A New Ray of Hope



I felt the sun's rays quietly tapping my sleepy eyes.


I slowly opened my eyes to greet the morning only to be surprised.


I let my eyes roamed around the place I was in.


I noticed that I was lying on a bed. Something about it was so familiar, so comfortable.


I touched the pillow that was surrounding me, as if sheltering me from whatever harm would go my way.


It worn the scent that I love, the scent that I have memorized.


I scanned the room that I was in and found some familiar pieces.


The coffee table was still the same as it was eight months ago. Bundles of papers, score sheets to be exact, were neatly piled on top of it.


Beside the sheets of paper was a small laptop that looked brand new although was bought a long time ago.


I smiled.


The owner really knows how to take care of his things.


I got up and walked towards the coffee table, touching the sheets of paper and laptop as I walked pass by it.


I stopped as I took a look at the few picture frames that rested on top of the table.


I took the picture frame of a little cute chubby boy, smiling toothily at the camera. Behind him were 
balloons that added color to the already happy background.


I gently caressed the picture, smiling at how innocent, happy and unharmed the little boy look. That even in his youth, he already possessed that smile that a lot of girls would scream for.


I put it down where it was originally placed and proceed to the next picture frame.


It was a picture of him with four boys, all looking goofy, having weird hairs and big smiles. It was a picture they took six years ago, when they first debuted as an idol group.


“They really looked cheesy at that time. Kkkkk!” I giggled as I marveled at how different the Big Bang boys looked now compared to six years ago.


As I put down the picture to its original place, one picture stood out to me. It was a picture of him, six years ago, together with a frail and stick-thin girl smiling giddily at the camera.


It's funny how quick time has passed. It was as if I could still remember the first time I set foot inside the YG Building, nervous and giddy at the same time.



I had no idea what to expect when I first came to Korea. I was a superstar in the Philippines. I had fans that supported me, loved me and stood by me even when I received harsh criticisms from left to right. 


Knowing that they were there somehow made the obstacles and struggles worthwhile for me because I felt I wasn't alone. That there were people fighting together with me through my battles.


Coming to Korea, I knew I was starting from scratch. I have no friends. I have no fans that would fight together with me as I face new battles in this new battlefield.


I was scared. It was as if I'm a bait being floating in open water, waiting for the shark that will devour me whole.


In this new land, the land that I should call "home", nobody will give a damn of my status in my other home.


In this new land, nobody gives a damn who Sandara Park is.


In this land, I'm just a speck; a dust that can be easily brushed off when wanted to.


I read what was written at the piece of paper that I have been keeping in my wallet for days now.


"YG Entertainment."
"397-5 Hapjeong-dong, Mapo-gu, Seoul, South Korea."


I re-read the number on the paper and looked at the number posted in the enormous building in front me.


"This is it!" I said under my breath as I took a step towards the main entrance.


I was immediately halted by the security guard of the building.


"I have meeting with President Yang Hyun Suk." I said while occasionally glancing at the piece of paper to make sure I got the name right."


"What's your name, ma'am?" He asked me, eyeing me suspiciously.


"Sandara Park." It felt weird saying my whole name, actually. I was never comfortable to using "Sandara". I preferred being called "Sandy" instead. It reminded me so much of the friends and loved ones I left in the Philippines.


He was talking to someone in his radio and after awhile, he led me inside the building where a pleasant-looking girl greeted me and led me to the President's office.


He was already waiting for me when I entered his office.


"Ms. Sandara Park. I'm so glad to have finally met you!" He cheerfully greeted me. Though he had a friendly and accommodating aura, I couldn't help but feel respect for the man as he stood with so much confident and authority.


"G-good morning, Sajangnim Yang Hyun Suk." I clumsily greeted him. Great! So much for first impression! I pouted.


That earned a laughter from him which somehow calmed my nerves a bit.


"No need for so much formality here. You're family now. You may just call me by my nickname, Yang Goon." He smiled at me.


I smiled as well as he reminded me a lot of my appa, back when he was still the responsible and lovable appa that he was to us.


"Kamsahamnida, Yang Goon-sshi." I told him, bowing my head. He smiled and led me outside his office.


He toured me to some of the rooms, impressing me every time he would point to room.


Our first stop was the fifth floor where the gym and the management office of all the YG artists were located. I gasped as my eyes roamed around the facility, in absolute awe at how clean and posh it looked.


Waaaa! Talo pa nito yung Gold's Gym at Fitness First sa Pinas! (Waaaa! This beats the Philippines' Gold's Gym and Fitness First!)


My mouth dropped open as we proceeded to the next room, the management office. Even from the outside, I could smell professionalism in the air as the room was decorated tastefully, with chic interior and rare pieces which according to Yang Goon-sshi were picked by himself.


Wow! Astig nitong president ko! (Wow! My president is so cool!)


We descended to the fourth floor and passed by the Media Center. Even from the outside, I could tell that YG installed high-tech equipment in their Media Center which was the room used for editing videos.


Similar to the Media Center, the Recording Studios which were located on the second and third floor also boasted of the latest and high-tech equipment any aspiring artist would be honored to use. I could almost see Se7n, my favorite artist, recording in that same studio. i felt goose bumps on my arms with that thought.


Besides the Recording Studios, a special lounge was also located near the studios. Yang Goon-sshi narrated that since he was a former artist, he has quite an understanding of the needs of his fellow artists that's why he created a room where his artists can rest and play around. I marveled at the lounge because it looked a lot like a condo unit, with a giant couch in the middle and pocket ball table.


I could imagine myself lounging in that place, dozing off to dreamland while Se7n's music video is being played in the background...


Anyway, we went down to B1 Level where the extravagant cafeteria and dance studios were located. I was very impressed with the cafeteria as it was so clean and spacious. Yang Goon-sshi took pride in telling me that the chef in the cafeteria has been working for him since his early career. He told me that he personally begged the chef to stay because he loves the food she cooks.


I could sense that Yang Goon-sshi values loyalty and trust with his employees which gave me relief because I definitely want to work with someone I could trust.


We then stop to one of the dance studios where some of the trainees were practicing.


He told me that he would let me watch them and observe for awhile, get a feel of how it is to be a YG trainee.


We stepped inside and almost immediately, the noise inside the room died down. It was break time and the trainees were enjoying the company of each other.


"Annyong haseyo!" Yang Goon-sshi greeted the trainees who all stood up and bowed in respect to him.


"Annyong haseyo!" I was standing behind Yang Goon-sshi as I was still shy and unaware of how I should greet them.


"We have a new trainee who will be observing you for today. She used to be a popular actress in the Philippines." Yang Goon-sshi started.


I heard murmurs all around.


"No, she is not a foreigner. She is pure Korean."


The room got more excited.The murmurs were louder now.


"Her name is Sandara Park!"


He took my hand and led me to the front. I timidly took my steps, unsure of what to say.


I felt that all eyes were on me, anticipating what I had to say.


Shucks, Sandy! Where's your tongue? Get your game face on!


I silently scolded myself. I took a deep, breath, cleared my throat and gave my famous smile.


"Annyong haseyo, sunbaes and unnies! I am Sandara Park and I hope you can all guide me. Kamsahamnida!"


I greeted them with a warm smile and confidence I could muster. i bowed 90 degrees as well to show my respect to the trainees whom I treated as my seniors.


I sighed in relief when they all welcomed me with big smiles and a warm round of applause.


"Wow, sajangnim! She looks like a commercial model!"


"YA! Of course she would. She was an actress, remember??"


"She looks like an angel... and her voice is really soothing to my ears."


"Ya! You're a ert!"


I could hear loud voices now, complimenting me and saying nice things about. I was so overwhelmed by the praises that were being given me that I wasn't able to notice at first the intense look that a raven-haired boy was giving me.


I turned to his side for a second and caught him staring at me. Almost at the same time, he tore his gaze away and spoke to the boy sitting beside him whose hair was braided in a cornrows hairstyle.


'Why was he staring at me like that?' I thought to myself. 'Weird kid!'


The trainer signaled for the practice to resume and all at once, the trainees took their positions and started doing their thing.


"Wow! They're so good!" I uttered under my breath, afraid someone would hear me.


My eyes were scanning the trainees who were performing in front when my eyes suddenly stopped at the raven-haired boy who was now dancing flawlessly to the beat. I was amazed at how in sync his movements were to the music, how precise his steps were and how confident he looked though I know that the choreography was hard as hell.


I was still stuck staring at him when suddenly, I heard a female voice beside me.


"Ya! Why are you staring at my boyfriend?"


I turned around and saw a pretty girl pouting at me.


"A-ani, I wasn't, I-I, mianhe..." Was all I could say. I was sure my face was red all over.


Suddenly, the girl laughed and I just looked at her in confusion.


"You should have seen your face! Hahaha!" She said, still laughing and holding her stomach.


The nerve of this girl making fun of me!


I felt my blood boiled but I controlled myself as I knew that I was just new.


"Sorry about that. I was just joking you." She smiled genuinely at me. I heaved a sigh of relief. "I'm Jina, by the way. I'm a trainee here as well." She extended her hand which I gladly took.


"I'm Sandara Park." I said with a smile as I shook her hand. Shoot! I already introduced myself earlier! I looked at her and expected her to laugh again at my dorkiness but she just continued smiling.


"By the way, that boy you were staring at?" She pointed discreetly to the raven-haired boy who was still dancing. "That's Kwon Jiyong." She said proudly.


The next words that came out of my mouth were not supposed to have come out at all.


"Is he really your boyfriend?"


Jina just gave me an amused look and winked before leaving me and heading into the middle of the hall, taking her position.


It didn't take long before the other trainees started befriending me.


Among the first to befriend me was Kwon Jiyong, the object of my attention during my first day at YG and his cornrows-haired friend, Dong Youngbae.


It was actually an accidental meeting. It was lunch time and I didn't feel like eating so I headed out to the rooftop of the building to get some fresh air.


I was surprised when I heard a high-pitched male voice coming from behind me.


"Why are you not eating lunch?"


"OMO!"


I jumped in surprised and accidentally hit my head on one of the poles near me.


"Aigoo..." I rubbed my painful head. I heard a snicker from behind me.


"Ya! Why are you so clumsy?" He teased me. I turned to look at the intruder and saw that he was the raven-haired boy, Kwon Jiyong.


"YA! It was because of you that I hit my head! You sneaking around all of a sudden..." I continued rubbing my head as it still throbbed from the impact.


I heard his footsteps approaching me.


"Mianhe." He was now just a few inch closer to me. "Here. Let me take a look at that." He cupped my face and turned my head to his direction, inspecting my head before I could protest.


"Ya! Don't do that! Your girlfriend might see us." I hissed at him. Jina was one of the first few people who befriended me and I didn't want to lose her so early.


He just looked at me in confusion for a brief time before continuing with his inspection.


"You should apply cold compress there. Wouldn't want to grow a small hill on your head." He took a step back and put both hands on his jean pocket.


"Kamsahamnida." I told him. "Ya! Next time, don't do that out of the blue." I warned him.


"Do what?" He asked, innocently.


"You grabbing my face and inspecting my head as if you're in a science lab. You don't even know me..." I told him, sounding like a noona suddenly.


"I know you. You're Park Sandara." He said knowingly. "I'm Kwon Jiyong by the way." Held his hand, offering me a handshake.


"Yeah, your girlfriend told me already your name." I said before taking his hand and shaking it.
He frowned once again.


"Who is this girlfriend you keep on talking about?" He sounded irritated.


"You don't know your own girlfriend? Haysssst!" I really cannot believe this guy! What kind of boyfriend doesn't know his own girlfriend?! I looked at him but he just stared at me blankly, as if he really has no idea what I was talking about.


"Jina! I'm talking about Jina, your beautiful girlfriend." I said, exasperated. I noticed he frowned once again.


"She's not my girlfriend, yet, just so you know." He replied before looking down to the ground.


And he's telling me this because...?


"Whatever." i uttered under my breath as I walked past him and went inside the building.


The days following that event, I noticed that I suddenly kept on bumping into him at even the weirdest, most inconvenient time and place.


He was persistent in starting a conversation with me and I had to admit that as the days passed, I slowly became comfortable and at ease with him.


We started growing close. Sometimes, he and Youngbae would invite me to eat or watch movie with them.


We also go home together with Youngbae at the same time almost all the time, except for those few times that Jina would ask him to bring her home.


Other than times, he would persuade me not to go home. No, he wasn't erted or anything. It's just that most of the time, our practice ended at midnight, which meant that there were no more trains available to ride.


He often told me that it was dangerous especially for a girl like me who was frail and stick-thin.


"It's late. It might be dangerous." He would tell me.


"Ya! Why are you acting so protective all of a sudden?" I would complain.


"No, there's no other meaning. I'm just worried about you. What if someone kidnaps you?" He would pout like a kid being scolded.


"Nah! No one would be interested in frail and stick-thin person like me. Besides, I'm pretty sure my kidnapper will go bankrupt if he took me. I eat like a gorilla!" I l would let out a gorilla sound which would earn a boisterous laughter from him.


In the end though, he would still win our argument.


We would stay in the rooftop and the let the night pass there.


I would lay on his chest, without a hint of malice, and he would sing to me songs that were precious to him, tucking me to sleep.


Those moments happened on more than one occasion. Actually, I couldn't remember how many time we stayed under the star and let our eyes rest as the sky served as our only witness to the growing bond between the two of us.




I glanced at the picture of Jiyong and I.


It was one of our fondest memories, back when we were still trainees. Back when there were still no flashing lights and paparazzi hounding our every move. Back when we could freely hug each other, speak intimately with each other and go anywhere without worrying that we would be seeing our faces in the tabloids, broadsheet or the internet.


I put down the frame and went out of the room. I was getting hungry and decided to go out to get some food.


I still had no idea though, how I ended up sleeping in Jiyong's bed. Seungri probably found me sleeping outside and took pity on his noona.


Jiyong probably was too drunk and didn't go home.


I suddenly felt concern for his welfare. You see, Jiyong is rash and reckless when he's drunk or when he gets angry. He lets his emotions get the best of him and ends up regretting whatever he has done.


I sighed as I entered the living room. I was surprised though to see Seungri comfortably sitting on the couch, watching TV.


"Noona, noona! You're awake!" He jumped in glee and hugged me as if it was the first time he saw me after a long, long time.


"Ya, Seungri! Can't, arghh, breathe!" I panted. Seungri pulled away immediately.


“Mianhe, noona." He bowed his head apologetically. "I was just so excited to see you." He smiled widely at me. I couldn't help but smile as well. This maknae's attitude never fails to brighten up my mood.


He took my wrist and led me to the dining area. "You should eat now. Hyung told me specifically to let you eat the moment you wake up." He told me happily.


"Jiyong?" I asked, confused. "But he's angry at me..." I said, remembering the incident last night.


"Aniyo!" He said cutely. "He must have woken up to his senses." He winked at me as he joined me for breakfast.


I was amazed at all the food that was laid on the table.


"Seungri-ah, did you prepare all of these?" I asked, getting wide-eyed.


"I wish, noona but no, I didn't. Hyung prepared all that before he went out." My eyes got bigger.


"HE DID?!" I did not want to believe him but I saw a proof that Jiyong indeed cooked all of it. My favorite, Kimchi Fried Rice, was proudly sitting on top of the table.


Only Jiyong, out of all the Big Bang boys knew how to cook it the way I love it.


I was starting to get teary-eyed when I felt Seungri nudged me.


"Noona, I hate to break your sentimental moment but the food is getting cold, you know." He smiled at me a little embarrassed.


I laughed at him and started devouring the feast that Jiyong prepared especially for me.


It took us an hour to finish all the food that Jiyong cooked. Seungri took care of washing the dishes, insistent that I shouldn't do it and just rest.


I was sitting on the couch when I heard my phone beeped. I reached for it and opened my inbox.


D, meet me at Lotte World tonight, 6PM.
I'm still here at YG, have some things to attend to.
Take a good rest until then.
Ji


My heart was doing cartwheels while the butterflies in my stomach were fluttering happily as I read and reread his text message.


Not only am I going to Lotte World again.


I would be going there with him, the man I love.


The man who gave me another chance to show my love for him.


Tonight, I will make sure that everything will be in its rightful place.


Tonight, everything between us will be alright again.