Quick update. I just wanna tell you a story that happened few days ago.

So as you know, Twice is going to comeback with me as their new member. I've practiced very hard with them. I practiced all the songs and choreos, including the old ones.
One day before our comeback, we were asked to do an off-air performance. We brought 3 songs that night, 2 songs were from the new album and the third one was 'TT', their viral song in 2016. I was sure I had remembered all the lyrics and choreo. "Will be easy," I whispered to myself.
The other members teased me since it was my first performance ever with Twice. But to be honest, I wasn't nervous at all. Instead, I felt very confident about it. Probably because I had debuted as a girl group before so being on a stage didn't give so much pressure. That wouldn't be aired on TV anyway.
Well, I did it smoothly in the rehearsal, before the actual gig. Totally as expected.
By the way, I met some Once there for the first time. I was glad they were so nice to me. I took a group picture with them. Some already asked for my sign hehe... But most of them just talked to me, asked me things and then cheered me up. They were all so cute and nice!

After a long wait finally, our time to get on the stage had come.
We performed 2 songs first, opened with TT. The members cheered me up again. I thought some of them were pretty worried about me, but most of them excited as well. My part wasn't that much in TT. I took Sana's second solo part while she got another part.
As we climbed the stage, I saw so many lights in front of us. It was sooooo crowded, I almost couldn't hear anything, except Once screaming to Twice. I look at the other members and they all smiled professionally. I then moved to my position. I felt my hand was so cold and my back was sweaty. I feel restless all of sudden. "This is bad...." I said to myself.

The music suddenly started!
My mind became so blank. I tried to smile but I couldn't. I made mistakes here and there. The worst mistake was even made on the easiest part of the song, to be precise it was when we needed to make a TT hand-gesture. I almost fell there. I was sure everybody noticed that. At Jeongyeon's part, I tried to calm myself down, but I couldn't! I didn't even understand why it was happening. I never had a stage fever before. I noticed that my own part would come right after Chae's and Dahyun's rap part, so I pushed myself to get calm as soon as possible.

No need to wait too long, I became the center of the formation. The time for me to sing solo had come. You know what, I sang off-tempo! I was out of breath all of the sudden. It was so short but terrible! Not mentioning my eyes felt so warm so I was sure my smile was super awkward there. I hold myself so hard not to cry. I remembered some members looked at me empathically.
That time I felt like TT was the longest song in the world.........

After 'TT' ended, we directly moved to the next song.
Jihyo asked me quickly if I was fine.
Tzuyu was there too. "Just lip sync, don't push yourself!" she said.
Both of them then cheered me up since we all knew that I couldn't escape anyway.
The next song was one of the songs from our latest album. That meant I had to rap. It was a pretty long rap for me. I did try to recall the lyrics before the music began, but I failed..... When my turn came I covered my mouth and moved my body like I was following the jam. In fact, all I did was lip sync. It looked really pathetic. I was sure everybody noticed it.

When the song finished, Tzuyu and Chaeyoung escorted me to the waiting room, along with the rest of the members.

'.....The time for me to sing solo had come. It was so short, but terrible!'

"Mianhaeyooooooooooooooo...!!!" I screamed as I sat on a sofa and covered my face. 
"It's fine, Haeju, it's fine....."
"Probably a stage fever......"
"Yeah, yeah......."
"Are you okay?" our manager sat beside me and asked. I wiped my tears and tried to look at her. "Can you continue? We still have 15-20 minutes before our last performance," she said.

"Is it okay if Haeju can't perform with us?" Jeongyeon asked her.
"Yes, it's actually up to you all. I can always talk with the EO. I think they will understand," she answered.
"So guys, are you ready if we can't perform just 9 of us?" Jihyo asked.

They all said yes...

...except Sana. "NO!!!" She yelled.
Sana kneeled in front of me and held my hand. "This is Haeju's very first performance with us. I cannot let it end like this!" Sana said.

Everybody lost their words. I looked at Sana that was smiling at me. "You're right," I said, "I don't want to ruin any Twice performance anymore. That's not why I am here."
"I know you can do it, Dear. I'm sure of it." Sana winked at me.
"You did really well in the rehearsal," Mina said. Everyone seemed to agree.
"I thought you were not nervous, Unnie...." Tzuyu said.
"Yeah, I was," I answered her. I raised my head up. "But I promise I won't," I smirked. Tzuyu smiled back after hearing that.

All I know was Nayeon suddenly sang her part of the next song while clapping hand as the tempo guidance. Then it was followed by Sana. Suddenly everybody started to clapped following the tempo, including me.
We were practicing the song! At that very moment.
When it came to my solo part, I finally could sing smoothly. I saw Sana gave me a little applause. I felt so much better. In the end, Sana hugged me. I hugged her back, then everybody followed.
"Why we do so much group hug since Haeju joins?" Nayeon joked. I laughed at it, so did everybody.....

I took a deep breath before our last performance.
It was the same over-bright lights. Same crowds. But I felt so much different. I felt a lot better. I gave my best performance that afternoon. I looked at Once who looked satisfied with me. I thought I felt the same way. I was sure it was my best performance......

....the best so far.