Never Let You Go




I walked out of hyung’s office, lost in my thoughts.


A group of trainees bowed towards me when I passed by them but I failed to notice as my mind was floating elsewhere.


Sandara…


I took my phone and dialed her number.


“Yoboseyo?”


It took me a few seconds to respond.


“D?”


I felt the person from the other line heaved a sigh.


“Jiyongie.” She answered happily. I smiled as I imagined her bright and infectious smile. I imagined that she was now tucking a few loose strands of hair behind her ear.


I closed my eyes and listened to her gentle breathing, soft and steady.


The sound of her breathing calmed me somehow.


“Jiyongie?” Her voice was tentative, as if unsure if I was still on the other line.


“Neh.” I answered. I placed my other hand on my jean pocket.


“Have you eaten already?” I asked her.


“Neh. The food you cooked were all delicious. Kamsahamnida!” She exclaimed and though I couldn’t see her face, I knew she was beaming with happiness just by the sound of her voice.


I smiled contentedly. “I’m glad you liked it. I was afraid you’d let Seungri eat all of it…”


“Ya! Of course not. You cooked that for me.” She answered with a giggle.


I heard buses and cars honking in the background.


“Where are you now? Are you outside of the apartment?”


“Neh. I dragged Seungri’s cute little and went to the grocery.” I frowned a little upon hearing her mention Seungri’s “cute little ”. “You’re running out of nutritious food in your fridge. You should have replenished last week.” She scolded me like an oemma. 


That was one of the reasons my oemma likes her so much. No, scratch that. That was one of the reasons my oemma LOVES her so much. Dara’s not afraid to scold me as if I’m her son if she feels that I’m not taking care of myself.


I let out a laugh. “Ya! You’re sounding like oemma again.” I could imagine her pouting now. “If I know, you will just stock my fridge with different kinds of ramen, aigoo…” I pretended to be alarmed.


“YA, KWON JIYONG! What do you think of me? Do you think I’m not capable of filtering food that is healthy from what isn’t? Hayyyyyyyst!” 


I could imagine her now putting her free hand on her hip, still pouting in irritation.


I did my best to stifle a giggle.


“Ya! You already know that ramen is not healthy and yet, you still eat it nonstop. Haysssst…” I mocked her.


I could hear her sharp breath.


“YA! I’m not having this conversation with you anymore!” She exclaimed. Actually, it was more of a yell.


“Seungri-ah, let’s go!” That was the last I heard her say before ending our conversation.


I looked at my phone and just laughed. She was always like that, ending our call when she gets too irritated or pretending to be.


At that moment, I knew she was just pretending. No matter how she tried to sound irritated and mad, I could still hear a hint of happiness and relief on her voice.


I sighed as I put my phone inside my jean pocket and headed towards the YG van that was parked in front our building. Yang Goon-hyung was already waiting inside the van when I entered.


“Let’s go?” Hyung asked me. He put his arm around me as I settled in my seat.


I looked at him briefly and nodded.


As the van started moving, I took out my phone. It was 3:55 PM.


I keyed in my message as our van took a left turn.


D, I’ll be there in two hours.
Just need to take care of something.
Please wait for me.
Ji


Even though hyung was not directly looking at me, I could feel that he was aware of what I was doing. I waited for him to say something but he chose to be silent throughout the ride, his arm never leaving my shoulder.

















I stood in front of the entrance of Lotte World, dressed in a black hoodie, jeans and my favorite old sneakers. The eye mask with a pink rabbit design that I bought in Lotte World when Ji and I visited a year ago on my birthday, was placed to cover the lower portion of my face, exposing only my eyes.


Though the disguise was a bit uncomfortable and I felt as if I was a ninja, I couldn’t help but feel excited. You see, this will be the first official date of Ji and I, eight months after we broke up.


I smiled as I looked at my watch. 6:01 PM.


“Just in time!” I breathed and made my way towards the entrance.


I was near the entrance when a hand grabbed mine.


“OMO!”


I turned to look at the person who grabbed my hand and was greeted by a skinny boy, eyeing me through his dragon-designed eye mask that was covering the lower portion of his face, same as mine.


“How appropriate.” I pointed towards the mask that had a dragon as design. We bought that mask together with my bunny one when we last visited here.


“Ya! Am I complaining about your pink bunny mask?” He pointed towards my mask.


“Ya! Why should you complain? It’s cute.” I pouted. He snickered.


“My mask is cute too so don’t complain.” He dragged me towards the entrance of Lotte World.


“YA! Stop dragging me! I don’t walk as fast as you and I---“


My ranting was cut when we entered Lotte World. 


I let out a gasp as I was greeted by bright sparkly lights and jovial people roaming.


I have been to Lotte World time and again but it never fails to leave me awestruck like it was the first time I have gone there.


I squealed in delight and pulled Jiyong like a kid being brought to Disneyland.


“Waaaaa! So many rides! What to do first??” My eyes roamed the place over and over again.


Jiyong smiled at me, amused by my childishness. “It’s up to you. We will ride whatever you want.” He told me.


“Omo! For real?” My eyes widened. He nodded and laughed when I started doing my crazy head banger dance.


“Kya! I want the Drunken Basket!” I pulled him towards the Drunken Basket and excitedly rode it. He followed me and did the same, laughing as I start to put my game face on.


The ride started and we both held on and did our best to maintain our balance as the basket spun and spun.


Jiyong looked like he was about to throw up, ten seconds after the ride started.


“Kya! Are you throwing up already?” I yelled as the wind and noise from the people riding the basket were making it hard to speak in normal tone. “What happened to Big Bang’s Great Kwon Leadah?” I . He looked at me momentarily, squinting his eyes


“YA! How do you manage to tease me when this frickin’ basket’s spinning like crazy??!” He yelled through the noise.


“Hahaha! You’re just a wuzz, Kwon Jiyong!” I stuck my tongue out to him.


He hissed under his breath and quickly grasped my hands when the basket spun faster, sending electricity through me.


I felt myself starting to lose balance at the momentary lack of focus. 


“Don’t worry. I won’t let go.” He looked at me meaningfully as he pressed his hands tighter against mine, securing my hands and making sure I would not fall off.


I blushed as I felt his assurance. At that moment, I felt that his assurance was more for our relationship. 


It was as if he was telling me he wouldn’t let me go again.


I smiled at him and nodded, understanding what he wanted to say.


The ride ended without us knowing as we were lost in each other’s gaze all through out, our hands never parting.


He took my hand once again as he helped me get out of the ride. Our eyes locked for a moment and I felt myself blush once again.


I could no longer count with my bare hands how many times we have stared in each other’s eyes but until now, I still get lost in his gaze as if it was piercing my soul.


“What should we do next?” I happily asked him after walking for a few minutes.


“You tell me.” He answered mischievously.


“Hmmm…” I roamed my eyes and stopped at the large circular ride that carried screaming passengers.


Jiyong’s eye grew wide in fear.


“HELL NO!” He exclaimed in his high-pitched voice.


“YA! Didn’t you tell me we can do whatever I want?” I put my hands on my waist. I pretended to be annoyed when the truth is I was enjoying the sight of him squirming in fear.


“But that’s DANGEROUS!” He exclaimed as his eyes grew bigger once again, pointing towards the Giant Loop where we could hear screams from its passenger.


“Ani! It’s fun! See.” I pointed to the people screaming while riding the Giant Loop. His eyes grew even bigger as he heard the screams coming from the passengers.


“Hayssst, D! You’ll be the death of me!” He grumbled as I dragged him forcefully towards the Giant Loop. 


“WAAAAAAAAAA! THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!!!” I was screaming my lungs out and waving my hands in the air as the Giant Loop started. I looked over to Jiyong who was screaming like a girl with closed eyes.


I giggled at his cuteness. He looked like a five year old being twirled around mercilessly.


I placed my hands on his and squeezed it gently. He opened his eyes and turned to me, surprised at my action.


“Don’t worry!” I yelled over the noise. “I won’t let go.” I winked at him.


For a moment, I saw sadness in his eyes but I couldn’t be sure as he immediately broke into a wide smile.


I raised both our hands and screamed. He did the same with much confidence now though I still felt that his hand was trembling a little bit.


Don’t worry, Jiyongie. I’ll just be here for you.


We’ll face all the obstacles together.


You and me.


I won’t let go.
















We were standing in front of the next attraction that she decided for us to do. I had to shallow when I saw what it was.


Bungee Drop.


I felt my stomach dropped upon seeing how Dara eyed that attraction.


“D, do you have a grudge on me?” I groaned as she pulled me towards the ride. I haven’t been able to fully recover from the Giant Loop yet and now, she wanted us to drop from a height of 38 meters!


“Ya! The Giant Loop is your punishment for leaving me once.” She smirked, still holding my hand.


“This one, well, it’s for leaving Japan without saying goodbye to me.” She said with a bitter laugh. I felt an ache in my heart as she said that.


“Mian…” I told her meekly.


She waved her hands dismissively. “Ani! Let’s forget about those things. They don’t matter anymore.” She looked at me meaningfully.


“Us, together now, is what matters.” She smiled lovingly at me.


I silently thanked the heavens for letting such a perfect creature fall in love with an imperfect human like me.


We settled into our seats and held on to each other’s hands. I felt anxiety creeping in not only from the upcoming drop but also from the upcoming events that will greet us after our little date in our little world is over.


I felt us slowly coming up. I squeezed her hand tightly.


I turned to her and looked at her seriously.


“D, please promise me...” I told her as we reached the top. She looked at me, confused at the sudden change of my mood.


I breathed hard. I still had thirty seconds to say all the things that I needed to say.


You can do this, Jiyong!


She looked at me intently, anticipating the words I had to say.


“When this night is over,


when we’re no longer holding each other’s hands,


and are no longer within each other’s sight,


promise me that you will never forget this day.”


She blinked, confused at the things I was telling her.


“That no matter what you see or hear, you will only believe this.” I took her hand and placed it on my chest, signifying my heart.


“No matter what people will say, you will believe that this heart can only beat for you.”


I felt my hands trembling.


“Promise me that no matter what you see or hear, you will believe that that person is G-Dragon, the idol and not Kwon Jiyong, the person whose heart only belongs to you.”


I can see that she didn’t fully comprehend what I was saying.


Five seconds…


I cupped her face and leaned closer to her.


I closed my eyes and felt my lips touching hers.


For a moment, I felt the world stopped.


My ears stopped hearing the noises surrounding us.


I didn’t even feel that we were already falling.


All I heard was the persistent beating of our hearts.


All I felt was her hot breath exchanging with mine, her lips intertwining with mine.


I felt the ride stopped and I pulled away from our kiss.


I looked at her and saw the dawning of fear in her eyes.


“Jiyongie…?” She was uncertain.


I held her gaze, letting her see all the love and devotion I have for her. 


For her only.


“Saranghae, Dara.” I told her, almost in a whisper as I felt my voice cracked.


The ride falls down again in time for a single tear to fall from my eye.













We sat on the bench quietly after riding the Bungee Drop.


I looked at him. He was wearing a serious expression on his face. His mind seemed to be wandering.


I wanted to ask him about what he said earlier but something about his eyes made me stopped.


It was distant and cold.


We stayed silent for a few more minutes before he chose to break the silence.


“Dara…”


“Neh?” I asked nervously.



“I need to talk to someone. Can you please stay here for awhile?” He asked me.


I nodded and smiled at him.


He smiled back but I already noticed the hint of sadness in his eyes.


“Promise me you will not go anywhere and just stay here, arasso?” He looked at me meaningfully and I was glad to see that the coldness and distance were no longer in his eyes.


He walked away, leaving me behind.


I didn’t know what came to me but I suddenly had the urge to run to him and hold him tight.


“Promise me you’ll come back for me, arasso?” I asked him as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I buried my face on his back and I felt his heavy breathing.


“I always find my way to you. You know that, right?” He told me. I nodded.


He gently unclasped my hands from his waist and continued walking.


I didn’t know what came to me for I cried upon watching Kwon Jiyong’s back, walking away from me.

















I fought with all my might to stop my tears from falling.


I reached for my mobile phone and dialed a number.


“How fast can you come here?”


I listened to the person on the other line.


“We’re here in Lotte World. Dara and I.” I breathed heavily. 


“You need to come here now. You need to bring her back.”


Silence.


“Please take good care of her. I know you will but I just want to make sure.”


“Please don’t hurt her the way I did.”


I let the tears fall.


“Please come here now. She’ll need you.”


I ended our conversation and took one last look at Dara.


Even from a far, I could see that she was still sitting on the bench just as requested.


Her face broke into an innocent smile as she watched two kids running around, chasing each other.


I won’t break my promise, D.


No matter what will happen,


I will never let you go.


Even if we’re not together anymore…


this heart will only beat for you.



















I’ve been sitting and patiently waiting for Jiyong to return. I looked at my watch.


It’s been twenty minutes already…


“Ani! He will come back.”


I straightened my back.


“I believe in him.”


But even as I said those words, the image of the sadness in his eyes awhile ago managed to enter my mind once again.


“OMONA! It’s true!” I turned to the person sitting beside me. She was a young girl. She was was holding an iPad and was giggling, calling the attention of her friend beside her. I decided to look away as I didn’t want to invade their privacy.


“What’s true?” One of her friends asked, curiously. I couldn’t help but still overhear their conversation as they were talking aloud.


She showed the iPad to her friend. I heard a video playing. “Yoona and G-Dragon are dating!”


My head suddenly went up.


“May I please see that?” I hurriedly grabbed the iPad from the girl.


“YA! What do you think you’re----“


I wasn’t listening to the girl and didn’t care that she might cause a scene as my attention was focused on the individual being interviewed by numerous press people.


“Ani. The kiss was not accidental. Yoona and I have been dating for days now.” He smiled at Yoona who was sitting beside him.


“So G-Dragon, you are confirming that there is something going on between you and Yoona?” One of the press people excitedly asked.


He paused for a long time.


I held my breath.


“Neh.”


I felt the whole place started spinning. I tried to get up but I couldn’t find my balance.


I took a few steps and stumbled.


That's when I felt two strong hands supported.


“Come on, Dara. Let’s go home.”


I looked up, expecting to see Jiyong. 


I started tearing up as I saw who it was. 


“Khun Khun…” 


I rushed to his arms and buried my face on his chest, letting my tears drench his shirt as the reality of Jiyong not coming back finally sunk in.