My heart, cannot forget you
Even if I live on as though dead, even if I am being punished
My heart can't release you

FT Island - Like a doll

The ring tone of my phone woke me up. I quickly sat up and answered, my eyes barely open.

“Nuna, morning! Did Jiyong show you a new place yesterday?” I could here him smile and I smiled too.

“No-“

“That monkey! He couldn’t be trusted with anything!” he cut me off and huffed angrily.

“Well, there was this huge gang fight and all..” I trailed off in a small voice.

“UGH! That monkey! Taeyang hyung and I will be picking you up in half an hour so get ready,” he grumbled.

Without letting me agree or disagree he just hung up on me. That arrogant sekki...

Whatever, I didn't want to think about yesterday so I decided it would be for the best to spend some time with the two. And I also missed my books, Jiyong most probably had been mistreating my babies.

I marched into the bathroom and when I came out with only towel wrapped around me I screamed. Why? Because I saw the duck idiot in the middle of my room, wearing only tee and boxers.

"YAH! What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?" I pointed my index finger at him, while my other hand was gripping on my towel. The least I needed was one of the worst cliché's to happen right now, the one when the towel falls off and the atmosphere gets really awkward.

"Tsh" Jiyong scoffed. "What do you mean? I carried your fat a.ss all the way home yesterday and now you are getting angry? Insolent brat. I slept on the sofa..."

"What? Get out of here this instant you jerk!" I picked up a shoe and threw it at Jiyong, it hit his shoulder and fell on the floor with a thud. Our eyes followed it and for a while we stayed silent staring at the shoe.

"But you do look y like that."

I gritted my teeth, this comment was expected! "I am giving you three seconds."

"Where can I go in only boxers, huh?"

"I don't care, I need to dress up."

"Just pick your stinky ugly clothes and go change in the bathroom."

"How about you go change in the trash bin?"

"What was that?" Jiyong burst out in laughter. "Trash bin?"

"Aish" I rubbed my forehead, too tired for this now. "You have a death wish, don't you?"

"But before that you will have to grant me one wish."

"I can already guess what it is."

"Of course, how about instead of dressing up we get undressed?"

I was standing at the wardrobe and Jiyong came behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. The jerk knew I wasn't in the mood yet he continued this absurd joke. He probably existed just for making my blood boil.

I grabbed a random item and spun around to hit him in the face with it. Turned out to be my . Jiyong looked at me with a raised brow.

"Your underwear is not that y, to flaunt it in my face."

"Get away from here!" I kicked him in the shins.

"Careful, your towel might fall~" he sang. "No one wants to see what's under after seeing this underwear." Jiyong picked up my bra. "What is this cup size, - - - - 0?"

My face flushed with red as my hands itched to strangle him to death.

"Shut the fck up!" I yelled, grabbing a hanger. Jiyong guessed I wanted to hit him with it and moved aside when I swung it at him, I lost my balance and slipped.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed as he reached out his arms to save me from the painful fall. I grabbed onto a shirt that was sticking out from the wardrobe but ended up pulling it out and with it a bunch of clothes fell on the floor. Jiyong's feet got tangled into them and he spun in the air before landing on his back, because he was holding my hand I fell down too. And now I do wonder, what the hell just happened?

"You bastar.d. Why are you always trying to make me feel awkward?" I growled as I gently strangled Jiyong with a random t-shirt.

"Yah, stop that" he chocked. "At least you weren't then one to land on the bottom and get a fat on you!"

"Shut up ugly duck " I hissed.

"Get off me" Jiyong's hands landed on my chest as he tried to push me away.

"It's your time to suffer" I smirked, pinching his cheeks.

"You wanna die? Stop that now" he scowled at me.

"The door was unlocked so we-"

Silence fell in the room.

I looked up and saw Daesung gape at the scene, Taeyang was standing behind him smiling smugly. I looked down at Jiyong who was staring at me wide eyed. Yes, now it was that I realized I was sitting on top of him with only a towel around myself and his hands were on my s. How did that towel stay on me during all this commotion? I was holding onto the t-shirt that was wrapped around his neck and in my other hand I was holding a slipper I grabbed after pinching his cheeks.

"Uh, did we interrupt something?" Daesung scratched the back of his head.

"NO!" Me and Jiyong yelled in one voice. For once we agreed on something.

"Thank God you saved my life" Jiyong started pushing me off from himself.

"What do you mean save you from me?" I hit his head with the slipper.

"She was about to me."

"YAH! You are so dead." I wrapped the t-shirt harder around his neck. He was about to stand up but now fell against my chest.

"Urk" I heard him utter, his face turning red.

"Nuna, I think you are hurting him" Daesung pointed out.

"It's his own fault."

"You bit.ch, stop it already."

"Basta.rd! You stop always annoying me."

Jiyong finally managed to squirm free and I found myself falling on the floor as he hovered over me.

"Owwww" I whined grabbing my head that I had hit against the floor. "Appoooooo."

"Karma is hunting you down" Jiyong smirked, still leaning over me.

"Maybe we should leave you two alone? Should we come after one hour?"

I burst out in a laughter. "Five minutes would be more like it." And I heard Taeyang snort.

"What? Did you just laugh at me?" Jiyong turned to glare at him. Taeyang just shrugged.

"Well, at least I am not a homo."

"What?" Taeyang frowned. "Say that again."

"Homo."

"At least I can fully satisfy my partner."

"Are you asking for a fight?"

"Stop arguing already" I kicked Jiyong in the back.

"Yah" he shrieked. "Stop being violent."

I just gave him one dull look and tossed some clothes into his face. "Now, get out."

"At least let me get dressed first. If your neighbor sees me like this she is going to report me to the police."

"That's not my problem."

"That will be your problem."

"Hyung, just let's go."

"Don't call me that."

"Shut up, loser" Taeyang grabbed Jiyong's ear and started dragging him away.

"Yah, let me go! You are so dead!"

"We will be waiting outside" Taeyang flashed me one of his angelic smiles and I smiled back at him.

Whoa! What a morning!!

When I came out fully dressed up, I only saw Daesung waiting for me.

"Where?" I looked around but we were the only ones in the hallway.

Daesung just shook his head, looking desperate. "They started arguing, then fighting and then they rolled down the stairs."

"Are you joking?" I gasped in shock.

"They just fell and rolled down."
 

"Oh my God!" I quickly ran to the stairs and looked down, however there was no sight of blood or dead bodies. Daesung lazily followed me down the stairs and we saw Taeyang and Jiyong sitting at the bottom, both rubbing their hands and heads.

"Are you guys all right?"

"Of course, who wouldn't be all right after rolling down a set of stairs" Jiyong said sarcastically. "That's very healthy."

Taeyang rolled his eyes and then smiled at me. "I am all right."

"My God" I cupped his cheeks. "Look at your face."

Jiyong's face was bruised to begin with so it didn't look that bad. Taeyang blushed a little at my concern and avoided eye contact. Awww, how cute.

"This is making me sick" Jiyong abruptly stood up.

"Because you are jealous."

"Who would be jealous of your ugly fat a.ss?"

"A duck like you" I kicked Jiyong in the .

"Yah!" He shrieked and reached his hands to grab me but I ran away from him. Not that I could run too far away, he caught me in no time and put me in a headlock.

"Who's laughing now, huh?"

"Stop fighting everyone. At this rate we will never reach the place" Daesung groaned in annoyance. "There is a lot to do so stop wasting your energy. I don't want to be the only one doing all the work."

Me and Jiyong stared at Daesung in surprise.

"He is in a pretty bad mood today" Taeyang cleared his throat.

"Sunshine, is everything all right?" I rushed to Daesung's side and ruffled his hair.

"Yeah" he said a little indifferently. "I just slept really bad."

"How about I buy you a really big portion of ice cream?"

Daesung's face brightened.

"You wanna go bankrupt?" Taeyang and Jiyong asked in one voice.

"Never mind, nuna..."

"Yah, shut up you two! Daesung wait, let's go have ice cream for breakfast."

Yeah... What a morning...

After having some breakfast, specifically speaking after arguing where to have our breakfast and whether to sit inside or outside, everyone seemed more or less satisfied. Daesung got his ice cream, Jiyong his coffee, Taeyang his tea and me my sandwich.

Since no one had a car, Jiyong did but he hadn't bothered to bring it yesterday, we had to take bus to the place the guys were talking about. It wasn't that far away anyway but we must have looked like the weirdest bunch of people.

Taeyang was wearing a cap and a hood over his head and Jiyong's face was bruised, they both looked like two gangsters. After eating ice cream Daesung was all happy and smiley again, looking like the most innocent kid and me, well... I was dressed into loose sporty clothes and probably looked cranky as heck, I put on my sunglasses but I guess that made me look arrogant and bit.chy. Note to myself, never go out with this crowd. People were staring...

It turned out someone had already paid for my new bookstore. I glared at Jiyong but he acted all innocent and clueless. I knew for sure it wasn't Daesung and most unlikely it was Taeyang. I asked them if it was Seung Hyun because that's what I wanted the least but they quickly denied.

I had enough money and told them I will pay back to whoever paid for this because seriously, these guys have done too much for me already. I felt bad for leeching off from them. Jiyong commented this was not usual to my money hungry monster attitude and I hit him in the face with a book.

This caused him a major nosebleed, Daesung was sent to the pharmacy and Taeyang to buy new shirt for Jiyong. This was a mistake because when he came back he was holding a colorful collar shirt, like one of those lame gangsters always wear in the movies.

It took us another hour to first stop Taeyang and Jiyong from fighting and then convince Jiyong to actually wear this shirt. Then we took pictures of him whenever he wasn't looking and snickered by ourselves, making him even angrier.

I don't know how we managed to do it but we actually finished putting things into order before dinner time. All the books were on their places, the front desk prepared for a new business day, the dust was gone from the shelves and the floor clean from dirt. The place was sparkling clean and shiny.

After some hard work we decided to have a dinner. Not just any dinner but samgyopsal (grilled meat) in a place that Taeyang recommended to us. The place was really good and we bumped into Min Woo there, what a surprise. Jiyong wasn't that happy but he had been kind of cranky all day and everyone just ignored him. He started cracking jokes when he got a little bit drunk so in the end we had a lot of fun.

I understand him since Min Woo and Taeyang used to be on different side from his. Or seriously speaking, I am not that sure anymore because to me it seems like they all have been fighting for the same goal all along. I don't understand why did they belong to separate gangs. And I am not even sure if Jiyong belonged to any gang in the first place.

"Tell me one thing" I asked Jiyong as he walked me home.

"For the umpteenth time, I am not going to stay over tonight" he growled, running his hand through his hair.

"I didn't mean that. You know you can stay over any time."

He gave me a suspicious look.

"Nuna loves you" I smirked, making a heart with my hands.

"That sounded scary..."

"Anyway" I looked away from his dull face. "In the past, did you join a gang?"

"Why are you asking."

"Phabo!" I hit his arm.

"Ow, what was that for?"

"Why would I ask? Because I am curious, of course."

"Don't talk to me so disrespectfully" Jiyong frowned.

"Have you done anything to gain my respect?" I raised a brow. "Dongseng."

"And today, wasn't it me who helped you again?"

"Anyway, answer my question."

"Don't want to..."

"Why?"

"It's not your business."

"Is it because you got too involved into gangs that you disappeared for whole three years?"

Jiyong sighed. "All along it was hyung" he said a little reluctantly, with a sound of guilt in his voice. "It's because of him."

Usually he always said good words about Seung Hyun so this was a little strange. I blinked.

"He was bored with his life so he got involved into gangs. Back in high school I mean."

"I am not stupid, you know. He is 29 or something right now. So, how do you know about his high school times? Or is he involved into gangs since then?"

Jiyong sighed. "I am not supposed to be telling this around but, after finishing junior high he had to help his father a lot with the business so for many years he didn't go to high school."

"Oh" My eyes widened in surprise. "You mean he was older when he went to high school? People do that?"

"Let me see, actually he is 28 now, not 29. So five years ago he was 23."

"He went to high school when he was 20? That's kind of... strange."

"A lot of things happened and he still needed the diploma."

"His parents could have just bought it for him" I snorted.

"They didn't want to let him off that easy."

My head spun at Jiyong, his words had been so sharp. As if he was asking me not to laugh at what he was saying. I realized he had this painful expression on his face as if he was remembering the hard times. Probably this brought the memories of losing Bom and such to his mind...

"So he was a bored, too old guy in high school and that's why he got involved into gangs? A stupid mistake of old times brought him a lot of pain. I guess people are still childish when they are 20."

I guess I am childish too even when I am 24, what difference do 4 years make, anyway? And Jiyong, he is still a baby.

"You could say that..."

"But then when does Bom come along."

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Fine, then how did you two meet?"

"Me and hyung?"

"I would like to know about you and Bom too."

Jiyong looked at me dully. "You would like to know a lot of things today."

"You can't keep me in the darkness forever."

"I know. But my and hyung's meeting was just a coincidence. We ran into each other on the street."

"And?"

"Nothing."

"You suddenly just became friends?"

"One meeting was enough, no, one look was enough to bind us together." Jiyong said in quiet voice, his eyes darting at the moon. I grew even more curious. Just one look? How so?

"Wow, you sound so poetic and cool right now."

"I thought so, it's not interesting, huh?"

"Wait, I didn't make fun of you just now! I was serious."

"Well too late, this is all you are going to get tonight."

"Lame, you didn't even tell much."

"Maybe you shouldn't have mocked me" Jiyong smiled playfully.

"Evil duck ." I pouted at him.

"Don't think too much about this" He placed his hand on my shoulder. "You are going to get a headache."

"I'm just worried."

"Don't be, nothing too serious is going on."

I looked at him dully. "I just heard that someone is going to die. It's nothing too serious, right?" Sarcasm laced my every word.

"No one is going to die."

"Can you promise?"

Jiyong just smiled and his smile was bittersweet. His silent response broke my heart because I just knew it, he wasn't sure either. And Jiyong if anyone hated making empty promises.




'But don't worry fairy. You will not end up alone, ever again.


'That... I can promise.'

 

Next morning I woke up early, in good mood and full of energy. It has been so many months since I went to open my bookstore the last time. I missed the smell of fresh coffee and newspaper in the early morning. So I couldn't wait to reach my little store and open the door. I rolled up all the window binds and the lights and my computer.

For the fifth time I walked through the rows of books, my arms crossed over my chest and memories running through my mind. This place was so different from my old store yet it still brought many memories back. How much had I missed something like this. Peaceful mornings, lazy afternoons, busy evenings and carefree nights.

With this, I felt like my life was getting back on it's usual track. Hectic times were over. I almost started crying from happiness I was feeling. Seung Hyun, like this... getting over you will be a piece of cake.

"In no time, you will be forgotten."

But how do you forget someone who doesn't want to be forgotten?



~ * ~


It had already been three weeks he did something so silly. Leaning on the brick wall, he stubbornly stared at the door across the road. A frown occupied his face and his arms were crossed over his chest. He was biting his lower lip and like that, he did look a little lost. True, he didn't know what to do, heck, he didn't even know what he was trying to do in the first place.

Somehow, things had gotten back to the starting line. It's as if the last five months never happened and he was back to square one.

Seung Hyun shifted his weight from one foot to another and leaned away from the wall as deterBomtion crossed his face. He decided to take a step forward but then he squatted down and groaned, burying his face into his knees.

It was impossible for him to cross the street like it had been impossible for past six or so years. He was stuck in his world and he'd be stuck in it forever.

He got up and even though he was sure he'd regret everything he just walked away without looking back. Tomorrow he most probably would be standing at the same spot, thinking about the same thing, without any results again. Tomorrow, like so many times before, he'd just walk away.

He'd regret for the rest of his life. But what was it for him anyway? Wasn't he used to regret and despair, so used he was getting numb.

"And who do we see here?"

Seung Hyun looked to his left to see a black Volvo driving snail speed by the sidewalk. The window had been rolled down and familiar, nasty face was smirking at him.

"What do you want?" Seung Hyun frowned, not pleased to see this man again.

"So you got Myung Wol behind the bars again? Very smart of you..."

"No one is scared of your empty threats."

"Well, then I should make someone scared."

Seung Hyun scoffed.

"I don't know what you see in some boring bookstore but I noticed you have gotten some strange liking in this one."

Seung Hyun's face stiffened.

"I know it's no use to threaten you with Bom. In the end she will end up in my hands anyway."

"You don't want to start that discussion again" Seung Hyun growled.

"I would like to see your face one morning when you come here and realize that bookstore is gone."

"So what do you want?"

"Let Myung Wol go."

"He is behind the bars for good, there is no going back."

"Then, stop getting involved into our business."

"Tsh" Seung Hyun scoffed again. "There is no stopping me, you know it."

"I'm not joking either."

"I don't care."

"Fine, then just wait and see."

"I can't wait to see."

The window rolled up as the car gained it's speed and soon disappeared from Seung Hyun's view. He stopped, angry glare still lingering on his face, and kicked a nearby trash bin. Of course, more sacrifices will be done for this mission to carry on. How else? They wouldn't stop until they have taken everything away from him.

But he'd show them, even when everything would be taken away, he wouldn't stop.

Because, no one would be able to touch his nothing.

Simply because nothing... doesn't even exist.

It's not anything, it's nothing.




How can you take away something what isn't anything in the first place?

Sounds crazy and puzzling, huh?

Well, love is.


~*~



Well, of course... When one month passes by without anything strange happening it's not surprising to arrive to my bookstore and see that it's bee burned down. Not surprising at all.

There I stood gaping at black ashes and a few pillars that used to be a new beginning of my miserable life. Now all gone. I have to say I was speechless. I was so shocked I walked away and came back just to make sure I didn't see wrong, I pinched myself too. But no, this was not a dream. My new business was gone, for good.

I walked to the other side of the road and leaned my back against the gray brick wall. My eyes glued at the nothing my bookstore had turned into.

I was too overwhelmed to cry, there were no tears to shed. I just felt empty and devastated. I mean, we worked so hard to clean the place up and organize everything. I could still hear Daesung's bright laughter and useless argument of Taeyang and Jiyong. I could still smell the books, I could feel the happiness I felt when I saw my first customer and I could still hear the door bell chime.

Everything was gone again.

This was such a chilly morning and I felt cold. There was no point in standing in front of ruins of a new happiness that never got to bloom into flower. It was just making me sad. So, I slowly walked away, my shaky feet taking me back home.

At least, I had my silly apartment. It was just a small and cramped space, like a box, but at least it was mine.

I slumped on my tatami and buried my face into the pillow. Just let me sleep this over and I am sure, the sadness and emptiness will turn into anger. And I already have a person in my mind on whom to went that anger. There is no doubt who to blame for this and, oh boy, I sure will blame him. But first, let me take a nap. Let me get some bits and parts of my strength back.

When I woke up again it was afternoon. I didn't hurry. Actually I felt like I was a mental psycho for being so calm after something so shocking had happened. I cooked some food, watched TV, spend quite long to choose my clothes and do my make up. Nothing mattered anymore.

Once more I glanced into the mirror and smiled at my reflection. My wavy hair fell on my bare shoulders, my smoky eyes squinted in anger and irritation and my one piece skimpy black dress barely covered all the parts it was supposed to cover. I looked beautiful, maybe too t.y but still, beautiful.

If I died looking like this I'd be happy because then I could be pretty for an eternity during my afterlife. Such weird thoughts again. For a while I hesitated with the high stilettos but in the end still decided to wear them. It's not like I'd be walking a lot. Yeah, why don't I just take a taxi there and back?

All I have to say: it was classical. I walked into Paradise Kiss past the line, the doormen smiled at me and I smiled back at them.

We all knew each other, as if I was a rich and spoiled regular at the club. I must have looked cheerful and happy, but inside of me the anger was finally starting to boil. Not just boil by itself, it was starting to boil me. I didn't even need to ask around or go look for the person I wanted to meet because there he was.

Sitting on one of those velvet sofas, arranged only for VIP guests, looking all smooth and chic. Of course, there was a girl next to him, how else?

Seung Hyun, you will die in my hands today. That's what I kept telling myself when our eyes locked.

"You bast.ard!" I yelled over the music so he could hear me. And guess what did he do? He smiled.

"I was expecting you tonight."

"Wipe that smirk from your face!"

"Who is this bit.ch?" The blond girl with fake s asked lazily, wrapping her arms around Seung Hyun's chest.

"No one" His eyes glinted as his smirk widened. I could tell he was teasing me, making me feel miserable on purpose.

"You can do whatever you want but why? WHY must you ruin my life too?"

"Nothing is free in this world, you should learn something as simple by now."

The fake girl giggled. God I hated her at the moment. She was distracting me from my hate, hugging him like that. What right did she have to act like she owned him? If a glare could kill she'd be long gone.

"Shut the fck up, slu.t!"

"Dara, don't talk to her like that."

"I talk to whoever however I fcken want."

Like all the .es do I grabbed nearby glass with some liquid and tossed it at the 's ugly face. She shrieked like a chicken and started whining, her make up spreading all over her face. I chuckled. "You should always use water proof. I thought es knew that."

"Who the fck do you think you are?" She glared at me, her nostrils flaring, and sprung on her skinny feet.

"At least I am not a monster."

"That's it" she grabbed an empty wine bottle.

"Stop it, I don't want a commotion around here" Seung Hyun said coldly.

"You heard him, skim to hell" I looked at the girl with such arrogance in my eyes she shivered. Yeah, she should know her place, it was somewhere far away from here, from him.

"How about you leave and come back when you are in better mood?" Seung Hyun glanced at me.

But no, he was not getting rid of me easily tonight. An old old tactic like this wouldn't work on me. What did he think he was doing to a former queenka? Did he think I'd get depressed and leave with my tail between my feet like defeated little puppy?

Right now, I was concerned about my life and my future, not about him being with someone else. I stubbornly pushed all thoughts of jealousy aside.

"Drop the act, why don't you explain why the fck was my business ruined?" I growled at him, finally ignoring the bit.ch that was sticking to Seung Hyun again.

He took off his blazer and placed it on her shoulders, whispering something into her hear. Her face brightened and after pecking him on the lips she walked away with satisfied smile on her fake face. She even bumped her shoulder into mine but I pushed her and she stumbled forward embarrassing herself. She should learn from me... Feeling Seung Hyun's gaze on myself I slowly turned my head back at him.

"I paid for that so you could say it was my business" he leaned back in his seat, his indifferent eyes concentrating on me.

"No one asked you to pay for it. Besides, what was inside was mine."

"I paid you a lot of money before so just consider it as me buying what was inside of that ty store."

I opened my mouth but he spoke again.

"Or did you really expect your pay to be so high when you didn't even work properly?" he raised a brow.

I rolled my eyes. "You, just leave me alone, okay?"

"You make no sense. Tonight you came looking for me, didn't you?"

I grabbed another glass from the table and Seung Hyun looked alarmed, his body moving forward. Instead of tossing the insides of the glass at him I emptied it in my mouth.

"Don't..." he whispered and then sighed in despair.

Okay, the drink was pretty strong. Immediately I felt my muscles relax a little. This wasn't normal, though. Was it spiked?

"I don't know why you must haunt me like this even when I was on my way to forget about everything. You just have to come back into my life in some crazy way, huh? So now I have nothing. Are you happy?!" I smashed the glass on the floor and glared at him. "You want me to waste my life in this stinky club forever?"

"Are you saying I burned your bookstore?" Hang Sung stood up and hovered over me.

His face was blank and I couldn't tell what he was thinking about. He was so stupid thinking I'd buy his pathetic lies. Like, what was he trying to achieve acting like an as.shole again when it was so obvious everything was just an act. A mere act. His purpose was to distract my thoughts and play with my mind.

He would never tell me why exactly did someone burn my store and what made them do it. He would never tell me the truth and without knowing the truth there is no way for me to be part of his life.

Ever.

"I am saying you were involved into this accident. There is no way some gangsters are coming after me. I have no idea how they found out I am related to you but seriously... don't tell me they are after me too now? Should I be scared for my safety now?"

Seung Hyun bit his lower lip and ruffled his hair. "I don't know" he finally admitted and I didn't expect this.

"Mwoyaaa?" I gaped at him. "Are you telling me they might come after me the next time?"

"Are you okay?"

"Am I okay? After finding out my life might be in danger even when I didn't do anything wrong. Am I okay after finding out something like that?"

"No, that drink was spiked."

"Is this how you get girls nowadays?" I let out a mocking laughter.

Seung Hyun sighed. "It's not me who spiked it."

"Who cares about some spiked drinks?" I shrieked. "I don't care. All I care about is my life, okay. I don't want to die like this. Do you have any idea how scared I was? In the morning I came to work but the whole place was gone. That's some pretty heavy threat."

"I'm sorry, I tried to protect it but I was too late."

"You are sorry?" I laughed and pat his shoulder.

"You are sorry? Do you think you can do anything as long as you say sorry afterwards." My laughter died and I glared at him, my hand squeezing his arm. "Do you?"

"I'll take you home." He tried to put his hand around my shoulders but I slapped it away.

"Don't touch me. I hate you, seriously, I hate you so much I wish you just... would go the heck away from my life!"

"You want me to die that bad?" For a second he looked genuinely hurt.

"Did I say something like that? I never said anything about dying, stop trying to twist my words. I am fed up with your nonsense, one day you are nice and the other you act like I don't exist. I bet you told that bit.ch just now to wait for you somewhere where you will fck her. Hah, you good for nothing player. First you mess up my life, you use me as a replacement and then you leave me"

I hit his chest with my powerless fist, tears finally appearing in the corners of my eyes.

"Then you do something stupid so my life is threatened and then you say you will die. Why? I don't want you to die. Don't... die."

I grabbed onto the front of his shirt for support for I suddenly felt dizzy.

"Who told you to die like this? Who?"

"Dara, are you all right?"

"No, I am not all right."

"But it can't be helped, if you tell me to leave your life forever then I'll have to die" he whispered and hugged me. I felt a powerful pang in my heart when his warmth enveloped me. His scent, I had missed it.

"Then don't leave."

"But if I stay then it's going to be dangerous. Then you might suffer, you might die."

"Yeah, if you stay it's no use anyway" I scoffed. "All you will ever see in me will always be just... her."

"No" Seung Hyun breathed out, his hot breathe hitting my neck. "I never used you as a replacement, I swear. Please, believe me."

"Let me go" I pushed him away and stumbled backwards.

"Dara..."

I looked up and saw his sincere eyes.

"What?"

"I..."

"What?"

"... ou." I couldn't hear what he said, as if he had spoken so quietly on purpose.

"I'll go, I'm sorry I came here" I mumbled, turning around but he grabbed my hand.

"Wait here, I'll take you home" he sat me on the sofa. "Just a second."

I looked at him and when out gazes met I swear I felt something electric in the air, as if there were so many bottled up feelings ready to spill between us. True, there were many things I wanted to tell him but could it be, there were also many things he wanted to tell me?

I was speechless, I was numb, I felt like I was dead. Just one serious look like that and he had captured my heart all over again. That look, it was so familiar. Where have I seen it before?

He rest assured me he'd be back soon but I didn't stay to wait, the stubborn chick I was. As soon as he disappeared from my view I got up and quickly made my way out. Surprisingly I could walk straight enough.

No, I just knew that something crazy would happen if I stayed any longer. He was speaking weird already. I covered my mouth with my palm, was he trying to confess or something? No, screw trying, was he confessing just now? Or maybe like always, it was just a big FAT lie.

Everything about him has always been so puzzling. How could I trust him anymore?

How could I handle all that shock and confusion without alcohol and cigarettes. I got the feeling I was on my way to become a chain smoker and alcoholic because of a certain guy. How pathetic... I was feeling dizzy after that one spiked drink but after the taxi ride it's effects were starting to slowly wear off so I thought a few drinks would be okay. So I went to a nice place near my house.

The pub was practically on the other side of the road, so it would be easy for me to get home even if I happened to drink too much. And as I had feared, I did drink too much. I ended up sitting next to a few older men at the bar counter and listened to their incoherent drunken discussion while getting drunk myself.

Instead of thinking about Seung Hyun or myself dying, which seemed like such a distant and unbelievable thought I started thinking about how unfair it was for him to use me as Soo Yeon's replacement. And the worst thing was that I let him do it. Besides, how could I believe his words just a while ago? He was just saying to make me calm down, that's all... He was the type of person to say "I love you" one day and then laugh and say "It was a joke" the other. And it really seemed like he was taking my burned bookstore too lightly. Who were the people who did it and why did they do it? Did they know my face? Would they come after me? What the hell should I do with my life now?

At some point Jiyong called me asking whether I was okay, I just mumbled something about being out with my friends and hung up on him. I wasn't in the mood to talk about anything related to my miserable life.

In the end I started talking about football with those older men. The funniest thing was that I knew nothing about football (except that Messi was supposed to be a good player) yet the discussion carried out far in the night.

It was a miracle how I didn't get hit by a car and managed to find the right building so fast even though world was a blur to me. As I stood in front of my apartment trying to find the key in my purse it accidentally slipped from my hand and fell on the floor.

Cursing softly I squatted down and started fumbling for the small items that had fallen out. Then suddenly my hand brushed against something soft and warm what seemed to be a... I quickly tried to grab the fingers that had made contact with mine but the hand slipped away.

Squinting my eyes I looked up and but there were no shadows in front of me. I listened to the silence but heard nothing, and I didn't feel anyone's presence either.

My face fell and I lowered my head in disappointment. Am I going crazy? Imagining Seung Hyun to be there when he clearly isn't and won't ever be.

That doesn't mean I don't want him to be around, I want. Aish, how I hate to be in love with him. The only person who will never make me happy is making me feel such a strong feeling. How I regret meeting him, how I regret getting close to him, regret liking him, regret wanting to figure him out and falling in love in the process, regret, regret, regret....

How I regret not really regretting anything.


At first I wanted to rip all the webs of lies and see the truth but right now, all I want is... to be with him. Am I selfish? Is it wrong to feel like this? When will I stop caring? When will I get fed up with the pain and realize I need to move on?

I am getting the feeling I never will. In fact, I get this feeling I have always loved him, all heartbreaks I have felt during my life I feel like he is the cause of them all. A movement and silent shuffle startled me, I hiccuped loudly and raised my head up, tears rolling down my cheeks, freely.

"Why are you crying?"

"Seung Hyun?" I asked my face stiffening.

"Yah, are you going to mix me with the idiot now?" Jiyong's cranky voice asked me. "You are drunk, geez" he mumbled as his hand slipped under my arms and he helped me up "You should have called me. I mean, what if something bad happened?"

My body stiffened when his hand landed on my shoulder and he leaned forward to open the door for me. "Good thing I decided to come by."

"Seung Hyun?" I breathed out when I smelled his scent, like a fairy tale.

"Stop imitating Jiyong."

"You are drunk, just get in."

I grabbed the front of his shirt and leaned in.

"What are you doing?" Feeling his breath on my face I knew he was right in front of me and I leaned even closer my lips covering his. Surprised and startled by my sudden action he stumbled backwards and quickly pulled away from the kiss, his breathing getting sharper.

"Stop lying already, I know it's you" I whispered my hands still resting on his chest and feeling his restless heartbeats.

"I'm so going to kill you tomorrow" he mumbled grabbing my elbow and jerking me forward. "You are too drunk, go to bed."

A smile spreading on my lips I hugged him and buried my face in his chest taking a deep breathe.

It has to be Seung Hyun, he sounds more like Jiyong than Jiyong himself, he feels... he feels like Jiyong more than Jiyong has ever felt.

As if, almost as if... it's like he is Jiyong. It's funny how alcohol puts all these weird thoughts into your head.

"Are you planning to stand here for the rest of the night?" he asked with sarcasm, still speaking with Jiyong's voice like it was his.

"Shut up" I mumbled. "Shut up" I stood on my toes, my lips brushing against his neck and I felt him shiver. Trailing his chin and finally finding his lips, I kissed him again and this time he kissed me back.

"Why are you making this so difficult?" his voice cracked and I heard a hue of that familiar silkiness. He pushed me against the wall, his kiss deepening and growing hungrier. I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled in delight against his lips.

"Are you satisfied now?" he asked, his voice oozing with pain and sadness.

"Yes" I whispered landing a wet peck on his lips and teasing him by on his lower lip.

He kissed me, his kisses short and sweet, urging me to kiss him back, giving me permission to go deeper. However, I didn't, my kisses remaining teasingly short and gentle I wrapped my left leg around his waist and his hold of me tightened. I forgot I was supposed to hate him, I totally forgot about that fact when he couldn't take it anymore and his tongue slipped in my mouth, his deep kiss totally sweeping me off of my feet. I got lost into the passion of our sweet moment, afraid this would be the only chance we would have. I moaned against his lips while his hands kept caressing me, heating my body up. And when I wrapped my other leg around his waist his other hand landed on my behind while the other leaned on the wall beside my ear. There was no ground under me now, I was in his arms, literally.

"God" he mumbled as he pulled away from our kiss to catch his breathe. I kept my eyes closed, even if they were open I wouldn't be able to see anything anyway. He leaned his forehead on the wall beside my ear and his hot breathe hit my skin, even more. I rubbed his neck before my hand slipped in his hair and tugged onto it when he trailed my jaw and neck with wet seductive kisses. A delighted sigh escaped my lips when he trailed my collar bone with his tongue and his hand lightly squeezed my .

"Seriously" Seung Hyun whined, suddenly pulling away from me and my eyes flew open when he took a step. I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder but even for one second I wasn't afraid he'd drop me. He wrapped his arms around me and carried me inside kicking the door shut behind himself. My purse was left forgotten in the hallway. We kissed all the way to my bed. I grabbed the front of his shirt when he gently lied me down, his hand lingering on my lower back.

"Let go" I heard him whisper.

"No" my grip tightened.

"Nothing good will come out of it if I stay" his knee brushed against my thigh when he leaned closer and dipping his head low, he kissed me again.

I felt his weight on my waist when he moved to sit over me, his hands pressing mine to the mattress. His heavy breathe echoed in the silence making my skin cover with goosebumps. It's crazy but I felt how much he wanted me. He was burning with desire so strong I was afraid it would burn him to ashes before I'd feel his gentle touch on my feverish skin.

How I wanted to feel him all over me, now. It was getting so hot I thought my heart caught up on fire. Silence enveloped us, he didn't move, just sat there staring at me, his thighs on my both sides. I squirmed when his hand brushed against my neck making me arch my back and a lustful moan escaped my lips. Quickly he leaned in and his burning lips covered mine, his arms wrapping around my head. My hands fumbled up his chest as my fingers ed his shirt with burning impatience while his hands slipped under my dress and rubbed my skin as they moved higher, leaving a warm and tingly sensation behind. I gasped when he lied on top of me, our chest coming in contact and our heartbeats intertwining, becoming one.

"I" he whispered. "This is crazy" a sigh left his lips.

"Let's just go crazy" I chuckled playfully my fingers getting tangled in his hair. At this point, I had lost my self control.

"This is wrong."

"Forget about everything else."

"Stop it" he pecked my lips. "Stop this" he whispered between the gentle pecks. I moaned silently, smitten by the touch of his soft lips. It would be impossible to stop.

"Stop me" his tongue trailed my upper lip and I closed my eyes, enjoying every single second.

"Why are you not..." Seung Hyun's lips covered mine, his breathtaking kiss sending tingly sensation all the way to my toes.

"...stopping me?"<