(a/n) angst alert

Sana: Sorry Ju for leaving you to the JYPe building.
I needed to record something so I couldn't wait.

I look at my phone blankly. My heart feels so empty at the moment. I put it on my desk and go back to my laptop. "Uhh... What should I do next?" I say while looking at its screen. My Satzu fanfic is shown there. Already finished. I don't know what else to write. I really want to create a new story but I'm not in the mood. "Ah, I'm BORED!" I decide to leave it and get up from the bed. I check my deck of Tarot cards and my Grimoire book that I hide inside the locker. For me, this grimoire is like a diary but about all my metaphysic activities. I record everything that I do here, from when I make some lucky charms, my study about astrology, my observation about the members, all the important dates and moments about the moon, etc. No one knows I have this kind of book yet. They might freak about it. Well, a grimoire isn't supposed to be shared anyway. The more people see it, the more the physical energy is taken.
While looking at my old notes, suddenly Nayeon comes into the room. I'm so shocked. I immediately close the locker so she won't notice anything. "We found it!" she exclaims with an excited expression. A piece of paper is on her hand.
"What is that, Nayeon?" I ask as soon as I notice that.
"We made this for fun, Ju, but you have to see it!" she answers before giving it to me. "We actually made this right before you join Twice."
"Okayyy... What is this about?"
"The new member candidates," she says before chuckles. I wonder what does it mean. "We won't show it to Lena because she might get hurt, you know? Oh, you will understand after you read it. This is just so funny!"
I take the paper that she passes one me and reads it, "Lena versus Haeju..."

TWICE'S 10TH MEMBER??? Lena vs Haeju
1. Lena

Full name: Celena Catherine Ahn / Ahn Lena
DOB: Scorpio, 1993
Hometown: California, USA
Height (approx): 165 cms
Traits and specialties: People person, friendly, religious, singer, Hollywood actress

2. Haeju

Full name: Ahn Haeju
DOB: Gemini, 1995
Hometown: Seoul, Korea
Height (approx): 170 cms
Traits and specialties: Sensitive, mysterious, atheist, cold, rapper, lyricist

"Have you met Celena before, Ju?" Jihyo, who came late while I was reading it, asks me.
"Not yet... Who is Lena?" I ask them back after reading the paper.
"Wait, you don't even know who she is? Has Chaeyoung ever told you???" Nayeon looks shocked to hear that.
"No......."
"Oh my God, you should meet her! She is a great unnie."
"She is!" Jihyo adds, "She was a former 6mix ("You know what that is, right?" Nayeon asks me before I nod quickly). She quitted JYPe a long time ago to become an actress. She is a Holywood star now," she explains, "She was so nice to us! So caring and cheerful. She's not arrogant and, most importantly, she's cool. When I heard that they wanted to add you to Twice, Lena came into our mind. You were kinda reminded me of her..."
"No no, the present-Haeju reminds us of her more," Nayeon corrects Jihyo, "My first impression of her was just Haeju was a really sensitive and quiet girl. But now, the more I know Haeju, the more I think she's like Lena Unnie," she says.
"Well, maybe it was because Haeju spoke English well so I thought that way hehe... Haeju is also older than all of us," Jihyo says again.
"Your face even looks like her," Nayeon adds, "Not because you look old tho hahaha!"
"Ohh, let me be the judge!" I joke along, "She sounds pretty interesting tho. Next week, right? I wonder what will happen."

Ahn Lena... What kind of person is she hmm?

***

It was so hyped when she first came to our dorm.
Everyone was so happy to meet her. I never saw Twice were that excited on these last few months. Nayeon and Jeongyeon picked her up from the airport and brought her here. She came with two traveling suitcases that look expensive for me. The members surrounded her in the front of the door since her first step on our dorm. Sana looked so cheerful and so loud, as usual. Dahyun got so excited like how she usually in front of a camera. My Chaeyoung was excited as well. Even Tzuyu and Mina, who usually didn't really like a crowd, stood there and smiled genuinely welcoming Lena. It was kinda weird if I just observed them from afar so I decided to join them. After a while, they managed to introduce us. "Haeju is our official 10th member. You know that, right?" Jihyo told her.
"Sure," she answered in Korean. Lena shook my hand and smiled politely. I shook her hand back. She seemed quite friendly. I'd like to know her more but everyone wanted to talk to her. Well, I'd just let them had their moment for at that time. What I didn't know was... Because the members were so happy to meet her, they all agreed to let Lena lived at this dorm for a while. She was gonna live here! I was like... WHAT??!!!! How could she--

"What is it, Honey?" Chaeyoung wakes me from my own contemplation. I've been thinking about this stranger for a few times. This isn't healthy.
"Nothing..." I answer her. I continue the drawing that I've been making with her. Like usual, we're doing an art-related activity on the floor in her room. We really like drawing together these days. I'm so happy that I can do something that she likes.
"You're spaced out!" she exclaims.
"Me?"
"Again!"
"Did I?"
"What's wrong?" she asks me again. Sigh, maybe it's kinda obvious that I'm hiding something. I guess I should just tell her.
"Nothing, Honey... Just... I wonder where's Ahn Lena now hmm?" I ask awkwardly. I don't know, it feels kinda weird to ask that all of sudden.
"I don't know, maybe talking with the other members?" she says.
"Okay..."
"..."
"..."
"Do you want to meet her?" Chaeyoung asks.
"No no... I... I don't really know her. That's not necessary. Oh, it doesn't mean that I don't want to know her tho-"
"-She's a really good person. You should know her," she cuts me.
"Yeah yeah!" I try to respond her positively, "It's just... I don't really like the crowd. I mean, this is different with meeting Once on the stage. I have a very poor social skill anyway. I don't know, Chaeyoung, I don't feel so comfortable with her," I tell her the truth. Sigh...
"You don't have a poor social skill. You think too much."
"I guess so..."
"It's okay, you'll get to know her later," she says.
"At least I have you now hehe!" I say, "You're enough."
She smiles. "Sure."
I see those dimples on her cheeks. She really looks like a baby. I move forward with my elbows and leaves a sudden peck on her face. She looks surprised for a moment. Haha! Oh, she decides to leave one too on my lips. I can feel my heart's beating. Ugh! 
"I love you," she says. I stare at her blankly, not sure what to say. When I'm already trapped on her gaze, I feel like there are only two of us in this world. Ohh, the world needs to know about this!

***

Scorpio
Scorpio has the most intense and deepest character of all the signs. People either love them so much or really hate them.

I can sense how everything has changed since Lena comes. Most of the time, the members gather around her and listening to her story. Lena is really nice and good in reacting to other people. I'm not surprised that how Nayeon likes her since Lena always shows excitement while listening to her stories. I never meet who's better than Chaeyoung in understanding Jeongyeon's weird jokes, until Lena comes. Usually, Jeongyeon doesn't like to be complimented as 'pretty' or something like that. But Lena manages to make her smiling after hearing that word. I also don't know that Chaeyoung is really close with Lena. When she's with me, Chaeyoung always looks charming. But with Lena, Chaeyoung looks so happy and expressive. I can see Chaeyoung's cutie-childish side only this way. From Afar. I wonder if that's the more honest side of her. Does that mean she feels uncomfortable around me all this time?

Lena is so humble so I think even people like Tzuyu and Mina can talk much in front of her. Lena is smart too so she can be equal with them. She's also expressive enough and has a huge energy that hanging out with Dahyun and Sana isn't a big problem for her. I think Lena is wise as well that Jihyo likes to ask some advice from her. Lena is so passionate about her work as an actress and has a wide knowledge so she can discuss many things with anyone. I don't believe there's a perfect human in this world, but isn't she??? She's also so beautiful. No wonder everyone likes her.

There are two Scorpios in our group: Jeongyeon and Momo. Only two of them are the water type. Water sign means they can understand emotion the best. I think that's why Lena, as a Scorpio, can become Twice's favorite. Scorpio itself can return your emotion as much as what you give to them. That's why people can always feel relate while talking to a Scorpio. But I think Lena is quite different from Jeongyeon and Momo. Lena is not just deep, she's also cheerful, smart, and soft. There's something in her makes her so full-packaged. To Nayeon, Chaeyoung, and Sana who have Leo in their Moon, Lena can give enough attention to them. Jihyo, Dahyun, Jeongyeon, and Momo definitely like her because water is their dominant element. Dahyun and Jihyo both have water type sign in their Moon placement. Huh, how can a Scorpio get a lot of attention? That's almost like cheating. Effortless. She's not a human. She's too perfect. I don't know why the members can't see that. What's so good with perfection? Perfection is boring.

I'm the imperfect one here. Left by everyone. Maybe I'm not that "appealing" for them. Maybe imperfection is tiring and boring for the Twice members........ 

"Why do you hate her? That doesn't make any sense!" Chaeyoung yells at me. I realize that I've been whining too far about Lena. At first, Chaeyoung tried to understand what I said. But I kept challenging her idea about 'Lena is a nice unnie'. I kept saying bad things about Lena and the other members. I was annoying to Chaeyoung and I don't deny that. I just don't know that she can be this mad at me.
"She's a weird person. Everyone who likes her is weird! Ah, I guess that's why you like her too," I tell her.
"How can you say that?" she answers me.
"Why? I only speak the truth," I say, ignoring her eyes that's already teary. "Taurus is an earth type. They only care about materials and money. If it's about intelligent, you should trust an air type like me, a Gemini. Huh, how can I debate with a Taurus? I'm wasting my time..."
"Haeju... You..." Chaeyoung leaves our room and cries. She slams the door before leaving the room. I just stand there. I know I'm a bad person. I'm the worst. That's why everyone hates me. She should.

Maybe she runs to Lena. Huh, I don't care anymore! I look at my phone and ready to call Sana to tell her about this but... I accidentally see the last text she sends to me. I guess she doesn't care about me anymore. Work, work, work. Huh, typical Capricorn. Stupid earth-typed people! I don't know them anymore. Is Sana a human being or just a Capricorn? I really can't tell.
Filled with rage, I reach my locker and take my Grimoire. I look at my notes about the members' sign analysis. I see all the symbols that I draw on them. All the weird languages and all the magic that might not exist at all. I scream and throw it down to the floor. "Aaaargh!!!" I've never been this angry before. I'm so changed. I don't know myself anymore.

I can't recognize my friends anymore...

(to be continued)