It's so hectic when you have so many schedules but you only have so little time. A day has only 24 hours and during the hours he almost has no time to stop and have a good deep and long sleep. Practice, practice, and practice.. Meeting, recording, performing, travelling, seeting lots of people and being in broadcasts and such.. He even sometimes forgets the hours and only realizes that the sky has been dark again but yet he still has things to do.. but not all of them are tiring or stressful. He doesn't do it alone. He has his brothers, members.. and now he's doing it with his sunbaes who are really kind and supportive. Plus, going to new places has always been wonderful and it has enabled him to meet more people. He loves to have more experience in his life.

But then there's also something bad in it.. it's not about the job itself, but what comes along with it. Being under lots of people's eyes, they see everything, talk about it, even dig up what you've done and your past. They watch you like a hawk and once you slip, it can be the end.. He's done it. Something that has been so long but people have always managed to make it as if it's new. He's made the confession, he had said that he regreted it so much and asked for forgiveness. He vowed to be a better person, to work even harder trying to make it up but he knows he can never satisfy everyone.

He still remembers how he's so nervous knowing that finally he would meet the one owning his appology. He finally got the chance to directly talk and ask for her forgiveness, bit he's also really not sure of how her reaction would be for it. Would she forgive him? Would she be mad or really sad and sue him? If it happened then it would be the last time he'd be on the stage. It'd be his end. He knew that he should accept it, and he would wholeheartedly do it. It's fair cause he had hurt someone and he deserves every single consequence of it. Regardless, he couldn't deny the fear and the sadness of what might come.. and his sunbaes embraced him that day, when he finally broke down and telling them everything. All of s know this, but not them, not completely, and it would only be fair for them to know this as well cause they would share the same journey together with him. They understood and they supported him right away out of his surprise, even Taemin held him tight and kept him by his side when he couldn't even show himself to everyone once he walked out the airport.. It ended well and he's so thankful for it. He'll forever do and he's also promised her that he'll be even better and work harder.

However, there will always be people loving and hating him for like anything.. even for him to be existing in this world.. He always thinks that as long as he has s, his fans who keep on supporting him, he'll be okay, but it's getting harder now. He's dead tired and exhausted, this hatred has almost eaten all the energy left in him. He cannot always seek for comfort from everyone cause he knows that they're tired too.. and he's supposed to be the strong one, the pillar of the group. He's the leader but sometimes he questions himself about it, more often lately, why did they put him in this position he thinks he never deserves to get, especially now.. Who knows when they will bring this up again, or maybe something else? None can guarantee that it will have a good ending like this one? It feels like he's walking on eggshells and he can jeopardize his group anytime..

But he can forget this consuming and dark thoughts when he's on stage doing what he loves to do. He's so thankful that life has led him to this magnificent world. He can show his other self. He can see how much he's loved, and he can smile with them all having the greatest time of his life.. And being in the group with his sunbaes when he can let go the leader title from his shoulder and just rely on them is wonderful..

"You looked really happy there, hyung.." the one on the other line said.

He watched the videos of his dreamies concerts, how they cried at the end. He wanted to call, just like mark did before. He wanted to talk to them too, but then they seem to be busy by the time and the one who manages to pick up is Johnny, but then he passes it to the one with him, Jaehyun.

Johnny, why do you have to past it to him? He asks in his heart. He's happy being able to talk with him but he knows better. 

"How's everything there? Jisungie seemed to be really sad, I've never seen him cried that hard for so long. Have you talked with them? You're also close with Haechanie.. How is he?"

"They're okay now.." came the short reply.

"That's so relieving.." he said, walking to the window.

The night view is beautiful. Everyone is outside and he has said that he'll join them later. He told mark that he wanted to make this call and he just gave him a nod. He knows Mark has a mixed feeling about the dreamies concert, but then it's been set. He knows Mark is happy for them, that's for sure, he's sad just because he couldn't be there.

"It's like you really enjoy yourself and be the happiest there.." the voice is getting lower..

"You know I'm always happy when I'm on stage. We are.."

"Yeah.." came another short reply.

"The concert went better than my expectations, I'm so thankful for that."

"And I saw how you made those people went crazy.."

He can only chuckle awkwardly hearing that statement. Being in this super group as how people said it, is like a blessing and and also  a curse. He feels so blessed being chosen to be with his super amazing seniors and performing together evenmore holding the concert together. 

"I can learn a lot from them, it's.. I'm just so lucky.."

"Yeah, hyung.. all of us have what it takes, but then unfortunately I'm not as lucky as you are.."

His eyes widen hearing the statement and silence is in the air. At that moment time feels like stoppin and he goes blank. There is one of the curse. The question of why he's the one chosen while there are plenty who deserve as much or even more..

"You seem to be  really happy being with them.. lookin so comfortable and even.. clingy.."

The lower the voice on the other line is, the faster his heart beats. Is he hearing it right? Did he really say that? 

"Is it that better than being in our group?"

"Hyunnie.. I.." He's gettin nervous and his mind is racing. 

"Never mind, hyung.. I gotta go." 

"No, wait! I can't let you go with that thought in mind! Our group will always be special and important for me. It's where I belong. I will never leave you and the others.. unless if you don't want me to-"

"No! Hyung, no.. I'm sorry. I don't mean it, just forget what I said earlier, okay? I just.. I just miss you, that's all.."

Okay.. this person really knows how to crush him but then mend him altogether in a matter of seconds, playing really well with his heart and mind. He leans himself, somehow feelin exhausted for unknown reason. His eyes are looking straight, but the view is not what displaying in his head. A knock on the door makes him turns away from the view.

"Tennie is coming to pick me, I need to join the others.." he said.

"Alright, hyung. Good night."

"Good night, Jaehyunie.. "

The call is ended and he just puts it on the bedside table. His dongsaeng is staring at him with his 'I know something' look, specially after hearing the name rolled from his tongue just then.

"Wanna head out now?" The younger boy asked walking closer inside the room.

"I guess.."

"Why the mood? I guessed that you've got the call of the day.."

"I don't know.. " he replied, sitting on the bed followed by the newcomer.

As if on cue, they both lay down at the same time and then laugh together finding that it's cute. For a while they just stare at the ceiling saying nothing.

"I thought that I'm your baby.." Ten said, turning to see his bandmate with a smile but then folding his hands under his head.

"You are.. and Mark.. and the dreamies.. Jungwoo.. Lucas.. and-"

"God, hyung! You're so greedy!" Ten cut him laughing.

"Am I?" He asked, turning to wait for an answer. 

The wishing face he is showing right now is so adorable Ten just feels really itchy to pinch his hyung.

"Greedy is good for you, hyung. But you need to take care of yourself too.." he answered.

Getting an answer that seems to right to his heart, he gives his fellow member  wide smile. "Thanks."

"You know why I really like to be here?" He asked the younger.

"I wish that I can come back with a straight head. Our time together here gives me time to heal, to be stronger.."

"To be pampered.."

"To be pampered, yeah.. love being the maknae here.."

"You're a fake one, hyung."

"You too.."

And they both laugh again. 

"Hyung, you can alw