Words Said and Unsaid



Pabo.

I looked like a fool, crying my heart out in front of the person that caused the tears to fall to begin with.

Yet, I didn't care. He owed me that much. He should let me cry the tears that he had caused in the first place.

I looked at him but my eyes were blinded by the tears flowing from them. All I could see was a faint shadow of the face I have adored for so long.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and faced him. I had to ask him on more time. I just had to know it.

"Why did you break-up with me?" I managed to ask.

"Dara-sshi.." He started, avoiding my eyes. "I told you before..."

"STOP!" I yelled. Fresh tears started to well in my eyes. "Stop telling me lies, Kwon Jiyong!"

"Do you think I don't know you enough to know your truths from your lies?" I told him, extremely hurt. 

"You stayed up late after practice just to help me get a stupid dance choreography!" I continued. "You flew all the way to Thailand and watched us perform even if you were in the middle of your promotions just because I told you I was getting a stage fright!" I was already trembling.

"You dropped everything just to focus on our debut, even delaying the release of your album so that you can oversee our songs and made sure we're all ready to perform for the world." I whispered. I regained my voice.

"And now you're telling me that you're tired?" I asked him. "Just because of stupid news articles, you're tired!" I yelled, not caring if there were people watching us, staring at us. Tears continued spilling from my eyes.

"What do you make of me, Kwon Jiyong? Am I that gullible to you?" I demanded him to answer. Instead, he just reached for my hand. I yanked it away, afraid that his mere touch would make me lose my control.

"Don't touch me, Kwon Jiyong." I said, gravely.

"If this is the way you want it, I don't want to be with a coward who can't even look at me straight in my eyes."

With that, I started running. Running away from the coward who broke my heart.





I continued running. I ran and I ran. As long as I could feel my feet touching the concrete, I didn't stop running.

I felt a firm grip on my hand. I yanked it away as hard as I could but it wouldn't bulge.

The hand pulled me close to him, enveloped me in his arms and rested his head in mine.

I looked up at the man holding me like he was holding his dear life. "Khun Khun..." I whispered.

He held me tighter, his hand caressing my hair, patting it gently. "Sssh." He said softly. "Just let it out. I won't go anywhere." He whispered gently to my ears. 

I buried my face in his chest and held on to him. "Khun Khun..." I cried even more, letting all the tears flow from my eyes. He stood still, letting me pour my heart out, letting me spill my tears on his chest.

"Why does it hurt so much?" I asked him, not expecting any response from him. "Why do I hurt this much?" I continued.

He just kept on caressing my hair. Listening to every word I was saying.

"Mianhe." I told him, my face still buried in his chest, our arms still wrapped around each other. "I shouldn't burden you with this." I tried to pull away from him. He pulled me even closer, held me even tighter.

"Aniyo." He said. "I'll listen." He said simply. I silently thanked him.

"I loved him." I started. "It wasn't intentional, you know. Falling in love with him wasn't my intention all." I continued, waiting for him to say something. He continued with his silence.

"We were friends even before I joined YG. He would always tease me about how naive I am. How dorky I am. I'd get annoyed at him but instead of stopping, he would just tease me more." I recalled the early years.

"But every time I felt down and discouraged, his face would soften and would treat me like I was the most fragile person in the world." I smiled a little. "He would do the most stupid things, get himself into trouble and embarrass himself, looking like a fool just to uplift my spirit."

"My annoyance of him would be replaced by gratitude, thanking him for thinking of me as someone worth getting embarrassed for." I sniffed a little. "He would always tell me that I shouldn't doubt myself...

Because if I did, then all the faith he has on me will be gone to waste." I smiled remembering the day we were talking by the Han River.


"Dara-sshi." Kwon Jiyong held my face. "You are much more than a pretty face. You work hard every time just to improve yourself. You listen attentively to correct the mistakes you have done." He fixed a strand of hair that had fallen in my face.

"If people don't see that, then screw them!" He said sternly. "Listen to the people who care for you. Those people believe in you."

"I believe in you." He said seriously. "I have never doubted you and if you start to doubt yourself, don't you think all of my belief and faith in you will go to waste then?" He told me, firmly.


"After that night, I put his words into my heart." I closed my eyes. "Every time I performed, I would look at him, silently asking for his approval. And he would just stay silent. But his eyes, his eyes would smile each time, as if affirming that I'm doing a good job." I recalled Kwon Jiyong's eyes every time I was performing.

"And that was enough for me. I would mentally pat my back. " I laughed a little. "Ever since then, it became like that."

"As long as what I was doing was good enough for Kwon Jiyong, every negative review I received, all the malicious news I have read, all became irrelevant to me."

"In that world of mine, all that mattered was who I was in Kwon Jiyong's eyes." I said tenderly. I felt Khun Khun heaved a sigh.

"Until now, I don't know when exactly I realized that I was falling in love with him." I said, thoughtfully. "Probably I was already falling in love with him the first day we met."

"But I was always doubtful. Back then, he was already G-Dragon and I," I paused. "I was just Sandara Park who had to go back to Korea because my star has seized to shine in the Philippines."

"I thought loving him was like reaching for the star that shone the most. Unreachable. Impossible." I shook my head.

"But I guess I overestimated him. You see, the arrogant and brash G-Dragon was different, miles and miles different, from Kwon Jiyong."

"Kwon Jiyong is humble, respectful even to his juniors." I felt Khun Khun nod his head. "He wouldn't let you feel that he was superior to you. He would immediately lend a hand even if his hands are already full to begin with."

"Most of all, he loves and cherishes the people he cares for." 

"In front of those people, he was not the famous G-Dragon." I whispered. "He was Kwon Jiyong. The little boy who wants nothing more than genuine love and friendship."

I finished just as the last tear dropped from my eye. I gently pulled away from his embrace. 

We walked silently together. It wasn't awkward at all. I felt calm and peaceful.

We stopped at an empty bench. I sat down and he did the same. We both looked ahead to the stop light.

He turned to look at me. "Why did you break up then?" He asked me suddenly. I was surprised a little.

"I never told you we were dating." I said, raising an eyebrow. No one outside YG was allowed to know about my relationship with Jiyong.

He laughed a little. "Well, it was just a hunch but I haven't really confirmed it until now." He answered honestly.

"Do you really think you could fool everyone that the two of you are not involved with each other?" I looked at him, confused.

"Come on, Dara!" He exclaimed. "The meaningful stares every time you two perform? The 'Fire' dance and trophy in the head symbolizing your palm tree hair that Jiyong did during his high-high performance? The arms around your shoulder when you performed 'Oh Yeah' when T.O.P did not even put an arm around Bom noona or CL? Him writing 'I Need A Girl' which no doubt described you." He held my left hand and touched my ring.

"The couple ring?" He asked me, no, more like telling me the obvious. I gasped and realized that I haven't taken it off. I pulled my hand away from his.

"People were already speculating. We were just waiting for the confirmation." I nodded.

"I guess people wouldn't be receiving that confirmation anymore." I told him. "Kwon Jiyong and I are no longer together."

He looked at me seriously. "Why?" I shook my head, sadly.

"Honestly, I want to know as well." I answered meekly. He pulled my head close to him, leaning it in his shoulder. 

We stayed like that for awhile.

"Do you still love him?" He asked after a long pause. I pondered on the question.

"I don't know." I answered. "My heart tells me I'm still in love with him no matter how much pain he had inflicted on me. But my head..."

"It says that I can no longer love a man again the way I used to..."





My heart felt like it was being crushed upon hearing her words.

"... I can no longer love a man again the way I used to..."

I looked down at her, her eyes looked so tired from crying. I felt my heart tightening.

Why? I asked myself. Why am I feeling this way? Why does her pain seem to affect me too much, as if I am feeling it too?

I looked up to the sky. 

Why did it hurt to hear her say that she couldn't love a man again the way she used to?

I looked at her again and found her sleeping, her breathing becoming slow and consistent.

I gently touched her face, the face that holds all the innocence and purity. The face that captured the hearts of many.

The face that is slowly capturing my heart.

"Can you really not love again?" 

My words echoed, fading in the silence of the night.