Review:

Not So Far Apart on the Color Spectrum

Author: vonpika

Reviwer: DobuOnew

♥ TITLE  1.5/5

As I finished reading the story I went to do the review. When I thought about the title I realized that it didn’t connect to the story, at least I didn’t see any connection. One of the things that readers look at firstly is the title and when it doesn’t attract attention then the story won’t have many readers. Your title is maybe, a bit too long. When I see these long titles I quickly lose the interest and don’t even click on the story, unless it particularly catches my eye. You could’ve put something along the lines “Under His Shadow” or “Overshadowed” something that it could relate to the story because it will help the reader to remember the title and it will attract his/her attention.

♥ FOREWORD + DESCRIPTION  9/10

In the description, you only wrote that small phrase. I actually think it fits perfectly as it transpires the hate, as well as the anger JongIn felt towards Kai for leaving under Kai’s image for so long, without being able to be recognized for something. If you could just add the excerpt that is in the foreword to the description it would be just perfect, since I think it would complete the description.

The foreword is fine. You have the author note there, the credits and the warnings … all well placed and with a good font type and color. Just suitable.

♥ STYLE + DESIGN  3.5/5

The font is at a good size and the color is also good as it doesn’t hurt the reader’s eyes. As you don’t have a poster neither a background I had to take 1,5 point. :c

 ♥ PLOT  28/30

I must say that the plot really caught my eye. In my opinion it was fascinating, because it was somehow about psychological issues and I have much interest when about it. I liked the idea of JongIn having another face (Kai) and as it gets more successful in life than him, it affects JongIn to the point that he wants to kill the other him (ending up committing suicidal). The ending was equally good as it ended with Krystal watching the news and eventually discovering about her boyfriend’s death. You did really a good job with the plot.

♥ CHARACTERIZATION  15/15

Wonderful job with the characterization. I was able to trace both JongIn and Kai’s characteristics as you describe them very well. The whole hate JongIn had for Kai and the carefree Kai towards JongIn’s feelings … all this was well portrayed and you did great at describing the characters.

♥ GRAMMAR + SPELLING  20/20

The writing was absolutely amazing. There were just one or two misspelled words but I don’t think it was worth taking a point for it. You used many adjectives and your writing is very “expensive” as there are some words that most readers (at least here) don’t use, because they don’t have a vast knowledge of vocabulary and therefore their writing isn’t as rich. Not only your writing is rich but with all the adjectives and “expensive” words, also drives reader’s attention in because of it. Applauds.

♥ FLOW  10/10

For the length it had I think you did well with the flow.

♥ OVERALL ENJOYMENT  5/5

I enjoyed reading this one-shot very much and thus, I loved reading your story. Personally, I like both angst and fluff, though fluff tends to be more cliché. Maybe that’s why angst captivates me more. And because you did amazingly well while transmitting the angst with your words, you just earned a new subscriber as well as reader.

The image you chose as prompt also fit the story so: bonus points. ^^ 

Somehow I have a huge difficulty believing that it’s your first time writing something like this as well as having problems with the characterization and tenses, because you were even better than me. XD

♥ OVERALL SCORE:  92/100

a/n: As you scored more than 90 your story will be featured for 6 days in our foreword. I hope my review was useful and that you liked it. If you did, I hope you can request again in the future. I would be more than glad to review one of your works again. Thank you for requesting at our shop and keep up with the wonderful work! Please don’t forget to read the reminder. Fighting!

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