What a beautiful sunset that I'm witnessing this afternoon. The sky is painted orange. The buildings are accompanying us. Some of them are as high as the level of our dorm, but most of them are smaller. Seoul looks so peaceful at this moment. The clouds are moving slowly, waiting for the sun to leave the earth. I like this, sitting alone in the balcony while enjoying my cup of tea. Just me. No book. No phone. No music. No work. Just me for a couple of minutes. Ohh... I can do this for hours if I can.
Sana... Tzuyu... Mina... All of them... I’m ready to meet them again. It’s all already over. My problems have been solved. Everything, except for one thing. I turn my head away and see a girl approaching me from the inside of the room. As promised. She must be happy that I’m waiting for her. She needs to be. This isn't the time yet......
Second, by a second, her figure gets bigger and closer. She stands beside me and touches my shoulder. “Alone?” she asks.
“With you, now,” I a little. She smiles, before moves to the chair next to me and sits there.
“What a beautiful sunset, isn’t it?” she says as if she can read my mind.
“Chaeyoung-a...”
She looks at me as I call her name. No expression. Just warmness that resonates from her gaze. “Yes?” she answers.
“Yes.”
“Huh?”
“Lena has told me,” I say.
“Uh... Uh... What did she tell you?” she looks startled. I chuckle looking her nervous all of sudden.
“She said that you wanted to ask me for a date today. Am I wrong?”
“Ohh! She... She told you that?”
I smile. “And yes, I’d love to go with you! Hehe...”
She takes a deep breath, probably shocked with my random respond. She might not see it coming. “Alright!” she says. “This Thursday?”
“Sure.”
“Cool.”
We don't talk much after that. The sky gets darker as the sun has gone. The vibe is still peaceful. Still romantic. I feel like I don’t wanna go anywhere else. Just stay here. Forever.

I look at Chaeyoung. She’s really... Complicated. She has so many sides that I really love. But... Maybe all of these things aren't supposed to happen, “Let’s go to the inside,” I tell her, breaking the silence.
“Yeah...”
She holds my hand as we enter the dorm. So cute! I can’t wait for my date with her. How will it be?

*flashback*

"Haeju..." an unfamiliar voice called my name from the back. I was in the living room, sitting on the couch, reading a book, isolating myself from everyone. As usual. I was still angry at everyone. I was so disappointed by them but I really didn't know what to do. They were valueless for me at that time.
That was what I felt but somehow I felt excited that someone was looking for me. I wondered who that was. Tzuyu? Sana? I usually recognized each of their voices but not this one. Momo? Dahyun? That was the most unfamiliar voice I had ever heard in this dorm. Who could that be?
A well-proportioned girl stopped on the right side in front of me. I peek from the behind of my book. I couldn't recognize her color skin. I couldn't recognize her hand. I couldn't recognize her taste in casual fashion. I looked up carefully. I didn't recognize her shoulder either. Not her neck. Not her smile. Ahh...

It's Ahn Celena.

"Le... Lena-ssi?" I stuttered.
"Hello! What book are you reading there?!" asked her excitingly.
"Uhh..."
"'Beyond Mars and Venus'. Wow, is that about outer space? Mm, do you mind if I enjoy you?" Lena was, obviously, trying to ask that last question from the beginning. I guessed that she just wanted to sit here, joining me. I couldn't smile back at her. I remained a poker face and ignored her. 
I didn't answer her but, well, she sat beside me anyway.

I continued reading my book and ignoring her. After a few minutes, she started to speak again, "Ohh... is it a pop psychology book? I also love psychology, you know? I like to see my friend's personalities and our the dynamic between them."
I didn't answer. I didn't know why she didn't understand that I didn't want to talk to her?
"Right, Haeju-ssi? Do you like psychology too?" she said it before suddenly circling her arm around one of mine. Gosh, I was so weak with physical touch! I hated Lena but lowkey I liked being treated like this. But then, I shook my arm to let her know that I didn't want to be embraced. 
She released her hug, "A... Am I bothering you? So, sorry..." she finally said it, at ing last. But I was so confused why she still sat beside me instead of leaving? 

She had ruined my concentration. I glued my sight to the book anyway so I didn't need to look at her. But it was just blurred. I wasn't reading anymore. Now guilt appeared in my head. 'Am I too far?' I asked myself. Everyone had a flaw, even this annoying girl, but it didn't mean I had to treat her badly. She sounded kinda nice anyway. Hh, but she took all my friends! I didn't even know why she was here when she didn't really care to me anyway. She didn't know me. I was a stranger to her. Why didn't she just hang out with the members that she already knew for so long?'
That's true, Haeju... You hate her.
No! Ignoring people who tried to talk to me nicely is bad. I should apologize. 
You realize that she's just manipulating you, right? She acted nicely while slowly she will leave you alone bring all the members with her.
Maybe. Well, at least she tries to comfort me!? Yeah, I really need to say it!

I put my book on the glass table in front of us. "Lena..." I called her name hesitantly. 
"Yes???" she responds me excitingly.
"I... I'm sorry."
"Aww, don't be~ I just wanna talk to you. It's okay, I understand. You can keep reading if you want. We can talk another time." she sounds really friendly while saying it, with a sweet smile that I never see from her before. Maybe Lena is a good person after all.
"Uhh, yeah..." I smile awkwardly. I really don't know what to do. I can't continue reading at this point but I don't know if I want to talk to her. I'm still annoyed to her.
But well, I smile anyway.

Huh, weak!

***

Chaeyoung brings me to a bookstore today. 
She says, since I like writing, I'll enjoy seeing some books. She's so thoughtful. That's really sweet.
Chaeyoung has some books that she wants to buy. She has a list of them on her phone. All those books are the recommendations from the unnies, her friends, or some books that are popular nowadays that she finds on the internet. Chaeyoung's taste of book is kinda deep, I can't understand them. The books that I like are psychology, comedy, detective stories, adult-rated fiction, photography, and poetry. She's surprised with how I pick my books. It's out of her expectation hehe... At least, we both like poetry.
Chaeyoung also buys some equipment for her drawing hobby. She buys some empty book for sketching, some pencils, and many more. I really love when she's passionate and serious about something. It's charming. I also love when she pulls me to a certain shelf just to show me a really weird thing, like a small statue of a really ugly duck. I love it that she easily laughs at my jokes, which is weird because I don't really joke with the other members. For me, being funny isn't that feminine and I only do that on a TV show or something. For the sake of entertainment. It's not something that I prefer to do it on daily basis.
"Chaeyoung, these days I have some bad dreams," I tell her when we're passing some horror novels.
"I don't dream," says her.
"Ohh, really?!"
"Yeah. Tell me about your dreams," says Chaeyoung again.
"So... Well, I can't really remember it clearly. But it was always in a really dark place. Like, REALLY DARK. You couldn't see anything except under the lamp. There were only three people there, including me," I start telling her the story.
"That sounds scary. Were they ghosts?" she asks.
"No, but there was a werewolf! He was so tall and handsome. was big and long and there was fur all over her body. He was wearing a really neat suit and sit on a desk."
"Ohh..."
"But he could shape-shift into anything else. Sometimes he became a lady with a long white dress. He, uhh, 'she' liked to chuckle but it sounded so scary. She could stare at you so deeply. This werewolf could transform into anything, as long as it was bad and mean. But his most often form was a werewolf, so I called him 'Wolvie',"
"Hahaha... What a cute name for a werewolf uwu!" Chaeyoung chuckles.
"Hehe... Wolvie taught me about how being bad to people. They told me not to trust anyone. People are mean and it's okay to hate them. They told me that hatred makes you stronger. I should stand up for myself, he said. I should be honest all the time with my feelings to people, although it means you have to hurt their feelings. I think that's kinda mean tho."
"Yes, that's terrible! I mean, he has a point tho. I guess we can't trust anyone. We should be a little bit careful to people," Chaeyoung gives her unexpected opinion.
"Wolvie is a brave man so I think I can trust him. Should I?" I ask her.
"But, well, it's just a dream. You shouldn't think about it too much," she suggests.
"I guess so...." I say doubtfully, with a memory of Wolvie comes into my head. Anyway, after that, we change the topic and talk about something else.

We move to the cashier after we finish shopping. In the line, Chaeyoung asks me again about the dream, "Haeju, you said before that there were two more people besides you in the dream right?"
"My dream?"
"Yes."
"Oh yeah, the first one was Wolvie," I tell her.
"Who's the other one?" she asks.
I don't answer her because it's finally our turn to do the transaction. I after finishing all of them, I whisper to her, "I will tell you about that 'last character' on our next destination!"
"Ohh, where are we going? Do you have a plan?" she asks. 
I smirk. Being all-mysterious, I say, "Yes, I've told our manager. We're going to the 'Love Harbor'..."

***

It's so crowded in this harbor.
That's why Chaeyoung and I are wearing some hoodies and masks to cover our face. Our manager finds a spot where can I relax for a little bit of time here. He finds a bench that's facing the ships. This is perfect. Some birds are flying around the port and the sky is bright, without the clouds, only the refreshing blow of the wind.
We talk a little. Commenting about people who go left and right in front of us. They're all so busy. It's really so noisy and crowded.
"Do you know why I love a harbor, Chaeyoung-a?"
"No, why?"
I chuckle a little bit because I feel embarrassed to what I'm going to say. Then I look at the people around me to calm me down. I smile, "Because there are so many people," I tell her, "There are so many feelings here. There are so many possible stories going around. Even when I'm alone, I feel less lonely when I'm in a place like this. I like the aesthetic as well. Harbor is a beautiful place for me." 
"Like your poem," she says.
I look at her, stunned. "Oh, you remember?!"
"I always remember. Ships come and go, the love harbor..."
The clouds move. Some little waves bravely come to the land and vanish. There are so many suitcases and boxes that people want to bring into the ship. There's a little girl squatting. She's looking at a little crab that she finds near a pole. Her mother pulls her because they need to go. I shed a tear from the edge of my eye. The chest gets heavier. A horn's then heard from afar, the love harbor...

"I have some dreams, Chaeyoung-a, and one of them is I wanna get married. One day. One day I will be holding my baby... While serving the breakfast for my husband who's ready to go to work... He kisses my lips before he leaves because he always misses me... Then I cry because I miss him too, so he will decide to stay a little bit more, teehee...! I imagine that I put our baby on her crib before he pulls me to a couch in the living room... And kiss each other even more out of love.......
One of the silly dreams from this silly girl: to settle down. 

Twice is another dream and this one has come true. I used to never believe that I would have some friends who couldn't accept me as I am. But it happens...
These last few weeks I've been devaluing them all. I don't see them as who they are but as their signs, including you. I only see you as a Taurus and... I don't want that. According to my sign and history, I'm most likely match with a Taurus so, yeah, I know I admire you more than I should. You're so special for me, but...

Twice is twice. The members are who they are. Not their signs. Nayeon is not Virgo, Jeongyeon is not Scorpio, Momo is not Scorpio, Sana is not Capricorn, Jihyo is not Aquarius, Mina is not  Aries, Dahyun is not Gemini, and Tzuyu too, she is not Gemini. They're not their signs although most of the time they fit the descriptions of their signs too much. No! Also, you are you. I have over-valued you in the really wrong way.
I'm just afraid, Chaeyoung-a. I'm afraid I'm in this relationship not because I love you, but because I'm just obsessed with you as a 'Taurus'. I don't wanna break your heart, Dear. Please don't see this is as I'm leaving you or anything. I just wanna step back from this hurried decision to date you. It's really not because you're bad or you make a mistake. No. I just need to be more honest about what I feel. I'm sorry...

...I'm really sorry."

*flashback*

I still pretend that I was still reading my book. It was so painful to be guilty like this. But at some points, I knew that if I stayed weak like this nothing would change. I need to be more savage! 
I never knew that I had this dark side before. The "bad Haeju" that always so blunt to people without thinking twice before saying anything. The other me who loved to use swear words. The one who pride of herself! And brave! And the one who was strong and not dependent like me. I used to ask Mina to stop me every time this side of me showed up. This version of Haeju always hurt other people's feelings, that's why...

People didn't know that I always cried when I had a problem intentionally because otherwise, I would be angry and do mean things to defend myself. 

But you should stand for yourself, Haeju-ya... That voice was heard in my head again.
Do you really think I should?
Just let me!
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I feel all the anger built up in my chest. I felt my body was so hot, I was reaching the hidden part of my energy. No, I wasn't me anymore at this moment. I felt stronger. I am the better version of Haeju now! Hehehehe...

Lena was still there playing with her phone. She was waiting until I was ready to talk. But out of the places, why she chose to be so close to me?!
"Why are you even sitting here?! I grumbled while standing and moving to the other chair.
She was startled hearing that. "Oh oh, mian," said her.
I show her a really pissed off face. I stare right to her eyes, started to say another truth. "I don't like you, Lena!" That's it, straight to the point. "Wh... What?"
Maybe she thought this was still about the chair. No. "You know what? You're mean! I don't like you because you take my friends. Since you came, everybody was so happy to talk to you. I couldn't do anything because you all talked about the past. Or about anything that I couldn't understand. I feel excluded by everyone because of you, isn't that mean? You're mean, Lena! Don't act like you're so special and be kind to everyone to get all their heart. Tsk, so cheap!  It doesn't work to me, okay? What do you really want, huh? I'm not your friend, what an attention ! Don't get too close to me. Don't you think you can make all people like you? Ohh no no no... You can't do that to me, . I'm not an ordinary person that you can fool.
Hish, you're just mean. I hope you go back to your home soon!" 

There, I said it.

Finally. I was ready to lose her as a friend now, I took that risk. I was ready that she would tell all the members that everyone would hate me. I was ready if she wanted to fight me. I would face it. I took the risk because I had a feeling too and I was tired to keep it by myself all along. She needed to know. I didn't want to sacrifice myself to people all the time. 
I waited for her to get angry back at me but she was just looked surprised with what she just saw. I could see her eyes teary. That was my first time to make other people cry and ohh yessss I feel relieved. 
She took something from her pocket. It was a pink envelope. With a trembling voice, Lena started to talk, "I... I didn't know that all this time you think about me like that. Honestly, I'm here just to give you this. Please accept." she gave the letter to me. I take it rudely and after that, she got up from the chair and entered her room while crying. I didn't care. I was just confused about this envelope that said 'For: The one that I admire, Haeju' with a red heart sticker sealing the back of it. 

"What the hell is this?!"

***

"I understand, Haeju-ya," says Chaeyoung after I confess everything that I've been buried deep down inside my heart. I try to be as honest as possible with my feeling, as Wolvie has taught me, but it's not easy. It hurts.
She touches my knee with her small hand, "It's okay. I always feel comfortable everytime I'm with you. From the start, I know you're an amazing person. Honestly, I think you're different. You're kind but there's something more behind it. You're more. The day when you confessed to me was the happiest day of my life. And it broke my heart when we fought on the other day. But anyway, I'm always happy every time I spend time with you or even thinking about you alone. I understand. You've been one of the best friends I ever have. You make me special and I want to make you feel the same. The status doesn't matter. You can always come to me. Umm anyway, I... I understand. We can break up now. I understand. It's okay."

Hearing her voice... Hearing her answer..... I wipe the tears that keep falling on my cheek. I can't. It keeps flowing. I say the last thing I wanna say to her, "I love you but I think it's time to end the ship here."

Wave your hand to me anyway, the love harbor.

(to be continued)

(a/n) My laptop starts getting slower when the story goes more than 3000 words so I'll cut the chapter here. Sorry that I post the previous chapter and this one a little be hurried. I need to finish it quickly for a couple of reasons.
By the way, ask me anything on curiouscat.me/haeju. We're getting closer to the end of VDVOV!