How Can I Not Love You?


 

I walked around the streets of Seoul aimlessly, uncaring if I bumped into a couple of people as I walked by.


I heard some murmurs and gasps as I continued walking. Some even shamelessly screamed my name.


“OMO! IT’S SANDARA PARK!” 


Neh. I’m just Sandara Park.


Sandara Park, whose heart has been broken once again by Kwon Jiyong.


I walked some more, not minding that more people are staring and pointing at me.


What’s the use of wearing a mask? Why do I need to hide my emotions when Jiyong already saw how vulnerable I was?


I felt someone tapped my shoulder but I just ignored it. I continued walking as if it was the only thing I knew how to do.


“Dara Park, I love you! Please give me an autograph”


Fanboy. I smirked. Jiyong hated them.


“Sandara Park, I love you so much! Marry me!”


If only Jiyong would be the one to say that….


“Hey unnie, are you feeling alright?”


That’s a gentle voice.


I turned around to face her. She looked like an angel as she looked at me with concern in her eyes.


I touched her cheek gently and smiled at her.


“Kamsahamnida. I’ll be ok.” I assured her with a small smile. Somehow, seeing the concerned look at the girl’s face stripped away some of the pain I was feeling.


“DARA!” All of a sudden, the angelic girl was knocked down by some of the fans that were starting to advance towards me. I felt panic and concern for the girl.


“Ahjussi! Please don’t step on her!” I called out to an elder man who was raising his hands towards me, unaware that he was about to trample the girl lying helpless on the ground.


I pushed myself towards the girl, ignoring the persistent fans that surrounded me.


“Excuse me, please. I must get to her!” I said as I felt people crowding over me, making it almost impossible to get through her.


I could hear the girl crying as I got near her.


“Dongsaeng, don’t cry.” I said as I held my hand to help her get up. I could still feel the crowd pushing at us, closing the gap between us which made it hard for the two of us to get to our footing. I saw that the girl has skinned her knees.


I finally had enough.


“PLEASE!” I yelled as I stood up. I faced the people who were compressing each other in order to get closer to me. “A girl is hurt here. Please let me help her.” I tried to control my voice.


The crowd bowed their heads and apologized, dispersing after a few seconds.


I turned my attention back towards the girl and noticed that she had stopped crying.


I reached for my hand again and she took it. I helped her get up and fixed her dress when she recovered her footing.


“Kamsahamnida, unnie.” She smiled gratefully at me. “You’re really something, unnie. You know what, you remind me of someone.” She said, her eyes twinkling with the sudden realization.


“Really? Who?” I was curious as well.


“G-Dragon of Big Bang!” She exclaimed, cheerfully.


I gulped upon hearing his name.


“You know, unnie, in one of their concerts, he helped a kid who was helplessly lying on the ground while the crowd was going wild. He didn’t leave the child and protected him.” She recalled the incident with a smile on her face.


I couldn’t help but smile as well.


Even when he was on-stage as G-Dragon, Kwon Jiyong still snuck in once in a while.


“But you already knew that unnie, right? You’re good friends with him, right?” She asked, expectantly.


I just nodded my head. I couldn’t tell her that he means so much more to me than just a good friend.


“I wish though that the two of you are going out. You just look so good together!” She exclaimed like a teenager having a major crush situation. “And from what I witnessed earlier, it was like the two of you were fated to be together!”


I smiled weakly at her. 


How I wish that too, dongsaeng.


She looked at her watch. “Dara unnie, I must go now. It’s getting late.”


She bid me goodbye and I waved at her as well.


Only a few seconds have passed when I realized something.


“Dongsaeng!” I called out. She turned around and looked at me. “What’s your name?” I asked her.


The young girl smiled. “K8kim!”
















My feet began to hurt as I have been walking continuously.


I was so caught up with my thoughts that I didn’t realize that my feet has brought to his place.


I stopped walking and stood in front of his dorm building. The night shift guard saw me and recognized me in an instant.


“Dara-sshi! Come in. It’s cold outside.” He greeted me with concern and confusion, probably wondering why a girl like me is wandering around in this time of the night.


“Kamsahamnida.” I smiled gratefully as he opened the door. I walked in and approached the elevator.


As if my body had a mind of its own, it didn’t wait for me to tell what it has to do.


My right hand rose up and my index finger punched in his floor number on the elevator button.


My legs struggled to straighten up though my knees were starting to buckle.


My eyes automatically darted towards the elevator screen showing the number of floors I have already passed.


My ears alertly anticipated the sound that would signal that I have reached my destination.


The moment it did, my feet pushed me out of the elevator and into the familiar hallway I have always treaded.


My heart recalled what has been etched in its memory forever.




“Jiyongie!” I laughed as I playfully punched him on the chest.


He laughed mischievously as he carried me, bridal style, and ran along the hallway.


“YA! Put me down you pabo!” I tried to sound angry but my giddy giggles were not helping my acting one bit.


“You called me pabo, huh? You’ll surely get punished, baby girl! Hahahaha!” He laughed like a maniac. It didn’t scare me though. It only heightened my excitement more.


“OMO! What would be my punishment then? I hope it won’t hurt too much, aigoo…” I tried to act scared and cute at the same time, showing him my aegyo.


Jiyong looked at me with those naughty eyes of his. “Oh baby, it will definitely hurt a bit but I’ll make sure you will enjoy it more.” He winked at me and laughed evilly as he continued carrying me and was now twirling me around like he was carrying his new bride.


“Ya, you ert!” I started punching him on the chest playfully again, making sure I won’t hurt him too much. While doing so, I rested my head close his neck, inhaling his manly scent that I just couldn’t seem to get enough of.


He must have noticed it because he gave me a smirk as I looked up at him. “Ya! Can’t you wait ‘til we’re inside?” I blushed at his words which earned me another smirk from his handsome face. “Aigoo… my pretty little angel is starting to turn into a naughty little devil!” He exclaimed loudly with so much satisfaction.


“YA, KWON JIYONG! Will you keep it down? Your neighbors will hear us!” I was hissing at him. He only smiled at me, that boyish wide smile that only I had the privilege of receiving.


“Ani, jagiya. It’s just you and me tonight.” He looked at me with those piercing eyes of his, making me blush and lose myself in his gaze.


The world might as well be lost around us for all I saw, known and felt was just him.


'My jagiya.'


'My life.'


I raised my hand gently to cup his face, looking tenderly into his eyes that bore his soul. 



I knew right then and there I couldn’t love any other man besides him.


'How can I not love you, Jiyong, when you’re the only man these eyes can see?'


I saw his face slowly inching closer to mine, his breath feeling much closer in every moment.


I closed my eyes as I anticipated his lips meeting mine.


It didn’t take long as I felt his tender lips touching mine, introducing to me once again the wonderful feeling of us being intertwined.


Even when my eyes were closed, I could see his face vividly. I could see how his forehead wrinkled a bit as he moves his lips to explore every aspect of mine.


Even in our kiss, I couldn’t help but smile and thanked the heavens that He decided to create a person like Kwon Jiyong.


'Kamsahamnida.' 


'Thank you for sending him to be my partner.'


'Thank you for making my prayers come true.'


A tear suddenly escaped my eye without me noticing it as I concentrated in answering the love he was showering me.


The tear rolled down my cheek and landed on his neck.


He must have felt it for he stopped and looked at me with so much concern in his eyes.


“What’s wrong, baby girl?” He asked me as his eyes searched mine for answer.


I smiled lovingly at him, touched by the concern he was showing me. 


“Ani.” I caressed his cheeks tenderly, making him feel all the love my heart was feeling for him.


“It’s just that I’m so thankful that I am here now, in your arms, sharing this wonderful moment with the man I love so much.” I confessed to him, staring deep into his eyes, revealing all that my heart had been wanting to share for a long time.


Then I saw a miracle happened right in front of me.


The great Kwon Jiyong, G-Dragon, leader of Big Bang, bowed his head. His shoulder started trembling.


“Jagiya?” I asked suddenly concerned.


He raised his face and looked at me shyly.


I gasped as I saw his tears rolling down uncontrollably.


“Do you know how long I have wished for you to say those words, Dara?” His voice was cracking from crying but even so, his voice was still the most favorite music of my ears.


“I’ve been wanting to tell you those for a long time as well, Jiyongie.” I wiped the tears from his eyes and gently pinched his reddened cheeks. “Sorry if I haven’t been vocal about my feelings for you, jagiya.”



“Ani. “ He shook his head. “Just hearing you say that now is more than enough for me.” He kissed me once again, full of tenderness, before he reached for the door knob and carefully walked inside his room.




I touched the doorknob, still feeling his touch after all these times.




He gently put me down on his bed, his body following mine; mindful of not crushing me as he did so.


I looked up at him as he softly hummed a familiar melody.


'There's not a thing that can stop me from looking at you…'


He traced his fingers on the contour of my face as I gazed in his eyes.


'I always look at only you oh baby…'


His fingers trailed the outline of my neck as I softly let out a gasp.


'Day to day,I'll be happy oh baby…'


His fingers moved to my shoulders, slowly and gently making its way down to my bare arms.


'You're too much, thank you oh baby…'


I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers tracing my bare chest, shivering in his every touch.


'You're too pretty oh…'


He cooed into my ears and I forgot who I am.


I didn’t even realize that we were both now, our bodies dancing to the music that our hearts were playing.


'There's not a thing that can stop me from looking at you..'


I felt his body moved closer to mine. 


'I always look at only you…'


I moved my body up, welcoming his as I felt our bodies intertwining with each other, connecting our souls as we become one.


'Oh, baby… oh… oh… oh…'


He moved his lips close to mine as our bodies continued dancing passionately.


“Happy anniversary, my butterfly.” He whispered softly into my ears before placing his lips once again against mine, our bodies still dancing to passionate beat of our hearts as we become one.




My hand pulled away from the doorknob.


My mind didn’t even know if he was there.


“Jiyong…”


My ears waited for an answer but heard none.


My knees buckled in, surrendering to exhaustion as I felt my whole body falling down on the floor.


I sat on the floor in front of his room, drained and exhausted, both physically and mentally.


At that moment, I did what my heart could only think of doing.


Cry.


I cried all the pain that was bottling up inside my fragile heart.


I cried for the all the memories that Kwon Jiyong has walked away from.


I cried for the unrequited love that Nichkhun was offering me but I just couldn’t accept.


I cried for the stubbornness of my heart, continuously loving the same person and ending up getting hurt again and again.


I cried for the many times that I have loved and hurt him, realizing that as much as I have hurt, he have hurt just as much as well, if not much more.


I cried for no matter how my mind tells me to stop loving him, my heart is just too stubborn to give him up.


How can I not love you, Jiyong?


When it’s all that my heart knows to do…


I hugged myself as I close my eyes, letting it rest for the first time.















I roamed the streets of Seoul, searching, looking for any signs of her but failed miserably.


I have always known that in a crowd, I would easily spot her.


She was like the color fluorescent. No matter how many people surround her, my eyes could easily see only her.


But tonight, there was no sign of my fluorescent.


I cursed myself for not trying much harder although I know I have been walking nonstop for hours now.


I ascended the stairs of my building, ignoring the guard who was trying to speak to me, blocking all the sounds around me.


Dara, where are you?


I reached my floor and walked aimlessly, not bothering to look at anything but my feet as I have memorized the steps I needed to take to get to my room.


I stopped in my tracks as I neared my room and saw a familiar figure sitting on the floor, hugging herself.


My heart jumped as I rushed to her.


“Dara!” I drew in a sharp breath, certain that the person in front of me was the person I love the most.


She didn’t respond even when my face was just a few inches away from her.


I gently raised her face, afraid I might break her.


Her eyes were closed, peacefully resting in slumber.


I noticed traces of tears still visible in her pink cheeks. I slowly rubbed them, hoping I could erase all of those with just a touch of my fingers.


“Mianhe, Dara.” I softly whispered as I sat next to her.


“I’m sorry for making you cry again.”


I gently leaned my head on her frail shoulder.


I heard her steady breathing and smiled, thankful that somehow, she was given a chance to rest her exhausted heart.


I wanted to tell her so many things but I didn’t want to rob her of her needed rest. Her heart’s been through so much.


I closed my eyes and let my battered self rest as well, content on feeling our nearness.


My breath started pacing steadily joining hers.


Let’s rest our hearts now, D.


Tomorrow, we will be happy again.

















My eyes slowly opened scanned the place where I was.


I roamed my eyes at the familiar hallway and remembered everything.


I looked to my right and saw her still peacefully sleeping. Her hair softly framed her beautiful face.


I smiled at how peaceful she looked.


I glanced at my watch. 6:00 A.M.


It was morning already but I still did not want to wake her up. I knew she needed more rest.


I gently lifted her, careful not to move too much in order not to wake her up.


I carried her bridal style and opened the door to my room.


I was thankful that Seungri did not sleep in our dorm last night for I was afraid he would just bother her beloved noona.


I gently placed her on my bed and arranged the pillows so she could be comfortable.


I fixed the air-condition in the room and placed my blanket on top of her.


I left her for awhile and proceeded towards my kitchen.


I decided to prepare a special breakfast for her.


I cooked her favorite ramen, knowing full well that she has to have it for breakfast every time but I also added some nutritious food to balance it. I cooked vegetable omelet and kimchi rice, another favorite of hers.


I poured in some freshly-squeezed orange juice on her favorite tumbler, the one we bought together when we went to Lotte World to celebrate our first month as a couple.


I set the food on the dining table and proceeded to my room where she was still laying fast asleep.


I sat on the bed next to her, just silently watching her, thanking the heavens that I was given another chance to be with her.


I stared at her beautiful face and wondered how I was able to survive the eight months I was away from her.


How can I not love you, D?


When your face is the only one these eyes could see…


I gently kissed her lips and caressed her hair that has fallen off in front of her face.


I was momentarily interrupted by the beeping of my phone and I silently cursed myself for not putting it on silent mode, afraid it would wake her up.


Thankfully, she was a heavy sleeper and was oblivious to the noise.


I reached for my phone and saw that it was 7 A.M.


I proceeded to answer the call.


It was sajangnim and he sounded very angry. He wanted me to proceed to YG building immediately.


But even his anger couldn’t take away the happiness I was feeling.


I moved closer to Dara once again and kissed her cheek.


“I’ll be back, my butterfly.”


I stood up and went to the dining table where the food was waiting. I took a note from one of the drawers and wrote my message there.


‘Please eat after you wake up.
I’ll be back soon.
Please wait for me, D.

Ji’


I placed the note on top of the table and grabbed my jacket.


I took one last glance at my room where Dara was still peacefully sleeping before closing the door behind me.


Please wait for me, D…