Please don't need me.

Otherwise, how can I let go of you?

You can imagine all nuns sigh in awe when they saw Seung Hyun carry me back. Damn I was embarrassed and they were making it worse with their suggestive glances.

erted nuns, always getting wrong ideas. Aish. Placing me to sit on a chair Seung Hyun went to get a first aid kit, he went on his knees on the floor in front of me and placed my foot on his thigh. Geez, I just looked at him dully thinking he was probably putting a prince act in front of the nuns who were crowding at the door, giggling, whispering and taking pictures of us like some high school girls.

Give me a break... luckily they soon left but then I started desperately wishing they would come back because the atmosphere grew awkward between me and Seung Hyun. Or then it was just me. He was concentrating on bandaging my foot and I stared at him, in complete silence. What an uncomfortable silence it was.

My heart hurts.

So much.

Seung Hyun suddenly looked up and his eyes widened a little when he saw my pained expression.

"Does it hurt that much?"

I nodded.

"Why didn't you say I bandaged it too thigh?" He complained, putting on a worried face.

Not the foot you idiot... my heart.

Quickly he unwrapped the bandage, his fingers brushing against my skin and I loved his every touch.

"Is it better now?" he asked, his eyes concentrating on the bandage.

"I guess" I sighed.

"The swelling isn't severe at all, I am sure this will heal soon. You should be able to walk with the bandage on" he spoke leisurely. After finishing bandaging my foot he smiled brightly as he looked up. "Try walking!"

"Okay" I stood up and to my surprise it didn't hurt much, just stung a little. "Oh, it's true" I momentarily forgot about my pounding heart and how hard it was beating for Seung Hyun at the moment.

"Thank you." A gentle smile curved my lips up. I didn't even realize how brightly I smiled. He suddenly frowned, looking a little bothered.

"What?" I frowned too. "If you don't want me to thank you then-"

"It's not it" I shifted his gaze off of me. "Just, don't smile like that."

"Like what?" My face fell. "Are you implying my smile is ugly?"

"No!" In a swift movement his face turned at me again. "Just don't smile like that, okay?" He almost pleaded and I frowned harder, not understanding him at all.

"You are still acting weird..."

"Yeah?" he smiled a little clumsily. "It's just that this is..." I watched him get on his feet and he finally flashed me his usual smile.


How was I supposed to know he was in pain when he hid it so well?


"Sometimes I wish..." a carefree chuckle escaped his lips. "Fairies really existed in real world and magic wasn't just an illusion."

"And why is that?" I raised a brow.

"Then, it would be so easy to fix a broken moon."

"It's not enough for you to be crazy, you are a lazy bum at that too" I shook my head, a smile tugging my lips up. "Then wouldn't it be too easy?"

"No, it would be possible."

"Huh?" My gaze shot up, he smiled at me, bittersweetly.

"I thought you were the one who believed in fairy tales?"

"Sometimes, I have desperate moments too. I'm not perfect, I'm just a human" he whispered, looking sad for a second.

"What's wrong?"

"Should we go find your precious Bum Sang?"

"What did you just..."

"Let's go" Seung Hyun grabbed my wrist and started dragging me out. "Didn't you say you wanted to pay back? Then you should go and be nice to him. Make him smile and laugh, he will be happy."

"But, isn't reality what we make it to be? If you want, fairies can be real you know..."

"Don't say anymore" Seung Hyun whispered.

"You... At this moment and always, maybe even forever, you keep thinking about her?”

Why this face? Why me?

"Don't say such things" He didn't look at me.

"Just because we have the same face... this is ridiculous" I uttered a sarcastic laughter.

"Yes, it's a pain in the a.ss to have the same face as someone else. Trust me I know, so please don't blame me" Seung Hyun's voice grew tense but just a little. "I'm begging you."

"It's hard not to blame you..." I lowered my gaze.

"Stop thinking about this, just forget. Stop it."

"I wish I could but my thoughts always seem to come back" I rambled. "I don't want to either but you know... No matter what I am not Soo Yeon and you are just hurting yourself."

And especially me.

How can I just forget you are using me for your own purposes? Even though, sometimes I do forget but I don't want to live in a lie.

"Then let me, it's my problem."

"What to do?" I smiled bittersweetly but since he still wasn't looking at me he didn't see it.

"For some reason I care more than I should."

"It's sweet on your part but it's better if you don't get involved into this emotional roller coaster"

Seung Hyun finally looked at me from the corners of his eyes and when he saw my ironic smile his facial features softened.

"Don't you think it's a bit late to be saying that?" I laughed. "Yah, once the safety bar has come down you can't get off anymore, you just have to go through it all even if the speed scares you. Screaming helps a lot."

"Has the safety bar come down for you already?" Seung Hyun asked jokingly.

"And what if it has?"

"The ride will be over sooner than you expect."

"And I'll find myself yearning for more, then I will have to go line up again and wait for, what it seems, ages."

Seung Hyun smiled at my comment and shook his head.



"No, you will hate it and once the ride is over it's over for good."



"Why do you always make everything sound so final?"

He shrugged. "Any moment in life might be your last one."

"Yeah, tomorrow I might get hit by a car and die" I said blandly.

"Exactly" He looked a bit too serious to be joking.

"Well, then I'll just have to survive."

"Easier said than done."

"Your words are just intriguing me instead of killing my spirits" I held my chin up proudly.

"Fairies and magic, it's not real" Seung Hyun said with his usual sweet tone of voice.

"And look at the moon, it's so far away. In fact, it's too bright now to even see it. Even if you might able to fix it, you will never be able to reach it. Most of the times you forget about it anyway."

"I guess it's going to be a long ride then" I giggled, slapping his chest. For a second Seung Hyun looked defeated.

"Did you forget? I am a fairy and I can do magic."

"You..."

"Don't start a debate with me, you will lose" I stuck out my tongue. "I am real, aren't I?"

"Cheeky" Seung Hyun broke out in smiles, patting my head with his warm hand. "Pepsi."

"And stop always talking about broken moons and whatsoever, it's just weird. HEY!" My eyes caught Bum Sang walking in distance. "Now, if you will excuse me I need to go hang out with someone who actually cares about me" I gave Seung Hyun a conceited look.

"Like a true friend."

"Go" He laughed. "Have fun."

"And I will."

While walking away, I wondered real hard why was he suddenly letting me go so easily. Behind your smiles you are going through a though battle, aren't you? It must be hard on your own. You liar. It's you who believes in fairies, not me.


"Dara..."





I looked over my shoulder, my eyes finding Seung Hyun's gorgeous profile. He was standing still, his hands deep in the pockets of his pants and a stupid grin on his face. How much I wanted to stay by his side but... I just faked a smile.

"What?"

"I'm sorry about a while ago, I acted like an idiot, didn't I?"

"You kinda did."

"It's just" he frowned looking a little frustrated and ruffled his hair. "I won't do that again. That Bum Sang, he is a nice guy so you should treasure your friendship with him."

"Geez, you are being creepy again" I chuckled.

"Is that so?" He bit his lower lip while looking at me with mischief in his eyes. "It's not my intention though."

"Don't worry, that's why I like you. At least, you are not boring" I joked and winked at him, seeing that his smile widened a little.

"Seriously, I'm sorry. No hard feelings, okay?"

"Yah, when was I even angry at you?"

Idiot, you are always too quick to apologize not even wanting to explain yourself. As if it was entirely your fault, why are you always taking all the blame? I get the feeling your shoulders will soon break if you take too much weight on them, stop always adding and try losing some once in a while.

Stop it, before you break. I wish I coudl help you but... How?

"Aigoo, our Pepsi is so understanding" Seung Hyun smirked.

"Yeah well, after all you are just a human. AHEM, I mean a donkey."

"Yes, I'm just a stupid donkey" Seung Hyun's gaze shifted somewhere behind me. "You should go before he leaves."

"So let's go already."

"You go, I-" His phone rang, interrupting him, and when he saw the caller ID his face became serious.

"Sorry, I need to take this. You go ahead" Flashing me a quick smile Seung Hyun pressed his haptic to his ear and turned his back at me.

"Yes secretary Kim? Is that so? Well, then nothing else can be done about this matter. I discussed it with him the last time. Yes, let him decline if he wants to do so, it's useless to pursue him when we have so many other opinions. Ah yes, thank you. I'll drop by at the office in a few days..."

I sighed and left him there, talking about his business. How long will he be able to go on like this? Where does he take his energy from? Soo Yeon? Then does that mean... me? Aish...



"You might be real but... I am just a fake.


And so, we are world's apart.


You will hate this ride, trust me."

It was nice to hang out and talk with Bum Sang, though I felt bad for being such a whine and only talking about my problems. When he heard my apology he just laughed saying it was nothing, he was glad to help me. Besides, he said his life was very simple and normal so there was nothing he wanted to talk about, anyway. It was nice to finally let some steam off, I knew for sure I could trust Bum Sang and he was such a good listener too.

Seung Hyun disappeared somewhere and unlike in the afternoon, he wasn't there to meddle and bring down our good atmosphere. Which made me feel a little suspicious, very confused and a little bad. What made him change his attitude? Seung Hyun is one mystery.

"That Seung Hyun" Bum Sang said quietly. In fact it was weird of him to mention Seung Hyun when he was about to leave.

"I don't know how to explain myself but... Doesn't he remind you of Jiyong too much?"

"Huh? What are you talking about" I uttered a laughter.

Don't talk about the topic I have been trying to ignore for such a long time already!

"I don't know" Bum Sang laughed too. "I think my brain went crazy thinking about something."

"I feel your pain." I pat his shoulder. "Totally."

"Maybe, just maybe, for time being you should stay out of Seung Hyun's and Jiyong's business. Something very complicated seems to be going on" he spoke very firmly.

"You sound like you found out something." My fingers glued to Bum Sang car's door. He was already sitting inside and I was keeping the door open.

"I think I have" he sighed.

"WHAT?"

He chuckled. "I am not completely sure about it but I think I figured out something. And I think I shouldn't mention anything to you about it, there must be a reason why it is kept a secret."

I pouted, everyone seems to be figuring out things except me. "Am I stupid to not figure anything out?"

"No, no" Bum Sang shook his hand in the air. "No, it was actually a mere coincidence for me to understand."

"You mean person" I showed him the long face.

"Remember this. No matter what, in the end it should be you and Jiyong, that's the right ending. A happy ending." Bum Sang gave me an encouraging smile.

"Please, Dara, remember this."

"I still don't get your enthusiasm about Jiyong" I sighed. He wasn't going to tell me whatever theory he came up with. What a bummer.

"Because 702 divided by 2 is 7 and 2" Bum Sang smirked. "Just because of that."

"What happens to the zero?"

"It doesn't exist."

"And this means?"

"There is nothing between you two, no obstacles."

"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard" I scoffed. "Is this something Jiyong came up with?"

Bum Sang just smiled.

"Well, anyway" I flashed him a weak smile. "Should you go before it gets too dark?"

"Don't look so sad an disappointed. Everything will turn out well. Let's stay in touch so if you have any problems please don't hesitate to call me."

"Same to you, please stay in touch" My smile widened. "It was really nice to see each other again and I had a lot of fun."

"I feel like I got an old friend back."

"Come to think of it, why the heck didn't we keep in touch?"

Bum Sang shrugged. "That happens in life all the time, you just stop keeping in touch and that's all."

"I guess. See you again then."

"We will definitely meet again!"

"Yeah."

I slammed the car's door shut and waved before he drove away. Then I sighed heavily as if the heavens had collapsed on my shoulders. Should I go back too? It's not like I can just stay at the orphanage forever. I have so many things to do. For example open a new book shop an-

Aish, I can't keep those thoughts away. What the heck did Bum Sang figure out?! What the heck?! Why must I be so stupid? This is depressing indeed, will I ever understand? Why is everything so difficult nowadays? I need to forget about everything, now.

Looking frantically around myself, I spotted nothing what could take my attention away from the bothering thoughts. Surprisingly, there were no nuns to give me chores and no John and Tesh to annoy me with their stupid talks or drag me to play cards with them. In fact, there was no one on the yard, not even Jung Woo to turn my life into hell.

"Should I go on a picnic?" A sudden though struck me. Maybe Seung Hyun is still where I left him? He is the source of my sufferings so maybe he will be able to end them?

I went to the kitchen and a few nuns helped me to pack up some food and drinks. Of course, they kept spazzing about how romantic me and Seung Hyun were, saying something about watching the sun set. I ignored those talks and just kept quiet. It was no use to resist because the situation had totally gotten out of hands.

John and Tesh asked if I wanted to get married now... Maybe not. Happily, like an idiot, I left to look for Seung Hyun feeling like the Red Riding Hood going after the wolf. Am I digging my own grave? I hope not.

It was strange to find Seung Hyun still busy with work. It's been like... three hours and he was still concentrated on his phone. Sitting under a tree, his fingers slid over his haptic fast and firm, his legs spread in front of him and his back leaning against the tree trunk.

"Hey~" I placed the picnic basked in front of him.

"Hmm" He kind of growled, furrowing his brows. "Sorry, I need to work."

People work with laptops but he works with his phone? Interesting.

"I brought you some food."

"I'm not hungry."

I stared at him for a while but it felt like I didn't exist in his world. Some more time passed but he still didn't pay any kind of attention to me.

"Don't be boring" I frowned.

He held his hand in the air to silence me and I shut my mouth obediently. Should I wait then? So I sat down next to him and stared blankly in front of myself until my eyelids started feeling heavy and my eyes closing.

Leaning to the side, my head came in the contact with his shoulder and right away he adjusted into a more comfortable position, for me. How sweet. Damn the open air always makes me extra sleepy and it was slowly getting late.

“Do you want to hear a story?

Can you handle this?"




Have you ever heard a story about a fairy and the fool? You most probably haven't because it's something Jiyong came up with. That was to cheer me up when I was sick one day. I was convinced I was going to die because a while ago I had seen a Korean drama about a girl who got some kind of sickness that had similar symptoms with mine, except I didn't cough up blood. Anyway, I was so scared I didn't want to go to sleep, fearing the moment I close my eyes would be my last.

In a nutshell the story goes like this.

Once upon a time there was a guy who was lazy, inefficient and poor but he was good looking and lucky. What a bliss... In his life he had always gotten everything without any or much efforts. All he had to do was to relax, lay back, wait and some lucky event would struck him.

All he had to do was to chill out and wish for something, eventually he'd get it. And if he didn't happen to get something he'd just shrug indifferently and say: "It wasn't meant to be anyway." The guy was smart too, because he had so much free time he read a lot of books. This way, his life was easy and happy.

One day, on his way to the nearby big city the guy stumbled upon a girl. She was sitting by the forest path, crying her eyes out. Her clothes were torn and she was dirty, even her face was covered in dirt. Silly enough, even though the girl wasn't that pretty the guy found himself drawn to her, somewhat magically.

So he squatted in front of her and asked what was the matter. Slowly she looked up and her big sparkling eyes mesmerized him, as if putting a spell on him, no, a curse. She then explained, she was and princess but her carriage was robbed a while ago. Luckily she was able to escape from the bad guys.

The guy listened and nodded along the story, though he didn't believe she was a princess, there was something off about it. Still, the good guy he was, he decided to help her and took her to his house, gave her clean clothes and let her take a bath.

After she washed off all the dirt he realized she was actually pretty and she looked cute in his over sized clothes. Her smile was very bright and her eyes big and round, it all made her look very kind. He got the feeling he wanted to take care of her, forever.

But you see, the guy was just too inefficient to be taking care of anyone. He didn't know how because everything he got in his life came to him so effortlessly. And he had always been alone as long as he could remember. Anyway, he let the girl stay as she said she needed to hide from someone. The guy didn't ask anything and let her stay, he thought her presence was comforting. Besides, as a pay back she helped to do the chores around the house. Once again blessing our hero with lazy free time.

It's obvious, he fell in love with the girl but... it's a pity he couldn't let her know about it because he had never initiated anything in his life and even now he assumed she knew his feelings. After all, he was very kind to her and offered her shelter and protection. Sure enough, as he expected she knew about it all, she actually fell in love with him too.

In the village where the guy lived there was a girl who had always loved him. When she found out there was someone living with him she grew angry and jealous. So, she asked around about the "princess" and finally found out from someone that she wasn't a princess at all but a fairy. You see, in that kingdom fairies were very hated because they cursed people.

 Of course, they didn't just go around putting curses on innocent people, every single curse was a punishment for a bad deed. But people, they don't like being punished even though they have done something wrong, especially proud people. So they hated fairies. I think you can guess what that means.

Luckily the animals from the forest told the fairy that something bad was going to happen soon, the little birds told her about that wicked girl and bunnies delivered her a message that the men were coming after her to execute her. The fairy shook her head in disappointment and clicked her tongue. It was a pity, she liked to live with her savior and hated the thought of leaving. But at this rate, she should flee as soon as possible if she wanted to keep her life.

The thing about fairies is that they could put spells on people too, good spells. So on the night when she planned to leave she woke the guy up saying she needed to go somewhere. He grew worried but she calmed him by saying

"All you have to do is to wait and wish for me to come back. Then one day... I will"

She smiled brightly, totally convincing him and he nodded.

"Do you promise me?"

He promised. The spell was sealed. It was the spell of love and that is the most powerful of them all.

After the fairy left the wicked girl became a frequent guest at the guy's house. As time passed by, they grew closer but the guy still had no idea she liked him. All he could think about was the fairy and he wowed to wait for her always and forever. Only, sometimes human promises are futile when time passes by. So very futile.

Many years went by but there was no sign of the fairy. The fool grew impatient and reluctant.

"But she never told me she loves me... What if she lied? What if she will never come back? I should at least marry this girl because I don't want to grow old alone" In the end he gave up and married the wicked girl.

As soon as the promise was broken the spell turned into a curse.

His good luck was taken away from him and he became just a fool, still believing in the good luck he didn't have anymore. Even the wicked girl eventually left him after he got into a fight and lost his enchanting beauty. But then he thought he had the fairy at least. He was sure she'd come back one day.

But, she was a liar, just a wicked girl. Do you really think she'd come back to an ugly and unlucky foolish guy? It's useless to keep waiting, they never told each other about their love so why did they both expect the other one to know and trust something they weren't even sure about?


Ten-year-old me was so shocked with the ending that nine years old him came up with.

"Ya, ya, ya! That's so unfair! Why is the ending like that?"

"Because" Jiyong looked at me dully. "The fairy is evil."

"What?" My jaw dropped. "But it was the fool's fault. Why did he give up?"

"Well, she never came back and she never planned to come." He shifted his eyes off of me, looking a little nervous and reluctant.

"No, I bet you somehow twisted the ending!" I rubbed my chin. "One day she will come back, I am sure. And then they will live together happily ever after!"

"No, she will never come back."

"But why? I thought she loved him too."

"He became ugly."

"But she could put a beauty spell on him!"

"No! She changed her mind" he said bitterly. "And besides, the guy got the same sickness as you and died shortly after that."

"Nooo" My eyes watered. "I am not going to die."

"How do you know?"

"Apppaaaa!" I yelled, clutching onto my comforter. "Jiyong is bullying me."

My Appa opened the door and pocked his head in the room "Stop lying. Besides, shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"She is too scared of dying" Jiyong said dully.

"Yeah, once I fall asleep I will die" I whined.

"Silly, you won't die" Appa uttered a laughter. "If you sleep you will get better. I promise."

"Really? For sure?" I blinked.

"For sure sweetie, look I am a bit busy right now. I will check on you later. Then, I am counting on you Hyunnie" He smiled sweetly and closed the door. My teary eyes landed back on Jiyong.

"He said I won't die so the fool in the story didn't die either" I said firmly.

Jiyong rolled his eyes. "Stupid, there is no love in real life, it exists only in fairy tales. So I just gave this one a realistic ending" he explained.

In silence I stared at him, wide eyed. Not really getting what he was talking about. Tilting my head to the side I frowned.

"What do you mean? But in the manhwa I read the other day they ended up together."

"Aish" Jiyong slapped his forehead. "It's not reality."

"Well, nuna next door is getting married soon" I quickly said.

Jiyong's face grew gloomy. "And so?" He raised a brow. "Still, the fairy never came back. It's my story and I get to decide on the ending."

"But I want her to come back."

"What a pity, she never will."

"Pretty please, just change it for my shake. I am sick and all, if I go to sleep feeling sad I will die for sure."

"Yeah, sure" he scoffed. "I would be happy if you did. So annoying."

"Then whatever" I looked away from him. "I will decide on my own ending then, a happy ending with lots of love!"

"You stupid or something?" Jiyong raised his voice. "Yah, your uhmma will never come back, idiot!"

My whole body froze in shock. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

"So stop waiting, you fool" Jiyong sprang on his feet, glaring at me angrily.



"My appa won't return either."
 

"The end."


The end?




It's true that deep in my heart I waited and waited for her to come home. Maybe, somehow I was afraid to give up even though she never promised anything. It's a feeling you can't get rid of no matter what. In a way I am still waiting. I do miss her sometimes but it's been such a long time and I have forgotten a lot. I keep forgetting. But still, I refuse to believe love doesn't exist just because my mother proved so. In one form or another, it does.

Now that I think about it. Wasn't the fool so happy and lucky just because he never worried about anything? He must have realized that having nothing is as good as having everything. Isn't that love? It's everything yet it's nothing, you can't hold it in your hands or prove you feel it. Heck, love is just a word humans came up with, it's nothing.

So why does it keep becoming everything?

When I woke up and opened my eyes I realized Seung Hyun was asleep, his head leaning on the top of mine. My eyes landed on his haptic that he was still holding, it was on. Moving as slowly and carefully as possible I stretched out my hand to grab it away from him. I wondered what did he save my number as so I strolled down his phone book that had maybe even thousand contacts.

"Let's see, Sandara Park."

No, it's not it.

"Fairy?"

No.

"Pepsi?"

No.

"Baby?"

My cringed my face when I saw at least 20 contacts with that name. Tsh.

"Baby sister?"

Not that either.

"Ssantoki?"

No.

"Damn what is it?"

I pressed his phone to my chin trying to come up with any other nickname. Meanwhile Seung Hyun stirred in his sleep and his arms wrapped around me. I rolled my eyes but since it felt comfortable, I snuggled against his chest and closed my eyes for a second, feeling carefree.

"Princess?"

No.

"Love?"

No, good that would have been so cheesy.

"Jiyong's sister?"

No. God, I keep coming up with stupid names. So I gave up and instead dialed my number. When I pressed the call button a name flashed on the screen and my heart froze when I read it.

"Mine?" I read out loud.

"Mine"

All those moments when he told me he owned me flashed through my mind making me wonder really hard what the heck was that supposed to really mean. But... Can't I just be his? A giddy feeling spread through my body and I felt like melting. Like melting in his arms.

What is this? Why is my life suddenly so messed up? Is it because I am not admitting to myself I love him? If I admitted ev