The apartment gets quiet when they all have left, leaving Hannah alone. Hannah stays in her room, under her quilt, crying and making sounds she didn’t know she could make. It won’t stop. She doesn’t want it to stop if she can’t have Jonghyun as her boyfriend. Maybe it is seen as foolish teenage love for others, but it truly isn’t, not for her. She wonders how he is doing, if he is working by now, if he has stopped crying and just moves on – just like Manager Lim told her to do. Maybe he is still crying? Could he be as hurt as her? She shakes her head under the quilt. He can’t be. He probably … he should continue to dress up, eat and do what he always does. His face yesterday before he left her didn’t say he would continue, and remembering that face makes the tears well up like crazy.

She looks at her cell phone after some time. Maria has texted her, asking her if she is doing alright at home alone and then adding another text writing they will hurry home as soon as the event is done. Hannah rolls around on her back, crying. She rolls back on the side, her heart hurting so much.

The next time she looks at her cell phone, she has written a text. ‘There is a saying: You never know what you have until you lose it’, and after re-writing and changing she finishes writing after the first part; ‘I knew what we had, I loved every second of it (even when we fought) and now when I have lost it … I realise it was much more than what I thought was possible. I will always love you more than anyone else, and it is not because you are my first love, it is because it’s you’.

She stares at it when she is done, still crying. The whole night she has tried and tried to write him a text message, a way to express herself. She fails to express herself, she will never be able to do it; she has been writing short sentences and she has writing so much that it filled out three texts, but in the end she never sent anything. It won’t change the fact that she kissed someone else, it won’t change that he can’t trust her. It doesn’t change anything, but this text at least lets him know that she is thinking of him: Hopefully. She sends the text, not knowing what else to write, and she rolls around to get the quilt around her like a worm and she lies there and looks at her cell phone next to her. He doesn’t write back. It takes minutes; half an hour; forty minutes, and no answer. He really hates her now, does he? He probably can’t even think of her without wanting to punch someone.

It rings on the doorbell.

The sudden sound makes her jump and she holds on tighter to the quilt to keep the sound out. It rings two times after each other, and Hannah pretends she can’t hear it. Whoever it is, she doesn’t want to meet that person. If it is her members or a manager or a stylist, that person can get in on their own. Just don’t pretend she is there.

It rings a few more times, but then it stops. After a while, Hannah sits up in the bed, her legs stretched forward and the quilt around her. She wipes her tears away again from her face with her sleeve that by now looks old and she can feel how uncomfortable she is in these clothes. She has been under the quilt the whole night, wearing the clothes she wore at yesterday’s practice – leggings, a long tee and the cardigan. Her hair feels dirty and messy, locks entangled so crazily from her being under the quilt, and she doesn’t even want to know how her face looks like. She doesn’t really care either. She looks like a mess, but she doesn’t care. How could she care? There is no reason to care, not anymore.

The front door is opened and Hannah stops moving to hear who it is. She continues to quietly wipe away the tears, hearing the footsteps enter the apartment after that the door has been closed. Hannah moves closer to the side of the bed, hesitating if she should run and close her bedroom’s door in case the person wants to see if she is there, and she gets down one foot on the floor while keeping her eyes outside the room to guess if she can rush over to close the door before the person comes. Just as she leans forward to get up from the bed, a person gets clear by the door to her room, and tears wells up when she sees him.

“Jonghyun,” she breathes and she backs up on the bed when he comes inside, her whole face-expression shocked to see him with tears falling down her cheeks.

Jonghyun looks just like her. His hair is under a cap, though his face is swollen from not sleeping and his nose and eyes are red from crying, his clothes aren’t the same as yesterday and she can glimpse that he has showered. “Why can’t you say such things to my face?” he asks when walking up to her bed. She can see tears forming in his eyes when he leans forward to take her face in his hands and her hands are placed on his wrists while looking at him with big eyes. “Tell it to my face, and I’ll believe you.”

“I love you,” she whispers, putting a hand away from his wrist to place it by his cheek, getting her fingers wet from his tears. “I love you so much that everything I have and treasure wouldn’t matter if you aren’t here. I can’t live without you and I won’t ever deserve to be forgiven for what I have done to you, but I still love you… isn’t that enough?”

Jonghyun is shaking his head, crying and holding on to her face. “You pushed him away, didn’t you? Maria said that. You pushed him away. Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“I did,” Hannah cries. “I got shocked but I pushed him away. I told hi-”

“I thought I had lost you,” Jonghyun interrupts, crying hysterically as Hannah has done during the night, making her cry more too. “I thought… I thought… I don’t know. I panicked. I have never been so scared in my life, I haven’t slept, I almost drowned myself in the shower… I love you, Hannah, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” she tells him, putting her arms around his neck when he embraces her for a hug.

She holds her hands at his back, her hands made into fists when holding on to his jacket and she turns her head to the side to breathe in the scent of him. They met just last night, but it feels like years since she held on to him. She can hear him cry against her shoulder, holding her tight against his body. It’s crazy how it makes you feel. Thinking you lost someone, just to realise you can’t let that person go. Hannah and Honggi maybe kissed each other, but Jonghyun knows she pushed him off, he knows she felt bad about it and he knows she loves him more. And he knows that both of them are fools in love and that nothing else seems to matter. This night has been the worst night in his life; he couldn’t think of that he would sleep and wake up, not being able to text her good morning or laugh at her mistakes when she writes back to him in her learning Korean. And he loves to wake up and text her, to at times already have a text waiting for him to read from Hannah. He had left the moment he saw her text today, how she wrote that she loves him and he had driven here without thinking of anything else but to have her say those words face to face. That’s all he wants; he wants her to say that she loves him, that she is just as crazy over him as he is over her. He doubted it all when she and Honggi kissed, now he knows it isn’t true. Seeing that they both have suffered the whole night, how their members were freaking out over them crying nonstop; they can’t live without each other, and he knows that. Just as Hannah wrote to him; you never know what you have until you lose it.

“I love you, Hannah,” he whispers and moves his head to kiss her hair before leaning back to look at her. “Stay away from guys. Don’t get near anyone but me, okay? Don’t EVER kiss another guy.”

Hannah nods, behind the tears giving a smile and she pulls him closer to kiss him. “I promise,” she tells him and kisses him desperately again; the kisses are wet from all the crying but none of them seem to bother.

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“Do we look like angels?” Carolina asks the camera-man and makes a pretty face with her hands under her chin, blinking cutely. Her hair has been cut short in a bob hairstyle with a straight fringe, her hair is in brown with different shades of lilac highlights, and to fit the concept there is also white spots that look like frost; at the moment the hair is styled in a wispy layered hairstyle. She is wearing a fitting special made vest with zipper and hood of thin fabric, a pair of slim-fit pants and high heels – all in white.

“You look dead,” Emelia mentions standing next to her with her really long hair coloured black with the white frost effect, put up in a long side braid; her skin as pale as always and she too is wearing an outfit alike Carolina’s that is white from top to toe. Carolina looks over her shoulder at Emelia and they look at each other with expressionless faces. Emelia gives a smirk when looking at the camera. “She is dead.”

Carolina gives a sulky face to Emelia. “You look dead!” she says, upset because she really likes their white outfits, and she walks away with that face while Emelia is still smirking.

5 Pieces is filming the music video for their next Japanese single [Sleeper]. It is their second day, Tuesday of filming the video while it is the first day cameras for making of and other extra making of footage are filmed. Yesterday was crazy. 5 Pieces kept going through the choreography between the filming as the practice on Saturday and Sunday wasn’t enough, but it went well filming and the staff is really helpful too. They did entertain some people though when they didn’t even know the lyrics during the filming so the lip-synching was totally messed up. Taking it piece by piece, it worked better.

Hannah is dressed in a fitting top with 3/4 wide arms, fitting jeans and high heels, also white as the other members with her long sleek center parted blonde hair almost white because of the frost effect. She smiles and turns the camera-man around for him to film where she points; over to a chair where Maria is sitting, her feet up on the chair by her so her knees are pointing out in height of her chest, and she is resting her elbows on her knees while practicing the Japanese lyrics. She is wearing a fitting dress and white leggings, wearing a pair of colourful socks with the high heels on the floor next to her, a blanket over her legs and her hair is beautiful, the long light brown hair is in a romantic braided hairstyle (http://pinterest.com/pin/180003316328012348/). Hannah is smiling widely when she sees that the camera-man turns back the camera’s focus on Hannah.

“Only Maria can make that work,” Hannah says proudly. “5 Pieces’ Captain can do anything.”

She looks so proud over Maria’s unique ways of sitting, like she always seems to be, and Hannah smiles with that proud face-expression when walking away. She walks over to Carolina who is talking around another camera filming, and Carolina is trying to talk in Japanese.

“We are shooting the … third single PV,” Carolina says and she is looking to be totally lost when talking. “The concept is… what’s the concept?” She turns to Hannah who was about to walk by, but is stopped by Carolina asking her in Korean. Carolina repeats the question and Hannah glances at the camera.

“Dead angels,” Hannah answers and though she was cool when saying it she bursts out laughing the moment later and jumps happily like a child while Carolina hits her. Hannah had heard her and Emelia earlier talking about that they look like angels; dead angels according to Emelia.

“If you … at Hannah,” Carolina says in Japanese, forgetting to say ‘look’, which Hannah puts in so Carolina repeats the full sentence. “If you look at Hannah, too long, you are dead.”

“Why?” Hannah wonders, looking amused over her friend’s Japanese.

“Cold, and hot,” Carolina answers. Her bad Japanese makes Hannah smile and Carolina looks at her to ask if she said it right. Hannah shrugs her shoulders, in Japanese saying she doesn’t know and when she takes a step away she laughs as Carolina embraces her to tell her to not laugh behind her back if she said it wrong. Hannah just continues to laugh.

Everything seems to be great. Hannah feels horribly bad to Jonghyun, and she talks to him almost every hour because of that. Texts him to say nothing at all but he thinks it’s so cute and he is so happy they didn’t break up, and he smiles whenever he gets a text from her that might just say ‘the staff is laughing when we say something in Swedish’, and she also sends him a picture of herself in the white outfit. He sends her pictures too, of himself and of what he is doing, writing back to her random texts like ‘I think its romantic to hear you speak in Swedish’, to which she responded by writing something in Swedish he got no idea of what it means. She won’t tell him either. Her members hate it though. They keep telling her that her crying like that is not normal, saying it is unhealthy to get back together and Emelia keeps saying she will not let Jonghyun go that easy for making them all suffer that night.

“This,” Carolina points at Hannah’s eyes when the two of them are in front of the making of camera again, “is the most charming part.”

Hannah closes her eyes, revealing the light coloured make-up around her eye in blue, white, gray and by the side of the eyebrows there are hints of lilac and below on her cheekbones it’s pink (http://eye-make-up.tumblr.com/post/36113149921). It is really cool with her already white outfit and her blonde hair looking almost white; they have also put on this fake frost effect on their eyelashes to fulfil the concept. Hannah opens her eyes, blinking cutely when smiling at the camera that has zoomed in to catch the effects. “Doesn’t it look cool?” Hannah asks in Japanese as the camera-man zooms out. “It isn’t heavy, this white, it is … it has a strange feeling. Because it is the first time we are wearing it.”

“What do you think of the white outfit?” the camera-man asks in Japanese – just this man seem to be Japanese, but most of them filming backstage are actually Korean.

“I tell you one word,” Hannah chuckles, showing one finger. “Uncomfortable.”

She laughs with her eye-smile, but because of the frost effect on her eyes she is fast to open her eyes clearer with her smile fading. She translates the question to Carolina, who brightly says she loves it, but the camera-man asks Hannah why she thinks it’s uncomfortable.

“Hannah doesn’t like to wear white,” Carolina answers with a frown.

“It gets dirty easily,” Hannah admits with the Korean coming out to not leave Carolina outside.

A little later the girls are gathering at the set to begin filming. The set is covered in a dark white colour (almost gray); the ceiling, walls, floor and the fake trees and other props for the filming – everything that will be shown for the scene is white, though it is in different shades to not let everything look the same. The backstage camera that has been filming the ladies ‘making of’ so far captures Julia for the first time. She is wearing a tank top with a look-through cardigan, also slim-fit pants and high heels. Her hair hasn’t changed from it being up-cut above the base of the neck and it is still in two different shades of dark and light brown, but it has been styled in a really cool medium faux hawk hairstyle. She is smiling while watching Maria, Carolina and Hannah going through the choreography with the teacher, and she looks over her shoulder when Emelia points at something past her. The two girls’ steps up to the ‘making of’ camera that is filming them and they start talking in Korean.

“This is the white set. It is very cool and looks simple, but we have been here since five in the morning today and the filming begun at seven, and now … it’s almost nine. Where does all the time go? We haven’t done that much today.” Julia is very talkative with Emelia staring at the camera from behind her, trying to look scaring. “For this scene we will dance our hearts out.”

When Julia turns around, hearing her name being called, she walks in to Emelia and the two of them laughs when stumbling over to practice the dance with the others. For the promotion video filming, the staff is actually Japanese while they are doing the filming in Korea. Some of the staff is Korean though, to make sure everything they need is there and such. They practice the dance all five together with their teacher before they check their make-up and then the actual filming can begin. 5 Pieces dances in the middle of the white-gray set, looking really cool in their performance-expressions. The music is played and the girls are lip-synching during their parts, focused and doing what they always do when filming – being professional singers. When the music stops, the director calling ‘cut’, 5 Pieces comes to the side to watch what they have filmed. Since the director is Japanese, a Korean translator is there to help them understand. Standing there and watching on the screen, the girls burst out laughing when seeing very clearly how Julia’s hand is up in the air when the other ladies already have taken theirs down.

Once that is done, they are going to re-do the same part. Maria is still sitting down by the screen when the ‘making of’ camera approaches her, this time it is a Korean staff who asks her about the music video filming.

“It’s something new. We will dance with all members, but the camera will focus on just one member, a close-up. It looks really great on the screen,” Maria says, looking serious and she stands up, looking to think of something while carefully saying in Japanese; “’Proudly, strongly and filled with confidence’.” She smirks, continuing in Korean. “That’s what I learned. That is [Sleeper], 5 Pieces’ song. Good, right?”

After doing the part a few times now, and as they danced it yesterday too, you should guess they know their positions, right? But in the middle of filming now, Hannah takes a step to the left and ends up getting hidden behind Carolina and she gets confused and takes another step to the left, continuing to dance until the director calls ‘cut’ and Hannah is fast to bow and apologize in both Korean and Japanese, apologizing for her mistake while the teacher steps up to show the mistake. The ladies laugh when hearing what she did and Hannah apologizes again when they are re-taking the part – she was supposed to take a step to the right. Maria gives her a pat on the when they take their positions again.

During the next break, the Japanese camera-man goes to the resting room where Julia is sitting in the sofa.

“We are here to film 5 Pieces…” Julia starts off saying confidently in Japanese but then gets quiet, not knowing how to see the next part. She looks at someone else next to the camera-man, asking in Korean what they are doing there as she doesn’t know how to say it in Japanese, and Emelia comes to sit next to her, eating something.

“We are here to film 5 Pieces’ third single, [Sleeper],” Emelia tells the camera while chewing and Julia repeats in a low voice after Emelia to learn it. The camera-man asks them about the song and Emelia continues to talk in Japanese; “It’s a charismatic song, like 5 Pieces. We are matching the cold weather by wearing snow… snow clothes…” She doesn’t know what ‘snow-coloured’ is in Japanese. “It’s cold outside.”

Julia waves over at Hannah who just comes inside after finishing filming a solo part, though the camera doesn’t film Hannah entering because it is across the room behind him. Hannah’s voice is heard slightly in the background when asking in Japanese what they are doing and in Swedish, Emelia asks Hannah what ‘snow-coloured’ is in Japanese.

“Snow…” Hannah simply says in Japanese, not knowing it either. “White coloured, I know… snow colour?”

She comes over to them and Julia grabs her arm to pull her down on her lap to be visibly for the camera. Hannah holds on to Julia’s wrists when sitting there, smiling as she isn’t used to sit on someone’s lap. The camera-man takes a small step back to film all three girls in the sofa, and because he can guess what word they are looking for he says the right ‘snow-coloured’ in Japanese, and he smiles when the three girls repeats it after him.

“Emelia said before that we are angels that fell to the sky and died because of the cold,” Hannah says in Japanese, smiling when the camera-man gives a chuckle. “While our stylist said we are devils dressed out as beautiful angels, ready to take you down with us.” She charmingly tries to seduce the camera closer by waving her hand, seducing the audience watching to be fooled by 5 Pieces. She laughs and hears how Emelia is whispering the translation for Julia, who holds out her hands with Hannah’s, as if they are going to pretend to fly. Hannah nods randomly, not knowing what else to say now, and since the others do start to talk about anything she gets up, saying she has to practice.

A little later, Hannah is standing with Carolina while waiting for the filming to start again and the two girls are busy talking about food with one of the ‘making of’ cameras filming. Carolina puts her arm around Hannah.

“5 Pieces like … chicken. Chicken stew, chicken soup, grilled chicken… It’s delicious,” Hannah says and Carolina is nodding. Hannah glances at her. “Carolina likes … udon.”

“I love udon,” Carolina shines up.

“I like …” Hannah thinks about it.

“Nikujaga,” Carolina finishes, pronouncing the name correctly.

Hannah giggles with a smile. “I like a lot of food, and nikujaga is a favourite,” she says and hugs Carolina out of happiness just by the thought. “Now I’m hungry.”

“I want udon…” Carolina says in Japanese and looks another direction.

“I want nikujaga,” Hannah also says in Japanese and the two girls walk off in deep thoughts of food, just to a few minutes later start filming again.

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“Food!” Maria is shouting to gather the ladies that actually come like children in a house being called on their mother that dinner is ready. Everyone gathers around the table, taking their seats when their manager points out whose food is whose. Julia laughs when pushing Hannah with her shoulder as they sit down next to each other and Hannah pushes her playfully back. Once they have taken their seats they all together say;

“Itadakimasu!” before they begin to eat.

Hannah sees the camera filming ‘making of’ and she tells the camera-man in Japanese that he can take some too if he is hungry; it is enough of food for him to eat too.

“Who eats the most in 5 Pieces?” the camera-man asks Hannah in Japanese after walking up a little closer to her; he had shaken his head over her offer. She glances around at the members, all busy eating.

“All five are good at eating,” she answers, “but Maria probably eats the most. She doesn’t gain weight though, that’s awesome, isn’t it?”

Hannah smiles cutely at the camera-man. An awkward second long silence goes between them as Hannah is waiting for him to ask another question, or she tries to come up with something more to say. He then asks her if they like Japanese food and if that food is different compared to the one they grew up with.

“It’s a big difference,” Hannah nods, finishing chewing before she continues; “Just Asia and Europe are really different when it comes to food, and each country has … a different taste. The Japanese food … it’s similar to Korean food, especially if you are from outside Asia and didn’t really eat much Asian food when growing up. I don’t think we really prefer one country’s food; it is more like … it depends on the dish. For me, personally, there is a Japanese fan that always appears during our promotions – both in Korea and in Japan – and he always brings with him a lunchbox of homemade Japanese food. I really love that. It’s delicious.”

She then gets to eat her lunch, still telling the camera-man to sit down and take some too. The funny thing is that all the ladies are walking around in slippers now, so as soon as they are done eating, the camera-man asks them about it when they are packing away the food on the table. Maria is still chewing, not leaving the table while everyone else is packing away.

“The heels are hurting to wear,” Carolina pouts, talking in Korean and she glances at the ladies. “We still aren’t used to wear heels, right? So whenever we can, we take them off.”

Hannah is seen nodding when walking by behind her, carrying a bag of garbage and asking where to throw it when reaching the door. She comes back after throwing the garbage and the room gets loud as they have to decide the order of the final solo part filming. Like always they choose to decide it through rock-paper-scissor and the girls, standing over the table, plays the game while shouting it out and showing one hand to the centre. Hannah shouts happily when she gets to do first, jumping away from the circle while holding on to her hand, laughing and saying in Japanese (because of the camera) that she never wins. Julia wins next, so the two girls’ cheers while watching the other three finish off. Emelia then Carolina and that leave Maria as the last member, complaining so loudly about that she doesn’t want to be last. Hannah claps her on the back when they are heading out to get ready for shooting.

They don’t begin with solo shoots, but while waiting to begin filming the girls are resting as they just finished eating and the staff that were preparing the set while 5 Pieces were eating are now getting to eat. The ladies also fix their make-up and such. So during the short break, Hannah sits down next to Maria with her IPod, moving her lips the lyrics for [Sleeper] that she is listening too, holding a paper in her hand to precise her lip-synching for the solo filming too. Maria is fast asleep, her head down and hands clasped together. None of them notices the camera-man filming them, but just because the two of them doesn’t notice anything, he walks away to find someone else to film.

He finds Emelia walking around and taking photos of everything and nothing, trying to make outstanding photos of a simple chair and such. When the camera comes up to her she shows off some pictures she has taken; one of the chair she just took a picture of standing all alone on the set, then one of Carolina without her knowledge, and one beautiful taken of Julia standing in the light.

“Doesn’t it look good?” Emelia asks with a proud smile. “I take pictures wherever we go for memories. The crazy photos of Pieces, I show fans; the pretty ones I keep for myself.”

“Why do you do that?” the camera-man asks, smiling when thinking of the pretty picture of Julia that she won’t show their fans because it’s pretty.

“Private reasons,” Emelia chuckles and looks at her pictures, having a weird face-expression.

And when only left is the solo shooting, Hannah goes first as said. Hannah steps up in front of the cameras, smiling when standing in the spotlight by herself. She is just about to touch her hair when she stops herself with her hands in the air, laughing to the stylist who had given her a death glare as Hannah’s hair is filled with this frost effect. Hannah takes down her hands and focuses her head straight to let the stylist fix it for her. A minute later when standing there alone, Hannah moves her hands and arms back and forth in the choreography but she is keeping her face and head completely still to not move her hair anything. When getting started with the filming, Hannah does well with face-expressions and lip-synching and she is probably the most comfortable as she can talk with the staff in Japanese. Emelia is standing on the side and watching her while taking pictures at times.

“Charlie!annah” Emelia calls out when Hannah is about to re-do her part. Hannah looks at her and she shows a v-sign when Emelia takes up her camera to take a picture of her.

The director asks if she is ready and Hannah turns back her attention, politely answering that she is ready.

By the time she is done, Hannah is clapping her hands and thanking everyone for their hard work, bowing when heading off the set. She smiles and thanks the camera-man for all the hard work too when she is about to walk by him. He follows her a few steps first before asking what it was Emelia asked her, making Hannah laugh. “When I was a child, my family used to call me ‘Charlie’. I never hear it lately, but if I hear it I still react to it. For some reason.”

Hannah gets off from her high heels and she continues to thank people for their hard work and such while heading to the resting room where she laughs at Carolina asking if she is done already. Hannah seems very happy to finish first and after changing clothes she isn’t in such a hurry because she is going to wait for Julia to finish before leaving. She goes out to the corridor to see when Julia comes back from filming and that camera-man follows her.

“Are you the first to be done filming?” he then asks and Hannah by that question knows she is going to say her final words.

“I am the first to finish filming today, and it feels so good! Ha-ha. Filming our first official Japanese PV went by very fast, but we have the promotions to look forward too and I think the filming went very well today, so I can’t wait to see it myself and to hear what our fans think of it. [Sleeper] is a good song, I think and the filming probably went well… hopefully the other ladies will think so too when they are done, and now … I am going home to take a shower and I will do some cleaning so I can go to sleep without any worries,” Hannah finishes with a smile and she bows when thanking him for his hard work.

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