I was too angry at both guys to go to Paradise Kiss and I doubt they missed me. I don't know what to think anymore. Gangsters, near to death situations, Bom and Sil Jang, freaking heart transplant?! What the heck has been going on and why is it all suddenly part of my life too? What about Park Sang Doo and Taeyang? How come everything is related to everything?    It's like someone planned my life or something. Someone put Taeyang there, someone made me fall in love with Jiyong, someone pulled me into a mess. Maybe I am just a character in a book. I wonder what's the ending like?   Somehow I ended up at that park where Taeyang had taken me to once before. I squatted down and tossed crumbles of bread for the adorable squirrels but they didn't come out because the pigeons ate everything. Aish! I wanted to take out a gun and kill all those useless murmuring birds and then grill and eat them. Don't they have anything else to do? Go build a nest or something! Shoo, shoo!   "Aish" I hissed and threw the bread on the ground. After last night I was in the worst mood ever and even slightest things annoyed me so much I wanted to strangle someone. I glared at a by-passing little boy, he glanced at me before his face turned pale and he ran away with tears in his eyes. Yes, I am the evil witch. Would someone just kill me off before I go crazy?   With a dull expression on my face I kicked a few pebbles, hitting one pigeon with them. Hehe, a cheeky smile spread on my lips. Take this, I grabbed a stone and was about to toss it at the fattest pigeon but then my wrist was grabbed by someone. I looked over my shoulder and saw Taeyang. What the heck? Does he come here often?   "What are you doing?" he raised a brow.    Maybe he loves animals and is going to scold me because I bullied his cute little friends? When no one sees he probably sings and dances with them. So unfair. He has a nice fairy tale with cute squirrels so why do I get fat ugly pigeons?   "I'm going crazy" I muttered through gritted teeth.   "What happened?"   "Nothing" I hissed and then eyed him with suspicion "You are hiding something from me too, right?"   "No, I am not hiding anything" he said, sounding sincere "What do you mean?"   "You" I jerked my hand away from his hold and grabbed his left bicep. "This" I squeezed.   "What?" he gave me a weird look.   "And this" I lifted up his t-shirt revealing his well trained abs, even better than Jiyong's.   "What are you doing?" Taeyang asked meekly, pulled his tee down and stepped one step back.    That personality does not fit the picture here!   "Why would a normal guy have such body?" I asked squinting my eyes.   "You know I go to gym the almost daily" he frowned.   "But why?"   "Why not?"   "Aish, I don't know. You are not a gangster, are you?"   Taeyang looked at me like he has never looked at me before and that look on his face shut me up. He looked hurt but mixed in that hurt, there was anger and something else, maybe worry.   "What made you think that?" he asked, a frown appearing on his face.   "Nothing" I said promptly, already regretting everything.   Taeyang ran his hand through his hair, looking a little frustrated.   "I don't know what you are talking about. You know me, don't you? You know where I work, you know who my friends are, you know what I do on my free time, you know a lot about me, don't you?" he said calmly.   "But what about the past" I said in weak voice.   "What does it matter anymore?" Taeyang bit his lower lip "Have you ever seen my face bruised? Did I ever do anything shady?"   "No" I said feeling guilty "I'm sorry, ummm... My life is a mess right now and I don't know about anything anymore" I poured out my feelings "Seriously, I am so confused. I mean, I heard stuff about Park Sang Doo but I guess a gangster wouldn't be your friend" I slowly brought my eyes at Taeyang's face and he looked a little bothered about something.   "Dara" he spoke softly "I am not a gangster or anything like that. You must have been thinking too much again. Calm down" he stepped closer to me and pat my shoulder. "Let's do something fun to take your thoughts off everything, okay?"   "I'm just" I breathed out and felt my eyes get moist. What am I supposed to think now?   Jiyong almost died once, there was a man pointing a gun at Seung Hyun's head in front of my eyes, Taeyang's past is shady too. What should I do now? What should I think? Just now he ignored me mentioning Sang Doo. Was that a hint?   "I'm sorry about yesterday. I acted childish" Taeyang sighed "But your brother, he... Actually, does he treat you well?" Taeyang asked sounding concerned.   "No" I mumbled "He treats me like shi.t" I said bitterly   "He doesn't seem to treat you like a sister, rather he" Taeyang paused and I quickly looked at his face. He was frowning.   "He what?"   "Never mind" Taeyang smiled and pulled his hand away from my shoulder "Do you want to do something relaxing with me?"   "Like what?" That sounded kind of erted.   "How about we go to sauna?"   "Sauna?" I asked in surprise. Did I look dirty to him or something?   "I haven't been there for a while."   "But sauna..."   What kind of guy takes a depressed girl to a sauna?    "But what did you want to say about Jiyong?"   "Nothing" he sighed "Let's go."   Taeyang grabbed my hand and pulled me along. I didn't protest, being alone would be great right now. And I bet Taeyang would take my thoughts off all that depressing stuff. Besides, I haven't been to a sauna for such a long time either.   He was holding my hand, so softly like he was afraid to break me. He was so gentle and careful when it came to me. But why didn't he confess then? What was keeping him from confessing? I really got this feeling that something was definitely keeping him from that.    Did he deny being a gangster in the past? No. And that weird look on his face when I asked him about it, it just busted him.     "Do you want an egg?" Taeyang offered "I can peel this for you."   "Yeah, thanks" I mumbled as I settled go stop cards between us.   "You look a lot better now" Taeyang said softly as he started peeling the egg "I won't ask but if you want to talk about it then I promise to listen very carefully and do my best to help you feel better."   "Hmmm" I bit my lower lip as I stared at the go stop cards. "Are you really the Taeyang I know?"   "Look here."   I looked up and saw him smiling that gentle smile of his.   "It's me, really. I am like this, I am not trying to be anyone else. What you know about me is all true and what you don't" he paused for a second "That, it doesn't matter, it's all in the past. My life, is now like this, peaceful and simple. I go to work every day and pay my taxes. I don't even smoke and rarely drink alcohol. You know it all, I don't like cursing and my nature is calm.”   He sounded so sincere I really believed him. But why did he make himself sound so boring? Tsh.   "But you are admitting something happened to you in the past?" I asked carefully.   "We all have our little secrets, right?" Taeyang winked.   I blinked. What did he just do?    "Let's play" I mumbled grabbing my cards.   "Here is your egg."   "Thanks" I smiled meekly as I took the egg from him.   "What am I going to do with you?" he sighed "Yah, stop sulking already. Do you want me to practice my gigolo skills on you again?" he teased.   "What gigolo skills?" I raised a brow, a smile tugging my lips up. "Are you planning to extort money from me?"   Taeyang just stuck his tongue at me and grabbed his cards, quickly glancing over them. "Did you cheat?" He soon looked at me with stern expression on his face. "While I was peeling the egg for you... you... why are you looking at me like that?"   Right, I gaped at him. did he just stick his tongue out? What? He looked so clumsy doing it as if he just did it for the first time in his life. And suddenly I burst out in laughter. How cute could he get? Even doing stuff like that to cheer me up.   "What?" Taeyang frowned playfully.   "Nothing, let's just play."   "Okay, prepare to lose."   "Or maybe you should prepare to lose."   "You don't expect me to lose on purpose just to make you happy, do you?" he joked.   "You could do it."   "Never" he laughed "Okay, let's see..." He is definitely a guy who doesn't like to lose. Come to think about it, I never actually won him in any game before.   "Hmmm, Taeyang" I suddenly wanted to hear his opinion about something.   "Yeah" he was concentrated on playing and didn't notice me looking at him.   "What do you think about fairy tales?"   "Fairy tales?" he quickly glanced at me and then lowered his eyes again "I don't know, what should I think about them?"   "Just say the first thing that comes to your mind."   A short silence fell between us as we concentrated on playing.   "Well, I'd like to find a gingerbread house with candy fence and chocolate roof and taste it" he smirked. "I want to see how my bite mark looks on the wall."   I looked at him dully. Does this guy know what means romantic or not? Even Seung Hyun is more romantic with his stupid flirting.   "And I really want to see the wonderland too."   "But Alice in wonderland isn't even a fairy tale" I said lazily as I crossed my legs in front of myself.   "And why do we call those stories fairy tales, anyway? Why not elf tale or princess tale or something else?" Taeyang finally looked at me.   "Because fairies are cute" I smiled proudly "Like me, hehe.."   Taeyang chuckle "So you are a fairy, huh?"   I sighed. "Would you believe me if I said I once was? But it was very long ago." A bittersweet smile spread on my lips.   "Why not, I believe you" he smiled "HA!" he suddenly exclaimed when he picked up his card. "What do you say about this? Who's winning" he teased.   "Nothing is over yet" I pretended to glare at him.   "I forgot to mention before, the loser buys dinner" he smirked boyishly.   "Yah, we never agreed on that."   "What? Are you afraid you will lose?"   "Fine" I muttered.   "But anyway. If you were once a fairy then doesn't that mean you still are?" he asked casually. "Guess, your previous boyfriend was really sweet" he sighed somehow sadly.   "What?" I stared at him with confusion "Why?"   "Calling you a fairy and all. Did he say you put a spell on him and took his heart?" Taeyang teased. Was it my imagination or did he just sound jealous?   "No" I blushed "Actually I came up with that fairy thing."   "Really?" he looked surprised. "Don't tell me you also proposed?"   I glared at him.   "Just joking, continue" he chuckled.   "When Jiyong and I were little, I told him about love but he didn't really understand what love means. He was like 10 and he still didn't get it, how slow can he be?!"   Taeyang listened carefully and just nodded.   "So I told him love is when you like someone and he announced he was in love with all his friends and my appa and his uhmma, Doraemon, Pikatchu and so on. I slapped his big stupid head and told him being in love and love is not exactly the same thing."   Taeyang chuckled, probably imagining us two as kids, arguing. Did anything change when he grew up? Now we are two adults arguing, not so cute anymore, are we?   "He asked me what it means to be in love and how can he find out if he was in love. I shrugged and told him something I heard from the TV: guys in love are fools. So I said when he feels like a fool he must be in love then. He nodded and asked what are girls in love then. I thought for a moment and told him girls in love are fairies. Do you know why?"   "Why?"   "Well, guess" I wondered if he would get the right answer.   "Did you mean, because fairies turn guys into fools?" Taeyang asked raising his brows. "Because fairies can do magic and guys just don't know what struck them" a smile started spreading on his lips "And so, they turn guys into fools by acting all sweet, nice and being pretty."   "Bingo" I snapped my fingers. At the moment, I was so proud of him.   "Sounds like something you would come up with" Taeyang chuckled.       I didn't tell him what was Jiyong's next question.   "Well then... Am I your fool?"        "What do you mean? Are you implying it sounds stupid?" I eyed Taeyang with suspicion.   "No, no" he shook his head.   "You don't sound too convincing..."   "What do you mean? How can I say something what fairy came up with is stupid?" he laughed "You would put a curse on me."   "Fairies are pure" I protested.   "But they can curse people too, you know" Taeyang giggled.   "Hey" I exclaimed when I looked at the cards between us "What the-?"   "I win" Taeyang flashed a cheeky smile.   "You cheater" I blew my cheeks.   "What do you mean, it's fair play all the way" he defended himself.   "I'll curse you" I threatened.   "Maybe it's to late..." he said with a mysterious smile on his face.   "What?"   "Let's go eat, I'm hungry." Taeyang stood up.   "Wait, what did you just say?" I sprang on my feet.   "I said I'm hungry" he smirked.   "Before that"   "Let's go eat."   "Before that!"   "Can't remember" he shrugged "It's in the past, anyway."   "Yah" I was about to grab his sleeve but he quickly stepped aside. Wha- He sure has animal reflexes.   "See you outside" he said quickly, before walking away.   "Yah" I yelled but he just walked away. Just like that.   Taeyang actually took longer to come out and I already got cold while waiting for him. He immediately realized it and took off his scarf quickly wrapping it around my neck and while he was at it I saw familiar figure walk past us. He didn't notice me.   "Daesung" I exclaimed with my eyes wide open. He stopped and turned his head at me and Taeyang who's hands were still gripping on the scarf.   "Nuna?" Daesung wiped that miserable expression off his face the instant our eyes locked.   "What are you doing?" I wanted to know. I got a little worried when I saw him that sad. His cheeks were red and his eyes a little puffy. Did he cry? Who made him cry?   "Just" he shrugged "Wandering the streets" he said casually and then his eyes landed on Taeyang's hands. Taeyang quickly let go of the scarf and stepped back.   "You what?" I asked in disbelief. "Why? It's cold too!" He sounded like a little gangster.   "I have nothing else to do" Daesung smirked. I stepped closer to him and cupped his cheeks with my palms, he was ice cold.   "Yah, you are going to get sick. Why did you wear so thin clothes?" I nagged him.   "Don't worry" he grinned "I was just about to go home, anyway." his voice wavered a little but he smiled brightly trying to hide his feelings. Daesung, you little sunshine. Why are you so sad? My face fell. Something must have happened. What if it's about his sister? NO! How can I let him go cry somewhere all by himself?   "Are you hungry?" I asked glancing at Taeyang who nodded.   "I, I'm-"   "Come with us" I quickly grabbed his hand "Wha- You are cold" I gripped on his fingers not wanting to let go but it's not like he was struggling.   "Now that you say it" Daesung agreed "I didn't even notice it" he grinned.   "What do you guys want to eat?" Taeyang asked casually.   "Don't I get to decided since it's me buying?" I asked giving him a dirty look. I can't believe he cheated with the game.   "Forget it" Taeyang laughed "It's my treat."   "You are acting all sweet and nice because Daesung is here" I accused him.   "I'm not" he pouted and slipped his hands in the pockets of his pants. "By the way" his eyes landed on Daesung "I never introduced myself properly, last time" he stuck his hand out "Nice to meet you, Daesung" he said with tint of amusement in his voice.   "Yeah" Daesung grabbed his hand "Nice to meet you Taeyang hyung" he chuckled somehow coldly. And they squeezed each other's hand so hard it probably hurt because their faces became stiff. I eyed them with suspicion, they must know each other from somewhere.   "Daesung" I grabbed his hand and he let go of Taeyang "Where do you want to go eat?"   "I don't really care" he shrugged.   "I know a nice barbeque place near by, what do you say?" Taeyang suggested.   "Sounds good! I'm really hungry" I agreed.   "Yeah" Daesung smiled.   All the way I held Daesung's hand afraid he'd run away once I let go. He seemed a little restless and kept spacing out. Something was definitely bothering him a lot. Taeyang stayed quiet, he walked beside me with his hands jammed in the pockets of his red jacket. I can't believe such bold color suited him so well. He was spacing out a lot too. Weird.    I tried to keep up some kind of conversation but both guys kind of were in their own little words.    While eating we somehow agreed to go later to Taeyang's place watch dramas. Daesung kept hiding the fact he was feeling miserable and I wasn't feeling that happy either, I figured out watching a sad drama would be a good idea. We could just cry our hearts out and let out some steam and frustration by cursing stupid characters who keep doing stupid mistakes and being just plain stupid.    Taeyang's place is bigger than mine, his TV is huge and his sofa very comfortable and besides, he lives near by. As usual, he didn't have anything against my idea.   On our way we bought some snacks, refreshments, a cake and three boxes of tissues. When I grabbed them from the shelf Taeyang rolled his eyes but Daesung just gave me a weird look, clueless about my "great" plan.   It kind of broke my heart how he kept smiling like nothing was wrong and his smiles were so bright and beautiful. My own little sunshine, cute little thing. I pinched his cheek and made him laugh. Awww...   One hour later we all sat on Taeyang's couch, Daesung and I were already crying like someone had died and blowing our noses loudly. Taeyang ate chips, groaning once in a while and sending pleading looks our way.    Sometimes he laughed at us and kept making fun of all the heart tearing scenes. We threw our used tissues at him making him sh