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♥ TITLE 5/5: The title is pretty simple. It isn’t too long or too short, which makes it suitable. I can clearly see that it relates to the story. It fits perfectly to be honest. I must say that it’s not quite original since I think I have seen some stories with the same title as yours or a similar one. However that can be tossed aside because the title really fits this story and that’s why I give you full marks on this section.

♥ FOREWORD + DESCRIPTION 9/10: You did great with the description. That simple text before the quote was beautiful and it fits the plot in all honesty. On the other hand, the quote has yet to be understood by me as I don’t see how it can relate to story other than because it talks about rain and raindrops. Maybe because Hyemi didn’t lose Baekhyun’s friendship and he still spoke to her, not leaving her alone, is why you associated the quote to the story? Maybe that’s the reason and if that’s so, now I can relate the quote to the story.

Also it doesn’t reveal too much. It’s just how it should be. After reading the description I wanted to read more as I instantly felt the light angst feeling it transmitted.

The phrase on the foreword is simply marvelous. I liked how you put up together each and every word so naturally in that phrase that it seemed to come out of a book. I don’t know if that’s an author note or not, but if it isn’t then it would be nice to read some words from you that could reason the creation of this story. I feel like an excerpt is not needed on the foreword this time. I usually tell that is always good to have an excerpt from the story or the prologue but I guess that since this is an one-shot and it’s not that long, there’s no need for that.

♥ STYLE + DESIGN 5/5: The font is at a good size and the color doesn’t hurt the readers’ eyes. You have everything perfectly neat. The poster is also very good and its theme fits the story as well.

Concerning your writing style, it’s simple yet beautiful. I must say that I really enjoyed how you wrote everything. There were some phrases that caught my attention and I want to quote here, if you don’t mind:

“He was her anchor that kept her on the ground, while she was his wings that brought him to realize how beautiful to world really was.”

“She would make dreams come true for him.”

“(…) Because she was the mirror image of someone he didn’t dare to love.”

“(…) his steady breaths her own personal lullaby.”

These are the phrases I liked the most. Also I won’t take any point out just because you don’t have a background, because everything is so wonderful for me to take points out in this section.

♥ PLOT 22/30: Well, when it comes to one-shots normally the plot isn’t fully developed. It was what happened here but somehow I think you didn’t need much to perfect this section. I mean, the whole idea is pretty good to an light angst story perhaps. You could have just digged a little bit more in their past. Some references to some moments they spent together or something I don’t know. Maybe you could have added something to the I-like-my-friend-but-he-doesn’t-like-me-back plot though. It seems too plain. Do you understand what I mean?

Although the idea seems cliché, I don’t think it is a problem when you know how to manage the plot wisely. Adding a twist or contrasting to the usual stories with happy endings is a god thing for cliché stories, I think.

When you said that Chanmi had an accident, I couldn’t understand later if she had died or not. You didn’t make any reference to that but then I had this little doubt still on my mind. In the end  you made it seem that Hyemi and Baekhyun were together but then it also seemed that they were just friends, so that was something that made me confused.

In the end there only two reasons that made you not having full marks on this section: the underdeveloped and cliché plot and the little confusing part in the end. Aside from that I think this whole idea had the potential to be a great angst story, if only you had developed it a bit more and had added an unexpected twist or something.

♥ CHARACTERIZATION 10/15: Usually one-shots always need to develop one thing or another. Most of them lack in terms of plot and characterization, which is your case also. In the beginning you did pretty well at describing their old days in middle school and high school but there weren’t concrete moments where I could trace the characters profiles. I could only tell that Hyemi and Bakehyun were friends and were close to each other. Individually, I could tell that Hyemi was and I quote “a dreamer” and Baekhyun a down-to-heart boy – they were opposites. I can see that they cared for each other and treasured each other’s friendship a lot.

Although I can see these things I feel that there’s something lacking. Perhaps, adding more details about them would help in this section.

♥ GRAMMAR + SPELLING 20/20: The grammar and spelling on the other hand wasn’t lacking at all. There are only two typos that I spotted: one in the foreword and another in a dialogue of a character.

“Thankyou." There’s a space missing there, nothing of major importance. I only wanted to point out to let you know.

Also in the foreword you have:

“her's to watch but never her's to have.”

When you use the apostrophe is to abbreviate some verbs like the verb have and to be and also modal verbs like would. In this sentence you don’t mean that “her is to watch …” and so you don’t use the apostrophe here, It stays like this “hers to watch but never hers to have.” Because what you have there is a personal pronoun.

♥ FLOW 8/10: I took two points because I feel that it all went quite fast. It was probably because it was short but it’s a one-shot after all. Despite the fact that it is a one-shot maybe you could have made it longer and in that way it wouldn’t look to develop so fast.

♥ OVERALL ENJOYMENT 5/5: I must say that I enjoyed this story. The writing was really something and it only needs some polish here and there to become an amazing one-shot. Full marks here because I really enjoyed your writing and that was what attracted me to your story.

♥ OVERALL SCORE 84/100

a/n: I’m sorry that WolfGirl88 couldn’t review your story as she’s really busy at the moment. Also, I’m soooo sorry for the delay. I hope the review compensated the waiting though.

I tried my best in advising you the best way I can, with all my knowledge of English and hopefully it was a useful review. If you did like my review, I hope you can request again in the future. I would be more than glad to review one of your works again. Thank you for requesting at our shop and keep up with spreading the love towards our k-pop idols through writing! Please don’t forget to read the reminder. Fighting!

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