10h a.m.

"I knew I shouldn't have stopped in that coffe to have breakfast. I like everything from there and I ended up eating too much and wasting time." Sooyoung laments that it took more than an hour to get to the park. "But the donuts were so good. When I go back I'll get more for the girls."

Since August Sooyoung had not ridden her bicycle. The last time was with her boyfriend, Siwon, in the city of her grandparents. Then she suffered the accident and spent almost a month resting and since october they are promoting SNSD's new album, The Boys. And despite the icy weather of mid-November, she couldn't miss the opportunity to finally go back to riding a bike and see the babies ducks from the lake in the park that Soojin, her sister, spoke so enthusiastically. "She's was here two weeks ago, I hope they're still here and haven't  migrated to south as they should have already done. Will the ducks in this park migrate somewhere?"

The park is big and has plenty of green space, a large lake, several exhibition spaces, as well has benches in the shade of the trees that in summer are very much disputed, but in the fall they are empty. The walking and cycling paths are always full, no matter the season. Sooyoung preferred to enter through gate 5 of the Central Park, which is quieter and has fewer people and is closer to the lake where are the babies.

On the way to the park, Sooyoung took the opportunity to reflect on her current problems. These problems that earlier defined as "silly things" to her friend Jessica. It's not only the problems tha bothered her, but the difficulty in being able to divide them.

In the middle of the year she and Siwon celebrate 2 years of their relationship. They had known each other for years, but the warm friendship they had for each other turned into love and then into dating. Siwon is her first boyfriend, first kiss, first make out, the first she hides from the public. He was her first time in everything.

The first year was perfect. Although they both have distinct agendas, which greatly limits their personal lives and consequently their encounters, he was her dream boyfriend. "I can't believe my first boyfriend is Siwon." She always said to herself and her friends. But the charm has lost strength when it became even harder to see each other; when the misunderstandings came; when the charges came; when the doubts arose; when the first time they had was not as interesting as she thought it would be and so were the other times...  Like the bike, the last time she slept with her boyfriend was in August and, and unlike the bike, she don't miss a little about this.

As she told to Jessica earlier, she knows what she has to do and she knows what the beginning and end of this script will be: they will meet, talk, explain that they feel a lot of love for each other, but that love is not enough for a dating but is ok for a beautiful friendship that they always had and always want to have. The problem is not just that. There is her family; there is the fear of the public discovering the end of their relationship - they dont know that Sooyoung and Siwon are an couple. She has an headache just for thinking about this: the public, his fans find out that they have dated and breaking up. She even imagines the comments: "How could this girl have ended a relationship like that? That stupid, she didn't deserve him, he is so handsome for her..." She is confident, but even for her confidence have limits.

What terrifies her the most is have to deal with her doubts. While she is with Siwon she has a boyfriend, has a mate, has a man to say that he is  hers and show to her family and friends. With him she has a reason to deny what grows inside her. She has pictures with him to look at when it becomes difficult to face the mirror. She has an excuse for when they ask why she's down. She has an alibi when she is checking her girlfriends for a long time. Anyway, she has a partner to hide her feelings for the rest of her life.

About six months ago the doubts that hung in the air began to weigh. What hadn't gone through her mind before, now don't leaves her mind anymore  and the realization that perhaps she is not so straight like she thinks she was, brought up an insecurity never before felt. "Why was it only at the age of 21 that I doubted about my ual orientation? Why didn't this come before? Why did it arise now? Why now when I have the perfect boyfriend I dreamed since 15 years?" Any SONE can confirm that:  the "most desperate" to have a boyfriend was Sooyoung, which would leave her last in a list of the most probable gays of the group.

She doesn't see herself accepting such a situation, even't living such a life - where she would relate to someone of the same gender. None of this goes through her head. "How could a Christian Idol of a traditional Korean family have such a life?"  She thinks. "No matter who you love, the important thing is to be happy" The most liberal would say. "But how to be happy when you embarrass your family? What kind of happiness is this?" More convinced than not experiencing love for another woman, Sooyoung is determined not to share her doubts with her friends. " I can't accept myself, for what reason would they accept me? We already have to worry about the behavior of each other because we are Idols and anything could affects the image of the whole group, imagine if they knew of my doubts? The discomfort that would be? Jessica would never say how beautiful I am and Tiffany would never back hug me anymore. My rosy cheeks couldn't hide behind an excuse about the heat, they would just be the shame of who I really am and who, it seems, I will never be."

Finally at the lake, Sooyoung spotted the baby ducks. There were 9 ducklings following her mother. She soon took out her cell phone, positioned it and took a picture of the family. "Sica, fill the tub I'm going to take these cute little ducks to home." She wrote the message and sent it to Jessica.

-"The best place to take pictures of the lake and the ducks is in that bridge." Said a girl pointing her finger at there. Sooyoung looked at her and nodded.

-"Sorry if I scared you, but I saw that you was interested in the ducks ..." continued the girl.

-"Thank you very much, I'll go there and tak