His arms were around her waist protectively, while she was resting her head on his chest, arms around his stomach. He manage to carry her and himself back to their room after feeling his back numb. He had a bad night as he didn’t get much sleep because of his position and because of his wife. Even in her sleep, she kept sobbing and cried. He only can hug her and telling her that everything is fine...when it’s not. He has to hide and bury his own feeling just to support her as a husband.

He definitely feels a loss to, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He’s afraid to speak up his mind, to share what he feels to her, to let her know that his heart was as pain as her, but he’s scared that it might worsen her feeling. The morning has came and Donghae was still sleeping. ____ was awake, but she still kept her eyes closed.

She just tighten her grip and buried her face in his toned chest. She has never been this lazy or feeling like doing nothing. She just couldn’t think or feel right, the heavy feeling in her heart just bothered her as the image of the girl in her dreams keep appearing in her head, or sometimes a thought of babies popped in her mind.

That feeling that made her feel like she has being a bad and failed mother, and wife kept haunting her.

They had been waiting for her to finally pregnant, then when she did, just for a month then PSHH.! The baby’s gone. She believed that it wasn’t her body’s chromosomes which didn’t match that made they lost the baby, she believed that it was her own fault that she couldn’t take a better care for her.

She has been in that position for a while, sometimes healing his scent just to make her calm and not to cry again...until she felt dry. She decided to go down and drink. She could hear humming and when she entered the kitchen, Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk were there.

It was very rare for them to be up so early in the morning, preparing breakfast (or doing some food experiment lol) together. The smell of delicious food could be smelled, and the burnt as well. She hasn’t eaten for a day or two but she has no appetite to swallow something. Everything just tasted tasteless. She took out a glass and poured water into it. Eunhyuk noticed and greeted her, made Kyuhyun spun around to greet her too.

“Good morning!”

But she didn’t reply, she hasn’t spoke to anyone except Donghae. She just weakly smiled to them as she walked passed them to take out a glass and poured water into it.

“Let me do it for you!” Eunhyuk snatched the water jug from her hand while Kyuhyun held her shoulder and led her to chair.

“You sit here, and i will prepare the breakfast okay? We made some toast and egg, just like what you usually cooked, but some got burnt so for this time i’d give you the tasty one okay? Just give Teukkie hyung the burnt one.” Kyuhyun was being evil like usual, hoping that she’d laugh or at least smiled in friendly way, but his plan failed as she placed her arms on the table and rested her head on them.

Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk were feeling bad for their loss and they do feel sad about it. Eunhyuk was trying to cheer Donghae up but seeing his best friend couldn’t do anything to make his wife feels better, kills him more. So he tried to at least help Donghae by treating and giving her care and patience. They and others SJ members had agreed to not to mention anything that related to the baby. They tried to protect her feeling. While Kyuhyun, felt almost the same as the others too, but a bit worse.

Seeing his best friend, ____, being like that depressed....just made his heart like being pinched.

“Here is your water.” Eunhyuk put the glass in front of her. She lifted her head up and drank just a bit of it, just a sip or two. Kyuhyun placed a plate of food then a ringtone was heard.

*Ring Ring* Ring Ring* “

Whose phone is that? It has been ringing since last night.”

Eunhyuk irritatedly said, “Where’s the phone? I see no phone around here!” “Umm. Is that your phone’s, ____?” Kyuhyun found her purse that she used at Youngsoo’s wedding at the kitchen table.

She placed it there and forgot to bring it back to her room.

She nodded and stared at it blankly. “I will pick it up, okay?” Kyuhyun asked for permission, then he opened it and fished out her phone. An unknown number was calling. He pressed green button and set the call into loudspeaker so that she could hear too and placed the phone in front of her. “Annyeonghaseo, who’s this?” Kyuhyun started and someone from the other line greeted back...with a familiar voice.

“Noona!!! Are you having a flu? You sound like an old man!” Well... noisy teenage kid, Taemin.

“Noona! Congratulations for your pregnancy! We just know a few days ago, why don’t you call and tell us about this good news? So, is it a boy or a girl?” Then the deep voice spoke. It was Minho.

Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk’s jaw dropped and they both  stared straight anxiously to her.

No one dared to move as they just observe her expression. She just stared blankly not at their direction nor the phone. Tears could be seen forming at her eyes, but before she let them see the tears fall, she dropped her head at her arms, hiding her already-wet face.

“.... Hello? Nonna, are you still there?” Minho continued but it seemed the phone was snatched by Taemin, “Noona! Is it a boy or a girl?? If it’s a boy then i promised you i’d teach him dance! You know my dance is the best right?” and back to Minho again..... “Noona, don’t listen to him, i’d play soccer with him everyday and-“ Then the call was ended.

Donghae hang up the phone and glared at his brothers.It was happened so fast that they had to blink several times before realizing what had happened. None of them dared to speak, only a sob from her could be heard. They just mouthed him ‘sorry’ as he approached her.

“Sssh, don’t cry. They didn’t know...” he cooed her, holding her tightly in his arms and rubbing her arm up and downward.  He helped her to stand and they were about to go when the phone rang again. Without looking the number, Eunhyuk grabbed the phone and picked up, with the speaker mode.

“Taemin-ah!Stop calling, your noon-“

“Good morning, Sir. This is from KangNeung Hospital...” the other line spoke. Donghae became stiff and threw glances at his wife. He didn’t pay attention to the speaker but some words caught him.... ‘Mr.Kim has passed away.....”  

*****

It’s been days since ‘that day’ and now they were preparing themselves to attend a funeral for their baby and her grandpa. Mr.Lee So Man was there too, after being informed about the situation he rushed back and took the first flight from America back to Korea. Youngsoo and his wife came too, and all members of SJ.

The funeral was closed to the public, the reporters were fighting to take at least a picture of them, especially Donghae and her.  The news about the miscarriage hasn’t spread out into public, but they just heard that a family member of hers has died so they want to take a picture for their news. Everyone was wearing black and formal.

It was raining and cloudy, such a perfect weather to describe her feeling right now. She feels like alone. Everyone she loves started to leave one by one. She was holding Donghae’s hand tightly, as she’s afraid that she might lost him as well. She can’t believe she didn’t at least pay a last visit to her grandpa for the last time....to inform about her loss and expected her grandpa to comfort her like what he did years ago when she lost her parents.  She suddenly missed his touch and his hugs, especially his nags.

She missed that old man who was the one that understood her, the one who truly care and love her as a family. And now she lost him too.  She broke into loud sobs and she began to tremble. “G-Grand-pa...Grand-pa...D-Don’t leave m-me h-here b-by mys-self...Grand-pa...” She extended her hands to the grave, and somehow she lost her balance and fell on the ground.

Donghae just felt pain- so much pain in his heart seeing his wife’s state. He wanted to say to her that crying won’t make any change but he knew that she was sad and felt lost.

He wanted to say everything’s gonna be fine---just wanna comfort her even the fact is not.  The feeling of his was worse than being stabbed and ripped apart... His ‘son’ has gone, his grandpa in law too, and now his wife.... He wiped his tears away and sniffed  before he kneeled down next to her and tried to pull her up to stand but she didn’t budge.

She didn’t want to move and kept sitting on the floor. The guests were started to leave, until just them and SJ members left. Mr.Lee So Man has left because he couldn’t stand the sad atmosphere. He was feeling sad too, but he couldn’t do anything to express it.  Instead of crying his heart out, he prefer to drown his heart in silent tears. She has stopped crying, but she rocked back and forth  while hugging her knees.  Her tears have dried but her eyes were still puffy and red. She looked like a mess.

“Yeobo, come on. Let’s go home.” Donghae said in her ears, while her hair. But she didn’t reply, she just kept silent, afraid that when she opened again, she would bawl. She has no tears left. She was tired, her body was tired, and mainly her mind. She just want to close her eyes for a while and forget everything that happened to her.......

She s her arms around his neck and embraced him tightly as he scooped her up in bridal style. Her legs were too weak to walk, maybe she couldn’t even stand at that moment. They and SJ members went to the parking lot using back door, avoid the reporters outside.  The way to the destination was quiet long, no one spoke but sniffles could be heard.

Donghae was sure that maybe half of the group cried. His arms were aching from carrying the girl’s weight for so long but he didn’t mind. He kept walking until they reached the car. He had a difficulty to get in the car as she didn’t want to be put down or be put in the car first. She just hang on him, clutched his blazer and didn’t let him go.

Siwon told him that she was probably sleeping as she closed her wet-puffy eyes. He could hear her whimper, saying “Don’t leave me” in small voice.

“I’m here,____-ah. Oppa is here.” He said to the sleeping figure and kissed her hair several times to calm her down.          

Okay ! sorry for not updating for so long..kinda busy I had maths and chemistry test on Monday and Tuesday so i’ve to study -_- And i’ll have biology test on Friday so i made this chap today and posted it right away for you guys I hope u like it, i didn’t check it though.

It’s 1am here and i’m going to sleep..zz zz zz   BIGBANG is FANTASTIC! Blue, bad boy, fantastic boy are my fave now! I keep listening again and again! >< Aaaa crazy for our Kwon Leadah and TOP! Daesung Seungri Youngbae look hot too with their bodies >< *nosebleed*   I love you all! <3     COMMENTS please? :D what do u think bout this chap?