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♥ TITLE 4.5/5: I quite like this title and it is very appealing. I feel that I would click on it if I were simply browsing titles. I do, however, feel like this is a title I've seen various times with variations.

♥ FOREWORD + DESCRIPTION 3/10: Just from what you've given me, I have nothing to go off of. I have a vague idea that your story has to do with time and it slipping away, but it isn't enough to draw me in. I can live with a one-liner description if you give me a really nice foreword which you did not. You should utilize that space to put in an excerpt of some sort to draw in your readers and give them a sense of what is in store for them in reading your story. Honestly, if I were browsing stories, I would have clicked away from your story due to the lack of pull you had on me as a reader. You most definitely don't want that happening.

♥ STYLE + DESIGN 3/5: Pretty nice. Just the way you did the offset with those few occasional lines kind of bothered me as I read.

♥ PLOT x/30: Since it's a one-shot, I'm not going to include this in your score.

♥ CHARACTERIZATION 8/15: I mean, it is a one-shot so I'll cut you some slack, but you could have given the reader juuuuust a little more to go off of on your characters. If not the narrator, than maybe the boy across the street? You said you had Luhan in mind while writing, so use that. If the reader wants to imagine their bias, I'm sure they could fill in the blanks :)

♥ GRAMMAR + SPELLING 17/20: I couldn't see very much wrong in your story, but there was maybe one or two times where you switched verb tense and it threw me off a bit.

♥ FLOW 8/10: It is a one-shot, but it did have a nice flow. I didn't feel like you rushed it to get the chapter over with despite it being so short.

♥ OVERALL ENJOYMENT 4/5: I did end up quite enjoying your story. I liked how it was a lot of inner monolgue almost. Also, that ending caught me by surprise and was really cute.

♥ OVERALL SCORE 47.5/70 (without plot)

a/n: Hope I wasn't too harsh on you! Your story could really grow if you put just a few little details in it, so good luck with that!

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