if all the pain she was feeling inside was non-existent.

She hugged herself as she felt a cool breeze envelope her. She stood still for awhile, lost in her own thoughts.

Then, like a thief in the night, she felt someone crept up from behind and hugged her. The person rested his head against the back of her neck, taking in her scent.

She was paralyzed for a moment. She knew that breathing. She had memorized it for three years.

That hug. She had felt that warmth for three years.

She turned around and faced him. Kwon Jiyong.

Both of them stood still, their surrounding fading out of the scene.




She had so many questions in her mind. He had so many things he wanted to say.

But they didn't utter a word. They just stood there and let their hearts speak.


Why did you hurt me so much?

I'm sorry for causing you so much pain.

Why did you abandon me?

I never wanted to leave your side.

Do you really like her that much?

I was never in love with anyone else but you even until now.

Why did you say that she's your ideal girl?

You have always been the girl that was meant for me.

Why can't you just tell me the real reason that you left me?

I can't bear to let you know what I'm going through.

Why do you come back if you don't intend to stay?

Sorry but I just can't bear not seeing your face again...



Dara could feel the tears falling down her cheeks. She bit her lip hard to stop it from falling but it was useless.

For so long, she had been controlling her tears, prohibiting them from falling and betraying her in front of everyone else.

In front of him though, she was powerless.

So when the tears started falling, she just let it rolled down her cheeks.

Just this once, please let the brave Sandara Park rest.




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Jiyong bit his lip to keep his tears from falling. Just now, right before his very eyes, the woman he loves is breaking down. All because of him.

Damn you, Kwon Jiyong.