Review:

Origami Butterfly

Author: deluforselu

Reviwer: BFInspirit20

♥ TITLE: 4/5

I've always loved origami, so the title instantly caught my eye. It's original and simple, not too short and not too long and it fits perfectly with the theme of the story.

♥ FOREWORD + DESCRIPTION  9/10

I really liked how you introduced the story with the prologue: It set the mood for the story and I knew what to expect which was very nice. I could truly feel the pain Chanyeol was feeling just through the first few lines and I was already curious as to what happened between the two boys. I took one point off because of the one line "All he knew was Baekhyun; he's dead". You could have written "All he knew was that his Baekhyun was dead", or that way it flows smoother and it adds more emotion. Other than that, it was very heart-wrenching and fitting for the intro.
 

♥ STYLE + DESIGN  3/5

I really liked the poster that was used, because it shows the simplicity and simple love that they felt for each other through the photos and soft colors. But as for the layout of the story, I didn't like the was you separated each part with a page divider (the line). It made it more unique, but it wasn't very eye catching. I think the best way to divide a story like yours is to use a ~ symbol in between each paragraph you want to divide, that way it's easier to read and it brings out the beauty of the writing.
 

♥ PLOT  29/30

To put it frankly, I LOVED reading this story! It kept me on the edge of my seat and even though I had to work, I was reading it the whole entire day to my co-worker! The anguish, the way you took Chanyeol back to the times he was with Baekhyun, the sense of foreboding, the "cheesy" lines and even the heartbreaking ending, I loved each and every detail. The only thing that I take one point off for was the ending. It wasn't bad, it was actually really good, I just thought that something more would happen, but either way, I loved this story.
 

♥ CHARACTERIZATION  15/15

Throughout the entire story, I could almost feel Chanyeol's pain and suffering at the loss of Baekhyun. I truly felt like I was feeling his pain, and I felt like crying along with him. The way you described Baekhyun, especially during his final phone call, I felt like I was losing my best friend as the line went dead. I felt like I knew the characters and the anguish felt all too real. Very good job.
 

♥ GRAMMAR + SPELLING 17/20

According to the request form, you want me to judge harshly on the grammar. I originally planned to take one point off for each grammar mistake and you originally lost 6 points (Ex: The house belonged to both of them: they bought together... It should be they bought it together). But, because of your amazing vocabulary and beautiful lines that made my heart swell, I gave you three points back. Other than a few commas and extra colons, you're golden.
 

♥ FLOW  7/10

I thought that the story flowed well, but I got confused at some points because it was hard to tell when each event happened. I got a bit confused by the way you exposed Chanyeol's memories of Baekhyun, and I struggled to figure out if Chanyeol was thinking over everything and then he heard Baekhyun's message, or if it ended with the foreword. But then again, that's what made it unique.
 

♥ OVERALL ENJOYMENT  5/5

I loved reading and reviewing this story. It was very well written and I loved the tragedy and the dramatic ending. I really felt all of the emotons and I couldn't help but feel my heart hurt whenever Chanyeol said a beautiful line, and I couldn't hold back a sob when Baekhyun died. I was almost in tears at the end and I was amazed by your beautiful writing. Despite the grammar and the different flashbacks, I truly enjoyed this story.

♥ OVERALL SCORE:  89/100

a/n: Because you recieved an 89, and not a 90, your story is not eligible to be put in the featured story corner. However, I will make sure to spread word about your amazing story! I still can't believe that this is your first fanfic, make sure to write a lot of stories because you are a very talened writer! Thank you so much for requesting a review, I hope that I was able to help you with your work, and don't be afraid to stop by again sometime! :D

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