Pick Up

Mr. Oh Sehun

Author: InfiniteLC 

Reviewer: BFInspirit20

Title: 4.5/5

Short and sweet, I already know who the lead male is in the story just by looking at it. Even though I have seen titles similar to this used constantly, you put it into the story well with how Eunjung always calls Sehun by his full name.

Foreword + Description: 5/10

I like how you didn’t give too much away on the foreword, but there were quite a few mistakes involving the grammar.

“But while she only have eyes on the boy…”,  should be, “But while she only has eyes for Jongin…”,

“…That someone is who Eunjung; herself would never expect to intertwine with”, should be, “That someone is a person who Eunjung never would have expected to be intertwined with”. (Make sure to get rid of the ; sign, it isn’t needed).

Finally, “How can one normal life turn into a thousand hardship and pain”, should say something along the lines of, “How will she handle going from normal life, to one full of hardship and pain”? This way, the reader will know a bit about the hardships Eunjung will face throughout the story.

Everything else, regarding the character profiles and cute trailer, were well done.

Style + Design: 5/5

The font is a good size, and the poster along with the background don't distract the reader. Very good.

Plot: 29/30

You stayed true to your foreword, which is something not all writers can do. Sometimes the story changes along the way, but you keep the plotline solid throughout.

Cha Eunjung has a crush on Jongin for over four years, but she just can't get the courage to ask him out in fear of being rejected.  Then, suddenly desperate to have him, she gets a small idea to get close to his friend Sehun to get closer to Jongin himself, but things don't go according to plan. Now Sehun won't leave her alone, and think that she has a crush on him, when she doesn't!

This plot has been used here and there, but with the continuious humor and realistic moments between the characters are very well thought out and real. When reading, I can almost feel the pain each character goes through as they experience true love, jealousy, happiness and heartbreak, I just want to go in and comfort them.

You truly make this story appealing enough to make someone interested, adn create an unforgettable cast to keep someone drawn in. Very well done.

Characterization: 13/15

At first, the characters seemed kind of dull, but they became more rounded as the story progresses. Eunjung is the main character, and isn't like everyone expected her to be, in fact she's the complete opposite: She may have the title of head queenka, but she is actually a lovesick girl who loves Jongin and green gummy bears.

Also, she is very naive: She knew that Jongin liked Heejin, but instantly rejoiced when Jongin suddenly wanted to be around her, and got crushed when she found out that he was merely using her to get back at Heejin. Even if a reader doesn't like Eunjung it's hard not to feel bad for her being crushed in such a harsh way, (stupid Jongin), bringing out the character's true voice.

Sehun is slowly becoming the fan favorite, not only with his denseness and humor, but because of his sweet side. He wants to protect Eunjung, but isn't sure about his feelings for her, the common symptom for a young maknae in love, well done.

I honestly can't wait to read more, hopefully we can learn more about Heejin, as well as Kyungsoo and Luhan's interest in Hana

Grammar + Spelling: 12/20

This is where you lost some points. Throughout the story, there is constant punctuation mistakes, and tense confusion. The story is in past tense, so when editing, make sure that all verbs end with -ed.

Also, whenever Eunjung or Sehun are speaking, you sometimes write that they are "mentally speaking", but the other person responds. It may not seem like a big deal, but it can be a bit confusing.

Overall, check your tenses and don't forget to add periods at the end of each dialogue. Everything else was good.

Flow: 8/10

The story seems to be progressing well so far, since it isn't complete. Don't be afraid to add some personal thoughts for each character and describe their surroundings a bit more: a reader should feel like their in the story, experiencing what the characters are seeing and feeling. It makes the transition smoother for each chapter.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

This story is really good, but the grammar needs some work, it takes away from the full feeling of the story. Other than that, I honestly enjoyed reading up to your last updated chapter, I want to know what happens next!

Overall Score: 80.5/100

A/N: Even though you didn’t receive a 90 or higher, and this story can’t be featured in our shop, I honestly really like this story! You take the control of your characters, and make them test their feelings like a drama and I love it! I love this story so much, I will personally subscribe to it for you, I want to know what happens next between Sehun and Eunjung!

We’re so sorry for the late review, and the change in reviewers. Thank you so much for being patient with us and staying subscribed to us: thank you for letting me be your reviewer, and hopefully we’ll see you here soon! Take care! :)

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