I just can't believe that I've done it stupidly. God, how can I just lose my head like that? I've almost choked her to death over a slice of cake..

How many times should I ruin again next? I've got my confession done unplanned it almost made our relationship broken and now, I've just proposed her after another chaotic issue.. 

I have made so many plans but again, if it concerns her.. it's as if I can't think properly. She left soon after without too many words, not even giving a valid answer. I must have got her beyond surprised.. We haven't had time to spend time together, something has to be done and it takes her away from me and we haven't talk that much either.. I just hope that I haven't made another mistake..

I click a notification, Yunho hyung has told me it'll come out now. I watch it earnestly and see how awesome it is. He has planned it long ago and finally, it happens. I just cannot believe I've played nonstop and once I'm done and share it to my followers and wish him the best result, I feel lonely..

He's been busy preparing and practicing, making lots of contents even before it's out. He has done so much, this is indeed his passion and he has pour out all the efforts. There's no doubt with his talent, everyone knows how high he is in this industry and how if.. how if..

God, how can this cross my mind but I just can't help it and it makes sense. My mibd goes blank and those times, it comes back again rushing and filling my head. 

It is almost the same as when I learnt that there would no longer be the five of us, they would leave me and hyung. I cried so many time, I was still so young.. I didn't have any dreams to be what we are right now, and it really questioned the whole thing I've done so far.. Would I continue this? Could I even do this? But then I have him with me, the two of us.. We cried together, we argued, we talked, and we decided.. 

How about now? Just look how wonderful he is right there, he can stand alone mightily there without any doubt. He will be alright without me, he can do it so well without me, how if he doesn't need me anymore?

He has shared this thought with me before, of course he'd do. It's like every time I got an offer coming for me and I will also share it and ask for his opinion. Trough out all of these projects I will always rely on him, pampered with his support. He's where I can lean on, my pillar, I was so happy for it and he's so hype about it. Look at how much bigger the potensial he has, he still has so many more under his sleeve, he can make a country if he wants it but I.. 

He'll be fine without me. He is the leader. He is the core of TVXQ..

Why do I have this insecurity now?

I came to his come-back stage, I watch from the side just like in every of our concert, but now I can see better. The stage is his life, he shines so bright.. I always be proud of him, want solely the best for him, I'll be happy when he's happy and will also sad when he's sad.. We've shared our lives for so long. I know what can he achieve all by himself, how high he can be..

Seeing how excited he is on the dinner after the show... Did I also feel like that on my previous solo projects? I've doin all the things I like, what that interest me. We have plenty of time to enjoy ourself now, bt in the end.. I come back to this world I share with him. It feels like home, a place where I can feel secure