The Five Steps towards Sandara Park’s Heart



In more than twenty years of his stay in the music industry, Yang Hyun Suk had witnessed the most explosive, most controversial and most unexpected actions an idol or an artist have ever done.


None of those, however, have prepared him from the display of courage, or rather stupidity that the two idols who were eyeing in other were showing him at the moment.


His gaze turned towards Nichkhun Horvejkul. The boy was called by a lot of names, names that he himself admitted suit the idol. He was called the Thai Prince, Beastly Idol, Khunnio Boo, Idol with the cutest smiles and many more. Yet, as the idol was standing in front of him, all he could see was a naïve little boy, naïve to think that a simple solution just like that can easily erase the controversy that they were facing.


He would have to give a hand to this boy, however. From the many fanboys that flooded his office to ask for the right to date Sandara Park, he must admit that he was the most courageous. Well, maybe, not as courageous as the boy who was sending piercing glares towards Nichkhun.


Yang Hyun Suk chuckled to himself as he watched his son, Kwon Jiyong, clenching his fist while his other hand was draped in Dara’s frail shoulder. In his ten years of stay in YGE, Yang Hyun Suk had never seen that side of Jiyong. Even though the boy was known for his quick temper, he never loses his cool and result to insults, especially when addressing a senior, much more a CEO of another agency.


But Soo Man had crossed his boundaries. Even himself, a man who has never let his anger get the best of him, was forced to use the tone he hated using, especially when in front of his artists, his artists whom he treats as his sons and daughters, his own extended family. What he hated most, aside from treating artists like slaves and robots, are people who doesn’t know how to give respect. Dara and Jiyong may be years younger than SME’s chairman but that don’t mean they deserved to be insulted and belittled. He won’t stand for it. He will never let anyone desecrate his artists, especially when they’re inside his office in his own building he called his home.


His gaze turned to Dara who was standing silent beside Jiyong. It amazed him how just minutes earlier, she was bawling her eyes out like a fragile child and yet looking at her now, she stood straight, wiping off any evidence that her eyes were welling up earlier. She looked at Soo Man with so much determination that he was afraid of what was going on inside the fragile girl’s mind. Looking at her, he couldn’t help but feel an admiration, a sense of pride knowing that the girl standing in front of him was one of his own, his own daughter he worked so hard to protect.


This is the reason why guys like Jiyong and Nichkhun couldn’t help but fall for you, Dara. Despite his anger, Yang Hyun Suk couldn't help but smile. The girl indeed can make the impossible possible.


A rude voice, however, interrupted Yang Hyun Suk’s thoughts. He turned towards the owner of the voice and much to his disdain, it was his colleague, Soo Man.


“I like that idea of yours, Nichkhun.” Soo Man smiled at the newcomer, unable to hide the content on his face. He was having a bad day, unable to come up with solutions on how to pacify the aggrieved and dissatisfied brands that were calling him nonstop ever since the broadcast of G-Dragon’s confession on Strong Heart was aired. Now, however, a possible solution was presented in front of him, without him even needing to think about it. He didn’t even have to do anything, just watch and be a spectator. He loved that idea, to be put more bluntly.


“Really, Nichkhun? You think it’s a great idea? Then what about your fan girls? How are you going to protect Dara from your fan girls?” Jiyong pulled Dara closer to him, afraid that if he let her go for even a second, she might fly away from him again.


Though he was keeping his silence, Yang Hyun Suk agreed with Jiyong. Nichkhun was known to have a huge following of obsessed girls all vying to be his lady muse. Allowing Nickhun to date Dara openly was like leaving Dara with an open wound on an open sea, inviting thousands of sharks to devour the fragile girl.


Nichkhun, however, had a mind of his own. He smirked at Jiyong and continued. “You have seen how our fans, Khundara, have supported us while we were staying in Tokyo, right?” He continued, his voice carrying a confident air. Jiyong narrowed his eyes at him, as if finding his answer rather absurd and shallow.


“In case you have forgotten, Nichkhun, you are now here in Korea. Korean fans are different from Japanese fans.” He retorted rather haughtily to which Nichkhun only chuckled in amusement.


“I can’t believe the Great Kwon Leadah can think of me as such a simple-minded person.” Nichkhun shook his head and again looked at Jiyong, this time with somberness.


“Of course I know how different Korean fans are from other international fans. Heck, almost all idols know that!” He continued. “I know how they can be obsessed and territorial when it comes to their biases.” He looked at Jiyong with so much curiosity that Hyun Suk was on the edge of his seat, anticipating his next words. “Have you even checked the internet today? Have you seen the responses the netizens were giving regarding my confession about Dara last night?” Jiyong just looked at him, eyeing him suspiciously.


Nichkhun walked towards my table and placed a neatly folded paper on top of it. “I printed this out, in case I will be needing it as evidence why you should let me date Dara.” He looked at Dara and smiled at her. Dara, however, had an unreadable expression.


“Khun Khun, you don’t have to do this…” Dara’s voice, though soft, was firm and foreboding. “Don’t let yourself become a pawn to his plan.” She looked at Soo Man with dangerous glare.


“Ani. I’m not doing this for him or anyone.” He took a couple of steps towards Dara and held both her shoulders which made Jiyong stiffen.


“I’m doing this for you.” He stared at her mesmerizing eyes. “I want to protect you.” He finished, not letting go of Dara’s eyes. It was Dara who broke their stares.


“So, I’m the villain in this story, neh?” Soo Man’s voice broke the little moment that Dara and Nichkhun were having earlier. “I think you’re giving me too much credit, Dara-sshi. Isn’t it you who caused all this? If not for your fickle-mindedness then none of thi~”


“OH WILL YOU JUST STOP THIS, SAJANGNIM!”


All the people inside the room turned towards the angry voice and were shocked to see Yoona, who was silent all throughout the meeting, stood up, fuming mad.


“Soo Man-sshi, I’ve had enough of this! I’ve had enough of listening to you blab about this over and over again!” She glared at her chairman then turned her attention to Nichkhun.


“And you.” She stepped a little towards Nickhun. He flinched and stepped back a little when she was coming close. “I can’t believe how insensitive you can be.”


Nichkhun blinked, confused as to what she meant.


But before he could have asked her, before the tears could have spilled from her eyes, Yoona ran out of the office, leaving everyone in utter silence.

















“STUPID STUPID STUPID YOON-AH!” I hissed at myself once I was out of Hyun Suk-sshi’s office. I felt the tears escaped from my eyes, the tears that were only meant to be shed for him.


“Why do you have to make a fool of yourself there, Yoon-ah? Isn’t it enough that he can’t love you back that you have to tell everyone what you feel?” I cried. I didn’t know what else to do. I ran towards the stairs, afraid that people might see me in my weakest state.


“You have managed to keep it all in, Yoon-ah. A year and half. For a year and half, you have managed to keep your feelings in check. Why now?” I asked myself, not knowing what to answer. “Why must you show your weakness now?” I bowed my head and cried my eyes out, letting out all the pain I was feeling inside.


“Yoona-sshi…””


I looked up and saw her, the girl that he loves. The girl that I should despise. The girl that I should curse with all my might for taking away the affection that should have been mine.


And yet, I held out my arms to her, seeking for her comfort as if her arms were the only refuge I could run to.


“Dara-sshi…”


She welcomed my arms and gave me warmth. It was the first intimate feeling I felt from my supposed rival. 


I held her tight. I buried my face on her chest, letting out all my cries of frustrations, soaking her shirt with my tears of longing and desperation.


“Dara-sshi, I love him. I love him so much. I love him so much that I feel as if I would die just seeing him look that way to you…” I have lost all control of myself. I was no longer aware of the words my mouth was speaking of. All I knew at the moment was that I wanted to let it all out, let all of my grievances out as I felt comfort in the arms of an unlikely person.


“Yoona-sshi, what do you mean…?” I heard the confusion in her voice. I heard the uncertainty that I knew would be there.


“Khun… I love him so much, Dara-sshi. I love him so much that even though it has been a year and half, I still couldn’t take away the pain in my heart that he had caused.” 


I remembered the fateful night he had broken the news to me. That fateful night when we were supposed to be celebrating a new chapter in our lives was still very clear in my mind...




“OMO!” I yelled as a new batch of fireworks lit up the sky like fireflies dancing in the peaceful night.


I looked at Khun who was just silently watching me, a small smile was pasted on his face.


But beneath the small smile was a hint of sadness that only I could have noticed.


“Khun, is there something wrong?” I asked him. I walked towards where he was seated and joined him. I cupped his face and brushed my fingers on his cheek.


“Yoon-ah, are you getting tired already?” He asked me. I glanced at him in surprise, not really catching what he wanted to say.


“Tired? Being tired is not an option when you’re an idol. You know that, Khun.” I gave him a small before returning my gaze into the sky.


“I do get tired, though. I won’t deny that. Sometimes I feel as if I’m not working for myself but for other people.” I heaved a sigh. “Do you also feel that, Khun? That everyone puts so much pressure on you to do everything at the same time and still be on top of your game? It’s like their pushing their own dreams for you to fulfill.” I said sadly.


I felt him placed his hands on my shoulders and gently massaged them. Somehow, I felt relaxed and comforted.


“They’re making you do too much, Yoonie. You’re starting to lose weight, you know…” his voice trailed off as he continued massaging my shoulder. I felt my heart fluttered as I felt the concern he has for me.


“I thought so, too, Khun. But sajangnim always tell us that we must strike while the iron is hot. We’re hot items right now. We must not let any opportunity pass.” I closed my eyes and smiled a little.


“You’re not a robot, you know. You need to rest too.” He whispered as he gently kissed the back of my neck. I shivered, feeling Khun’s hot heavy breath penetrate my whole being.


I turned around to face him, the man I love and will always love. In his eyes, I saw weariness, anxiety and exasperation, emotions that should not have a place in his handsome boyish face.


“I am alright, Khun. It is hard and tiring but at the end of the day, if I can always have this moment with you, then I will be alright.” I told him softly, closing the gap that we have.


I saw him close his eyes as we inched closer towards each other. My hands found his neck as I felt him placed his arms around my waist. I anticipated the moment that our lips would touch, the moment when all things around us would vanish.


And it did. I felt his lips claimed mine. Softly. Gently. Passionately.


It was the most extraordinary feeling, knowing that the person you love is feeling the same way you do. It was beyond what I felt the first time we kissed. It was magical, a magical moment I did not want to end.


But he pulled away from me and stared at my eyes intently. “Yoonie, promise me one thing. No matter what happens to us, you will always keep it to your heart that I love you. I love you more than anyone in this world. I love you and will love no one else. This heart of mine,” He placed my hands in his chest, right above his beating heart. 


“This heart will beat only for you.” He whispered before claiming my lips once again.


And just like magic, everything around us vanished, leaving only the faint sounds of fireworks that lit up our beautiful sky.




“He told me he loves me, Dara-sshi. He told me his heart would only beat for me. Why then? What happened to his promise, Dara-sshi?” I sobbed uncontrollably, unaware that I was crushing the heart of the owner of the arms that held me.


“Yoona-sshi, mian.. Mian, Yoona-sshi..” I heard her crying, trembling while still trying to give me comfort.


I looked up at her and saw her tear-stricken eyes. “Mian, Dara-sshi. I didn’t mean to burden you with this. It’s just that…” I heaved a sigh as I felt the tears choking me. “I have been keeping this for so long. So damn long that I feel I would die of suffocation.” I buried my face again against her chest, feeling a fresh batch of tears threatening to fall.


“I thought everything will be alright. I thought we could pass all the trials that would come our way. I guess love is not the only thing that can keep us together.” I laughed bitterly.


“It was the night I gave my all to him. He stopped me at first, telling me that he did not want to take advantage of me. But I knew it was what I want. He had my whole heart and I wanted to give him the rest of me…” I closed my eyes as I recalled the night I gave my all to him.





“Yoon-ah, let’s stop this.” He painfully groaned. We were at his apartment, alone and undisturbed. I was on top of him, kissing him passionately, letting my hands travel all over his body.


“Don’t you want this, oppa?” I looked at him and saw lust in his eyes. He growled as I moved my body closer to him, grinding into him, feeling our bodies touching once another.


“It’s not that, Yoon-ah. It’s just that- ah!” He let out another growl as I bit into his neck, , nipping and marking it.


“If we don’t stop now, Yoon-ah, we might do something you will regret later on.” He told me painfully, his eyes begging me to help him stop the lust he was feeling.


“But I don’t want to stop, oppa. I want you to own me. I want you and I to become one.” I was lost in my desire to be his, only his. I was so engrossed in the feeling of giving myself to him, having him claim me as his and claiming him as mine. I have thought so hard about it and I knew that tonight, I want nothing more that for us to become one, for he was the only man I want to be with tonight, tomorrow, tomorrow night and the days and nights to come.


“Yoon-ah…” I felt his voice weakening, along with his self-control.


“Don’t stop it anymore, oppa. I love you. I want you. I am sure of this.” I whispered softly in his ears as I continued caressing his abs, the abs that fans all pined for. This part of your body that is mine now, along with the rest of you. I smiled contentedly.


“I love you, Yoon-ah. God, I love you so much.” He breathed huskily as he moved on top of me, finally letting go of his inhibitions and control. 


I breathed in, taking in the musky scent of his manliness. I closed my eyes and let our hearts take control of our bodies, dancing to the sweet melody of our beating hearts.


The moment I felt our bodies becoming one, I felt the pain and pleasure of knowing that though a part of him will forever belong to the public, the bigger part of him, his heart and soul have finally become mine alone.


“Until now, I never regretted that decision, Dara-sshi. Even when he left me with just a letter the morning after to fly to Thailand and do a shoot with Victoria, I never regretted that I gave him myself for he was the only man, until now, that I could fully give my whole self to.” I smiled bitterly as I remembered the letter he left me.


Yoon-ah, I will always love you. You will always be a part of this heart of mine. Remember that always. Always.

Khun





“After he left, I never heard from him again. I called him several times, even left him text messaged which I never did before. I contacted his friends but all of them were mum about him.” I recalled the pain I felt upon failure after failure of getting through to him.


“Then one night, I watched the news. It was a feature on Khun and Victoria. They were so happy. I saw how her eyes sparkled when he looked at him. I saw how he smiled when she was telling a story. I felt my heart being stabbed into a million pieces watching the man I love share an intimate moment with another woman.” I felt tears welling on my eyes once again. Dara-sshi’s hold on me tightened which made me feel a lot better.


“Then the hosts asked them if they were together. I was about to close the TV when he asked that. But then I felt the need to inflict more pain on myself that’s why I still watched, probably hoping against hope that he would say no.” I paused as I took time to breathe in.


“It was her who answered. She told the whole world that they are a couple. A real one. I looked at Khun and desperately sought for an assurance that it was not true. But he just nodded and smiled that perfect smile of his.” I continued. “Right then and there, I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.” I finished, my shoulders trembling from too much crying.


“Yoona-sshi…” I felt her caressing my back as if I was a kid in need of immense comfort.


“Dara-sshi, I look pathetic, neh? I’m such a fool for falling in love with a person who doesn’t want me anymore…” I looked at her, expecting her to look at me with pitiful eyes, just like what others were so used to giving me. She, instead, looked at me with empathy, as if she herself could relate to what I was going through.


“Yoona-sshi, we all become fools when we fall in love. Isn’t that the magic of love? How something as simple as saying “I Love You” can make fools out of the smartest and coldest people in the world?” She told me with a smile, assuring me that I wasn’t the only nutcase in the world.


And that’s when I realized why I couldn’t get mad at her or loathe her even if she was now the owner of Khun’s heart. I saw the friendliness in her eyes, felt her genuineness and sincerity, and most of all, related to her situation. We were the same. We were both victims of a complicated love, a love so rare that only a few people have experienced and were experiencing.


It was then that I felt that I gained a new ally, a new confidant.


“Dara-sshi, can I call you unnie?” My question surprised her for it took her awhile to recover from her shock. After a few seconds, she smiled at me genuinely.


“Neh, Yoon-ah. I can be your unnie.” I smiled at her words and wrapped my arms around her waist again burrying my head on her chest. This time though, there were no more tears, just a smile on my face upon knowing that I was not alone fighting this battle of mine.
















I was still in shock on what has happened a while ago.


I can’t believe how insensitive you can be.


I felt a sting in my heart as I remembered her words and the way she looked at me. Her eyes were full of hurt, of so much pain. 


It had been a year and half already and somehow, I thought that the pain I had inflicted on her had gradually gone away.


But I guess I was wrong. I hurt her again. I hurt again the woman I used to love.


I looked at Jiyong who was eyeing me intently. I did not know if he had any idea about my past with Yoona but the way he was looking at me, I felt he already had inkling about it.


We remained silent for a long time after Yoona’s sudden outburst and Dara following her. I guess we were all too tired of what was happening, even the audacious Soo Man-sshi was keeping his silence, probably contemplating Yoona’s words.


I broke the silence in the room.


“Yang Goon-sshi, I am serious about my request. I really want to take part in the 5 steps exam.” I told the CEO of Dara’s company firmly.


“Haven’t you had enough, Nichkhun? Didn’t you see how distraught Yoona was?” Jiyong blurted out, irritation evident in his voice.


“What Yoona and I had was in the past. We’re no lon~”


I wasn’t able to fully defend myself as Dara came in, her face tear-stricken.


“Dara…” I called out to her. She looked up to me briefly then roamed her eyes somewhere, other than me.


“Yoona left already. I didn’t think it’s a good idea for her to stick around. She’s too exhausted.” She informed us coldly.


That shut us up.


She looked at everyone in the room and settled her eyes on Soo Man-sshi. “Done talking about how my lovelife will go? Done deciding who I will see and not?” Her voice betrayed the pent up anger she was keeping and it almost made me tremble how she spoke with so much disgust and disdain.


“Are we really just employees to you, huh?” She moved forward, inching closer towards Soo Man-sshi. Soo Man-sshi, though silent, was not backing down from her gaze.


“Are we mere robots that you can control and decide on how we will live our lives?” Her voice was getting louder and scarier.


“Dara, we don’t need to proceed into this five steps exam of Nichkhun if you don’t want to.” Yang Goon-shii mediated, making my heart drop like a bomb.


“Dara, please let me~” I started to beg but was cut off by Dara.


“Ani, just go on. Let Nichkhun take the test. It seems my life has already been planned without my consent anyway.” She looked at us with so much disappointment that I felt my heart being stabbed. I saw Jiyong held her hand and whispered in her ear.


“Mian, D-ah…”