I don't love you...

Will it be too coward for her to say so? All the moments she has shared together, both good and bad, should it be consider as some acts out of her affection and care for him whom she's know for so long? Is it because of her cowardness to loose their friendship, to be a bad person who disregards his feeling, and takes him instead approving to give it a chance, hoping that she will eventually have the feeling he expected her to. Again after the whole year she's been with him..

Is it love?

​​​​​She is sure that he is special in her life, but so are all of her friends and family. Is it love because she has shared more like those kisses, laying on the sake bed with him caressing her hair and she tracking his face features up close, cooking and having dinner together, the hugs, those sweet loving worlds, the longing she feels whenever they're apart? She does that too with her friends, some of them except for the kisses. So if it's considered as love...

Is it as deep as the love he has for her?

Day by day, each fight and misunderstanding, the cries and tears, even after all of that she continues to be so oblivious of how her future will be, the continuation of this relationship. The next stage, the end of the target for them. So far she just treads her life together with him, getting to know each other better, appreciating each of their existance and their attention for each other, building up the trust and understanding.. But when he said the line the other day, weeks ago, it hits her hard.

Marriage...

It has never crossed her mind. Is it too soon? Is he really sure about it? Is she ready? Of course he has huge potential as a husband, a partner of life, but then Will they be okay? Can se take that next step? Marriage is a whole higher level comparing to their dating. It's a huge decision. If he is sure about it, she has tons of concern in her mind. Most of them are concerning him. With his job, this decision comes with so much risks and affects.

A hidden marriage is a big no for her. How can they live hiding without any freedom to show their affection to each other? How about their future children? Should they live somewhere outside the country? Will her parents accept that? It seems like she is, or the marriage itself is a crime..

He sacrificing his career is also a burder she is not sure able to bear. It's his life. That what makes him who he is right now. He's not alone here, it will jeopardies so many parties. He can say that he makes this decision on his own but still, she'll be a part of it. She will never have a heart to do it. She is one of the witness of how hard it is for him to build his career with his sweat, blood, and tears. No, she won't ever let herself be the one to take it away from him..

So what to do now?

He has his expectation and she cannot be selfish...

She has to be honest.

--

It's been almost fifteen minutes passing, but then no words have been made. Being honest is not that easy.. She's been considering a lot, honestly. Should she talk about it now? Is he in a good shape? Is it the right time to talk about it? Should she just left it aside for now? They are currently enjoying their peaceful dinner together in a restaurant, one of their favorite places to eat. They have booked the place a bit sudden but thankfully, since he's been 'working' there before, they can get a seat there. 

"When will you go for the next concerts?" She asked.

Truthfully, she knows his schedule. Being one of the old and exclusive Cassies, she knows what and when they'll do each programs or concerts. She just needs a start to their conversation. She got here alone, Changmin hd been there before her straight after his last meeting. 

"Maybe on Friday. Wait a minute.." he said, standing up then leaving her alone.

She kills the time enjoying drinking some water whole the waiter takes away their dirty plates. She's then offered some wine but she declines. It's almost thirty minutes she's left alone making her wonder what is wrong. She's about to take her phone out when he's back together with a waiter carrying a tray with a clutch. Once they arrive at the table, the waiter pulls off the clutch. It's a dessert, and she knows it very well. It's one of the dish he worlds put before, here in the restaurant. He takes it and places it nicely in front of her.

"It's been a while, but please