Pick Up

Picturesque Supernova

Author: -heartfelt

Reviewer: BFInspirit20

Title: 5/5

May I say that this is the most unique and interesting title that I have seen here on AFF. This title automatically caught my attention. I love how you put a definition of what the title meant, and how the incorporated the title to fit the story perfectly. Also, it isn't too long or short, and it is very easy to remember. Very well done!

Foreword + Description: 10/10

At first read, the description instantly chilled my blood. The descriptive words, the italics, and finally the final line ("Then he finds a way to change that), everything was perfect and scary.You made sure not to give away what happened in the story, so the reader had an instant curiosity as to what happened in the story as a result of the vague description.  I also like how you gave a warning in the foreword to those who weren't sure what to expect in the story, many authors don't warn their readers, it is very nice that you did that.

Style + Design: 5/5

The font size was perfect and very easy to read, but the font also adds a sense of eeriness, perfect to the genre and tone of the story. The poster is perfect for the story was well, how it shows his face and how tormented he looks in the poster; the captured theme of the story.

Plot: 30/30

To put it bluntly, I was surprised, shocked and in awe of this terrifyingly beautiful story. As most K-pop fans know, Koreans tend to "go under the knife" quite frequently to look more beautiful (as you explained in the story) and I can honestly say that this is the first fanfic I've read about this topic in such a jaw-dropping way. You brought the horrors of wanting to be beautiful, and the internal struggles that come with it, to life: from Junhong's first surgery, to his horrible bulimia and how he believed in the thing that wasn't real (the mirror), all the way to the horrifying ending. The entire story kept me on my toes as I watched Junhong slowly lose his sanity from his greed, and how he achieved it in the end, but not without some twists and turns.

This story was so simple, yet heartbreaking and horrific. It is very unique, and I enjoyed every second if it. I was satisfied with the ending, and I was truly amazed by what I had read.

Characterization: 15/15

Junhong himself had such a strong and powerful grip on the story, it was almost scary. Junhong seemed more than real to me, with the simple-bullying that snowballed into creating a very depressed and very dissatisfied boy. All that he wanted to be was beautiful, but everyone would make fun of him and call him ugly, and he snapped. His depression and all of it's components seemed so real, I felt like I was experiencing it with him. He finally lost his mind in the end, but got exactly what he wanted: to be beautiful Junhong, and that was all that mattered. You followed your plot and theme very well, and wrote an all-too-real character, to create an unforgettable story.

Grammar + Spelling: 19/20

I read the story over about 2 times, and I really couldn't find any spelling errors, except for a few capitalization errors. As for your grammar, you kept the tenses constant and allowed your writing to flow almost effortlessly. I loved how you placed what Junhong thought he saw in parenthesis, but the reality of what was really happening was happening at the end of the parenthesis. I also loved how you use italics to emphasis key points and emotions in the story, and just your word choice that made the whole story seem very sad and scary.

There were some sentences that seemed a bit confusing though.

Ex: His heart is racing at a thousand miles per hour, and all of the things he's never thought of, think.

Should be: His heart is racing at a thousand miles per hour, and suddenly all of the things he's never thought of, make him stop and think.

I know that you were trying to use a type of repetition for this sentence and the two that come after it, but it was just worded wrong. Just simple things. Make sure to go back to your writing and say the words aloud so they make sense, and always check for capitalization and punctuation mistakes.

Flow: 10/10

The story flowed well, it didn't seem rushed or too slow at all. Everything was at a very good pace.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

I really enjoyed reading this story. I haven't been so focused and tense reading a story in a long time, and I was not disappointed with the ending. This is a story I will never forget, and I am so glad that I was able to read it!

Overall Score: 99/100

A/N: Oh my gosh, I think this is the highest score anyone has ever received here on SRS! Your story will be featured in the featured story corner for it's almost perfect score! Well done!

Your story is truly amazing! I noticed that you entered it in a contest, and I really hope you win! It is so haunting and unforgettable, you are a truly talented writer!

Thank you so much for requesting here at the shop, and thank you more so for allowing me to review this amazing story! Make sure to work hard on your writing, and hopefully we'll see you here real soon! Take care sweetie!! :)

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