“Dara, are you all right?”

I snapped from my thoughts and looked up, my eyes landing straight on Taeyang's worried face.

“What?” I asked absentmindedly.

“I just asked if you wanted something to drink but you kept spacing out...” he pouted. “You have been acting strange since you came and it's been three hours. How long are you planning to sit there and wallow in your gloomy thoughts?”

I realized he was right, my actually hurt from sitting on the hard chair and I think I had been squeezing Seung Hyun's hand too tightly, it had started to become white. I quickly let go and massaged it, glancing at his calm face and wishing he'd wake up and yell at me.

“What on the earth happened?” Taeyang asked dramatically. “You look like you have seen a ghost.”

“I think I am just tired” I smiled weakly, maybe too weakly because he gave me a dubious look.

“Tell me” Taeyang flashed a gentle smile and I could tell he knew I didn't want to talk about it. “Tell me what's wrong, you know I will try my hardest to help you.”

“No” I shook my head. “Nothing is wrong, I told you I am just exhausted from everything.”

“If you insist so...” He didn't sound very pleased. “So stubborn...” I heard him mumble under his breathe.

“Maybe I should go home and sleep.”

“Wait, how about we watch some TV?” Taeyang suddenly suggested. “Let's watch something funny to make you feel better. I am sure you are worried about Seung Hyun and all. Probably even more about Ji-”

“Don't” I abruptly stood up from my seat. “Please don't talk about him.”

“I see...” Taeyang eyed me suspiciously but didn't ask anything.

“I'll go get some drinks, what do you want?”

“Fanta.”

“Okay, I'll be back soon.”

I heard him sigh heavily behind my back, was I being that obvious? Whom was I kidding, of course I was so Damn obvious. I covered my forehead with my palm as I walked towards the vending machine. My head had started hurting, it's been a long while since I got migraine last time, and my hand trembled slightly. It was hard to surpass all those emotions bubbling inside of me.

After I had seen Jiyong and Bom exchange that long and passionate kiss I had just walked away, using the back door. At first I had felt scared, what if Sil Jang's men were waiting for me out there? After all, Bae did swear he'd torture everyone close to Jiyong and they had seen my face now.

But then I kinda grew nonchalant, what did anything matter anymore? My life was a mess already and if it became a little bit more messy I probably wouldn't even notice. Besides, if I die then who will be there to cry for me? What am I thinking? I have to admit, I felt really depressed with whole Jiyong issue.

One day he tells me he cares and the other he does this... Him and Bom, I truly wonder what is their story? Then why did he cook me breakfast and patch up of my foot? Why is he doing this to me?

“Watch out.”

I bumped into someone, two cans of soda falling from my hands and rolling away. I quickly apologized and bowed.

“It's okay, don't worry” the man rest assured. He was faster than me and managed to grab my sodas from the floor before I even thought about doing so. I swear, I am spacing out too much.

“Thank you” I smiled at him brightly when he handed me my soda cans.

“Be more careful next time” he said kindly. I just nodded, finally taking a glance at his face. It was a middle aged man with a very pleasant facial features. In a dark blue suit he looked fit and sleek, for his age I think he looked much younger than he was. His ash black short hair was styled carefully and he had thin rimmed glasses on.

What struck me in his appearance were his kind, even though small, eyes and long eyelashes, I could tell he was quite a catch when he was younger and still, ahjummas must go crazy over him. His face was oval shaped and his lips had strong lines, his lower lip was much fuller than his upper lip.

The man flashed me a charming smile before walking away, overwhelming me with strange familiarity. Then I realized it, his voice was very familiar to me. Where have I heard it before? It was kind of... kind of... how to explain this? Kind of silky maybe? I shook my head, great. Dara, get a grip of yourself, this is getting ridiculous. And his smile, where have I seen it before?

When I got back to Seung Hyun's room Taeyang was gone already. He had come there to keep company to me but I must have been pretty boring. Once more I looked at Seung Hyun who was lying on his bed still like he was dead.

It was heartbreaking to see him in such a state but there was nothing I could do. I just covered him with the blanket and made sure he was comfortable before leaving to Taeyang's room. Taking a seat on the edge of his bed I handed him his Fanta and shifted my eyes at the TV screen. At first none of the jokes made me laugh but Taeyang's constant chuckles and bursts of laughter soon caught me along and I found myself laughing too.

For a while I forgot about all of my problems and let ignorance fill my mind. There was no such thing like a broken heart... Jiyong stopped existing in my world. Even if it was just a moment, I felt at ease. Taeyang had that kind of power, he always, always made me feel better no matter what.

Suddenly the door opened and we both turned our heads to see who would barge in so rudely.

It was Bom and the serious expression on her face made me feel uneasy. She gave me a long look but I couldn't tell what she was thinking, there was no sarcasm or mockery, it was an empty stare. Then her eyes shifted at Taeyang.

“I need to talk to you” she said coldly. “Dara, get out.”

Not being in the mood to argue or fight back I attempted to slid off from the bed but surprisingly Taeyang grabbed my shoulder and held me back. I looked at him in surprise but his now cold emotionless eyes were concentrated on Bom.

“Wait a second, what makes you think you can be here like you please?” He slowly raised one eyebrow. “If you want some privacy then ask nicely.”

“It's oka-”

“Tsh” Taeyang silenced me immediately.

“Well?” An arrogant smile tugged at his lips.

Bom sighed, for a moment she seemed to be contemplating but then she finally flashed a weak smile, looking me straight in the eye. “Dara, would you please leave for a bit? There is something I need to discuss privately with him.”

“Wasn't that hard, was it?”

She shot a nasty look at Taeyang.

“Dara would you mind?” he smiled at me sweetly.

“Of course, talk all you want” I mumbled a little startled by the whole situation.

“I'll be waiting outside.” I hate to admit this but somewhere deep in my heart I did feel quite satisfied, thanks Taeyang. You truly are a prince.

Bom didn't budge until I had left the room and closed the door behind myself. As soon as I was outside I faced K and L. They both had cigarettes in their mouths despite the hospital rules. Gangsters... they think they can do whatever they want wherever they want... How arrogant but kind of cool at the same time.

“Hey, Dara, long time no see” L flashed a friendly smile. He was standing beside the door, leaning at the wall his arms crossed over his chest.

“Come here, sit down” K pat the empty chair next to himself. Absentmindedly I complied and took a seat next to him, watching how his hand dived into his pocket and took out a pack of cigarettes.

“Want one?”

Ignoring what I just thought a while ago I shrugged and accepted silently, perhaps smoking would help me a little. Make me feel more at ease or something. A nurse walked past us, giving every single of us a nasty look but didn't dare to say anything. Right hospital rules, no smoking anywhere... screw that. I'm going to be a cool gangster for a while.

“Hey, why do people call you K and L?” I asked as sudden curiosity hit me and anyway, sitting in silence would have been awkward. The guys exchanged looks and shrugged.

“Our gang names.”

“Then what are your real names?”

“I'm Myung Soo” L said, all smiley. Maybe he was happy someone asked about his name.

“Myung Soo.” I repeated with a nod.

“My name is Masato.”

I swung my head at K, my eyes wide open. “Are you Japanese?”

He nodded.

“But your Korean is perfect.” I pointed out. Now that I took a better look he did look Japanese, but his face was very ordinary so at one look you wouldn't tell if you didn't take a very careful look. I actually never did pay any attention to these guys before.

“Well, thanks” K chuckled. “I studied very hard.”

“Yup, he graduated from university with top scores.”

“University?” I gasped. “Why didn't you get a decent job then?”

K burst out in a bright laughter. “A proper job, I think this is very decent.”

“You didn't need to finish university to become a gangster” I mumbled, for a moment concentrating on my cigarette.

“Who says we are gangsters?” L raised a brow. He took something out from inside of his jacket and tossed it at me. Magically I managed to catch it. “Nice reflexes” he commented.

“Uh, thanks.” And so, for the first time in my life I was holding a police badge. Inside a fine leather case it was heavy and shiny. “SMPA”

“Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency, criBoml affair's department” L murmured softly, as if being careful to net let any outsiders to hear.

“I'm from intelligence department” K puffed cigarette smoke from his mouth.

“Hmmm, so you are kind of like a team?” I asked, still staring at the police badge and trailing my finger against it's rough surface.

“Yeah, us, Kang Woo and Seung Hyun.”

“You mean Jiyong?” I looked up.

“Yeah, Jiyong... It's just that no one calls him Jiyong anymore.”

“Is there anyone else in the team?” I asked curiously pushing back all the questions regarding Jiyong. He was still 23, that means he probably was only a trainee. Then how did he get so high so soon? No, Dara, stop thinking about him. Besides, Seung Hyun is 28, so that's why.

“Nope” K shook his head. “We have some back up forces at the station working for this case, like a few prosecutors and hackers. And then some trustworthy people like a hairdresser, coffee shop owner, ahjumma at a local market and so on.”

I chuckled "Sounds like in a movie."

“Yeah it does, the difference is that the movie has been written beforehand but we never know what's going to happen next.”

“Right, can I ask why is Bom here?”

“It's nothing special, she just wants to ask Jiyong to be moved into Taeyang's room.”

This is going to be confusing when everyone will keep calling the guys by their reverse names. And then why did Bom want me out from the room when it was something this simple she wanted to talk with Taeyang about? Besides, K and L are way too talkative.

“Aren't you supposed to never tell these kind of things to the outsiders?”

“Outsiders yes” K ruffled my hair. “Kiddo, aren't you with us?”

“I guess” I lowered my head, feeling touched by how friendly they were treating me. Even seeing me as one of them... tsh what a joke. What a stupid ugly joke.

When have I ever been part of this game?

When was I ever... when was I ever anything to Jiyong?

How sad.

For me, it has always been hard to keep my feelings bottled up inside. I don't know how Jiyong always did it.

I guess I am too weak then, weak and pathetic. I couldn't control it anymore and suddenly big fat tears rolled down my cheeks. I quickly wiped my eyes but the tears kept falling.

“Hey, what's wrong?” L took a step towards us.

“Hey kiddo?” K leaned closer to me, his hand still resting on top of my head. “Why are you crying?”

“I-I'm sorry” I sobbed. “I'm sorry...”

“Here, have some tissues” L offered kindly. They helplessly exchanged looks, not knowing what to do with me. Heck, even I didn't know what to do with myself. Was it even possible to cry so much every day? I was sick of crying but there was nothing else I could do when it hurt so much. I was never the type to hold it all in. Never.

“What's going on here?” familiar voice rang through the hallway.

“Yah, did you two bully nuna?” Daesung rushed to my side. “Nuna, what happened? Tell me everything!” He hugged me, sending icy glares at helpless K and L.

“They didn't do anything bad” I mumbled into Daesung's chest. “It's my own fault.”

“Awww, you sound so sad” Daesung sighed. “Nuna, don't look so heartbroken you are making me want to cry too. Just tell me what happened.”

“It's a long story.”

“Let's go” Bom's voice caught my attention. I opened my eyes and looked up. She glanced at me once before walking away, L trailing behind her.

“Take care” K pat my head once again before leaving.

“Did Bom say something hurtful to you?” Daesung asked after a short silent moment.

“No.”

“Then what?”

“I don't want to talk about it.”

“You have to tell me.”

“N-No.”

“Then stop crying.”

“No.”

“Nuna is stubborn like a little kid...”

I didn't say anything, tears streaming down my face.

“Then, do you want to drink something?”

“No.”

“Eat ice cream?”

“No.”

"Candy?"

"No."

"Sing karaoke"

"No."

"Watch ?"

"NO!"

“Then what?”

“Nothing.”

“Nuna...” Daesung whined.

“I want to go h-home. Heuk.” I hiccupped.

“Then we have to say bye to Taeyang hyung.”

“I don't want to see him like this…”

“He will be worried.”

“Tell him I will come see him later.”

“I knew this was coming.”

I didn't dare to look up, just buried my face into Daesung's chest.

“What happened?” Taeyang asked gently. Damn, I didn't want to make him worry.

I felt Daesung shrug. His hand was patting my back trying to calm me down. I have to admit my crying was getting out of hands, it was hard to control anymore and soon my emotions took control over me. I think I became way too hysterical all of a sudden, how damn utterly embarrassing!

Taeyang sighed and familiar clanging reached my ears when his crouches fell on the floor by the chairs as he took a seat next to me. I have to say that having these two by my sides, it calmed me down a lot.

Just knowing they were there and feeling their presence.

“Nuna, don't be so sad” Daesung pleaded, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

“Everything will be all right.” He held me tighter, his hug giving me comfort but not enough to stop me from crying anytime soon. Even the deep feeling of embarrassment couldn't dry my tears.

I finally had to accept that my heart, it was utterly broken.

Don't ask me how did I end up in my apartment later. Somehow I did. I lied on my bed wrapped into the comforter like bug and tried to fall asleep but Daesung was making it very hard for me.

He tried to make me eat something all time even though I told him I was not hungry. In the end I agreed to drink the tea he made for me but that was it.

He finally gave up and let me drift into empty darkness, when I woke up he wasn't there anymore but my fridge was full of various yummy foods and my freezer filled with walls of ice cream. A tiny smile finally crept on my lips when I thought of his kindness. How much money he must have spent on this... I grabbed an ice cream thinking he didn't have to go this far.

I must make sure to repay him later, for everything.

Daesung surprised me next time I came to the hospital. It had been a week perhaps or maybe more. I had lost count. Suddenly I was depressed and nothing seemed to lift my mood. I went to work in the library like always, plastered a fake smile on my face and pretended to be happy, came home, showered, watched TV, slept and so on.

Like a robot, I lived without feeling anything, everything was gray and gloomy to me. Even food didn't taste the same anymore. Whenever I looked at my mirror reflection I wanted to gag, I lost too much weight. It was hard to explain what the hell happened to me. Or then it was too easy.

How pathetic to be suffering of a heartbreak at my age. Crying like a teenage girl who had just been dumped by her first love.

Pathetic and disgusting. This would take time.

When I tried to think about it, all I could remember were Jiyong's harsh words repeating in my mind like an endless loop. People had warned me before yet I wanted to believe in him. I thought the circumstances could change, I thought things didn't have to end in a bad way, I thought we could be happy, somehow.

But he choose Bom after all. It's not like I could be a match to a woman who has it all money, beauty, charisma and social status.

But still, I thought...

Well, I was wrong.

Again, only thinking about this makes me want to cry. If I was sitting in my room now I would hug my legs closer to my chest and bury my face in my knees. That foolish side in me still believed in stupid fairy tales, in miracles of some sort.

Does love even exist in real life? Why does it hurt so much? Why couldn't it be Taeyang for example? I know he'd never hurt me like this. What did I see in Jiyong again? And most importantly why must he be so stubborn?

I know it would be foolish to choose love at this point when there were more important things to take care of but I am also sure that finding some kind of balance would have been possible too. But then again, Bom is better for him. She won't be a nuisance and she can help him with his work unlike me who is always just in the way and causing trouble.

Unlike ordinary, weak and pathetic me.

A cop you say? And all this time I was sure he must be involved into some shady gang business.

He never told me, he never told me anything.

Just useless flirting and stupid talks about broken moon, that's all. He'd talk about fairy tales, he'd joke around, he'd make a fool out of me and he'd warn me not to fall in love with himself. That's practically all I heard.

All along I was just a mere joke for him. How I want to believe it's not like that. How I want to believe that I actually mean so much to him. But lately, all he ever did was try to get rid of me. I should understand already that he doesn't want me around.

The longer I stay the harsher he gets, that's only natural. I must be so annoying.

“Nuna, are you going to cry again?”

“Mmm” I had been spacing out again, lately I always do. Slowly I shifted my gaze at Daesung who was staring at me his brows furrowed. He looked hopeless and I felt guilty for making him worry again so I smiled.

“No, I was just thinking about this new book I read, it was kind of sad but the ending was strange. I hate open endings they always leave me guessing. That's not necessary a good thing you know. Why do writers often use it thinking it's good to leave readers hanging? It rarely works, you know.”

I started blabbing empty words but they worked and Daesung looked relieved. And it's true, I have been reading a lot of books lately it's my way to escape reality when it becomes unbearably painful. Books make me think and realize things, they are like therapy. So I don't have to cry myself to sleep, that's not like me at all.

“Daesung, what the hell is wrong with me?” I chuckled bitterly as I ran my hand through my hair. “I hate to be like this.”

He sighed and pouted. “You must miss hyung a lot.”

“I wish Seung Hyun woke up soon, at least then I could argue with him and forget about everything else.” It would make me happy for a while and maybe forever.

“Not him, Ji-”

“Don't talk about him” My smile died and I gave Daesung a stern look. “Please, I wish I could just forget about him forever.”

Daesung looked at me like he had something to say but decided to keep his mouth shut. He ruffled his hair looking distressed but suddenly a smile spread on his lips.

“Let's do something different today” he exclaimed.

“Like what?”

“Let's not go meet Taeyang hyung.”

“But I haven't seen him for a week or so.”

“Let me correct you: 16 days.”

“It has been so long?” I asked, a little amused.

Daesung nodded. “He has been worried but, he can wait. I want you to meet someone else now.”

“Who?”

“Let's go, oh my god” Daesung shrieked when he grabbed my hand. “Nuna, your fingers are so slender all of a sudden.”

“Good, my diet works.”

“Diet? Are you crazy? You can't lose more weight you will break!”

“Tsh... Of course, I won't break.”

I'm broken already.

"You need to eat a lot of hamburgers and cakes now, to gain back what you lost. What if you disappear?"

I chuckled, you silly dongseng. Have I ever told you how much I love you?

Daesung was pulling me somewhere, to an unknown direction and I stumbled a little because yet again I wasn't paying attention where I was stepping. He gave a pleasant surprise because the person he wanted me to meet was truly an angel.

Finally I saw his sister whom I have been wanting to meet since long ago. I thought this day would never come but there she was, sitting on her bed and reading a book.

"Oppa, you are here!"

Her bright smile, her dimples, her pretty round eyes, her voice, she was cute exactly like Daesung. They looked alike in a way you could tell they were definitely related to each other. Their eye color was the same and the shapes of their faces, their noses too.

Daesung walked up to her, ruffled her hair and introduced her to be Yeon Hee, his little sister, 19 years old. The moment I saw her I forgot about my own problems, every single of them.

I rushed to her side and gushed about her overflowing cuteness. It was also fun to hear Daesung being called oppa. How utterly adorable.

Yeon Hee sat there like a doll, chuckling and smiling.

“Unni, I heard a lot about you! I’ve been asking oppa to bring you here but he’s just so mean,” she pouted at Daesung and I laughed.

“Thank you for taking good care of my delinquent brother. I’m so happy to finally meet you!” she smiled.
 
She made me feel at ease, only her bubbly speech and soft voice made my heart light again. That's all I needed to get over my heavy depressing state. There was something adorable about her, something magical, she was like a little fairy and I got this urge to protect her from every possible danger.

Our meeting didn't last long because soon a nurse came to take Yeon Hee for a check up. I waved her goodbye and told her I would come by often, I even promised to bring her a new book to read. She said she liked photography and art and I knew just perfect albums to introduce to her.

It's as if my life finally got a new meaning.

“It feels like eternity when you smiled like that last time” Daesung commented as we made our way to the cafeteria. Taeyang had fallen asleep and so we decided to go grab a bite. Suddenly I was feeling hungry too. I don't even remember when I had been so hungry last time. Or eaten.

“Yeon Hee is so adorable” I smiled even wider. “I just want to hug her, I want to buy her presents and dress her up in fancy dresses.”

“Nuna, she is not a doll” Daesung gave me an amused look.

“I think I fell in love with her.” I spazzed.

“What about me? I'm not your sunshine anymore?”

“If you are my sunshine she is a rainbow!” I exclaimed happily.

“But sunshine still makes you happier than a rainbow, right?”

His words made me smirk. “Could it be... are you jealous?”

“Yeah” Daesung pouted. “Don't forget about me, nuna.” He pretended to be sad.

“How could I forget about you! Silly!” I flashed him an ensuring smile and grabbed his hand. “I'm buying, let's go eat. And I am damn hungry. Hey, why are you giving me that look? What's so funny?”

“Nothing at all” Daesung chuckled, he held my hand tightly as if afraid I'd let go and run away.

“I'm just happy to see you so happy.”

“H-hey” I mumbled, my cheeks flustering a little. “Don't embarrass me.” He just made me realize how helpless I must have been lately, always sad and depressed, always sulking and gloomy.

People around me must have been so worried, how could I put them through so much cra.p just because I was feeling bad? Causing stress to them all and making them worry. To make up I bought Daesung an extra large portion of ice cream and we took a seat in front of the window.

It was a nice day, the sky was light blue and the sun was shining, though it wasn't particularly hot it was warm, the breeze was crispy and comfortable. I suddenly missed the orphanage and wondered how was everyone doing.

On a day like this it would be wonderful to get lost in the peach garden completely alone with your own thoughts, breathe in fresh air and let the bad feelings fade away. I need to go there soon, to my heaven on earth.

“Daesung” I cleared my throat and took a serious expression. “You have to tell me what's wrong with Yeon Hee.”

He sighed lowering his eyes and even put down his spoon. This clearly wasn't his favorite topic to talk about but I am sure he knew that he had to tell me about it too.

“She has a very bad heart condition.”

“How bad?”

“She needs a transplant.”

Stunned, I just stared at him in silence.

“She needs it soon.”

“If it's about mo-”

“No, it's not about money” Daesung suddenly looked up and for the first time I saw his eyes so sad and hopeless. My heart throbbed painfully and this time it was not caused by self pity. “For some reason her body keeps rejecting and her condition is gradually growing worse. There is not much time left.”

I had noticed she was weak and sickly, I did notice she was skinny and pale. She had kept coughing and at times her speech became lazy, she even slurred. Her smile, even though she wanted it to be bright, it often was weary as if it was tiring for her to smile. She looked cheerful but it was obvious she was struggling, taking another breathe it was a battle. No wonder no one wanted me to meet her.

First of all it was hard for her to take in visitors, when she got too excited or happy it tired her out and the second I was sure Daesung did not want any pity, he probably would have taken empathy as pity too. Knowing me I would have done a big deal out of it and made him feel even worse. I sighed and messed my already messy hair.

“Daesung” Slowly my hand slid over the table and I grabbed his cold fingers, noticing his hand was actually bigger than mine. He is a guy after all, funny, I have never seen him as a guy. All this time he has just been my silly carefree dongseng, always smiling, always happy.

But suddenly I saw him in a different light. He had his own difficulties and burdens, he was stressed and tired, he was anything but cheerful and he need support.

“I'm so sorry” I whispered with my trembling lips, tears threatening to fall.

“Nuna” His eyes widened. “Are you going to cry again?” He attempted to pull his hands away from my hold but I didn't let him.

“No, I am not going to cry” I it up, fighting. “I'm sorry I have caused you distress and problems. It must have been hard on you to take care of this pathetic nuna and at the same time worry for your sister's health. I've been such a nuisance.”

A smile crept on his lips. “What are you saying?”

“I'll help you take care of your sister, I will be careful to not tire her out. Please let me help you now.”

“You don't have to, stop looking so serious. It's not th-”

“This is serious” I squinted my eyes. “Listen, tell me what's your favorite food I will make you lunch every day.”

“Nuna st-”

“Shut up, I am talking now” I hissed and Daesung leaned a little away, surprised by my reaction.

“Just let me help. I know you are spending a lot of time here and the food here is crap so let me at least make you lunch. Also tell me what's your favorite fruit and drink and.”

“Nuna seriously...” Daesung tried to joke it off but when he saw my deadly glare he lowered hi