Review: LoveX2254

♦ Memories | Somnium Review Shop Archive
 
 
 
 
 
REVIEW
 
tumblr_n71mbj8Yav1r7v9e3o1_500.gif

To Break Me
- by LoveX2254

reviewer: WolfGirl88

 + REVIEW                                                                                                                                                               

 TITLE 4.5/5: Your tittle here has an angsty feeling that when I saw the tittle I know that it's going to be an angst story right away. It is not that unique since I believe there's a lot of stories with similar titles as yours. The length of your story's title is perfect, not that short and not too long. It is related to your story's theme but I don't really know what it has to do with your story since there's only four chapters and the only thing that's related with this title is when Yuna is arguing with her father. I expect more angst, more sad and hurting chapters but overall, you did a good job since it's not that easy to create a title that's going to suit your story entirely.

♥ FOREWORD + DESCRIPTION 9/10: Your description and your foreword are very attracting and inviting. Readers want to find out more when they read your description and the foreword. It doesn't reveal too much as well. But the only thing that I want to point out here is that you should perhaps give the readers some clues about what had happened in Yuna's life before that her life ended. I am curious about what had happened before and what will happen in the future about Yuna's life but I'm talking in the point of view of a reader and as a reader, if you don't really reveal that much and basically almost hide everything about Yuna's life it will make me lost my attention towards your story. And I have a suggestion for this sentence in your description.
ORIGINAL: And as I turn the page once more, there's but two letters on it.
MY SUGGESTION: And as I turn the page once more, there's nothing but two letters on it.
EXTRA NOTES: I understand why you wrote 'there's' which will be 'there is' and it fits the sentence perfectly but it would've been a bit better if you put 'nothing' after 'there's'.


♥ STYLE + DESIGN 4/5Here's what I don't really understand about your poster and your story. This story is mainly about Yuna's life, am I right? And because I read the entire story, I sense a tiny bit of romance between Yuna and Zelo. I would like to suggest you to put B.A.P or Zelo only with Yuna in the poster. This will also gain readers' attention as you know there's a lot of B.A.P's fans in this site. Not that I'm critizing the poster but it's only a suggestion. I am still an amateur in designing graphics but if you want angst, why don't you use more dark colours? The font of your story is good, the layout is not messy and everything else is just fine.

♥ PLOT 27/30The plots are interesting, unique and attractive as well. It's also creative and it's not that cliché although there are a lot of stories with the almost the same plots as yours. Everything almost make sense except that you should've explain why Yuna's dad are acting like that to her and what exactly Yuna want in her new life. The plots are well developed so good job!

♥ CHARACTERIZATION 12.5/15: Overall, I did understand your characters especially Yuna. Still, you might want to explain more about Yuna's dad and perhaps the B.A.P's members as well. I can tell that you're focusing mostly on Yuna only. If you can expand the other characters' traits too, it's going to be great.

♥ GRAMMAR + SPELLING 19.5/20: I rarely see any spelling and grammar mistakes since English is your first language and for this section, I must say that everything is almost perfect!

♥ FLOW 8/10: The pace of this story is not that fast but a bit slow. If you want readers to keep on reading, then you'd better keep up with the flow of your own story.

♥ OVERALL ENJOYMENT 5/5: I enjoy your story. Keep on updating this story!

♥ OVERALL SCORE 90/100

a/n: That's a good score you got there! I believe that your story will be featured soon in this shop. I hope I did good reviewing your story. I tried to point out as many as I can and I hope you're satisfied with this.




 + REMINDER                                  


01. Don't forget to comment after picking up the review
02. Also follow at the rules of somnium review shop
03. Do comeback again ;)

layout by xxesmeeee - ramyunsoup  

 

 

 

 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
jiwonxoxo
#1
Picked up! Im sorry for picking it up so late..
kingfei #2
Chapter 28: I enjoy reading your reviews but feel there are some things I should point out ( just some stuff I noticed for this review. I'm sorry if these have already been mentioned.)
The 'u' in words like 'flavor' (-> flavour), behavior (-> behaviour), savior (-> saviour) isn't wrong, it's just the British way of spelling those words.
To say ' If I/you/he/she/it were ' instead of using 'was' isn't wrong and actually considered more correct in Writing.
Thanks for your hard work and good luck !!