Review: cyuan00

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CONTRIVANCE
- by cyuan00

reviewer: BFInspirit20

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 TITLE 5/5: After reading this story, I looked up the definition of the title, and it fits into the story perfectly with Soo's character. His story, about him being a dimension hopper, seemed to be more than unlikely and fake, much like the title definition implies. Very well done here, the title is very uncommon and short, but summarizes the plot in one word. Good job.

FOREWORD + DESCRIPTION 9.5/10: At first glance, I really thought that this was just going to be another Kaisoo fanfiction, but (as you even pointed out), I questioned it as I read your foreword. The description didn't seem right, as though there was more to the plot than your words alone. You really made me interested as to what would happen, without giving anything away. Good job.
(I took off half a point for the typo in the first sentence of the foreword. Sorry!)

♥ STYLE + DESIGN 5/5The font was a good size, and the paragraphs were formatted in a way where it was easy to read. The poster fit well with the story, especially with the quotes that make it seem like the "less-than-average" Kaisoo fanfiction.

♥ PLOT 18/30A simple plot, with Kai helping a man in need (Soo) by letting him stay at his apartment. But little do we know that Soo is really a dimension hopper, who escaped to Kai's world, after his own world was attacked. Soo explains that there are two of each soul, and that if one is hurt, so is the other, and he must protect Kai.
Now, the story is way different than what the description said, and seems to be kind of overwhelming. I expected it to be a simple story, but it's really about parallel dimensions, it's really quite a surprise! I really like the plot twist, but there are a few things to talk about.
I really enjoyed the two boy's easy relationship, but the whole idea of Soo's situation really didn't hit Kai in the expected way, even when Soo became concerned about the tan boy's state. With Soo's situation revealed, the story becomes much more complex, a story that really shouldn't be told in a one-shot. I think that there was just so much information thrown at the reader, it was hard to imagine how everything could be explained all in one chapter.

♥ CHARACTERIZATION 9/15: Other than Soo, we really don't know much about Kai, or Soo's home life. We never really learn about the war either, which may not seem important, but could really affect Soo's character, especially if he's a very distressed character. It was cute how in the beginning, how amazed Soo was at the technology in Kai's apartment, little things like that really show how a character thinks and acts without having to speak. It's the little comments and conversations that make the characters, and I really wanted to learn more about the characters and their lives.

♥ GRAMMAR + SPELLING 19/20: Your spelling and grammar was almost perfect, except for one thing: your punctuation. Always remember that the punctuation mark always goes after the quote mark. (Ex: "He told me that...".) Other than that, you did an awesome job.

 FLOW 6/10: As the story progresses, we can see the passage in time, but it really felt kind of fast, especially with Kai's "almost" death. Things kind of went fast, from Kai meeting Soo, to them living together, to Kai getting drunk after seeing Soo's other self, amongst other things. The story was good, but it just went by pretty fast.

♥ OVERALL ENJOYMENT 3/5: I really like Kaisoo stories, and this one was better than your average OTP fic, but it really went by fast and seemed kind of unorganized. It was good, but I wasn't sure what to make of it when I finished it.

♥ OVERALL SCORE 75.5/100

 

a/n: Thank you for letting me be your reviewer: I really hope that I was able to help you with my review! I really enjoyed your story, you have a very unique imagination and writing style that is very good. Keep writing, I want to see more of your work in the future.
Thank you for requesting, thank you for letting me review your story, and hopefully we'll see you here again real soon!





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jiwonxoxo
#1
Picked up! Im sorry for picking it up so late..
kingfei #2
Chapter 28: I enjoy reading your reviews but feel there are some things I should point out ( just some stuff I noticed for this review. I'm sorry if these have already been mentioned.)
The 'u' in words like 'flavor' (-> flavour), behavior (-> behaviour), savior (-> saviour) isn't wrong, it's just the British way of spelling those words.
To say ' If I/you/he/she/it were ' instead of using 'was' isn't wrong and actually considered more correct in Writing.
Thanks for your hard work and good luck !!