From the limited number of friends I have, the one reason I get people badmouthing me for so many times is my friend, Yunho. Because I'm as the dorky one and he as the 'famous' one, of course, people will always be questioning how come we're ended up together, as friends that is, well.. I myself think that it is actually impossible, but then God has set the path for both of us.

It's started in the early year of our high school time. I was set as his partner for a project. We're supposed to make an observation, but back at that time, he's a type I hate the most for a joint project. Being off and gone for so many times till I just couldn't stand anymore and snapped. I still remember clearly what I said to him, slamming the book in front of him at the canteen. We're supposed to have a discussion, but he's gone and there I found him talking, laughing with his friends.

"This project is a freakin group work and if you're not into it, just tell me already so I can talk to the teacher and have a damn new partner!!"

His reaction was hilarious, I could laugh if I was not so angry. I do laugh everytime we recall it again sometimes. He was almost choked, and his face.. I should have taken a pic of it. Apparently that was the first time for him to have someone so angry at him. He just thought lightly that I could do it myself, like seriously, who did he think he was?! I always get angry whenever I remember that. Just like right now. This is one of the moments when I question myself of how can we be friends all along, like seriously..

"Stop bragging! Like, you know Taeyong? From the dance major? He is way more gorgeous than you. He's charming." I said.

"But I'm taller.." he countered.

Okay.. "Well, then we have Johnny from the business major, he's smart and y!"

"But I'm damn richer.."

This guys is really.. "Fine! But don't forget Jaehyun from the theater major. He's tall and rich.. and handsome too!"

"But my face is smaller.."

I slam my book hard to the table earning some glances to our direction, but when they see that it's me, they just focus back on their respective activities. 

"The point is.." I take a long, deep breath to calm myself down, "there are people who have something you don't-" he just gives me the look, okay.."even if they may also don't have the quality you do, just stop acting like the world exists solely under your feet!" I glare at him.

Wait, why am I here with him again? Oh, right.. It's about the girl attacking me by sending tons of disturbing texts and missed calls.. seriously. Now I slam my phone in front of him, like even it's broken I can ask him to replace it right away. 

"Who is this girl named Sooyou? Did you ditch her or somethin? How can she even get my number?!"

He just takes a little glance to my phone and shrugs. "If you see her yourself, you'll have the same opinion. This girl is too clingy and kinda crazy. Oh...that just reminds me."

He takes my phone and starts scrolling the contact list, finding his contact details in it and then starts typing. What-he changes his number? Again? I should just do the same. Sigh.. This is just pointless. 

"Can you just stop seeing random girls and start settling yourself?" I asked deperately.

"Well, I did have set my eyes on someone.." he answered right away.

Why am not surprised anymore? Right, I've known this cocky man for almost five years now.. I am waiting for him to continue, but he seems to be a bit hesitated.

"I'm not sure yet, but this person has been stuck in my head like forever.."

Well, that's new.. He's still thinking when suddenly his eyes shift to a direction and a man catches my sight. Wait a minute, a guy? He looks pretty though and I know I'm not the only one thinking so. I think I've met him somewhere before.. He's kinda looking at our side but from the corner of my eyes I can see how my friend pretending not to notice him, and I swear I see the slight hurt from the pretty guy. Who is his name again? God, I cannot remember.. anyway.. These moments when I feel sick of him has never last long though, I've told you it's pointless. I take my book back and put it in my bag.

"Well, excuse me. I'll leave you alone now."

"What? Where?"

"Library? Unlike you, I'm not that damn rich so I need to sharpen my brain. Bye." I said sarcastically.

-

But then there are some moments when I really question our friendship.. There's a big event in our uni and I know he hasn't had any date yet and he's been struggling with his own feeling. I am honestly waiting for him to talk it over with me, but the time hasn't come..

"Just decide it.. or you can go with me and just stroll down there." I said.

Ehm.. yes, even for the prom in our high school I went there with my lab partner and we barely talked with each other. It's boring, and the stares I earned saying awful things of how I seemed to helplessly whishing to be chosen as his date were sicking. Okay, maybe I was or am still curious if he ever thinks to do so, well, it's not like I'm expecting it to come but-

"Won't I look really pathetic if I go there with you?" He stated plainly.

Right at that second I feel a throbbing hurt in my heart. Like someone even punch me stright to my gut right after. Right.. Right, God.. I just realize that for this kind of occasions we do usually meet at the place then we'll  have a chat. Woah.. daebak! Have I seen myself too high here? Like I think that we're friends, but then.. maybe not on the level I think it is.. I never thought that the line would come out of his mouth. I don't care about the others, but now..

I clech my hands hard. "Then stop being so pathetically coward and ask him instead now! You know who I refer to." I said, losing control of my anger.

It's a light atmosphere we had earlier, but now.. I cannot even see him any longer. Maybe I've given him the nastiest glare, I have no idea, and my eyes are hot I cannot stand it. I can see slightly that he widens his eyes but I'm too sick to stay here any longer. I'm angry, disappointed, and mostly, I'm embarrassed. God, who do I  think I am for this ing delusional years?! I just wanna laugh and cry at the same time. Why does it hurt this much? I can practically picture all those people laughing their asses off to me right now..

I just don't know where my fast steps taking me. I'm not in my right mind. I just don't wanna let my tears roll down my face! It's a in big no! But my chest feels so full and stuffy, so bending down with no shame at all, I cry.. this is the biggest, loudest, messiest cry I've ever done.. wet, snotty, shaky, I just break down there, trying to cover my mouth with both of my hands to at least tone down the sound, my pathetic sound.

Why should I feel this pain so much? Why is it so painful?

I rewind my life, my whole years I realize that yes, none ever seem to show any appreciation to me. I know I need to work harder to earn that. But at least I can feel that he respect me enough by still treating me as his friend. He makes me believe that i can be friend with anyone, be confident and have a courage to fight all those people prejudice. I mean, we can be with everyone we wanna be. I'm not that bad. 

What a lie... Big, fat lie.. he's the same.. no, he's worse for making me feelin so. How can he do that to me? So everyone is right. It is true. I am stupidly delusional. It's so stupid!

"Hey.. listen.. I"

I know this voice I heard from my back, it's him. I move my hand fast to make him stop coming closer. I shake my head.

"Listen, I-"

I shake my head harder. Trying to stand up with my shaky, unbalanced body after wiping my messy face. Maybe he's witnessing my ugliest face right now. 

"Don't.. talk.. to me.." I said, turning myself so I can face him with the last power I have.

It's so hard yo even talk without chocking, breathing is a hard task, it's just the worst time to talk. I see around and realize that I'm outside our uni by the road, I cannot figure out which side or which part, but then a taxi passes by. I make a fast move to  stop it a