Review:

It All Started With A Dare 

Author: starlight11

Reviwer: DobuOnew

♥ TITLE  3.5/5

So, I gave you a 3.5 out of 5 because the title appears common. You should have chosen a title which would catch a reader’s attention and it wouldn’t be so long because when it’s long it becomes less interesting. Try looking for words that describe your story, the characters; look for nouns related to your story and then try putting them together. In that way it will be easier to find a better title (it’s like that I choose the title for my stories – sometimes a little search on the internet might help us a lot.)
Although the title lacks originality and uniqueness, it fits the story.

♥ FOREWORD + DESCRIPTION  7/10

The description is fine. That one phrase in the beginning was a good idea. I think when you give that information about the main characters you should not put their ages there as you describe them below the prologue. It’s visible in the description the wrong use of the correct verb tense and that’s something writers should look at firstly.

As you can see you wrote:

“Therefore everyone in the community know Luhan (…)”

although you should add an “s” in the verb there, you used the present right? And after you use the past simple

“and everyone mistook their bromance as romance.”

so you must always write in one verb tense or you can either write in the present or in the past (for example) but you can’t write in both as it will confuse readers and they’ll lose the story’s track.

There was just something you wrote that got me confused. You wrote:

“Therefore everyone in the community know Luhan as a gay for his pretty face, his gentle behavior and that fact of generation.”

What did you mean by “that fact of generation”? Perhaps you meant “and his generosity”? Sometimes what we write isn’t really what we mean. Please be careful with that and be attentive for these mistakes that can lead the reader to not understand the meaning of the phrase.
 

♥ STYLE + DESIGN  3/5

The poster and background are cute, fit the story and the fact that the poster is a gif, it makes it more attractive. You have more than one poster but you only used a second version in two chapters. Maybe you should use one for the foreword and the other for the chapters. It’s just because it looks more appealing.

About the font, you change constantly of font type and that’s not much of professional and appealing. In a chapter you have Arial, in the next you have Courier New and in the other you have already Trebuchet MS; also you start by not having a background color for the font in the first chapters but then you put a background color and change it from chapter to chapter. In order to make it more attractive for the reader to read, you should use only a font type for all the chapters and maybe not use the background color for the font. In that way it will be easier for the reader and is more professional.
 

♥ PLOT  24/30

Although the “bullied nerdy girl likes one of the jerk popular boys” plot is already overused in AFF, there was something in the plot that I liked. You made the OC talk back to the bullies and also made her happy with herself. I mean, most of these plots have the OC not caring that people bully her but she’s always sad because it affects her, in your plot you made her not caring but instead she’s happy with herself. She doesn’t show any sadness, only for her appearance but she continues to enjoy herself while crushing on Sehun.

I already can predict that there will be a twist (instead of falling in love with her crush she’ll fall in love with his best friend – Luhan) and that’s good, because whenever a story has a twist, it becomes unexpected and the readers will get even more interested while reading.
 

♥ CHARACTERIZATION  12/15

Well, up until what I read I’ve noticed some aspects about the characters. I liked the fact that you made the nerdy girl like herself and not let those bullies affect her as much as they want to (like I said above). Also because English is not your first language and you aren’t fluent at it either, you don’t have a vast knowledge of vocabulary and consequently your writing won’t be as detailed as other authors, so I expected the characterization to be shown only in the characters actions and not in the author’s description of them, that’s why I only gave you that score for this section.
 

♥ GRAMMAR + SPELLING  16/20

I didn’t see many misspelled mistakes. The grammar was the only problem here. I’ve already mentioned before but I want to just point out some mistakes you had there and how it should be in the corrected form. In the second chapter you wrote:

“you tried to walk by yourself but after a few steps you couldn’t continue any longer since the pain from the kicks hurts.”

when it should be

“you tried to walk by yourself but after a few steps you couldn’t continue any longer since the pain from the kicks hurt.”

Let me explain why: in the present tense the verb “Hurt” must have a “s” but when it’s conjugated in the past tense it stays only “hurt” there’s no ed or other termination.

I also saw that you wrote “spoked” instead of “spoke”. I don’t know if it was just a mistake or you really didn’t know how to write it. But the verb “Speak” in the past is “spoke” there’s no need to add ed since it’s already in the past.

Another mistake that I saw was:

“You kept smiling as you recall the thought of how Sehun helped you before.”

Since you use the past tense in your story again, all the verbs must be in the past tense (except some exceptions), but in here it should be

“You kept smiling as you recalled the thought of how Sehun had helped you before.”

I don’t remember more mistakes but I hope I had helped you with my somewhat weak and not so good explanation. I pointed these out not to embarrass you or anything, my intention here is to help you in what you’re weak at, so I felt the need to point these mistakes out. However I hope you don’t mind.
 

♥ FLOW  8.5/10

I think the flow was at a good pace, not too rushed and not too slow either. But there were just slight moments when I felt it going faster.

♥ OVERALL ENJOYMENT  3/5

I must say that because of the somehow common plot, those grammar mistakes and the frequent change of font type, it made me enjoy this story less than I had expected. But it’s wasn’t too bad either so don’t worry. I also took in count the fact that English is not your first language and neither you’re fluent in it.

♥ OVERALL SCORE:  77/100

a/n: Well, I hope I wasn’t too harsh as you asked me to be “so-so” while criticizing your story. My ways of explaining aren’t the best either, as I’m not a professional or an English teacher, neither the best author out there to teach you the correct ways to write, but I sincerely hope that I was useful for your writing. Keep up with the good work and I hope to see you soon with a great improvement. If you liked the review you can always come back and request again. We would be glad and willing to review one of your works again. Please don’t forget to read the reminder. Fighting!

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