Trust me.

I will betray you.

Love me.

I will never love you back.

My heart... is dead.


You might think I am crazy offering Seung Hyun to come over in the middle of the night, to get drunk at my place. I was asking for it, wasn't I? But at least if he got drunk he'd maybe talk, it was worth trying even if there was a possibility of him hugging me to death. As long as he won't stay for three days or something...

And so Seung Hyun stepped in my apartment once again. Like before he carelessly kicked off his shoes and invited himself rudely in like he was living there and not me. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had even opened the door with his spare key before I found mine.

I looked at him dully as he walked across the room throwing his jacket on the floor and slumped on my tatami mattress that I hadn't bothered to put away. He just sat on my bed staring in front of himself with his beautiful empty eyes. Knowing that the best way to make him speak was to get him drunk I went to get the vodka bottle. But first I arranged his shoes, because it bothers me when people leave their shoes all over for others to trip over. Even Jiyong knows that.

"You owe me one bottle of vodka" I said as I handed him the bottle.
"I'll give you whole truckload of these" He flashed me a weak smile as he grabbed the bottle and quickly opened it. At first I just stood in front of him and watched him drink but it was boring because he didn't say anything. He drank vodka like it was water. That meant something was really bothering him.

Not wanting to wait until he gets drunk I decided to take a shower while he was getting intoxicated. I have a proper lock on the door so it's not like he could break in and me. I also doubted he'd do anything. He was like a Teddy after all, soft, big and warm. That sure made him sound like... really fat... But anyway, at the moment he wasn't like Teddy, he was like a stupid rock head, sea monster donkey. Useless gangster... Isn't it funny how my opinion of him changes fast and often?

Will there ever be a day for him to speak up?

I took a long shower, shaved my legs, brushed my teeth and did all kind of girl stuff, wanting to give Seung Hyun enough time to get drunk by his boring self. When I came out from the bathroom he was...

My eyes widened when I saw Seung Hyun stand in front or my wardrobe wearing MY pink tee, it was a little tight for him (nicely outlining his fiiiine muscles), and he was in the process of pulling on my pajama pants.

"Yah!" I ran to him. "What the hell are you doing?"

I think I startled him and that's why he fell against me his face smacking into my chest. His hands quickly wrapped around my waist as he tried to keep himself from falling.

"Sweet." A wide smile spread on Seung Hyun's lips and he buried his face in my chest. Okay, so he is drunk now...

"Get away from me, ert" I slapped his head and pushed him away. The nerve. There won't be a moment when Seung Hyun isn't a ert...

"What the heck are you doing?" I looked at him quickly pull the pants up and caught a glimpse of his pink boxers with heart shapes. I raised a brow.

"Do you know how uncomfortable a suit is?" Seung Hyun asked trying his hardest to make himself sound sober but he was too drunk for that.

"And why are you wearing pink boxers?" I couldn't keep myself from asking.

"Aren't I so CUTE?" Seung Hyun pulled his pants a bit lower flashing some of his "so cute" boxers. My gaze shifted down and then back up at his goofy face.

"Are you an idiot?"

He pouted and lowered his gaze like a kid who has done something wrong but got caught. Hey, my eyes lit up, I like this drunk Seung Hyun! He is kind of cute.

"And why did you choose a pink t-shirt of all I had?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

"I like pink..."

"Whatever" I let out a sigh. He looked quite funny because my pants were too short for him, ending above his ankles. But he was thin enough so they fit on (or then I am fat), even though they were a bit thight too. But he likes tight clothes like skinny jeans and such, right? I wanted to laugh.

"Hold on, I will get you Jiyong's old clothes, I have some here" I stepped closer to the wardrobe.

"No need" Seung Hyun slurred.

I gave him a weird look and he smiled back at me, looking silly.

"When I wear your clothes it feels like I'm wearing you" he hugged himself.

"You are crazy..."

"Yah" his hand fell on my shoulder. "I'm not crazy, I'm cute and" he hiccuped. "And romantic."

"Yeah, yeah..." I ignored him as I searched for Jiyong's pants. Seung Hyun leaned against me and looked inside the wardrobe. Probably he was too drunk to stand by himself.

"Huh?" his grabbed something. "These" he stretched my in front of his face.

"YAH!" I yelled grabbing them from his hand, my face flustering. "Go away."

Somehow I have always known this day would come, Seung Hyun going through my underwear.

"You laughed at me but you wear with corn and pig prints" he stared at me with very serious expression on his face, like this was a matter of life and death.

"Why pigs?"

He looks dumb. "Not your business" I growled.

"So" he suddenly grabbed the box with my underwear and took it out.

"Put it back."

"No" he held it over his head.

"Give it back" I jumped up but couldn't reach it. Why does he have to be so tall? Seung Hyun looked at me, an amused expression on his face.

"I want to see what else you have in there. Fairy" he pinched my cheek with his free hand. "I guess you never changed your style after high school..." he teased.

"You know nothing about that" I growled.

"Maybe not..." he flashed a mysterious smile. "Maybe a lot."

"I don't care, just give it back or I'll kick you out of here" I glared at him.

"No" he smiled back at me, that idiotic drunken smile of his.

"I said, give it back"

I hit his chest, the box slipped from his hand and all my fell over him, some landing on the top of his head. Imagine this scene... We stared at each other for a long moment, in grave silence, until I finally snapped out of it.

"I hate you! Freaking ert!" I yelled, embarrassed to death, quickly squatted down and started collecting the before he could see anything. But he probably saw everything. I hoped he wouldn't remember by tomorrow.

"Awww" he looked at my pink with heart imprints. Why didn't I throw those away? Why?

"We have couple underwear" Seung Hyun smiled happily.

"I'm throwing it away" I grabbed the from him. "Besides, I am a girl, it's okay for me to wear pink ."

"Then I am a girl too" Seung Hyun pouted.

"You are not a girl."

"I can be whatever I want" he said stubbornly.

"Why do you want to be a girl?"


"So I can wear your ." (A/N : WTF maakopla)


Then I realized I was arguing with a guy who was so drunk he was talking about wearing my underwear. Did he even understand himself what he just said?! I don't think he did.

"You sick creep" I mumbled before turning away from him and putting all scattered underwear back in the wardrobe. When I turned around I saw him twirling around the room with Teddy in his arms. Guess he was dancing even though it didn't look like that. He tripped on his own feet, fumbled forward and bumped into the bookshelf almost causing it to fall. My smile froze. Big clumsy idiot. Just like a donkey in an one room apartment would be.

"Yah" My eyes turning into slits, I ran after him and grabbed Teddy, pulling it away from his hands. Maybe it was a mistake to get him drunk?

"Stop moving around, go sit" I ordered trying to sound intimidating but failed because:

"But I want to dance" he chirped and spun around bumping into the wall and fell down. I burst out in laughter.

"You won't help me up?" Seung Hyun gave me his puppy eyes.

Wow, he looks cute but my heart is not racing faster. It's not!

"Nope."

"So ignorant" he mumbled while getting up and I burst into another dirty laughter.

"Let's dance together, Pepsi" the bear was ripped from my hands and thrown to the side. My eyes widened from surprise when Seung Hyun grabbed my hands and pulled me closer.

"You call this dancing, Snickers donkey?" I asked with sarcasm in my voice. Instead of dancing he simply hugged me. Lovesick puppy... What a perfect nickname for him.

"Oh right, dance" Seung Hyun chuckled and after placing my left hand on his shoulder he placed his right hand on my waist. Then he grabbed my right hand with his left and intertwined his fingers with mine, stretching our hands out to the side.

"Let's tango" a serious expression fell on his face.

"Stop it" I uttered a laughter, he looked and sounded so stupid.

"No, let's go."

He suddenly moved to the side and dragged me along. I wouldn't call it dancing because we were just taking random steps and I almost tripped over my own feet while I tried not to step on his.

"Snickers, let me go" I mumbled my eyes concentrated on his feet, while he was being absorbed into his "Dance".

"Tam tam tam tam" he started humming some song.

"Yah" the laughter was already spilling from my mouth.

"Phabo!" I laughed at him when he let go of my waist and spun me around under his arm.

"You are so totally in love with me, right?" he joked.

His hand landed on my waist again and he pulled me a little closer. My heart skipped a beat when my eyes locked with his and with a weak gust of wind, caused by his sudden move, I caught a whiff of faint scent of his cologne. Sometimes, his eyes sparkle so lovingly I want to give in.

"Why would you want that?" I whispered and saw how part of that spark in his eyes died, simply dimmed.

"You are right. I don't really want that but how about this one night?" he slowly leaned a bit closer, his lips aiming for mine.

"This doesn't make you look cool, if you were thinking about something like that" I uttered a laughter, trying to push away that adoration I had for him and him.

"It's because you can't dance" a charming smile spread on his lips.

"I can" I protested.

"I don't think so."

"No, I really can" I insisted.

"Then why don't you?"

"I don't want to!"

"Because you can't" he kept teasing me.

"No, I can!"

"Yeah?" he raised a brow, a wicked expression lingering on his face.

"But I don't want to dance with you" I said dully, realizing he was just trying to make me dance with him. Smart guy.

"Okay" Seung Hyun chuckled.

He made a few steps forward and to the side, and I realized he actually made tango steps. Whoa, he really knows how to dance? I mean, why wouldn't he know? Of course he knows. It's part of being a perfect prince. I stared at our feet with a slight frown on my face, trying to copy his moves. I've always wanted to learn how to dance tango. Geez, another thing to be envious of.

"And now you have to lean back" he suddenly stopped.

"No way, you will drop me" I looked at him warily.

"I won't."

"Let's stop this" I tried to let go of his hand but he squeezed mine harder.

"Lean back and it's the end of the dance" he insisted.

"No, I won't. You are drunk and you will just lose your balance." And I don't want to end on the floor under him...

"You are not that heavy, you know..."

"Let go."

"Lean back."

"Let go."

"Lean back."

"No!"

"Trust me."

"Never!"

"Come on..."

"Yah" I glared at him. Seung Hyun wasn't usually the type to argue over something like this. He pouted cutely.

"That face won't help you." I lied, just a little more and you will get me to do anything you want.

"Just once."

"Let go" I lightly hit his chest with my free hand but he grabbed it, intertwining his fingers with mine. And now holding my both hands, he brought them down, to my sides.

"Then..."

He quickly leaned in and pecked me on the lips. What the he.ll just happened? My eyes widened huge and I gaped at him. He let go of me and took out his cellphone then snapping a picture of me. I must have looked like a frog with my eyes almost covering my whole face.

"The he.ll?!" I snapped from my shock and quickly rubbed my lips. Note to myself, don't hang around drunk Seung Hyun ever again if you don't want your lips get molested.

"I swear, you are so cute" Seung Hyun chuckled.

"Delete that" I ordered.

He just gave me this conceited glance. "I don't think so."

I groaned, shifting my gaze off him, and here I thought he is cute when he is drunk. But no, he is even more annoying. Stealing a kiss too... How much more kisses will happen between us? Why are they happening? Damn it, how could I be so gullible! But wait! A peck doesn't count as a kiss.

"Let's look at your baby photos" Seung Hyun suddenly suggested and spun around almost losing his balance and falling flat on his face.

I was secretly disappointed he didn't actually fall but managed safely walk all the way to the bookshelf. He stared at the photo albums for a while and then grabbed one in the middle as if knowing my childhood photos would be in it.

I watched him walk casually back to the tatami and sit down his back leaning against the wall. He seriously looked stupid in my pink tee and baby blue pajama pants and my hands itched to make a few small ponytails to the side of his head and pin his bangs with cute pins. Maybe I should do that?

In the past when Jiyong got drunk and fell asleep before me I used to put make up on his face and do his hair, just to annoy him. Of course, I also took pictures and later threatened him with them. He he, I was such a bad sister.

But he looked so pretty! When he was a kid I sometimes made him wear a dress because I wanted to play this one princess game. My dad forbid me from watching Jumong and other historical dramas because I got a bit too excited about them and he pitied Jiyong.

As you maybe may guess I didn't have many friends when I was little so Jiyong got to suffer, a lot. It annoyed me so much when I wanted to play tea party and all he cared about were his dino toys. Now that I think back at those times, I didn't seem to respect him at all. Guess, if he is now angry at me, I'll just have to accept it.

"Nam Nam, come sit here" Seung Hyun chirped.

I think my blood stopped circulating in my body when I heard him say it.

When we were little Jiyong sometimes called me Nam Nam when he got angry at me. I wouldn't have minded but he actually called me Nam Nam because he said I was an evil and fat candy monster. Evil because I ate his candies and fat because I well... I ate his candies (and I was fat).

"What did you just say?" I asked slowly.

"Nam Nam, because you look so delicious, like a candy" he giggled like a little girl.

"If you ever call me that I am going to kill you" I growled with venom in my voice.

Thanks to Jiyong I can't stand that nickname. Some of my friends tried to use it before but I got so angry they were afraid to mention it anymore. EVER. And now what? The creepy player finally realized that my name is funny in a state when I have no control over him.

"Nam Nam, don't get angry" he smiled waving his hand in the air and motioning me to come sit next to him
.
I just glared at him in silence. Even fairy and Pepsi are better.

"By the way, do you have any more alcohol?" he suddenly asked. I watched him grab the vodka bottle and drink the rest of the liquid.

"No" I lied.

"You better bring me more or I'll start seducing you" he said casually as he started flipping through the album and soon a melancholic smile spread on his lips. Probably he thought me and Jiyong were so cute together, or something.

"Do whatever you want, it's not like I will be seduced" I said dully.

"Wanna try me?" he asked seductively.

I gulped. Okay maybe it's better to just give him the rest what I have in here. Besides, it seems like he has sobered up a little already. If I want him to talk in the end I better get him more drunk. This happy go lucky drunk seems like the first stage only. God, how much alcohol does he need to get really drunk, do I have enough?

I went to the kitchen and roamed through my cupboards finding one half full tequila bottle.

When I came back to the living room Seung Hyun wasn't there anymore, I turned to look at the bathroom door and heard the toilet bowl flush. Soon he came out with something white in his hands.

"What's this?"

"What?" I squinted my eyes at the object.

"I saw it while washing my hands. By the way, I never got to say this before but your bathroom is so adorable."

"That's..." my eyes widened.

"Could this possibly be what women call... a tampon?" Seung Hyun held the tampon in front of his face "It's so small."

"Put it back" I walked towards him. My god, I have a player in my apartment and he is holding a tampon?! Could my life get any more crazy? His randomness strikes again!

"I wanted to ask, do you put it in from behind or-"

"Shut up" I tried to grab the tampon from him but he held his hand up.

"How does it actually feel when you put it inside?" he asked with a serious expression on his face "Is it uncomfortable?"

"It doesn't feel like anything" I growled in answer, my face turning redder with every second.

"Can you use it when your nose bleeds to put in your nose?" he asked. "I think I saw it in a movie..."

"Here" I just handed him the bottle and turned away from his annoying face.

This is too awkward.

"I'm not making fun of you, I am just interested" Seung Hyun commented calmly.

He put the bottle under his armpit and started unwrapping the tampon. I just stared at him in disbelief, how could he seriously be interested in this?

"Is it soft? What is it made of? How come it all the blood inside and keeps it inside? How long can you keep it in?" he started asking like a little kid.

"WHY do you want to know?" I yelled.

I was so embarrassed, I mean... There is this hot guy in my apartment talking about tampons and periods. What the he.ll?

"Does it hurt? Seriously, do you like bleed, like you know... real blood?"

"I'm not listening" I covered my ears as I walked away from him and slumped down on the tatami.

He stood where I left him and inspected the tampon like it was the most interesting thing ever.

"Women are disgusting" he finally commented.

"Well, thank you" I mumbled.

"How can you just put something like this inside" he looked shocked. "There..."

"And men are not disgusting?" I raised a brow. "You want to put something inside there too" If he wanted to get erted I wasn't gonna fall behind.

"But it's a totally different thing. Besides, you could just use those diapers or whatever."

"PADS!" I corrected him quickly."

"Pads, diapers, same thing..."

"It is not!"

"Diapers..." he snickered.

ARGH! What the he.ll is wrong with him? Why can't he just stop? I was boiling inside. Why would any guy want to talk about periods? Would anyone answer me please, WHY?! I couldn't believe this was happening to me. He takes me to a spa, makes a facial mask for me and now he is talking about periods? Does his gayness have any boundaries or not? And the most annoying thing is that despite his gay ways, I am still feeling attracted to him.

"Whatever" Seung Hyun finally lost his interest in the tampon and just tossed it over his shoulder. So he came here and made a mess... what a nice guest.

"Are you this dirty in your own house too?"

"What do you mean?" Seung Hyun gulped some of the tequila down and put the bottle on the floor, he grabbed Teddy and started dancing with it again. I rolled my eyes.

"You just threw that tampon on the floor, you always kick your shoes off your feet and leave them in the middle of the hallway, you left your jacket on the floor and so on" I rambled.

"I hired a nice ahjumma to clean at my place so I can always leave everything anywhere I want and she will put it all back" Seung Hyun chirped while twirling around with Teddy. "So simple."

I scoffed and grabbed the photo album. These rich and arrogant guys... I thought Seung Hyun would be one of those neat guys but guess I was wrong. All rich guys are not hygiene freaks after all... The heck, who expected him to wear pink underwear, gayishly colorful boy band clothes and go around asking about tampons? Adding to that he is a pig too. I get this feeling the more I find out about him the less I actually know/understand.

"Photo time."

I suddenly felt Seung Hyun's presence abnormally near myself. Even when he is drunk he manages to sneak around so quietly. How does he do it? But taking in consideration his lifestyle and the constant danger he is in, guess it is useful.

Seung Hyun sat next to me so close our shoulders and sides touched and he pulled Teddy closer to himself so he could lean his chin on it. I realized he smelled of my washing powder because he was wearing my clothes, his own scent mixed in and I had to admit it made him smell so nice. I took a deep breathe. He smelled of flowers and forest, like a fairy tale. Yeah... A beautiful fairy tale. I pouted my lips, but why did I suddenly think of a sad ending?

"Let's start from the beginning."

Our fingers touched when he grabbed the photo album and flipped it to the beginning. I flinched but Seung Hyun didn't seem to even notice, for once he didn't care about flirting or making fun of me at all. How strange.

Like this, he is kind of nice. He is like Teddy again. He he... And suddenly everything what Daesung had told me about Seung Hyun flashed through my mind. My face fell as I thought about the pain he must have gone through. I wanted to ask him how he made it through all these years. But then again, what if he is the bad guy?

"Who's the cute chubby baby?"

I snapped from my thoughts when Seung Hyun pinched my cheek. I watched him go through every photo while getting immersed into little details. It amazed me how he noticed even smallest things, he is definitely the most observant guy I have ever met.

"Ha ha" he uttered a laughter when he saw a photo of crying Jiyong, and me standing next to him with a gloomy expression on my face.

He annoyed me that day and I pushed him in a puddle, he fell down, got wet and started crying. Dad scolded me harshly and I got into a bad mood. I don't know why he took a picture of this scene.

"Awww. Who's a chubby little princess" Seung Hyun teased pointing at one of the pictures.

"Must you always remind me that I used to be fat and ugly?" I asked gloomily.

"I don't think you were ugly, chubby kids are cute" he chirped with a bright smile on his lips.

"Anyway, why are you so excited about my and Jiyong's baby photos?"

There I saw it again, that melancholic smile on his lips, that sad look in his eyes and he was staring at Jiyong's photo. My heart started racing faster when I thought that maybe... maybe Seung Hyun is really gay after all? I mean, everything would make sense. He is carrying Jiyong's photo around, he knows hella lot about him, cares about him a lot and is trying to piss him off like by kissing me and stuff, but in the other hand he is trying to get me and Jiyong together.

My eyes widened as I continued to stare at Seung Hyun's calm face. Maybe he is sleeping with different girls just because he is trying to convince himself that he isn't gay and is trying to forget about Jiyong. And he knows that Jiyong likes me so he is trying to get us together. If this all is true I pity him so much. My face fell and my heart sank. He must be so sad.

Seung Hyun moved the photo album so half of it was lying on my thigh and another half on his. A yawn escaped his lips and he leaned his head on my shoulder. Somehow that didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all. Maybe because, he wasn't making fun of me now.

And to think, a small mistake and he might not be sitting next to me here. My heart squeezed from pain. That day, if I didn't insist going to the racing track with him... I would have really regretted.

His body felt warm against mine and I felt giddy in my stomach. He suddenly calmed my soul and lightened my mood, I don't know what was this weird feeling. This light and fluffy feeling, like I was floating on a cloud without a single worry in the whole world. Seung Hyun is so soft and comfortable.

A quiet giggle escaped my lips as I adjusted into a bit better position and snuggled against him. He didn't even notice, his whole concentration lingering on the photos only. I shouldn't be giving into my heart's ways but sometimes I just can't resist. It feels good to lean on him, so good it hurts.

"On that photo" I pointed my finger at the photo where Jiyong was standing in his elementary school uniform. "It's his first day of school and he was so nervous he cried."

I forgot Seung Hyun never answered my question.

"Poor guy" Seung Hyun pouted. "He was really shy, right?"

"Yeah... and I laughed at him, I was so mean" I pouted too. "I always bullied him back then, no wonder he grew up like this" a sigh escaped my lips.

"But, it's not because I didn't like him, it's because I actually liked him too much" I whispered. "But it's a secret" and brought my index finger to my lips.

A sweet smile spread on Seung Hyun's lips. I bet he thought I was cute.

"Is that so?" he asked softly.

"I wish I could say I'm sorry... It's just that he always annoys me and I don't ever get the chance to say it."

"I don't think he is holding grudges, though" Seung Hyun stared at Jiyong's photo. "What a lucky guy he is."

"Yah, what do you mean lucky? He had to go through hell growing up with me. There is a photo with him wearing a dress. I thought he was so pretty so I forced him to wear it."

"I know. The pink dress."

"And how would you know that?"

"I went through these pictures once before."

"But there is no way you can remember everything."

"I always remember everything" Seung Hyun perked up. He glanced at me from the corners of his eyes.

"I can prove. On the next page there is a picture of you with three balloons, green, red and blue. It's the second picture."

I flipped the page and he was right. Wow, I was speechless.

"On the next page is the picture I thought was the best. You sitting on a bench in the park with a box of chocolate chip cookies in your hand and with that happy grin on your face. You are wearing baby blue dress and your hair is on a two ponytails with strawberry bands-"

Before he could finish I was already turning the page.

"Third photo on the left" he quickly added.

Correct, he was right.

But why does he think this is the best picture, I look like a greedy pig. Besides, this is starting to sound like hasn't gone through this album just once but countless times.

"Are you a genius or something?" I gaped at him.

"Yup, I have to see it only once and