Sorry For Being Selfish




"I thought I won't be able to talk to you again."


Although I was happy to see the person standing in front of me, I couldn't hide my disappointment.


"I thought you have forgotten about me completely." I pouted like a little child. I didn't care at all if I looked childish.


"Sorry, Ji." Was all the person could tell me.


"I guess you're too busy now for me, eh?" I asked, a bit hurt.


I heard a sigh coming out from that person. "Are you seriously hurt, Ji? You know I didn't mean to." The person asked me with concern.


"Of course, I am." I lowered my head and shook it. "You're my best friend. Shouldn't you be always by my side, Bae?" I asked him as I walked back and forth, slowly kicking the piece of paper lying helplessly on the ground. "Ever since you dated Yuri-sshi you completely forgotten about me. Hayyysssst!" I kicked the piece of paper with all my strength which sent it flying.


"YA! That's not true. You're the one who's always busy, Ji." He smirked and tousled my hair messily.


"Well, that maybe true but you've got to admit, your attention got divided ever since you dated her." I pouted again. I heard him chuckle loudly.


"Don't tell me you're trying your aegyo on me, Ji? Eeeww, bro?" We both laughed at my childishness.


After awhile, I slapped his arm. "YA! You owe me dinner, bro." I told him. He smiled at me while rubbing his chin.


"What? You're earning quadruple times more than I do and yet you're asking me to treat you? So stingy! Not cool, man." He smirked. I pouted once again.


"YA! That's your punishment for not giving your best friend some time." I stuck my tongue out to him which made him laugh.


"Fine fine! Where'd you want to eat?" He asked me. My eyes lit up upon hearing the word "eat". I touched my stomach and realized I haven't eaten anything yet.


"I'm thinking chicken and barbecued meat." My eyes sparkled as I began enlisting on my mind the food I would be ordering.


"Yeolbong, then?" He turned to me as we both entered my car. I turned to him and grinned widely.


"Wookie-hyung, here we come!" I exclaimed as I started my engine.


















"Wait, Khun Khun!" I told him as we were about to head to the parking lot. Wondering how come a JYP artist was able to park in YGE? Khun Khun was lucky he was able to bump into YG-sajangnim earlier. Sajangnim gave him a special pass to park in our exclusive space.


Khun Khun turned back and looked at me curiously. "What is it, Dara?" He approached me. I gave him a smile.


"I have to talk to someone first. I almost forgot." I smiled at him in apology. I saw how his forehead creased but then let out an understanding smile after awhile.


"Alright. I'll just wait in the parking lot, okay?" He told me before blowing me a kiss in the air. I giggled at his childishness.


I turned around and ran towards the studio where I know he was staying.


It took me a good five minutes before I was able to reach Teddy-oppa's studio. I glanced at my watch and felt anxious.


9:30 P.M.


God! I hope I'm not too late...


I immediately opened the door and noisily walked in, surprising Teddy-oppa who was about to doze off.


"WHAT THE ?!!!!" He exclaimed in surprise. I inadvertently ignored him and scanned my eyes around the room. My heart dropped upon not seeing him.


*SIGH* He's no longer here... I thought sadly as I bowed my head.


"YA, DOLL!" I snapped back to reality and saw Teddy-oppa looking at me with incredulous eyes.


"Oh, you're here." I acknowledged his presence monotonously.


"Of course I'm here, Dara. This is my studio in case you have forgotten." He gave me an amused smile. I stared at him for awhile then smiled as well.


"Of course I know that, oppa." I answered rather proudly. He just looked at me and shook his head as if he was looking at an alien.


"What are you doing here, by the way? You seem to be looking for someone?" He looked at me curiously. I nodded my head.


"Yeah, I was, oppa but he's not here." I said sadly.


"Who were you looking for, by the way?" He raised his eyebrow.


"Youngbae. I have something important to tell him." I answered.


"Why don't you just text or call him then?" He asked while he fixed the pile of CDs that was scattered on top of his table.


"Can't. He left his phone at his dorm." I answered sadly. I saw Teddy-oppa's mouth formed a big letter "O".


"I see. He left awhile ago. He was in a hurry too." I cursed my damn luck for not being a few minutes earlier.


"I see. That's too bad." I bowed my head in disappointment. If I had just remembered earlier then I would have caught him. Tsk.


"Why don't you stay and accompany me for awhile, Dara?" He chuckled as he caught me spacing out once again.


"Well, I love to but Khun Khun..." OH HOLY SHIZZZ! 


I glanced at my watch and realized I have been gone for almost twenty minutes now. CRAP! Khun Khun must be bored out of his wits waiting for me! Aigoo, Dara...


"I'd love too, oppa but I can't. Khun Khun's waiting for me." I bowed my head continuously in apology. 
"Mianhe! Mianhe!"


I bade Teddy-oppa goodbye as I made my way, no, scratch that- DASHED my way towards the parking lot.


Used to multitasking, (thanks goes out to Seungri who was instrumental in teaching me how to effectively "multitask" which I learned from his Seungri Academy), I got my phone from my pocket and dialed a number while running my way towards the long hallway of YGE.


"Yoboseyo? Yoon-ah?" I panted as I dashed towards the crowded hallway. I bumped into some of the YG staffs and bowed my head in apology. "Mianhe. Mian, ahjussi!" I bowed continuously while running.
"Unnie?" I heard Yoon-ah's voice on the other line.


"YOON-AH!" I exclaimed on the phone while I pushed the door towards the staircase.


"Unnie! Why are you panting?" She asked me. I stopped for awhile to catch my breath.


"I was running." I answered. I started descending the stairs as soon as I was able to catch my breath. 


"Oh, Yoon-ah. Mian. I wasn't able to catch Bae. He already left the building when I got to Teddy-oppa's studio." I told her sadly.


"Oh, I see." She answered softly.


I then heard her talking to someone on the background.


"Is that Yuri-sshi? Please tell her I'm sorry." I said sincerely.


"It's okay, unnie. It's not your fault Youngbae-sshi forgot his phone." She answered. "And oh, by the way, Yuri-ah told me that you don't need to apologize." I could almost imagine her smiling while telling me that.


"Kamsahamnida." I said breathlessly as I ran again. I was nearing the parking lot already which made me hasten my steps.


"Unnie, are you okay? Are you in a hurry or something?" Yoon-ah asked with concern.


"Mian, Yoon-ah. I just don't want to keep him waiting..." I said as I continued running. I touched the knob of the door which led to the parking lot.


"Oh, you're going out with Jiyong? YIHEEE!" She teased me. I smiled for awhile and then bit my lower lip guiltily as I spotted Khun Khun leaning by his car.


"Ani. It's Khun Khun..." I said meekly. I heard her gulp and silence immediately followed.


"Yoon-ah, I'm sorry~" I started to say softly but she cut me.


"It's okay, unnie. I was just surprised." She told me in a soft voice. I couldn't tell what she was feeling at the moment."So I guess he passed the five steps test then?" She chuckled softly.


"Neh." Was all I could say. I was a bit ashamed of myself for mentioning his name to Yoon-ah.


I heard her sigh which made my chest feel heavy. "You are really lucky, unnie..." She told me, her voice softer than earlier. "He's there already, right?" 
She asked which made me confused. I was standing in front the smiling Khun Khun at the moment.


"H-h-how did you know?" I asked, dumbfounded.


"Well, I'm stalking the two of you." She said in a low, hoarse voice. I shivered and looked around which made Khun Khun looked around as well.


"Y-Yoon-ah?" I asked nervously.


It was then I heard a loud laughter, two loud laughter to be exact.


"Aigoo, unnie! I was just kidding! HAHA!" Yoon-ah continued laughing while I frowned. "You stopped panting and breathing heavily so I figured you already reached your destination." She explained, stifling her laughter while the person on the background was indiscreetly laughing her a%s off.


"YA! Please tell Yuri-sshi to be a little discreet in laughing at me!" I frowned and pouted. I heard Khun Khun chuckle and I stuck my tongue out at him.


"AIGOO! MIAN, DARA-UNNIE!!!" I heard Yuri-sshi yelling at the background. I then heard Yoon-ah chuckling.


"I guess I better go, unnie. Don't want to disturb your date." She said shyly.


"Ani, you're not a disturbance but I guess I have to go as well." I told her.


"Anneyong!" She said cheerfully.


"Anneyong!" I replied energetically as well.


I turned to Khun Khun and smiled apologetically, giving him my peace sign.


"Who was that you were talking to?" He asked nonchalantly.


"Oh that? It was Yoon-ah." I told him truthfully. I saw a hint of sadness pass his eyes.


"Oh... how is she?" He asked hesitantly.


"She's doing good Khun Khun." I smiled at him.


A few seconds passed and Khun Khun looked thoughtful. After awhile, he smiled at me. "That's good to hear then." He said sincerely. I tried reading his expression but he just turned around and opened the front passenger door for me.


"Hop in! Let's not waste any moment of our first official date." He smiled at me with that boyish smile of his and I found myself blushing shamelessly once again.


"ARASSO!" I said enthusiastically, trying my best to cover my sudden flustering.


We both got into the car and once seated, he faced me.


He just stared at me for awhile, roamed his eyes all over my face that I suddenly felt conscious.


"YA! What are you doing?" I tried to cover my face with my hands so that he wouldn't see the crimson shade that was spreading on my cheeks.


I heard him chuckle and after awhile, he just smiled and looked ahead. "I just want to memorize every single detail of this night." He answered simply. He turned to me once again and slowly leaned closer towards me.


I gulped and froze when I felt his nearness. I could already feel his hot breath touching the tip of my nose. I held my breath as his lips came a bit too close to mine, just a breath away.


His hand then reached for something underneath me. I felt my breath got caught on my throat as I nervously anticipated his touch against my skin.


As if time was the devil’s ally, he took his sweet time in reaching for that something by my side.


I gasped as I felt him pull something to secure me in my seat.


“OMO, it’s the seatbelt!” I suddenly voiced out my thoughts while chuckling nervously. He looked at me for awhile before his lips curved into a naughty smile.


“Yes, it was the seatbelt I was reaching for…” He leaned closer to me, wetting his lips in the process. 


“Or were you expecting something else, NOONA?” His eyebrows wriggled mischievously as he whispered huskily in my now reddened and sensitive ears. I gulped a few times and diverted my eyes elsewhere, avoiding the piercing stare he’s giving me.


AIGOO… WHAT IS THIS GUY DOING TO ME???


Okay, Dara. Remember what your omma taught you before? When faced with extremely tensed and dangerous situations, the best thing to do is to close your eyes and take a deep breath to calm yourself.


NEH! That’s what I should do. 


I closed my eyes and assumed a comfortable position which was a difficult feat considering the Thai Prince was sitting dangerously close to me.


*BREATHE IN*


*BREATHE OUT*


Is he still staring at me? I pried open my right eye to steal a glance at the man in question.


OH CRAP! He’s still staring at me!


*BREATHE IN*


*BREATHE OUT*


I opened my left eye this time and saw him smiling like a little boy who caught a frog with his pellet gun.


CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!


I immediately closed my eyes upon realizing I was caught redhanded.


*BREA~*


I was about to breathe in once more when I felt warm, soft lips brushed against mine and I felt all things starte~


WHAT??!!!


My eyes snapped opened only to see a pair of eyes staring back at me. My eyes widen as I realized that the owner of the eyes and the lips that captured mine was the same person.


I gasped as I felt his hands travelled along the curved of my back. 


I gasped even more when I felt his tongue explore my wide opened cavern, my gasp giving him full access.


I couldn’t move. My arms feel numb along with the other parts of my body.


Somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice was telling me that what I was doing was wrong.


Yet, somehow, being trapped in his warmth made another voice inside of me yell out that what I was doing was right.


OTOKE??!! 


I felt his hand slid down the narrow path of my shoulder and suddenly, I felt a shiver going down my spine.


CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!


I just kissed Ji this morning and then now, I’m kissing Khun Khun…


OMO! Am I turning into a wh*re??!


DARA, OTOKE???!!


My thoughts were cut off when Khun Khun deepened the kiss. 


“Ughhh…”


WOAH! Did I just hear myself moan? WHAT WAS THAT??!!


I opened my eyes and stole another glance at him. His eyes were closed and his brows were furrowed as if he was in deep concentration.


Despite my inhibitions, I couldn’t help but close my eyes once again when he pulled me closer to him and deepened our kiss even more.


And despite my silent protest, I found myself succumbing to his kiss.


Oh god. How can I stop this?


But I didn’t. We didn’t stop the kiss until we’re both panting heavily, almost out of breath.


He looked at me once again, his dark orbs penetrating mine.


It was a long silence between the two of us. Both of us still unsure what to speak of to each other.


Then he spoke and his single question made me face the dreaded question I’ve been asking myself for awhile now.


“Who am I in your life, Dara?”


I looked into his eyes and saw confusion.


“Khun Khun…”


Can you really answer that, Dara? I challenged myself.


I knew that at the moment, my heart was still being indecisive.


Was it selfishness?


Was it the fear of letting one of them go that makes me hold on to them until now?


Until now, I couldn’t answer the question that’s been bugging my mind.


So I told him the most genuine answer I could come up with, the answer of my heart.


“You are Khun Khun.” I told him as I placed my palm on his cheek. He closed his eyes as he felt the warmth of my hand against his coldness.


“You were the person who stood by me when it was very hard for me to stand alone. You were the one who made me laugh when it seemed impossible to make me stop crying. You were the one who kept me going when all I wanted to do was give up.” I gently caressed his soft cheeks, felt it grow warm against my touch.


“Most of all, you were the one who made me forget the pain when it became to overbearing.” I closed my eyes as I savored the feeling of our touch.


“You are Khun Khun in my life. You will always be the only Khun Khun in my life…” I told him sincerely.


He slowly opened his eyes and placed his hand against mine.


“Will I still be the person who will make you laugh, keep you going, make you forget all the pain and stand beside you until the end?” He asked me as if asking permission to own my heart.


“Khun Khun…”


It was all I could answer him. The moment I voiced out his name, his lips curved into a smile, as if fully understanding what I wanted to tell him.


“Arasso. I understand, Dara-yah.” Despite his smile, I could still see a faint disappointment in his eyes. “I know you still need time. Sorry for rushing you…” He shuffled his hair and bowed his head in apology.


“It should be me apologizing, Khun Khun. I’m being unfair to you and Ji. I’m keeping both of you waiting while my heart’s being indecisive…” I felt shameful of how I was treating two of the most important men in my life.


He wrapped his arms around mine pulled me closer to him, enveloping me in his warm embrace. It felt so good. I felt so secured.


“Ani. It’s nobody’s fault, Dara. You’ve been through a lot. You have experienced hopes and heartbreaks one after another.” He caressed my hair and tucked the few loose strands behind my ears. He looked at me lovingly, telling me through his eyes that he didn’t blame me.


“I understand that your heart is not yet ready to love again.” He kissed my forehead and I smiled.


“Kamsahamnida, Khun Khun…” I whispered as I stayed in his embrace. 


Thank you Khun Khun for always making me feel this way…



















I hugged myself as I felt the cold breeze of the night brush past me. I recalled the times Dara and I shared passionate embraces, kisses and warmth. I reminisced the feel of her skin against mine.


Somehow, the memory only made me long for her more.


D, why can’t we be together?


I hugged myself tighter, imagining it was her holding me closer to her frail body.


“Need a hug?”


My head snapped into the direction of the voice and saw my best friend, Youngbae, smirking at me. I immediately releaseD myself from my own embrace and felt my cheeks grew hot.


“YA! You ruined my moment!” I pouted and glared at him. He raised his eyebrow and looked at me questioningly.


“Are you making a music video, bro?” He chuckled while I smacked his head in annoyance.


“YA! I’M NOT SEUNGRI!” The calm and collected, Youngbae, yelled out as he caressed the area I smacked.


“Speaking of Seungri, where the hell is that maknae? I kinda miss him.” I admitted. Despite our frequent “Tom & Jerry” fights, I treat that Panda as a younger brother.


“Probably pestering some female idols. I heard his new target are the Rainbow girls.” He chucked, probably marveling at the charm of the maknae.


“YA! You should start hanging out with Seungri. He’s well-informed and skilled when it comes to girls…” I winked at him. “… so that you won’t stay NGSB all your life.” I which made him blush like a red tomato. No Girlfriend SInce Birth. Yup, that would be Youngbae.


“I don’t need the maknae’s help. I can do this on my own.” He answered cockily.


After a few minutes, we entered Dong Wook-hyung’s restaurant, Yeolbong. They were immediately greeted by the owner himself.


“Well, well, well… If it isn’t two of my favorite dongsaengs!” Wook-hyung greeted us in a loud manner. “What brings two of the most sought-after idols in Korea to my humble restaurant?” He bowed his head as if we were his Majesty.


“Hyung, cut that out! You’re embarrassing us!” I exclaimed in pain. Watching hyung was just painfully embarrassing.


“Neh, hyung. Do you want us to change restaurants?” Bae and I acted like we were exiting when hyung grabbed both of us by his arms.


“ANI! I just missed you guys so much!” He squeezed his arm against my throat.


“YA! You were an examiner in Nichkhun’s five steps test. We were all there.” I stuck my tongue at him.


"But did we talk? Did we??" He was acting like a child. "You just locked yourself in hyung's office while you-" He pointed towards Bae who was silently watching us. "YOu were sleeping your a$s off in the dance hall. Tsk." He shook his head in disappointment.


Bae and I rolled our eyes and laughed at our hyung drama. He really should consider trying out in a TV series.


"Hyung, I want this... oh! and this too... WOW that looks yummy..." I started pointing to the different food listed on the menu. Wook-hyung's eyes widen while Bae chuckled. I probably looked like a kid that was allowed for the first time to eat his favorites.


"Ji, are you sure you just haven't eaten for a day only? Not for a year?" Bae asked bewildered. I just smirked and gave him challenging look.


"Why, Bae? Not up for it? Such a stingy fellow... Kekekeke" I laughed to myself while hyung and Bae just shook their heads.


We settled into one of the private areas in hyung's restaurant. It was our favorite spot, the spot where no one dared to cross us or disrupt us.


"OMO! You guys are here!"


I heard a familiar voice and my head jerked up in surprise.


"YURI-SSHI???" I managed to let out a squeak but Yuri-sshi wasn't listening to me. Her eyes, instead, were focused on Bae, who was blushing like crazy.


Oooh... things are getting interesting... I slightly chuckled as I watched my best friend turn shy once again.


"Hi Jiyong-sshi."


My head snapped towards the right when I heard her voice. Standing behind Yuri-sshi was Yoona-sshi, my supposed girlfriend.


"Hi Yoona-sshi." I greeted with a smile. Even if we were supposed to be dating for over three months now, I could still feel the awkwardness that surrounded us.


Probably, it's because we were both uneasy with what we were forced to do.


"Oooh... I'm seeing some sneaky couple moves here, eh?" He bowed politely to Yoona-sshi and Yuri-sshi then turned towards us with a sly smile plastered on his lips.


"You two should have told me you were expecting company so I could have prepared something special." Wook-hyung winked at us which made the two girs blush.


"ANI! It was just coincidence that the four of us came here. Totally not planned!" Yuri-sshi casted a nervous glance at Bae who seemed to be lost in a trance. Hmmmm... smells fishy. I glanced at Yoona-sshi and saw her smiling mischievously, pouting towards Yuri-sshi then Bae, as if confirming the conspiracy between the two.


"Well, then, why don't you guys join us? Yuri-sshi? Yoona-sshi?" I smiled as I invited them to sit with us. In my mind, I was brewing something. I went towards Yuri-sshi and guided her towards the seat next to Bae on his left side while Yoona-sshi followed her and sat beside her. I, however, walked back towards my seat which was on the right side of Bae and eagerly anticipated the arrival of the food.


The few minutes were quite awkward with Yoona-sshi and I trying in vain to start a conversation but ended up saying lame one-liners. The lovebirds, Bae and Yuri-sshi both seemed to have lost their tongues and their bodily functions at the same time.


Eventually though, with Yoona-sshi's and my persistence, we were able to break the ice.


"OMO OMO! Do that again, Jiyong-sshi!" Yuri-sshi begged me to do the leg-aligning dance of SNSD for their "Hoot" music video. The three rascals cheered me on, forcing me to do a repeat of my performance.


After much pushing, I finally stood up and took my place on centerstage. 


Yoona-sshi and yuri-sshi started singing which signaled the start of my performance. Bae was laughing his head off like a hyena while I did my little "Hoot" dance.


I was in the middle of my performance when the door suddenly opened and revealed the two persons I least expected to see that night.


"Ji?"

















I saw him froze when Dara called his name. We just walked inside a private room in Dong Wook-sunbaenim's restaurant and caught Jiyong dancing "Hoot".


I would have laughed my a$s off at the sight of the Great Leader of one of the biggest boygroup in South Korea doing the leg aligning dance if not for the awkward silence that followed after Dara called his name.


I turned to Dara and saw that she turned silent, probably taking in the situation that was right in front of us. We were standing just a few feet away from the two couples: Youngbae and Yuri, Jiyong and Yoona.


I stole a glance at Yoona and was surprised to see that she was already looking at me. She immediately diverted her glance when she noticed me looking at her.


I heard Dara let out a sharp breath, a habit she had developed every time she was placed in a sticky situation. I s my arm around her shoulder and squeezed it, giving her an assurance that it'll be okay. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jiyong's eyes narrowed as he stared at my arm that was draped in Dara's shoulder.


I didn't mean to act all possesive of Dara around them but being in that situation, I just couldn't help it. Seeing Jiyong just within a few feet away from her alarmed me, as if any time from now, she might be taken away from me.


Neh, I am insecure with the Great Dragon.


I instinctively pulled her closer to me when Jiyong-sshi gazed at her. I could see pain, longing and desire written in his eyes and I was pretty sure those were the same emotions that reflected in mine.


I didn't know how long we stayed silent, just observing each other's movements. 


It was Youngbae though that broke the silence.


"Dara-yah, Nichkhun-sshi, come join us here!" He signaled for us to come to their table. Dara looked at me tentatively as if asking if I was okay with the invitation. Though I would have wanted us to stay on a separate table, away from their group, so that I could keep Dara to myself, I just smiled and nodded my head. I didn't want to be rude to Youngbae who had always been nice to me even during the time when he and BIGBANG visited us in Japan.


I led Dara towards the empty seat beside Yuri and I took the seat beside her. From where we were seated, we were directly across Yoona. I saw her looking at us for awhile before diverting her eyes towards Jiyong who sat beside her.


For the brief moment that our eyes met, I felt guilt engulfed me. But why? I asked myself. Why does she look so sad?


I looked at her once again and noticed her fidgeting in her seat, absent-mindedly playing with the table cloth. It was Yoona's age old habit to do that whenever she was disturbed or wanted a distraction.


But why, Yoona? Does it bother you that Jiyong cannot take his eyes off Dara?


I suddenly felt enraged upon thinking that Yoona must have been hurting because of Jiyong's insensitivity.


Insensitive... it was the word that she accused me of the time I asked permission to take the five steps test for Dara.


Why did you call me that, Yoona? What made you think I was insensitive? I only wanted to protect Dara and show her that I am sincere with my intentions for her...


A thought suddenly came to my mind. Could it be...?


ANI! It has been over a year now. 


It had been over a year since we separated. There's no way she still has feelings for me!


Or could it be possible that she still loves me?


I suddenly felt a tug in my heart once that thought crossed my mind. I glanced at Yoona once again and saw her fidgeting with her utensils.Something's definitely bothering her...


I was still staring at her when a soft voice interrupted my thoughts.


"Huh?" I asked distracted. Dara looked at me for awhile, as if inspecting my face. She opened to say something but hesitated at the last minute. Instead, she gave me a meek smile.


"I asked you what you wanted to eat." She repeated her question. "They have ordered already earlier." She added.


I gazed at her and the purity that shown in her eyes automatically made me smile. "I'll have what you'll have." I answered her, making sure my eyes could only see hers. I noticed her blush which made me chuckle a bit.


"Okay but I'm warning you, I'm not that hungry." She told me as she gave me a warning look. The five of us in the table all anticipated what she was going to order. She motioned for the waiter to come and gave her orders in an urgent manner.


"Annyeong, Adjhussi!" She greeted the waiter with a warm and bright smile that made the waiter blush. "We'll have two orders each of Daeji Bulgogi (Spicy Marinated Pork), Dak Bulgogi (Korean BBQ Chicken), Dukbokki, Kimbap and Naengmyeon (Cold Noodles)... and oh-ahjussi! I forgot to add Kimchi Fried Rice. Two servings please as well." She giggled and bowed at the waiter who had an amused look on his face. I noticed Yoona and Yuri gaped at her in pure awe. I could almost hear their unified thoughts.


WOW. Dara can eat all that and still weigh like a cloud? Just WOW. 


I heard Youngbae chuckle which made me look at him. He was looking at the two girls who were shocked at Dara's eating habits. Just like Youngbae, I was used to Dara consuming food proportions fit for a construction worker. I let out a chuckle as I watched how Yoona's eyes roamed around Dara's body, as if scanning for the possible hideout of the food she takes in.


"WOW, unnie... do you eat that much all the time?" Yoona's eyes were wide when she asked that question. Dara giggled in reply which made Youngbae, Jiyong and I laughed.


"It's still a puzzle to all of us where she put all the food she consumes. Her stomach probably houses a very hungry and greedy snake." Jiyong laughed even more. We all laughed at his attack at Dara.


"YA, KWON JIYONG!" Dara threw her table napkin at Jiyong which he expertly avoided. She stuck her tongue out at him and pouted like a little child.


Too cute. I thought with a huge smile.


"Too cute." Jiyong voiced out my thoughts and continued laughing. My smile slowly faded as I watched his actions. Even when laughing, his eyes were still focused on her and one could not deny the loving gaze he was giving her.


I cleared my throat and s my arms around Dara. "Don't mind him." I told her as I smiled at Jiyong. I saw him froze as he stared at my arm that was draped around Dara's shoulder. He probably wanted to stand up and pull my arm away from her. "You should always eat a lot, Dara. With your fast metabolism, you need to take in a lot of food to keep up with your busy schedule." I told her seriously as I gave her arm a gentle squeeze.


She looked up at me and smiled that child-like smile of hers which never fails to make my heart beat a little faster. "Neh, Khun Khun. No need to remind me as eating a lot comes naturally to me." She let out a giggle adoringly that I couldn't help but pinch her cheeks. The room was filled with laughter as we marveled at the adorable antics of the mountain rabbit.


Jiyong and Yoona, however, were not amused. They were just staring at us with an unreadable expression.


Dara must have noticed it too because after casting a brief glance at them, she stopped laughing, bowed her head and fidgeted with the table cloth.


Her silence proved to be infectious as the room suddenly was filled with awkward silence.


Minutes pass and still no one spoke. I had to chuckle to myself at how easy it was for the atmosphere to change inside the room. From a jovial and festive atmosphere, we were now suddenly engulfed in deafening silence.


We would have stayed mute for god-knows-how-long if not for the arrival of the waiter that carried our food.


And as if a spell was broken, Dara's solemn disposition earlier was replaced with an excited and giddy aura.


"THE FOOD IS HERE!" She squealed like a happy child that was given a happy meal. Hayssst, Dara! Why must you be so adorable in everything you do?


Okay, Nichkhun, Stop drooling! She's not food, you know...


I suddenly blushed at that thought and decided to focus my attention on more pressing issues like...


"FOOD!" I exclaimed. Dara faced me and gave me her brightest smile. I faced her and smiled back as well, giving her my famous boyish/prince-like smile. "Let's dig in!" I told everyone as we started devouring the yummy feast in front of us.
















Our table was filled with all the delicious food I have craved for since earlier but somehow, my appetite magically disappeared.


*SIGH* I really wanted to eat my heart out today...


But how can I do that when my heart is crying softly as I watched the two lovebirds in front of me.?

ANI! I shook my head vehemently. They're not lovebirds. Nichkhun's the only one initiating those cheesy moves! A voice in my head said confidently.


Dara's not rejecting it though... Another voice, a sad one, contradicted the other.


I was so down with everything that was happening right in front of me that I gave more weight to what the second voice said more than the first.


She looks so happy... I thought with a sad smile as I watched the two talking animatedly. Khun Khun was telling a story about their Panda, Junsu's secret feelings for Bom-noona. 


I never thought that seeing her happy like this could make me feel sad. How ironic.


YA! Stop being selfish, Jiyong. She deserves to be happy. There goes that voice again.


But I want to be the one who makes her happy! The second voice contradicted one again. 


If you truly love her, you'll feel happy for her that she can smile that way again. The first voice retorted. Oh, crap! Now they're having a little debate inside my head.


What's with these voices arguing inside my head???


It was then that our eyes met. For a moment, I felt my world stopped as she stared at me, her eyes were locked with mine.


I couldn't tell what she was thinking or what she wanted to do.


All I knew was at that moment, everything became clear to me. It was as if a spark of hope was lit up within me.


I just can't let you go right now, Dara.


Not yet.
















I was enjoying Khun Khun's company tonight. He was able to make me smile, laugh and be irritated at the same time, emotions that were very hard to evoke from me as I'm not the expressive type.


I was so caught up with my moment with Khun Khun that I almost did not notice the pair of eyes that was silently watching me.


Almost.


Before my mind could comprehend what my body was doing, I was already facing him and staring at his magnetizing brown eyes. In his eyes, I saw pain, longing and sadness.


Are you sad because of me, Ji? Am I being insensitive? 


I felt so ashamed of myself. Here I was, out on a date with Kkhun Khun and yet, I was thinking of another man.


I diverted my eyes from his and roamed them around the room, looking for anything interesting. Unfortunately, the only interesting thing I could see was Youngbae's mohawk hair that looked like it can kill a a poor lizard that would have the unfortunate fate of falling from the ceiling, landing directly to Youngbae's dangerously spiky hair.


We ate and ordered some more and exchanged a few conversation when suddenly, I choked on the food I was chewing as I was laughing hard at Yuri's joke. In a flash, Khun Khun made me drink water and caressed my back to ease the passage of food in my system. After a few seconds, I felt myself calm.


"Wow... you're really fast, Khun Khun!" I said delightfully. He smiled at me and ruffled his hair as if embarrass with the show of affection he did earlier. I actually found it cute and sweet.


"Ani... it's just that my reflexes kick in high gear when it involves you." He said those words like a shy little boy that I couldn't help but blush.


"Jiyong-ah, why aren't you eating your food? Here, let me feed you." My head snapped towards the voice and saw Yoon-ah raising her hand that was gripping a spoon filled with fried rice. She positioned the spoon in front of Jiyong's mouth. Instead of opening his mouth to accommodate the food, Jiyong just looked at her with confusion.


I saw her whispered something to him but I couldn't hear it due to the distance of our seats. After whispering to him, I saw Jiyong's eyes turned from confusion to understanding. He then opened his mouth and ate the food willingly. After swallowing the food, he smiled at Yoon-ah in gratitude.


I couldn't explain what I was feeling at that moment. I felt a sudden sharp pain in my heart as if something stabbed it. I clutched my chest and shook my head.


Ani. I have no right to feel this way. I shouldn't feel this way../i]


I guess I was trying to convince myself more than anything else. It's true, though. Jiyong and I have no commitment with each other anymore. He had no obligation to look only at me.


I heaved a sigh and tried to smile. It took me awhile, though, to notice that Khun Khun was also staring at the two couple in front of us.


















I raised the spoon to level with his mouth. He looked at me with confusion, as if trying to figure out what I was trying to do.


"Just ride along. I know you're hurting too just as much as I am." I muttered to him under my breath. He looked at me for awhile and after a few seconds, he finally smiled, as if comprehending what I was trying to say.


"Let's not show them we're affected, Jiyong." I told him as soon as he ate the food I fed him. We can't let them feel that we are in pain. We can't be selfish. I said to myself. I looked at him and saw him looking at me too. After awhile, he smiled again.


"You're right. I also don't want her to feel guilty once she sees me sulking." He said with a sad smile. Gradually, the real G-dragon was being unfolded right before my very eyes. 


I was finally starting to know the Kwon Jiyong that Sandara Park once loved.
















I couldn't point out what exactly I was feeling the moment Yoona acted sweet and attentive to Jiyong. [i]Was it doubt? Ani. Yoona's not that type of girl. Was it shock? Hmm, probably. Was it confusion? Most likely.


Or was it jealousy?


I suddenly stopped once the thought crossed my mind.


Was I jealous?


I looked at them once again and now, more confusion boggled my mind.


Why would I be jealous? It's not as if we're still together...


I shook my head and frowned.


She has every right to do what she wants. She can feed whoever she wants.


But she used to do that to me...


I shook my head once again. What the hell, Nichkhun???


I looked at them once again and was surprised to see Yoona looking at me. She turned her eyes away though when she caught me looking at her. I couldn't tell exactly what I felt when our eyes met.


Was that pain I saw in her eyes?


Are you still hurting because of me?


It was then I realized just how unfair and insensitive I was to her.


I broke things off between us without giving her a decent goodbye.


I broke her heart and never apologized for it doing it.


I just assumed she already forgot. I just assumed it didn't matter to her anymore.


I looked at her again, saw her trying her best to smile.


Why is it only now that I noticed how you're struggling to fake a smile? We've been together long enough for me to distinguish your genuine smile from a fake one. How come I have only noticed it just now?


Mian, Yoona. I have been so insensitive to you...


If maybe I had the decency to give her an explanation as to why things ended the way they did, she wouldn't have been hurting until now.


I heaved a heavy sigh as I felt my chest being clouded with that feeling I hated most of all. 


REGRET.


I felt a soft touch on my shoulder that somehow eased the tension I was beginning to feel. It was Dara, looking at me with so much curiosity.


"Khun Khun, is anything wrong?" She asked me, her eyes filled with concern.


I felt the need to not make her worry but then the heavy feeling inside me made me blurt out the things I wanted to keep to myself.


"I just realized how selfish and insensitive I have been, Dara..." I told her sadly. She just stayed silent, urging me to continue.


"I haven't realized how much I have hurt her until now..." I told her softly as I took a glance at Yoona who was now eating silently.


She followed my line of sight and slowly nodded when she saw who I was talking about. Instead of saying something, she remained quiet and caressed my back gently.


I looked at her, searched her eyes for an affirmation but she didn't give any. Instead, she just smiled and after awhile, broke her silence.


"There are many things we wished we didn't do in the past but there's no use in sulking on those mistakes. What's important is how we make up for all those mistakes we've made and how we mend the hearts we broke." She said with a gentle voice. I felt as though it was an angel who uttered those words.


I took her hand that was resting on her lap and intertwined it with mine. The tablecloth was the only thing that was hiding our intimacy.


"I hurt Yoona. I broke her heart and didn't give her any explanation until now." I said with a heavy heart. "Dara, until now, I haven't asked for her forgiveness. I'm a coward. I'm a ba$tard." I bowed my head in shame at how I treated the girl who was once the most treasured gift I received in my life. I felt Dara's hand softly caressed my hair, giving me comfort and lifting some of the unwanted negativity I was feeling.


I looked up at her and searched her eyes again. "I've been such a jerk to her, Dara. Can you still accept me even if I was like that? Do you hate me now?" I asked her, hoping, praying that she would give me a positive answer.


She looked at me straight in the eye. Her eyes reflected understanding, the thing I have wanted more than anything from her. 


"I don't believe in dwelling in the past, Khun Khun. What matters to me is who you are right now, what you do right now." She answered with a genuine smile as she squeezed my hand in assurance.


"I wouldn't be here by your side if I hate you." She told me meaningfully.


I was filled with overwhelming joy upon hearing those words from her. I couldn't believe that after everything that had happened, she was still willing to stay by my side. Suddenly, I had the urge to keep her to myself.


"Let's leave now, Dara. There's something I want you to see." I whispered, noting that she shuddered a little at the sensation of my breath against her sensitive ear.


"But the food... Youngbae and the guys..." She looked uncertain. I smiled at her.


"I'll take care of it." I told her while I squeezed her hand in assurance. I turned my attention to the other people inside the room.


"We'll get going now, guys. Sorry for leaving so soon but we made an appointment and I'm afraid we'll be late if we don't hurry." I told them. I left money to pay for our bill and stood up. I saw Jiyong bowed his head and clenched his fist.


"But Dara's not yet done with her food." He pointed towards Dara's half-eaten meal. I looked at Dara and saw her hesitating.


After awhile, she stood up. "Uhm, it's okay, Jiyong. I'm not that hungry anyway." She let out a smile. I saw Jiyong's face softened and his hand unclenched.


Sorry for being selfish, Jiyong but I can't help it. I just cannot stand sharing her with you.


I took Dara's hand and led her towards the exit. As we were walking, I caught a glimpse of Yoona's distraught face. My feet suddenly stopped as if they have a mind of their own.


I looked at her and felt a tug in my heart. "Yoona..." I whispered, softly, almost inaudible to the people in the room.


Yet somehow, she heard it as she raised her head in surprise.


"Khun..." She said softly. I noticed that tears were starting to well up in her eyes.


I had to take my eyes away from her for it hurt so much seeing her in pain because of me.


"Mian, Yoona. Mian." I said regretfully as I started walking again, regretfully walking away from the girl I have broken into a million pieces.