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My Angel, Oh Sehun

Author: iloveyousehun

Reviewer: BFInspirit20

Title: 4.5/5

Short, very easy to remember, and fits well into the entire theme of the story. I am a fan of Sehun so I was instantly attracted to the title, although fans who don't know who Sehun is won't know who you're talking about. Other than that, the title is good.

Foreword + Description: 10/10

Wow the description was done very well. I loved how you made a point to show each of the 4 seasons, and how you used italics to emphasize what each one meant. You made it so that the reader knew that the story would be revolving around the seasons, and with the quote you showed which season was involved (spring), without giving away what happened.

I also liked how you put extra one-shots involving the other seasons and other pairings in the foreword, I've never seen that before! Well done in both sections.

Style + Design: 4/5

The font was the perfect size so it wasn't very hard to read, but it wasn't very soft and tender. believe it or not, font sizes are different because each one incorporates a different emotion. Georgia and Avant Garde more formal, older feel to the story, while Arial or Calibri make the words smaller but add an almost fragile feel to the story.

The poster was very beautiful, and fit the story well not only with the nostalgic pictures of Luhan and Sehun, but also with the spring theme.

Plot: 25/30

Sehun, Luhan's dead lover, came to visit Luhan in the middle of the night. What I liked was how you caused Luhan to wake up from his confusing dream, so see that Sehun had written his own name on Luhan's palm. The constant reoccurrence of the idea of seasons, mostly spring and winter, show how Sehun became reborn in the spring after dying in the winter. It is a very heart-felt and simple story.

Luhan was more than surprised in the end to see that Sehun had visited him, but I was honestly expecting a much bigger reaction and more detail into the past that he and Sehun shared before the fateful winter.

Characterization: 9/15

It's very easy to tell that Luhan is very depressed about loosing Sehun, but I was curious about multiple things about Luhan and Sehun at the end of the story.

- What exactly caused Sehun to die? Luhan explain that Sehun died in the winter, but how does he die? Just placing the reason in the story adds more detail and depth, but some stories don't need to explain how another character died because the plot enough is strong enough without it.

Luhan's true character is shown here and there, but I really didn't learn much about him or Sehun. Don't be afraid to get into detail and ad lots of thoughts and actions to bring the characters to life. Adding detail to each character makes the characters and story much more memorable and relatable.

Grammar + Spelling: 15/20

A small issue I had in this story was the placement of the quotation marks. You don't have t put a space between the first letter of the sentence and the quotation, they're supposed to be right next to each other. Also, you seemed to have a few times where the tenses didn't match up, so make sure to watch your tenses so the story flows.

There were a few sentences in the story that just didn't look right.

First: "His face is a milky white that looks truly milky under the light that he was in.

Should be: "His face is a pale white that looks almost milky from the light surrounding him.".

Second: "Under the light, and even not, he looked perfect".

Should be: "With or without the light, he looks perfect".

Simple things like this just need to be read over, usually reading aloud makes it easier to catch mistakes. So, in short, watch your punctuation and tenses. Your grammar is very well overall, and your writing is very descriptive so just work on the small mistakes, and you'll be all set.

Flow: 8/10

I really like how you made everything appear to be a dream, but it was real. The story flowed well, considering the encounter between Sehun and Luhan wasn't too short or too long, but I kind of wish that the story was a bit longer so I could enjoy it more. Other than that, it started, progressed, and ended well.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

This story isn't bad. I enjoyed it, it's a good story to read on a warm spring day, but it isn't my favorite.

Overall Score: 78.5/100

A/N: Because this story did not receive a 90 or higher, this story cannot be featured in the featured story corner. But don't worry, this is still a good story, it just needs some work!

When writing: Always remember to check your tenses to make sure everything matches up; try out different fonts to create a sense of tone in the writing; don't be afraid to add more detail or a back story to a certain character or plot; and read sentences over either aloud or in your head to make sure that they're aren't any errors. Also, have fun!

Thank you so much for requesting at our shop! I hope that i was able to help you with you and your writing, thank you for allowing me to be your reviewer, and hopefully we'll see you here again soon! If I have time, I'll check out your other seasonal EXO one-shots! Thank you so much and take care!

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