I'm not looking for us
and neither should you.

Absolutely gorgeous,
then nothing I say is true.
You won't find yourself
in these guilty eyes

'cause I love anybody who's fool enough to believe
And you're just one of many who broke their heart on me

And so I say I don't love you,
though it kills me
It's a lie that sets you free.


James Blunt


After eating, playing with fireworks and running around the beach I slumped down on a blanket and lied on my back. It was night time already but the clear, deep sky was full of twinkling stars and moon was almost full so it wasn't dark at all. Besides, there were a few street lamps here and there.

Our company was the last one left on the abandoned beach. Happy laughters and screams reached my ears making me smile. These guys were so fun to hang with. If not them I'd have probably ended home sulking. They made me feel like a teenage again, so carefree and happy. If only I could forget my worries and feel like this every day.

Seung Hyun did continue his stupid flirting with that girl but I didn't mind anymore. I forgot about my stupid crush because I was busy making fun of Daesung and he was busy trying to push me in the sea. Luckily he was the one who ended there otherwise Seung Hyun might have killed me. I got his suit a little dirty but I wasn't going to tell him.

"Is our Pepsi tired?"

A strong gust of wind hit my face when Seung Hyun sat next to me on the blanket, or rather fell.

"What happened to partying all night long?" he brushed my bangs off my face, my eyes were closed and for some reason I wanted to stay silent.

"I know you are not sleeping" his breathe tickled my skin when he leaned closer. "I am going to kiss you now, sleeping princess."

I decided to stay strong, he wouldn't. A long silence, he was there, I could hear his breathe but he didn't move. My face started to itch and my cheek twitched. Damn, go away already. It would be embarrassing to get caught now. And then I felt something wet on my lips. My eyes fluttered open and I quickly sat up, my head hitting Seung Hyun's.

"YAH!" I covered my lips. "You didn't!"

"Geez" He covered his right eye. "Why so violent? There is going to be a third bruise" he whined.

I my lips and tasted something familiar, my eyes narrowed at the peeled orange in Seung Hyun's hand.

"Meet Mr. Juice, I think he fell in love with your sleeping face."

"My God" I covered my eyes with my left hand and uttered a laughter. "I can't believe this."

"I bet you are disappointed it wasn't me. But Mr. Juice said he'd beat me up if I touch your pretty lips. I got scared" Seung Hyun pouted cutely, his eyes lingering on my lips. "He is so mean."

"You" I eyed him closely. "Are you drunk?" He did smell like beer.

"A little" Seung Hyun flashed a meek smile.

"A little?" I scoffed. "You sound like it's a lot." When did he? I didn't even see him drink.

"Let's eat this grumpy meanie and then I can kiss you. Up yours Mr Juice, not feeling so all mighty anymore, huh?" he peeled one slice.

"Say aaah." I just looked at him dully. This kind of reminds me of the incident at the hotel and I don't want to be reminded of such things.

"I can-" I was about to stretch out my hand but Seung Hyun already pushed the orange in my mouth and smiled happily.

"Is it good?"

"Leave me alone" I said while chewing the orange slice. "Go play with your girlfriend."

"I don't want to, she is boring. I like Pepsi more" he paused. "Than coke" he laughed.

"Go play with someone who cares."

"Hey, dongseng" Seung Hyun waved his hand and soon Daesung stood in front of us.

"No way" his eyes widened "When did this happen?"

"What?"

"Him" Daesung pointed his hand at Seung Hyun. "When did he get drunk?"

I shrugged.

"Come down."

Daesung squatted. "Hmmm, looks like it's dangerousness level 2 already" he mumbled while staring at grinning Seung Hyun.

"A what?" I blinked.

"Here" Seung Hyun offered a peel of orange to Daesung who opened his mouth like an obedient kid.

"He, uh-"

Seung Hyun suddenly hugged Daesung. "Hyung..."

"I looove you" Seung Hyun kissed his cheek and a little frightened, I inched away. Don't tell me I am going to be the next one.

"I love you too hyung, you can let me go now."

"Where is my hubby?"

"You will see him later, let go now" Daesung's smile stiffened.

"I don't wanna."

"Nuna, help me" Daesung whispered. "I am suffocating" He stretched his trembling hand towards me.

"Help..."

"Uh, Seung Hyun, you are hugging him too tightly" I tapped his shoulder. As he glanced at me his eyes lit up. No...

"Pepsi, I love you too" he leaned closer and kissed me on the cheek, dangerously close to my lips.

"Ewww, stay away." I pushed his head away.

"But don't touch my face, now you need to be punished."

"Noo!" I tried to crawl away but Daesung pushed Seung Hyun at me and he fell on my lap.

"I'm really sorry but..." Daesung quickly stood up. "I need to escape now" he dashed away.

"Hey, wait" I flinched but before I could move Seung Hyun grabbed my hand and placed it over his heart. I looked down and he peeked into my eyes, his head resting on my thighs.

"Wuz up?" He smiled and I saw his white teeth, straight and flawless.

"Why is it me who gets stuck with the likes of you?" I asked bitterly wanting to poke his cheek but refrained from doing so.

Who knows what kind of "punishment" he might come up with. I felt his heart beat steadily against my palm and glanced at his hand that was resting on top of mine. I tried to pull my hand away but he didn't let go, his eyes never leaving my eyes.

We went through some kind of silent battle which I lost because in the end my hand was still resting on his chest.

Peeved, I finally asked. "What the hell are you doing?"

"My father said" Seung Hyun smiled gently upon remembering his father, he smiled like I have never seen him smile before.

His eyes turned into crescent shapes, his eyebrows rose a little and a pair of slight dimples appeared on his cheeks. What?! OMG! He has dimples?! I gaped at his loving smile that was the most genuine I have ever seen and I think my heart stopped beating. It was so beautiful.

"When I was down in the spirits and thought I will never become anything he said 'Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll still land among the stars!' And he smiled so brightly like it was something so smart, like his words were worth million dollars even though it wasn't even something he, himself, came up with."

Seung Hyun shifted his gaze off my face and looked at the sky.

"Every time I see stars I remember him and I wish there were no stars at all." He frowned.

I just stared at him, my heart trembling with his every word.

"He betrayed me. He shot for the moon but all he ever wanted was just a star so he..." Seung Hyun bit his lips tightly together and furrowed his brows, his eyes closed and the spark was gone from his face. He looked... simply hurt.

"He broke the moon."

And then he didn't say anything anymore, his hand gripped on my, tightly as if he was afraid I would slip away and leave him alone.

Dumbfounded I stared at his peaceful face, it looked like he had suddenly fallen asleep. Or even passed away, my eyes widened as I quickly grabbed his shoulder and shook him.

"Seung Hyun" I breathed out afraid he'd never wake up "Seung Hyun."

"I hate stars, they can't be diamonds. They are worse" he mumbled. "No diamonds... I don't want them to last forever."

"Are you okay?" He looked pale.

"I'm tired, let me sleep." Seung Hyun turned to his side and I faced the back of his head, a few strands of hair stuck out in different direction from all others. I tried to pull my hand from his grip but he wouldn't let go, my legs were getting sore too. This guy... I couldn't stay angry at him, just now he sounded so sad.

"Do you know why love is a dead rat?" Seung Hyun suddenly spoke, startling me. I thought he fell asleep already.

"Why?"

"Because saying 'I love you' is pointless if you can't prove it. What's the use if you don't feel it? Right? So you need to show your love rather than speak about it.

Even if it's just a dead rat it's sill pure love, that's how your cat tells you you are important. It's not just a dead rat, it's real love. And everyone is so blind because all they can see is just a dead rat."

"Yeah" I smiled. "Love is pretty ugly after all and it stinks, just like dead rats" I chuckled, carefully grabbing a few strands of his hair with my free hand.

"Still you can't help but enjoy it, right? Even though the moon is totally broken..."

"What do you mean the moon is broken?"

"Because people keep shooting for stars. They are all fooled by the distant, pretty appearance. Who cares about the pale moon? Who cares? Stars are so much prettier."

I looked up at the vast sky above us. "The moon looks pretty much in one piece from here" I said playfully.

"You don't understand" Seung Hyun slurred and he rolled on his back his shining eyes meeting mine. "It's broken."

"It is?" I asked quietly trying to figure out his thoughts. My hand was resting under his head now.

"The sun" he breathed out his eyes escaping mine. "It's the smile, stars are eyes."

I looked up with a lopsided smile on my lips. "Pretty many eyes you have there."

"And the moon..." he cleared his throat. "I'm serious here." A cute pout appeared on his face.

"Yeah, yeah" I laughed.

"It's the heart."

My smile disappeared and my eyes flicked at his serious face.

"Dummy, the heart is broken."

"Your... heart?" I asked in surprise.

"Many hearts" Seung Hyun smiled. "So many it's impossible to fix. Love..."

I raised a brow. Okay, now this is getting weird. "Are you trying to say your father was a player?"

Seung Hyun looked at me dully "Why don't you get what I mean?"

I shrugged "Wha