How can you find the perfect way to mend your broken heart? I've been searching for it, I've tried so many things, but I think I haven't succeeded yet. His face is still vivid in my head, I can even see the small mole on top of his lip so clear. Why? We're not that close before, we're just friends, but I am amazed myself at how I can be really observant even to the smallest thing about him. Maybe forgetting is not the way, Donghae has suggested me to find someone new.. How can I with his shadow still attached to me?

I was crying really often before, in my dream there's a soft hand caressing my head gently. It comforts me most of the time. I spent the first month like that, thankfully I have my job. Things are getting better for the past years, I'm no longer stay at an apartment. I've found the perfect house last year and lived there ever since. I spend most of my time at home, inside the studio. When you're a song writer and have experienced like what I have right now, everything is just flowing like that, my friends at the company tease me that I've been a master in love songs, the sad ones, really often lately. Of course, to kill my lonesome I have a cat accompany me, she's my saviour and I'm so thankful to have her.

I've set a plan. I'll have a holiday. I'll give myself a reward for almost two whole years working nonstop. I'll totally free myself away from the studio and even sent my cat, Jiji, to my parents house. Here I am now, moving my brush on a white paper, making some plum flowers. It's called Sumie, an art of painting and I'm taking a short class with the teacher, Ilan, who's been teaching me for the past days. He's a nice guy who has found his love for painting away from his homeland, and actually decided to move there and stayed, in Japan where he is right now. What a big  decision he made! I take my piece and also one of his, his arts are master pieces I'm so lucky I can have one. I'll have it sent home with extra care. There we say our goodbye but hopely I can visit him again later.

Ilan also introduces me the meaning of Yohaku, the white space on the paper in the painting that's left like that.. He told me that people may see the said part differently in the painting through their eyes, they could picture the white space as snow or maybe something else.. the meaning behind the blank space which is deeper, like how I feel about the blank space in my heart.. well it's not actually empty, it's filled with him and my memories, beautiful, as the scenery I am witnessing right now, a perfect view at Adachi museum of art...

The view through the big, wide window of the garden which is taken care wholeheartedly even up to its grain of sands and the height of the trees at the far away part on the mountains. They really keep the perfect picture of the garden seriously and I can enjoy it for hours just by seeing it with my eyes. The dedication that I've seen from these people in what they do, just like Ilan, it has taught me a lot and given me more motivations to move forward and do my best.. I am actually thinking of an offer, the want me to have my own debut and perform my own songs myself, which I declined it right after but they still insisted me to think it over again. 

I feel a cold breeze on my neck and the same feeling of those thousands ants crawling on my shoulders to my back.. I smile.

"What is it? Are you following me now? Wae.. do you feel sorry for me? Do you still pity me?"

I have that often I've got used to it, not everyday. It's surprising at first cause I was just thinking that it's over. She had got what she wanted. Yunho finally was able to find Yunna, that's what I heard from Donghae, but of course I was not that brave to ask for more details. Yunho has practically left me, not even tried to contact me in any way. I was left broken heart from a love that hadn't even had a chance to bloom. Maybe it's better this way..

"It's okay.. I think I'm alright.."

I move to see the other part of the museum, checking out different angles where I can enjoy this amazing view. I see many people, couples, families, youngsters, and maybe.. just maybe, I'm the only visitor who has no company today. I smile bitterly. I turn to see the special spot, they said we can picture the best view there. I have prepared my camera and when I point it at the big window my heart stops beating. That's the most stunning view I've ever seen in my entire life!

I snap so many pictures, don't even care if it contains the same pose. It's the man I've been missing for years, the one that has been living in my head... with the cutest little girl in his arms. He's carrying her, pointing some of the part in the garden, just like a great father I have been picturing him to be so far. My hands are shaking now and I realize that my eyes are wet. A second after a woman passes me and calling the name I've been itching to say with my own lips. I turn myself fast, but the stubborn side inside of me is begging to again see the face and I lose. There I see them smiling so wide, she has brought a bottle of juice for Yunna and now they are again watching the view together. It's a perfect picture I have to admit, aside my bleeding heart. I turn away fast, this time almost running leaving the place. I won't interupt his bonding time with Yunna..

I keep on displaying and scrolling the pictures of him.. I know there's a chance of him living here, but it's a big country with so many islands! I would be lying if I said that deep inside I didn't have any willing to somehow meet him during my time here. It'll be a complete lie. It's like playing with my destiny. If we're meant to be, we'd see each other right? Well, not like this of course. This time I'm assured that we're not meant to be so avoiding another chance for us to see each other again, I cut my time here and ready myself to leave. I've got his pictures, it's enough.. It's the best souvenir I've got here.

The journey to the hotel feels really long and some ideas have filled my head. I think I've made a new sad love song, and I smile bitterly.. Look how you've inspired me the most, Yunho.. No matter how hard and hurt it is, you have the credit for all that I've earned so far. I take my suitcase and check in to my room as soon as I receive the card key. They have the best view, so when I have done with my dinner, I take a little walk and sit on one of the bench under the night sky. It's beautiful and again I feel it..

"Are you here cause Yunho is also here?"

I asked, knowing her presence. It doesn't scare me anymore. I sometimes use this chance to just tell her what I feel and just let out all that had vent up in my head. I can't see her like before, it's just a lingering feeling but I know it's her..

"They look happy together, finally I can see Yunna, she's cute. You've given something incredible I can never do.."

I close my eyes and just enjoy the cool air around me with the sound of water coming from the near pond behind me. I don't know how long but I think I've spent enough time outside and maybe it's time for me to head back in and sleep. Standing up and walk to the little path I took earlier, only to hold myself all together and stay rooted at where I stand. I cannot run, he's there in front of me. ! I really wanna laugh at this situation. God, you're also liking drama? I've seen this kind of scenes so many times, hasn't it forced too much? 

He stares at me without any words at first, but then he decides to step forwad approaching me. You see, he was so handsome before and now he's even more so under the night light. This is hard.

"Jaejoong.." he greeted with a smile.

"Hi.. Yunho." I finally said the name.

He stands before me, looking up the sky.

"It's beautiful here." He stated.

Say the magnificent view who's talking right now. By the way, has Yunho gone soft after having Yunna? It's kinda odd having him saying this kind of lines.

"That's why I'm here." I said.

He walks to the bench, sitting down then staring at me as if asking me to sit down with him so I do.

"Vacation?" He asked.

I nod. "How about you?"

Do I sound like really desperate to know who she is? I cannot help it even though I haven't prepared myself well to get the blow from his answer.

"I've promised her that we'd have a trip together."

I turn to face him, her? The woman?

"Yunna. She's been asking for it so many times."

Can he read my mind? I hope not.

"Is she sleeping now?"

He smiles again. "Too tired after a whole day trip."

His smile is contagious, I cannot hold myself not to also smile.

"I bet she's really adorable. How long will you stay?"

"It depends on her. We can even stay for a whole week." 

The way he talked about it with his beaming smile, his happiness is vividly shown on his face. Who won't be happy to see their loved ones are happy? Yunna has brought joy to his life and the old Yunho I know before is hardly seen right now. I hope I can find my happiness too. I envy him a lot.. I know I am not that good with children but it'll be awesome to have a cutie like Yunna in my life. I can even picture a day filled with her and me with Yunho doing lots of stuffs, smiling and laughing. God, I need to stop this.

"I am glad for you, Yunho.. I wish I can see her but I have to go early tomorrow to catch my flight."

Yes, okay half of it is a lie but it is true that I will leave early tomorrow. I just can't stay longer. It's still too much for me. I haven't got the confirmation about my flight, but I can just go around the city if I cannot get tomorrow's plane. 

"Goin back to Seoul?"

"No.. I still have another place to go before I come back. It's my first vacation after like two years haha.. I wanna enjoy it to the fullest."

"Sounds great."

O my.. It's nice to have a conversation like this but it's also killing me. The chill on my back is getting intense, I just don't know what she wants.

"Have you ever.. you know.. seen her?"

He takes a look at me, and when he gets what I mean he looks far ahead to the beautiful garden in front of us.

"Only that night, and never again."

"Not even any lingering feeling?"

He shakes his head. "No.. Is it still bothering you?"

I also shake my head. "No.. it's not disturbing me anymore but I get a feeling that she's always be with you even now. Not in a bad way of course."

He lowers his head for a moment.

"I don't know what to say. I just feel sorry for you but also thankful. I just.."

"It's okay. I'm glad I can help you in a way.."

Should I use this chance for my selfishness? I mean, it's been years and now that he's right here with me, can I use this time I have to get more memories? I know it's bad but..

"Do you wanna have some drink?" He asked.