OTOKE?!




“Do you love him?”


She froze just as she was about to open the door. Her body stiffened as if she was caught red-handed.


“I already told you I’m with him now.” She sounded irritated. Her back was still against me.


“That’s not the question. I’m asking you if you love him.” I repeated, firmly.


I felt her hesitation. That was enough to give me the courage to go on.


















“That’s not the question. I’m asking you if you love him.” 


I felt my throat ran dry. How could I answer such question?


I knew it was easy to say yes, to just tell Jiyong that I am in love with Nichkhun. 


But I know that we have not yet reached the point where I can truly say that I am in love with him.


I like him. In fact, I like him so much. I feel as if I’m starting to fall for him. Every time I’m with him, it seemed that I’m able to forget the stress of the world.


But somehow, I can’t truly say that my heart belongs to him alone.


I felt his arm held mine and I jerked at his touch. I could feel his breath lingering around my neck. He was that close to me.


“As long as your heart hesitates to say that you love him, I won’t give you up.” He whispered in my ears. My heart stopped upon hearing his words.


“I’ve given up on you so easily in the past but I won’t let that happen again.”


“As long as I could feel that there is still something there in your heart for us,” He placed his palm against my chest while he wrapped his other hand on my waist. 


“I won’t let you go away.”


I gasped as I felt electricity shot through me when his breath touched the sensitive part of my neck.


Then for a moment, I forgot everything that surrounded us. All I felt was his touch.


How dare you do this to me, Kwon Jiyong?


How dare you turn my world upside down when it’s starting to revolve normally again?


I felt my tears welling up but I fought hard not to let it fall.


“I know I’m being selfish.” His voice started to soften. “But it’s the only way I know I can make you mine again.”


“I’m tired of being a coward.” He tightened his hold on me and I felt once again the familiar touch I have missed.


“It’s time that I fight for my love for you, D-ah.”


He kissed the back of my neck and I felt a wave of emotions.


Just like that, Kwon Jiyong just walked into my life again.


















I was quietly watching her from my seat. I saw how she tried to concentrate and focus on the program. She tried to act as if nothing’s bothering her but he eyes were the dead giveaway.


Finally, I was able to get through her. 


You can hate me for being selfish, D but I just can’t let you go again.


I don’t care if I get hurt again in the process. My heart has been used to it from all the pain I have endured, after all.


At least I know that I’ve done something to get you back.


“Ji, they’re announcing the Daesang awardees now.” Bae whispered to me excitedly. He and Seungri exchanged places as Bae wanted to able to talk to Yuri more easily.


I smiled as I saw the excitement in the other members faces. It was nice to know that after six years, we still could get giddy over an award.


“For Best Album, the winner is…”


The crowd cheered as they anticipated the winner of the category.


“BIGBANG, Special Edition!”


The crowd cheered as we won our first Daesang for the night.


We exchanged high-fives and brotherly hugs. 


Finally, our hard work paid off!


We waved to the fans who were cheering for us nonstop, touched by their undying support for us.


2NE1 cheered and congratulated us as we passed by them. I hugged each one of them. 


Dara was the most surprised when I pulled her towards me and enveloped her in a very tight hug.


I heard loud cheers from the crowd. I was not sure if it’s still because we won or they were happy to see the two of us so intimate in public for the first time.


I didn't care if this will make it to tomorrow’s headline in the tabloid. I didn’t even care if his fanboys were all shooting dark glances at me. Heck, I didn’t care if Nichkhun was flaring up from seeing me touch his beloved noona.


I was happy and I wanted to share the happiness with the person who inspired this album.


I finally let go of her but not before whispering “Kamsahamnida. You are part of the reason we won this tonight.”


I saw that was wide open and stuttered a bit. “Y-you deserve that award. I mean, you guys worked so hard for that. All of you.” She said tentatively.


I bowed my head and joined the rest of the members on stage. They gave me the microphone in behalf of the group.


“Kamsahamnida. We just can’t stop saying that. Thank you to all the VIPs who patiently waited for our album. We hope that the long wait was worth it.” The crowd cheered in response.


“We would like to thank our YG family for the support and love they showered us. Our sisters, 2NE1, for taking time and effort to show their love and support, coming to our concerts, promoting our album. YG sajangnim for being more than a president of an agency. For being our second father. Our family who has stood by us and kept us grounded all throughout.”


I paused for awhile and settled my eyes on her.


“Last, this is more of a personal thank you for me so please forgive my selfishness for awhile.” I chuckled nervously which was met by a loud cheer.


“I want to thank the person who has inspired me to write beautiful songs of love and hurt. You have always been the inspiration in my life. No matter what happens to us, good or bad, you will remain to be the greatest inspiration of my life.” I locked my gaze on her, making her feel that every word I said was true.


And as if I wanted to let the world know who she was, I raised the trophy to my head, resembling a palm tree hair and did the “Fire” dance. I heard Seungri squealed at the back while the other boys hooted.


The crowd was confused at first but then the VIPs started screaming while others looked at 2NE1’s direction, probably picking up on the hint.


I saw her eyes widened and I just smiled at her.


I’m not afraid anymore, Dara.


I’ll be brave for the two of us…



















The host called BIGBANG as they won the Artist of the Year as well. We all jumped and congratulated the boys, too happy with the success they were getting. They deserve it so much, working nonstop.


“Noona! Are you happy for us?” Seungri asked me as I gave him a hug.


“Of course I am, Seungri-ah! I’m such a proud noona!” I gave the others high-five. I gave the last high-five to Jiyong and I was taken aback by the electric shock generated by our mere touch. 


The boys went up the stage to receive their award. I was about to sit down when I remembered something.


OMO! The hug!


I immediately turned to look at Nichkhun and saw him silently watching me.


I turned my back, afraid that he might see my embarrassment.


I grabbed my phone and texted him.


I hope you don’t look too much into that hug…


After awhile, I heard my phone beep.


More than the hug, it’s the speech I’m bothered about. He practically told the whole world that you’re the special person he’s thanking…


Are you mad?


Why would I be?


I felt my face fell at his answer. What were you thinking, Dara? That he’ll be jealous?


I know you’re not the type to forget everything just because of a mere hug or flowery words.


Somehow I felt guilty. He wasn’t even aware of how I lost myself for a minute when Jiyong held me in his arms back in the comfort room.


“Don’t Go Away by 2NE1 and 2PM!”


My attention snapped back towards the stage where the presenter waved the awards towards us.


“Eh?” I was spacing out once again.


“Unni, we won! We won song of the year!” CL-roo grabbed my hands and pulled me up. I looked at Bommie and Minji who were shocked as well. Behind us, 2PM were patting our backs, congratulating us.


We went to the stage together with 2PM. We let our leader, CL-roo, say our thank yous.


Nichkhun stayed at my back. “We won?!” I squealed at him and he laughed at my dorkiness.


“Yes we did that’s why we’re here onstage with CL giving an acceptance speech.” He said still laughing. I slapped him hard on the shoulder.


“Ya, you two! Save it for later.” Taecky hissed at us. We giggled and exchanged high-five. We actually won! 


We were about to exit the stage when the Stage Manager motioned for us to follow her.


Oh, right! We still have a trick under our sleeves. Kkkkk.


















2PM and 2NE1 exited the stage and as customary, the winners go backstage to take pictures. 


Seeing as how it was the end of the ceremony, we were all waiting to be called to approach the stage and do the customary bow to the fans.


We were surprised though when the lights all went off.


“Hyung, are you there?” I heard the scared voice of our maknae. I snickered, knowing how scared Seungri was of the dark.


To get back at him for always spilling my secret in variety shows, I chose not to speak which scared him more.


“HYUNG! Don’t scare me like this…” He was trembling. I was about to laugh my arse off when the spotlight focused onstage.


'I’ll be back…'


The audience screamed as they recognized the man behind the voice.


It was 2PM’s Junsu.


‘Neon dashi nareul chajeul geoya (You will find me again)
Geuttae dashi naega ol geoya (I’ll be back then)
Geu nugudo neoreul naboda sarang hal sun eopgie’ (Nobody can like you more than I do)


The screams grew louder as the music blared up, upping the tempo. The lights went on and revealed all the members of 2PM.


They were dancing in total sync, displaying the unity their group has. 


Wooyoung, Dara’s number one fanboy, stepped in front and took the spotlight.


‘Gabjagi ireom eotteokhae nan eotteokke (What’s this suddenly?)
Haran malya nega dodaeche (What should I do? How can you…)
Eottehke irae nan nega nal (…do this to me)
Yeongweonhi saranghalgeoran mal mideotdan malya’ (I believed your words you’ll love me forever)



I marveled at the energy that the 2PM boys were showing. Even my members were watching them with equal amazement as well.



‘Yaksokhaetjanha yeongweonhi byeonhaji maljago (You promised we’ll never change)
Urineun bunmyeong maejeojin jjagirago (We’re the match made in heaven)
Bunmyeonghi matdago (It’s so true)
Nega geureohke yaegihaetjanha’ (You told me)



I gulped at the words. Why was it that those words felt like they were piercing through my heart?


I focused my attention at Nichkhun and to my surprise, he was already looking at me as if sizing me up.


‘I’ll be back..
Neon dashi nareul chajeul geoya (You will find me again)
Geuttae dashi naega ol geoya (I’ll be back then)
Geu nugudo neoreul naboda sarang hal sun eopgie’ (Nobody can like you more than I do)


The lights suddenly dimmed onstage as some girls sensually made their way to the center stage. Loud gasps and curious murmurs were heard everywhere.


Seung-hyun-hyung nudged Bae. “Who are those girls?” He asked, curious at the sudden addition on stage.


“I don’t know, hyung. Probably dancers?” Bae face turned into a frown suddenly. “But their silhouette looks familiar, though.”


I turned my attention towards the stage and found myself agreeing to Bae’s claim. They do look awfully familiar.


My eyes landed on the girl between Wooyoung and Nichkhun. Something about the way she moved made my heart stop.


There was something about the way she placed her hand on Nichkhun’s waist and sensually let it linger around as she made slow steps, circling Nichkhun, swaying perfectly to music, that was strangely familiar.


‘You'll be back
Neoneun dashi dora ol geoya..’


It can’t be…


‘Geuraeseo neol bonaeneun geoya’

I watched at how she feigned a surprised gasp as Wooyoung pulled her to his side, her frail body crashing against his chiseled and toned body.


I felt a sudden gush of jealousy waved over me.


That’s not her!


‘Naneun ara nega na eopshin motsandan geoseul
I'll be back…’


The lights suddenly came back as the tempo of the song slowed down, revealing Minji, CL, Bom and Dara sharing the stage with 2PM.


The crowd broke into a collective gasp before breaking out into hysterical screams and cheers. That was probably the loudest scream I have heard all throughout the night.


Beside me, I felt my members stiffened, oblivious to the shrieks and noises that were surrounding us. 


I felt my insides churning when Nichkhun aggressively took Dara’s hand and pulled her towards him, making Dara land on his chest while his face leaning down, dangerously close to hers.


I heard Seungri let out uneven breaths beside me. “No, Don’t you dare touch her you frickin’ giant!” He hissed under his breath. Taecyeon was probably by CL’s side, doing ‘god-knows-whatever’ choreography with her.


I didn’t bother looking at them though as my eyes were focused on two people only.


CL’s voice boomed from the stage. She was singing the part that was supposed to be sang by Wooyoung.


‘(Neon nan urin) Heeojil su ga eopseo (You and I, we cannot be apart)
(Nega) Chakgageul hana bwa (Maybe you’re mistaken)


I heard Seung-hyun-hyung gasped which made me looked at him in surprise. I followed his gaze and saw Junsu pulled Bom-noona closer to him while she grabbed his shirt as if pulling him closer to her.


I couldn’t help but feel sorry for hyung whose piercing eyes were now shooting balls of fire towards 2PM’s panda who was seemingly unaware of the dangers he would be facing for doing such an unforgivable sin.


My eyes focused once again at Dara. I let out a sigh of relief as I saw her slowly moving away from Nichkhun.


Igeon nuguna (This hard time comes…)
Hanbeonjjeum gyeokkneun gobiil ppuniya jeongshincharyeo’ (…to everyone… Wake up)


Minji’s voice replaced CL as she sang Chansung’s part. Tearing my eyes off Dara’s for a moment, I cringed as I saw Junho circling her, staring at her as if she was a prey he would ravage. I heard Daesung let out heavy breathing.


‘Dashi saenggakhae (saenggakhae) amuri (Think twice)
Mareul hae jweobwado imi neon (No matter how many times I tell you)
Mareul deudji anha meariro doraojanha (~ojanha) (You don’t listen to me.. my calls echo back’)


I returned my gaze at Dara and stared hard at her. The words from the song were echoing in my head. Those words were what he had been trying to do all those times.


I'll be back (be back)


It was Bom-noona’s voice that broke out, singing the first part of the chorus. I did not tear my eyes off Dara, afraid that doing so, will just let her fade away from me.


‘Neon dashi nareul chajeul geoya (You will find me again)
Geuttae dashi naega ol geoya (I’ll be back then)
Geu nugudo neoreul naboda sarang hal sun eopgie’ (Nobody can like you more than I do)


“Neh, D-ah. No one can love you more than I do.” I whispered, not caring if the maknae or anybody else heard me.


As if hearing my silent cries, the spotlight turned to Dara as she sang Junho’s part of the chorus.


‘You'll be back (you)
Neoneun dashi dora ol geoya (dashi naegero)’ (You’re going to come back to me)


She turned her gaze towards me and looked at me tentatively. I felt my heart starting to beat uncontrollably.


‘Geuraeseo (dora ol geoya) neol bonaeneun geoya (nan ara) (that’s why I’m letting you go)
Naneun ara nega na eopshin motsandan geoseul’ (I know it, you can’t live without me)


I felt my heart constricting as she went to Nichkhun’s side. 


I painfully tore my eyes away from the two and watched how Taecyeon went to CL’s side and held her as he sang his part, looking down deep into CL’s eyes. I heard our maknae cursing continuously beside me.


‘Listen baby girl…
Geurae doraseojulke (Fine, I will turn away for you,)


Ani! I won’t turn away from you, D…


Meotjige namjadabge nohajulke (I will coolly let you go like a man)


I’m tired of playing the cool G-Dragon I front of everyone!


Geurigo neol gwichanke (And I won’t bother you)
Haji anhke mareobshi jeo dwieeseo (silently from behind you)


I shifted uncomfortably as I watched Dara and Nichkhun danced sensually, looking at each other. Even if the spotlight was on CL and Taecyeon, my eyes couldn’t stay away from the two who were dancing together in the dimmed part of the stage.


Jugeun deushi seoseo (I will stand silent as the grave)
Barabolke neoneun moreuge geunyang meolli seo ( looking at you from afar without you knowing)
Aju manhi tteoreojyeoseo naeui jonjaereul (From very far away)


I’m tired of just silently watching you, cheering you on whenever something good comes your way but never getting the chance to show you just how much I care.


Nega wanjeonhi ijeobeorige (so that you will completely forget my existence)


Don’t you dare forget me, Dara! I won’t let you forget me.


The spotlight turned to Nichkhun. I gulped hard when I saw him approaching Dara, his eyes intently looking at her as if he would devour her any minute.


My hand balled into a fist involuntarily, crushing the bottle of mineral water I was holding. I felt Seungri looking at me with his pitiful Panda eyes but I ignored him.


Nichkhun circled Dara. His burning eyes roamed around her face, around her neck which glistened like porcelain against the blinding lights, around her back that was bare and milky white and around her chest which was heaving heavily with his every step.


I wanted to run onstage and punched him repeatedly until there’s nothing left of that pretty face of him. 


‘But you better know that I'm not giving you away’


He suddenly looked at my direction with his taunting eyes, as if giving me a silent challenge.


‘Will I ever stop waiting no way
It'll be the same in my world
I'm your boy, you're my Girl’


I hissed as he possessively wrapped his arms around her, gazing at her eyes for a moment before looking back at me with a victorious smirk on his face.


Jamkkan geudael bonaejiman (I let you go for a moment)


As if the gods were blessing me, Dara pulled away from his arms and walked away.


Nan nega dashi doraol georan (I know you’ll be back)
Geol ara geureoni geokjeong mara nega sseureojil ttae (So don’t worry when you fall down)
I'll be back (I'll be back, I'll be back)


Nichkhun ran towards her though and pulled her close to him, trapping her into his embrace.


My chest felt pain as my breathing became uneven.


Fortunately, the lights started dimming out, signaling the end of their performance. I thanked the dimming of the lights for I felt that I could not take any more of the punishment their performance was giving me.


I heard the other members beside me heaved a sigh of relief as well while the crowd screamed on top of their lungs as if there was no tomorrow.


As if playing with our fragile hearts, the lights came back and a familiar song echoed onstage. 2NE1 and 2PM were still onstage. Much to my dismay, they were positioned exactly the way they were when the song ended earlier, with Nichkhun’s arms still wrapped around Dara.


The crowd grew louder as they realized that an encore performance was well underway.


CL took center stage, walking away from Taecyeon.


‘You're so cheap yes this is true, you’re so cheap and I hate you
I should get used to it by now, why am I dizzy then right now?’


The crowd yelled as CL sang the first stanza of their new hit song, “Don’t Go Away” in English. CL glanced occasionally at Taecyeon as she sang her lines.


‘Who's breaking up with who? You’re breaking up with me?
Think it over before you say it, yeah’


Taecyeon moved towards CL and cupped her face as CL looked down, avoiding his eyes.


‘I know I caused you so much pain
You can lose and none to gain
But hear this song I'm singing please
melt that heart of yours oh please
You don't want to end up like
regretting your whole life
and thinking what could have been’


Bom-noona walked towards the left side of the stage as she sang her part, Junsu trailing behind her.


'Tonight of all the times, why’s it raining again
Why did you come to me again?


Bom-noona turned around to face Junsu who placed his hand gently on her shoulder. He sang the next lines of the song.


‘Don't try to hide it from me
Say it baby, there's no need to deny’


Nichkhun moved closer to Dara and pulled her hand as she tried to walk away. He sang the words that my heart was screaming as I was writing the lyrics to their song.


‘Don't be so hard baby let me stay
I'll just be around, I won't get in your way
Just want to be around you please
Tell me, this is what you want’


My eyes focused on Dara as she sang the next part of the chorus. I held my breath as I appreciated her beauty that was radiating onstage. She tore her hand away from Nichkhun and went to the right side of the stage, coming close to where we were seated.


She stopped when she was just a few feet away from the JE idols. It didn’t pass my sight that the JE idols looked excited at her nearness.


'I’ll meet someone who is not like you
You will regret this baby, I know you’ll do
No sadness will ever come, oh boy
Our love is over, love love is over tonight'


I stared at her as she sang those words. Although I made the lyrics of some of the parts of the song, I know for a fact that the words she sang were not mine.


Could it be she wrote it before when I left her…


My mind went back to all the obstacles we have faced. I recalled all the times I made her cry, all the times she made me cry.


I looked at her and saw that she was breathing hard, trying to stop her tears from falling.


Mianhe, D. I won’t make you cry again, my baby.


I was so wrong to keep you in the dark. I was so wrong to think that I could protect you by hiding the truth from you.


Now I know better, D.


Now I know what to do.

The girls moved to the right stage to join Dara. They raised their hands and waved at the guys on the left side as if shooing them away.


'Go, go away!'


The guys approached them as they sang the next line, reaching out for their hands but the girls turned their back at them.


'Don’t go away, hey hey hey'


The girls, with their backs still turned against the boys, sang the next line.


'Go away, hey hey hey'


The boys took their hands and pulled them towards the center stage as they sang the last line of the bridge.


'Don’t go away…'


I looked at my members who were all gawking onstage. The crowd was screaming nonstop, spazzing like they were watching the most romantic movie to be set onscreen.


And it’s true. Even though I would rather die than admit it, I couldn’t deny that 2NE1 and 2PM were performing with so much fire and passion, it was like we were witnessing couples in their most intimate moment.


There was no one onstage who had more passion and fire in his eyes than NIchkhun. His gaze was piercing through Dara as she sang the alternate first part of the chorus.


'Don't worry ‘bout me and go away
I don’t need your pity, boy, don’t you stay
You thought I'd hang onto you now
No way! That won’t happen'


Dara closed her eyes as Nichkhun pulled her roughly towards him, making her gasp as she landed on his chest. He stared at her passionately as he sang the last part of the song.


'I know it's wrong but what the heck
I will be your guard, won't ever turn my back
This is my chance to prove once more
Our love's not over
Love love's not over tonight'


The lights suddenly went out and a spotlight was focused on just two people.


Nichkhun held on to Dara’s waist as she wrapped her arms to his neck to keep herself from falling. Their bodies were dangerously close to each other, making it very hard for me to breath.


My heart started beating unevenly as I saw Nichkhun inching his face closer to her, his eyes focused on her lips. Around me, the sound of the crowd cheering hysterically, the sound of the BIGBANG boys gasping out of shock and the sound of my heart beating slowly were all lost on me.


It was as if my whole body lost its function and only one part remained working: my eyes that could not be torn away from the two people holding each other close onstage.


My eyes narrowed into tiny slits as Nichkhun’s lips were just a breath away from Dara, moving a little more to close the gap between them.


Then the lights went off, silencing the whole stadium before erupting into deafening cheers and scream.



















I went onstage with Bommie, CL-roo and Minji and joined the other artists who were busy waving and bowing to the crowd. BIGBANG were already onstage and Bae motioned for us to stand beside them.


We were all nervous, struggling to avoid the piercing gaze of the rest of the BIGBANG boys. Only Bae was the one wearing a friendly face.


CL-roo coughed nervously as he saw Seungri’s Panda eyes shooting dagger looks at her. Bommie, who’s usually confident and dominating, bowed her head and looked like she was raising a white flag in submission to Tabi’s dark, sharp eyes. I heard Minji whimpered as she saw Dae’s small eyes turned into a thin slit, losing the happy and friend expression he so often wore.


But it was Jiyong that scared the living sh*t out of me.


He was staring at me with the most ravenous eyes, as if a predator ready to pounce on his prey.


And his prey? I gulped hard.


Me. Aigoo…


I breathed a sigh of relief when Choi Minho, who was standing in front of me, suddenly turned around and smiled at me.


“Hi, Dara-noona. I’m Minho, by the way.” He offered his hand so that I can shake it. I did and smiled hesitantly, aware that a pair of eyes was watching me like a hawk in the night.


“You’re performance earlier was great. You were really great, Dara-noona.” Minho said shyly. I blushed as I remembered the “steamy” performance we had earlier with 2PM.


Before I could say thank you, another Choi, Choi Siwon of Super Junior, turned around as well. He was standing beside Minho.


“You’re really beautiful, Dara-noona. Much more beautiful up-close.” He complimented which made me blushed even more.


“Hey, guys! Stop bothering Dara-noona.” Lee Donghae smiled at me with his boyish grin that can make any fangirl swoon. “But you were really good earlier, noona.” He winked at me.


“Ya! Stop acting like foolish fanboys crowding over Dara-noona!” It was SHINee’s leader, Onew. He smiled at me as he spoke. “Sorry about them, noona. They’re like that because you’re so pretty. Your beauty have a way of making us, ah I mean, them, turn into lovesick puppies.” He smiled at me like a sweet schoolboy.


“YA!!!!!” The three boys all pounced on him while we were onstage. It was a good thing that the broadcast was over or else the whole world would see the childishness these hot idols were displaying at the moment.


“AHEM!” A loud cough followed by a stern clearing of the throat made me, together with the four boys, stopped. 


I gasped as I looked at Jiyong who was standing beside me. He exchanged places with Seungri who was silently chuckling to his left.


He gave the four boys a menacing look which made them face front. Snickering in satisfaction, he took my hand and clasped it tightly with his, our fingers intertwining. I gasped and looked around, afraid that some fans might take a fancam and reveal our current state. I tried to pull my hand away from his but he clasped it even tighter.


“What are you doing after this?” He asked me. He was was facing front, giving off a poker face.


Before I could answer, I felt another presence standing at my right side. I felt a hand took my free hand, clasping it tightly with his, our fingers intertwining. He cleared his throat before speaking.


“The boys and I are planning to celebrate our win tonight. We want to go to the Karaoke and we’re wondering if you and the girls could join us.”


I gasped as I realized that it was Nichkhun.


Jiyong let out a sharp breath which made me flinch a little. I tried so hard to calm myself and smiled at the crowd, not wanting them to have any hint of the dilemma I was facing at the moment. But my heart almost gave away as Jiyong spoke.


“We’ll be having a party later to celebrate BIGBANG and 2NE1’s double win tonight. I’ll drive you there.”


I gulped so hard that my throat hurt a little. As calm as I looked on the outside, my mind was racing in panic, unaware of what to do as the two hands that clasped mine held on tighter, showing no sign of letting go.


OTOKE! WHAT TO DO?????!!!!