*flashback*

A pink envelope was on my hand. Some piece of pink papers with black stripes on them and some holes on one of their side were inside it. Lena wrote me a letter! But why? What is it about? I really didn't know her intention. The other part of me was still angry with her and so satisfied with the fact that I just made her cried. But when Lena handed this letter, the feeling slowly reduced. I realized I was being evil. Ah, I don't know. I just wanted to know what she wrote for me...

Dear the one that I admire,

Hello, Ahn Haeju! Nice to meet you. I heard that your English was good so I hope it's okay to write this letter in English. I just want to fully express what I feel about you. I really hope you can understand it.
I'm writing this letter because I'm a huge fan of you! Yes, this is a fan letter >.< Hahaha... I hope it won't make it awkward between us after this haha... Honestly, I've been so awkward around you. I realize that. I really want to talk to you but I'm tooooo shy to do it. I admire you so much that I don't want to give a bad impression to you. I've been told by the members to just talk to you because you are a nice person, but I'm still so shy! Umm, please forgive this unnie fangirling about you hehe... Okay okay, I will stop there XD
With this letter, I wanna tell you the reasons why I become your fan...
I think you're a really tough girl, Haeju. I quitted being JYPe's artist because it was too hard for me. I've been a trainee too and I know exactly how they treat the trainees. Hmm, maybe they treat them better now but what I know so far, it's really not easy to be one. And I'm sure your life isn't much easier after you debut as an idol. Sometimes, some of the members texted me, when I was still in America, about how tight their schedule was or how exhausted they were with the life as a public figure. So, when the first time they announced one new member was added to Twice, I was sure you would quit in no time (or even made Twice itself got disbanded). I'm sorry but I used to be that pessimistic about you.
But no! You survive! I always followed the updates about Twice from the news and they said you're doing a good job. I also asked the members about you and they gave some really positive comments about you. They said you're a big help for the group. And you're not just a good friend, they said since you join the group, their life became more interesting. You give something fresh to them and they forget about how exhausted they are because, with Haeju, there's always something new happens every day. I would say you give the group some good stories to experience. Hearing all of that makes me curious to meet you. I'm so intrigued!
The other reasons why I like you is because you're so pretty! Do you even know thaaat? X) You're so tall, you have a perfect body, a very unforgettable face, a soft heart, a really good rap, dance, and even good voice to sing. I hear that you're so good at doing adlibs and that's awesome. I also like the lyrics of your rap. You write all of them by yourself, right? They're so touching, deep, and inspiring. If it's not written by you, anyway I really love how you perform them. Sometimes, watching your performance really touches me to the heart.You're so soft, smart, and feminine. I think that's why many people like you because every girl wants to be like you. Every time you're on the stage, I feel like you talk to me directly and I can feel the pain that you're showing through your songs. Sometimes I just wanna hug you >.<
Okay, maybe I sound cheesy but I really mean it :) Anyway... Haeju, please take care of yourself. Stay believing that everyone loves you because you're an amazing person. You will never be alone. I'll support you until the very end and, I believe, so will your teammates. Don't be too hard on yourself! I wish you to be happy forever. Please stay true to you. We all love you!!!! <3<3<3
Gosh, this is so embarrassing that I just realized we already reach the fourth page. There are so many things I wanna tell you but I wish I can talk to you directly one day. Nice to meet you, Haeju! May I be your friend now? :D

From your secret admirer,
Celena

p.s. I talked to Chaeyoung before. I'm not supposed to say this but she's going to ask you for a date. Be prepared, okay?! Please act surprised when she says it, uww I ship you guys!

I throw myself to the couch. Shocked. The gravity pulls me down as I lose all my energy. I feel like I was just slapped in the face. I look at the ceiling blankly, "What have I done?"

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, HAEJU-YA?

***

Chaeyoung and I walk along the harbor, between all of the passengers. I feel peace being relaxed between all of these busy people. Because usually what's happening is the opposite. We're so busy when people around us are so relaxed by watching us. I like this ambience. I feel good this way.
I feel guilty after rejecting Chaeyoung, that's why I want to talk with her even more. I want to show her that we can still be some friends. I hope she still can accept me, not giving up on me. Hopefully........
"Chaeyoung-a, I wanna tell you about the third character in my dream," I say in the middle of our conversation, "Remember? The one that has Wolve in it? That I told you before?"
"Yes, I remember," she answers.
"Okay... Before, you asked me about the third character in my dream. The last person in that dream was a person called 'The Author'. I don't really remember much about her, She didn't really have many friends. She was alone and ambitious. She liked to write some stories and I heard her readers loved it. Uhh, yeah. That's all, I guess......"
"I think the characters represent the inner you in certain ways," she says.
"You think so? Hmm... I don't know, Chaeyoung-a. Wolvie is really dark. He's strong and independent. The one who doesn't need people. He's blunt about what he wants. Wolvie's life is full of hate. On the other side, The Author always feels lonely. She always wants to meet new people. The opposite of Wolvie, I guess. Also, The Author really loves to see the good in people. She can see how unique a person is. I have a friend named 'Lica' who's a trainee in JYPe. She's so unique. I think it's 'The Author' who actually likes her. Another friend that I have, Min Jhinae, is a bold and tough person. Although I don't like her, I think it's Wolvie who's attracted to her. Oh! That makes me remember my other friend, Hanna, I guess she's the one who reminds me that I still need to be nice to people. She reminds me to keep spreading the love to everyone...
Hahaha... This is so weird! I never tell anything about this, except you. I think I will only tell this to you," I tell her. It's a really long explanation about what has been in my head for a few weeks. It's so relieving to tell this secret to someone instead of keeping it all alone.
"Everyone has their dark side," she says, "I think that's what I like about you, Haeju. I always admire your nice and bright side. Because..."
"Oh, because?"
"Because they are bright enough to surpass your dark side....."

We arrive at the end of the harbor. There are not so many people here. Perfect. "There's one last thing that I wanna do with you..." I take out a book from my bag, Galong with a box of cards. "This book is called a 'Grimoire' and this one is a deck of Tarot cards," I'm showing her that.
"What are you gonna do with that?" she asks. I smile hearing that question.

She's asking the right question.

*flashback*

I was sitting on the couch when I heard Nayeon's voice from a room. "WHERE IS SHE???" she yelled. After that, I saw some of the members went to that room. I was assuming that they made Lena talked about what I just did to her. After that, all the members went out and came to me. I stayed on my couch. looking at them circling me. "WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, HAEJU-YA?!" asked Nayeon with her hands on her waists. Sana sat beside me and asked me the same thing in the softer way. I could see everyone was judging me right now. Lena ws hugging Jeongyeon, buried her face on her shoulder. I didn't know what to do but, lowkey, I was so happy that finally, I got everyone's attention again. That was what I missed all along.
"Let me do the talk, Haeju-ya," says Wolvie in my head.
"Let's do it together instead," I told him. 

I stood up while maintaining my poker face. Everyone was waiting what I wanted to say. "I'm sorry," I said, "I'm sorry but I'm so jealous since Lena comes here. Every one of you is so close with her. I'm the only one who doesn't know her! I feel excluded. I feel really left out. But well, lately I realize that what I think it's so damn moron," I take a deep breath before continuing my sentence, "I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry Lena. I've misjudged you all."
After that, I'm lectured by everyone about how I drama I am, about how I'm so rude to Lena, how I still can't trust the love of my friends, and many other things. They were all telling me that I was wrong. I deserved that. I was so grateful though, that they still cared with me. After that, they made me apologized to Lena and, fortunately, Lena wants to forgive me. We hugged each other.
After that, I looked at my friends one by one after a long time. Jihyo... Mina... Momo... Tzuyu... Nayeon... Dahyun... Sana... Jeongyeon... Chaeyoung... I felt I was meeting them from the start again. I had misvalued them so hard that made me couldn't see them as how they are. Ohh, I miss them so much right now!
"Aww~ Haeju is crying again. It's okaaay, we don't hate you, Dear," says Sana while hugging me from the back.

***

In front of the sea and the red sky, I throw my cards and my book to the water. I see them get wet slowly until finally gone shallowed by the ocean. "I have overvalued them, Chaeyoung-a. Believing in magic makes me doesn't believe with my own judgment. I'm tired of it. It's the time to end this."
"I see," she takes my hand and holds it. "I'm proud of you."
"Thank you for being here, Chaeyoung-a..."
"No problem." 
I'm glad she still can accept me as her friend. I've been blessed by getting nice people around me. I really won't forget what has happened today.  "Phew! Finally, each of my problems has been solved. Yay~! Hahaha...." she smiles, looking at me being all cheerful. I can talk to my friends again like how I used to be. I become a good friend with Lena, although it was so short because the time for her to come back to her place had come. It was so cute that both of us crying while hugging each other at the airport. "I won't forget you, Lena," I told her. That was so memorable.

I will remember her forever...

I keep holding Chaeyoung's hand while we're going back to the car. "You really have a problem in expressing your own feeling, Ju. I think it's because you're so nice to people, you're afraid to hurt other people's feelings," she says all of sudden. I try to catch what's her point. "You're nice, Haeju, but in the end, you're being too hard to yourse- Oh, that's the car. C'mon!" says her before we hurriedly run to the car and come in.. After that, she continues what she was going to say, "I think you have learned to be honest to people and not afraid to tell them what you really feel. Don't you think so? Honesrtly, Ii hurts me when you reject me, but it's all okay!" she says calmly, "Sometimes, honesty leads to more problems. Honesty can be painful. But it will be even harder to keep everything by yourself. You can't live alone, Haeju-ya. Let people help to solve the problems together with you," she says.
I hug her after hearing all fo her confession. I cry as I realize how much I might have hurt her. I have hurt so many people these days. She pats my back. Chaeyoung cries along after hearing my unstoppable cry. I've made so many people disappointed and that makes me feel so guilty about me. I'm learning my lesson in a hard way this time. I get out from my comfort zone: confronting people.
"Thank you, Chaeyoung-aaaa....." I say while still hugging her.

Anyway, I guess it's the time to revalue them all over again.
It's time to love Twice again!

[THE END]

(a/n) I'm really glad it's finally over. I'm a pessimistic person and I think I'm not doing a good job this season. It's okay! I hope I can do better next time.
By the way, ther'e a last problem unsolved between Haeju with Lica, Hannah and Jhinae. Are you interested for an update about them? Or maybe that last resolution about them is good enough?
Thank you all for accompanying me until this very second. Thank you that we've passed 30k views. Big thank you guys, I love you uwwwwww *bow*