I have to admit that sometimes, I think about Taeyang. Like not in the pure way if you get what I mean. I know I sound like a ert but before Seung Hyun and Jiyong, those jerks, interfered in my life I was seriously considering Taeyang as a boyfriend material.

In fact our friends have always been joking about us dating and such. But since Taeyang was always so dense and totally not romantic, the jokes always turned out to be weird.

At some point I really thought we'd end up together. At some point I got really used to the idea of dating. So maybe that's why it was so hard to decide now, when Jiyong appeared in my life again claiming his undying love.

And turning me down... and being confusing. So anyway. I admit I have the hots for Taeyang and what happened today shook my world again. My poor confused heart complained loudly, pleading me to stop torturing it with this endless internal battle. But how can I just abruptly decide on something so important?

Love is no joke.

I knew I needed to do something after one sleepless night and tossing restlessly around in my bed. So I spent my days watching romantic dramas, reading dating tips from books and magazines, reading mangas, asking google what should I do now. I did endless amount of quizzes and even called a few fortunetellers. They were no help, just waste of money with their "Listen to your heart and the answers are right before your eyes" - crap. Like I didn't know!!!

But, how can I see anything rationally when I am in love with two guys at the same time? I don't even know how that's possible. I read somewhere that if you love several people at the same time it means you love none. But. I thought about that for a long time and came to a conclusion that Jiyong is my old love that still had some sparks left and Taeyang is the new one that is slowly preparing to take over my heart.

Should I try to fix the old one or accept the new love and jump into an adventure? Both opinions sound good.

I compared both guys in everything I could come up. My brain was telling me to pick Taeyang because it would be plain madness to end up with arrogant jerk like Jiyong. On the other side my heart was bugging me to choose Jiyong just because..

However, once I started leaning at Jiyong my heart suddenly started hesitating and when I leaned towards Taeyang my brain became busy racking up some kind of excuses to pick Jiyong instead. My head spun and I was back to the square zero.

Left with nothing.

Watching dramas didn't help either because everyone kept dying in the end and I don't want my story to end like that. I mean, I will eventually die but I am not planning to run aimlessly on the road and freeze when I see truck approaching one kilometer away.

And Jiyong or Taeyang surely wouldn't be as stupid as to jump at me, hug me and stay still waiting for ten minutes for the truck to hit us, besides, it would have enough time to brake, anyway. Cancer would be more realistic but seriously... Give me a break.

In the end I almost ripped all my hair off my head, ate so much ice cream I didn't want to see any for years, messed up my whole apartment because I didn't feel like cleaning and washing dishes, ran out of food and clean clothes, watched so many dramas I didn't know what character belonged where, got dark circles under my eyes, forgot what date and weekday it was and so on...

In the end I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my phone and started thinking who would be my victim this time. I wanted to call my friends and pour all my worries for them to hear but I didn't want to say anything about Seung Hyun and Paradise Kiss, let alone Jiyong. They'd pretend to hate him and then beg me to take him along to a party. Two faced foxes... I even thought about calling Bom but I don't even have her number and it would have been crazy. So In the end I called Daesung.

"Daesung! You have to help me, I am going crazy" I whined as soon as he picked up. "It's impossible to decide between the duck and Taeyang."

"So, that's why I told you to go out with me. Problem solved" Playful silky voice chirped in answer.

"What?" I shrieked and double checked the name on the screen, this was Daesung's number.

Why do they always keep answering each other's phones? "What the hell, give me my sunshine!" I grumbled angrily. I can't believe he just heard me whine like some pathetic idiot.

"My baby boy is a little bit busy right now" I heard Seung Hyun smile. "Let me help you about the problem-"

"I don't want to hear your cheesy lines. Just please, hand this phone to Daesung" I tried to sound calm. I tried really hard to just, not get pissed and snap but he made it very hard for me.

"How about you have with them both and pick the better one?"

"Shut up!" I yelled my face turning red. I wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or anger.

"Or then, how about going on a date with them both and then-" he stopped abruptly "YAH! what do you think you are doing?"

I pulled the phone away from my ear because he yelled loudly.

"You damned monkey, put that banana back now! It's the last one! It's mine! I reserved it." Seung Hyun paused for a second. "Sorry, emergency" and he hung up leaving me stare at the phone in disbelief.

Him and Jiyong fighting over a banana or was he at the zoo? I imagined them both in Tarzan attires running around a palm. And then Seung Hyun fighting with a monkey over a bunch of bananas. Pffff.

Aish, why do I even bother? Should I just go out with one of the guys my friends are trying to hook me up with? No, that would be like a suicide. I guess I am all alone with this decision, a sigh escaped my lips.


I was lying on the floor flipping yet another teen magazine in search for love tips when I heard loud beeps from outside. Curious I walked to the window and my eyes widened in surprise when I saw Seung Hyun's red Ferrari parked in the middle of the yard, he waved at me from the car window.

I quickly stepped aside and leaned against the wall. Don't tell me he was here to share his outrageous love advices or drag me to some stupid date? My God, my face turned pale. What if he comes up here and sees in what pathetic state I am? He would be convinced I need his (erted) cupid help... I definitely should act as if I am not home.

My phone rang startling me and as I saw 'jerk player' flash on the screen. I thought I'd ignore his calls but he wouldn't stop so in the end I had to pick up.

"Yo, fairy" he sang happily "Come out and play with me and dongseng."

"Oh, but I am not home." I smiled awkwardly by myself, wondering what to say next. "I'm at a friend's house."

"Don't lie, I saw your pale face and messy hair in the window just now. At first I thought I was at the wrong place because you looked like a scary killer ghost but-"

"Shut up, I am not coming anywhere with you" I gritted my teeth.

"Well then, should I come up there and drag you out?" he challenged.

"What do you want?"

"Me and Daesung missed you, so go out with us" he chirped like a happy bird.

"I'm not in the mood" I said dully. So no Jiyong, eh? I couldn't but feel disappointed and not just a little but a lot. Didn't he miss me at all? Even after one week not seeing each other?!

Bastar.d!

"I give you ten minutes and then I am coming."

"I won't open the door."

"Last time, while you were sleeping, I took your key and made a copy" he injected promptly.

"WHAT?!"

"I was bored. In fact, I tried to wake you up but you kept pushing me away so I got frustrated."

"You have what?"

"A key to your heart."

"No you didn't."

"Want to test me? That's why you shouldn't sleep for too long in the mornings and let me get bored."

"Aish... fine." I finally gave up. "I'll change my clothes and come down" I sighed and hung up. Guess going out would clear my mind a bit from all these irritating thoughts that seem to go in one small circle around my brain. And it really seemed like Seung Hyun wouldn't give up pestering me.

The only actually clean clothes were gray worn out sweats, over sized t-shirt´with football prints and a hoodie with paint stains. I put them on not really caring about my appearance today. Why should I?

When I glanced in the mirror I realized my hair was too outrageous and I needed to do something to it, so I swept it on a messy bun and put a cap on. This will do. I kind of look like a guy. We