-Jaejoong's POV-

Well, I should start one with the perk of being a heart broken T.T

I can only tell that I am a man with no more faith with love, or a destined one for me at least. I was reserving myself and giving my all when I thought that this was the one for me. But heck I was so wrong... All the memories I wished to cherish had turned to nightmare. I never see anything the same anymore. Yeah, this person may have a good look but  is it also companied by good attitude? Okay, this other person may be nice, but being nice is not enough. That is one thing I learn bitterly. This nice person may be nice in front of everyone, but when you're together 24/7 there will be another side you may face and it may not be all pleasant. No, being nice is not enough. For a friend maybe, but not as your partner for life, no. Heck no! This is when I build my barrier thicker, tougher.

And then I met this guy, all warm and smiley. We greeted each other with nothing happened after. We have the same friends. They sometimes drag me somewhere to hang out, once or trice I get along cause I know I cannot reject them all the times. There we'll have conversation, he's a smooth talker and everyone is easily befriend with him, I guess we're friends too at the end. 

"Do you wanna watch movie together?" he once popped the question.

I stared at him. We're having an early dinner that time, the others haven't arrived yet.

"You don't like doing that?" He asked while enjoying his drink.

"It's been a while since the last time I went there. Why? Don't you have others to go with?"

He didn't say anything afterwards,  just gave me a look and turned to focus on his phone. I smiled inside my heart. I've made a promise to myself to never let my guard down. I have decided to just let myself heal and take my time. This guy may be nice and all, but again I won't let myself to have any prior thoughts about him. He'd be with those girls or men alike him, he wouldn't any interest with me. See, just one rejection and he'd given up. I may be playing hard, but I have to be convinced. I won't play a game with my heart. Not now...

Then there's a time of me at the perk of being at the edge...

I cried, cause I felt like even my closest people couldn't understand me. I was hurt, I just hoped that they would acknowledge and spare me with all of those jokes that could hurt me, or the way how they pursued me with their expectation. I know they want me to be happy building my own family, but did they know I was not at that state, not yet after what I had before. But as if they know exactly what I've been trough, they just bombarded me such questions like 'how long will you be like this?' or 'What you're doin right now won't solve anything.' and lastly, 'We're doin this because we care about you, do you want us to just stay away? Okay, don't expect us to care about you anymore.." 

I really wanna say that I completely understand what they're saying. I wanna find this person too. Who doesn't wanna have someone who you love and loves you back? Someone to complete your life? It just happens that I still need my time. I know they may have experience more painful thing from me, but what I fell right now or before is also hard for me and I try to recover myself. Maybe it is not that hard for the, maybe I am just over-reacting about this whole thing, maybe I'm seen to melancholic? Can they understand that that's what I'm feeling and just accept it? 

The door of my apartment is ringing adn it's just not the right time for me to have any guess but it keeps on ringing and I open my door angrily.

"Jaejoong, I was-Have I come at the wrong time?" he asked.

I am not drowning of the pain in the losing or heartbroken because of this person, no. I am just disappointed with what happened to me. This person is not worth of my pain, not at all, don't be mistaken. I don't want to think that I am shutting off myself because of someone, no, I'm doin that to protect myself from another pain, another disappointment. I just wanna be alone, is that wrong? Should I find another replacement fast just to show that I have moved on? 

I don't realize that I have made him stand there by the door for I don't know how long.

"Ehm, should I go?" he asked carefully.

I may have been much more careful, but I still have my life to live in. Have I also promised myself to be a better person? So I give him a smile and open the door wider for him.

"Sorry, what brings you here? Come in.."

Then there's a time of me at the perk of being afraid to feel happy...

I feel like he can understand me, and I can talk with him comfortably at the end. We can spend our own time together without our friends just to have chat or meal together. He will drop by and spend his time in my place too. My friends tease me often, saying that we look good together but I always stop them to say anything further. We're fine like this, I am, and I don't want this to be ruined. But of course, they'll never stop and at some point, I am mad.

I decline their offer for having a dinner out and decide to just have one at home and do nothing. I just ignore them. Some messages are sent, I get some calls but I just stay still acting like I don't know. Maybe they realized how they have gone overboard and regret it. Well, their bad, I don't wanna deal with it now. Someone is coming and I have to take a peek at who's outside. I can play deaf and ignore the door pretending that I'm not home. But he is still stay outside after five minutes passed. I wait until he gives up and step away, but he just rings the bell again.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you earlier. Come in." I finally open my door.

"I thought you'd have dinner with the others." I stated while walking to my kitchen.

"Why didn't you?" He asked.

"Just feelin like staying home." I replied shortly.

"Jaejoong, I know what they did to you, they told me." he started, sitting at one of my dining chair.

"It's ridiculous, right? They are supposed to know where to stop sometimes." 

He is silent and just watch me, it feels uncomfortable but I have nothing else to say so I busy myself preparing something to eat.

"Did you hate the idea?" he asked.

"Yunho, come on... Don't you feel that it's just not right to play this matchmaker game to someone so constantly? Don't you feel annoyed?" I asked back.

He's a bit taken aback at how I am so emotional, and I feel bad.

"It's not that I don't like you, you're a nice person, but they're too much." I added.

After a moment he stands up and walking closer to me. Okay, he should have known I can feel so awkward when I have someone stay too close, I sometimes still being so when I have to talk or have a conversation I don't know well. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let them." he said.

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