“What happens after you have sold all those things?” Honggi asks, leaning against the wall in the hotel room without leaving the hall, and he crosses his arms over his chest, still having that pout on his lips with Hannah standing near the door

“I’ll come back to Korea, what else?” Hannah answers and shows her hands, sounding like it is obvious.

“No; what will happen with you and your family, Hannah?” he corrects his question, being more upset and Hannah wrinkles her forehead. “You said before you aren’t even sleeping in the house and when you went to Sweden last time you didn’t even meet your family. And now you are going there to sell off your childhood?”

“What I do with my childhood is up to me,” Hannah angrily answers, though she doesn’t know what ‘sell off’ means. “I have no idea of what you just asked about my childhood and I don’t know why it bothers you so much.”

“Because you fighting with your family doesn’t mean you should leave them. It’s your family, your blood-”

“Oh please!” Hannah bursts out, interrupting him. He looks sad but angry when glaring at her and Hannah glares back at him. “This is about me and my family. It got nothing to do with you so stay out of it.”

“How can I possibly stay out of it?! You are blocking yourself from your family, you are throwing yourself out and you think I am supposed to just let it be?! It’s a mistake, Hannah, a ing huge mistake!” Honggi is basically screaming out, throwing a hand out and his back isn’t leaning against the wall anymore.

“They threw me out first!” Hannah screams back. “They don’t want me there and I got no need to be there! So leave it!”

“No!”

Hannah turns around to the door even if he said no, and she just gets to open it a little bit before he pushes it shut with his palm, with his other hand placed on her shoulder he turns her around so hard that she almost takes a whole turn if it wasn’t for that he presses her shoulder against the wall. Hannah gives out a cry over the strength in his hand, being close to crying when placing both her hands on his that is on her shoulder, trying to not let him hold on so tight. She closes her eyes when his face gets closer to her, sobbing quietly.

“Your family loves you, Hannah,” he hisses at her behind his teeth. “It’s your ing family! You don’t want to cut your bonds with them. Maybe you won’t regret it now, but in two years or twenty, you will! You are crying because you know I’m right.”

“I’m crying because you’re hurting me,” leaps out through her lips, tears rolling down her cheeks because of the pain from her shoulder and because of that she is tired. Honggi loosens his grip and she manages to get his hand off her, and then hides her face in her hands while wiping away the tears. She doesn’t look up at him. “I’m not… It’s not like… I know my family, Honggi. I don’t need you to tell me it’s wrong or that I will regret it.”

“But you need someone to tell you!” Honggi doesn’t stop. “No one else is telling you what they think, so I have to do it.”

“No you don’t,” Hannah answers and looks up at him, once again glaring at each other. “You are not my boyfriend, Honggi.”

His lips tighten and his head is lowered without him looking away from her, though he takes a step back to give them some more space between them. She knows it hurt him, but she also knows that she has never told him that. Maybe both of them needed to hear those words, even if it hurts them, and he can see that it affects her too to say it just as it affects him to hear it. Hannah can feel her own heart racing in her chest; her whole body feels like it is beating as she looks at Honggi.

“I’m sorry.”

The words just come out of her. Seeing how her earlier words had hurt him she couldn’t help it. And Honggi just looking at her with those eyes, not saying nor doing anything, she wants to go back and change her words. Her tears are starting to come again when looking at him and seeing how he is thinking; maybe thinking if he should say something or just walk away. Before he can make up his mind she takes a long step forward, her arms slinking under his and she lets her body hold around him in a hug, her cheek resting by his collarbone and her grip tightens as if she is apologizing by the tight hug. The shape of her body has changed since last time they hugged like this, and Honggi has to restrain himself to not put his arms around her. He is grimacing when holding himself back, and though he even looks up to hold back he ends up lowering his head to rest his cheek on her head. Her hair smells shampoo and nothing else even if she has hairspray in it from the press-conference; her height is the same as it was when they first met, perfectly fitting and her body … her body has changed so much, she is smaller than what she used to be and when Honggi puts his arms around her he can feel that even if she is smaller, she still fits in his arms. He wonders if it is the same with Jonghyun, who is slightly shorter than him.

Honggi moves his arms, slowly bringing his hands down to her neck before lifting her face up from under her jaw. Her eyes are closed but are slightly opened to look up at him, red-eyed and tired she still looks like the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. His hands glides up just lightly to a perfect shape with his fingers by her ears and palms on her cheeks, his thumbs below her eyes. He leans in closer, just a little, watching her expression while doing so, and she doesn’t do anything. When leaning his face a little more closely, his lips so close to hers, she steps away. His hands fall down from her face when she turns her head away and without a word she leaves the room.

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Hannah lies in the bed without being able to sleep. She is holding her hand to her chest, trying to tell herself to calm it down and muttering for herself. Carolina is snoring in the bed next to hers, a low breathe snoring, showing that she is again sleeping peacefully. Hannah won’t be able to do it, cursing herself because she wants to. How did it end up like this? Her mind keeps replaying the same scene with Honggi; her telling him he isn’t her boyfriend – that is true, it has never been differently but it felt weird actually speaking the words – and then she was hugging him and he almost kissed her. Just that feeling of him almost kissing her, her heart keeps racing. Her hugging him and him hugging back, how she had hold on to the back of his t-shirt and how familiar it felt to hug him, all of it is making her mind get all dizzy and confused.

It’s not cheating, to hug someone – a friend. It’s not cheating to think of someone – a friend. But she knows it is cheating! And she is close to cry because of it, wanting to get down on her knees and beg her thoughts to stop. At times like this, she either needs Maria – who is sick and sleeps in another room – or Jonghyun – who is in another country.

A knock on the door makes her freeze as much into stone as she can. She stops to breathe and move, only her heart beating in her chest and she wants that to get quiet too in case the person on the other side of the door can hear it echo in the room. It knocks again on the door when no one comes and Hannah glances over at Carolina. Carolina is a heavy-sleeper, but Hannah doesn’t want to take the risk of having her wake up by someone knocking on the door; Carolina needs her sleep. Hannah gets up when it knocks a third time, not even glancing at the clock because of her dizzy head and she pulls on the big cardigan, holding it around her body while feeling the cold floor under her feet when stopping by the door. She is wearing a pair of shorts and t-shirt under the cardigan; the shorts because Carolina told her they should wear matching pairs…

She hesitates to open the door; thinking of who it could be makes her open it. Maria could be her saviour, she wants it to be Maria; like an angel coming to save her with her wise words. Maybe it is Julia, who maybe still haven’t left the hotel-room from earlier and she now can’t find her actually room, or Emelia; most likely, who wants to ruin their sleep (it wouldn’t be the first time).

The door is opened and in front of her stands Honggi; one hand on his head with his fingers holding on to his hair and he looks just as confused as Hannah feels. She can’t find any words to say when seeing him and her heart starts to race more than it had done in bed, her eyes wide by the sight of him.

“I had to see you,” he tells her with wide-opened eyes and he puts both hands on his head to mess up his hair, looking even more confused. “I just … had to see you.”

“Honggi…” Hannah whispers, stretching out her arm to hold up the door tiredly, lowering her gaze while feeling bad just looking at him.

A hand is placed by her cheek before she can say anything more, making her look up. Just when she is about to look at him, he presses his lips against hers. He kisses her so hard and in surprise that she looses the strength in her legs, and Honggi is fast to put his arms around her in a steel grip to press her against the door that keeps gliding up until it hits the wall. He keeps kissing her when not being pushed away; Hannah gives out some soft of half moan, half whine when it melts in her head that he is kissing her, but instead of actually pushing away she opens to respond to the kiss, deepening it. Honggi’s lips are soft, careful but lustful and needy, and his body is frozen in front of her while his lips are on hers, his head turning and tongue playing in . Hannah puts her arms around his neck, her hand in his hair and she is melting in his kiss. It’s strong, barely giving her chance to breath, but it makes her heart beat so strangely that all she can do is to follow him. Her chest is jumping and a part of her wants to slink down on the floor, get some air and get away from him, but most of her wants to keep him there, in her arms, kissing her.

Several minutes that feels like seconds passes before she realises what she actually is doing. Honggi and kissing should never go together. She keeps thinking of it, her mind a huge mess because of the kissing and she feels weak. Again she has to think of what she actually is doing, constantly being confused with what’s happening to what’s actually happening, getting lost in the kissing that she forgets for a moment that this is wrong. Her hands moves, starting to push him away while she keeps kissing him, her body just as confused as the rest of her. Her arms gets weak, unable to push him away and the kissing that started to get difficult because she was pushing him away has nothing holding it away again.

His fingers touches her face when she tries to say something, only then the kissing is calming down but he keeps giving her soft kisses for her to not get time to say anything. The kiss gets longer again, Hannah’s eyes closes so when he actually does stop to kiss her she still doesn’t open them. Honggi leans in to place his lips on her again.

“Don’t,” she stops him, just saying it, not doing anything, not even opening her eyes.

Both of them are out of breath from the kissing, their lips red. Honggi only then seems to realise that they have been kissing; he kissed her, and she kissed him. She didn’t push him away, not really. And she definitely did kiss him back, even holding him closer. Now she holds her hands up in the air, her arms against the wall to not touch him, and she isn’t opening her eyes. She is panicking, wondering what this means, wondering what she should do and what to say, having so many questions to herself and she regrets this so much that her heart that was beating fast because of the adrenaline from kissing changes to beat fast because it feels wrong, and the guilt is horrible. The corner of twitches when she thinks of Jonghyun. He will hate her.

Honggi tries to kiss her again but stops when sees that she starts to cry.

“I’m sorry,” she sobs, looking down.

Honggi lets his hands fall down on his sides, his shoulders dropping. “Are you sorry for loving me or for not wanting to love me?” he asks, his voice heart-broken once again.

“I love Jonghyun,” she whispers.

“You love me too,” Honggi answers. “You can’t keep on like this, Hannah. You can’t be with him while loving me too. It hurts me now, but it will hurt him later as well.”

“It’s not like you are trying to help me exactly,” Hannah mutters and looks up at him.

“What am I supposed to do? It’s not like you are denying anything either. You stay as his girlfriend but every ing time the two of us are together…”

“I can’t do this, Honggi,” Hannah interrupts him when he tries to find the right word. She puts her hands on his face, looking him right in the eyes. “I seriously do love you, honestly…”

She moves his hair lightly, her eyes looking so sad that he too gets a sad look in his face when placing his hands on her face too. She moves her face closer, closing her eyes when letting her lips touch his lightly. Her hands slowly fall away from his face when leaning back, her closed eyes tightens when he presses their lips against each other.

“I can’t love you both,” Hannah whispers to him when leaning away. “And I already made my decision.”

“No, you didn’t,” Honggi doesn’t believe her, shaking his head in front of her. “You didn’t make a decision; it was just proved. You kissed me.”

“You kissed me first,” Hannah defends her self, glancing towards Carolina who is still sleeping, keeping her voice low. “What do you want to hear me say? You know I love you; even Jonghyun seems to know it because the only person he gets jealous of is you. But I don’t know how to make things different and I can’t control my feelings, so what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to love me more. I want you to lie and hide from the world the same way you do with Jonghyun, to secretly take my hand in yours and smile at me the same way. You say he gets jealous of me and I can’t see what could possibly make him jealous. Fans imagine the two of us as a couple, but you keep saying it is impossible. Jonghyun has it; he has you, he is the one who actually gets to be part of your life the way I dream of. And all you do is breaking my heart, stomping on it and kissing it just to throw it down to stomp on it again.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Hannah sounds upset now. “You put yourself in this situation.”

“So you weren’t thinking of me before I came here now? You-”

He gets quiet as Carolina makes a sound. Hannah puts her hands on his chest, starting to lightly push him towards the door, stepping forward. “You must go,” she whispers to him.

“She’s sleeping, Hannah,” Honggi stops her, taking his hands on hers but she slinks her hands away. “You can’t leave me this confused. You love me and us kissing … didn’t feel wrong.”

“It is wrong and it won’t happen again. Forget about this night, please, please, just somehow forget it.”

“That’s impossible and you know it,” Honggi says with his voice straight and low.

“Then what are you expecting?” Hannah feels hopeless.

“I don’t know!” he hisses, not wanting to wake Carolina up but not knowing how to keep his voice down. “I’m a horrible friend to both you and Jonghyun but I can’t help it and I can’t care about it because all I want is you. It’s always been you, Hannah.”

Hannah wants to whine, sit down and cry, but she keeps standing and she holds on to his hands when he tries to hold on to her face again. “I don’t know what to say to you. Whatever I say, you won’t be satisfied,” Hannah whispers, trying to hold his hands so he can’t move his fingers to try entwine their fingers. “I want to be with Jonghyun, it won’t change.”

“You think he would like it if he heard that we kissed? It wasn’t just a kiss, Hannah, it-”

“You can’t tell him!” she whispers, her eyes suddenly wide at him.

“Why not? He should know how you are wavering between both of us, that-”

“You can’t,” Hannah whines, interrupting him again. “I’m not. I kissed you back, yes, but I am not … what you said-” she doesn’t know the Korean word he used though she know what it probably means, “- I told you that I have made my decision.”

“Then why did you kiss me?” Honggi asks, stomping with one foot out of irritation.

Hannah gets quiet, looking at him with an upset face-expression. He asks her again why she kissed him back but Hannah doesn’t know what to answer. His lips are pressed against hers again though this time she just closes everything – her eyes and mouth are tightly shut, not responding any way. Honggi leans way, irritated.

“Fine,” he says in a cold voice as he takes a step back too. “If this is how you want it to be, fine.”

The door closes behind him and for some reason she feels extremely empty when he has left.

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{Twitter, 5P_EM: 92-Line Reunion in Vietnam, Complete! (picture)}

The picture is of 5 Pieces’ Julia and Emelia along with FT Island’s Seunghyun and Minhwan and also Infinite’s L and 4 Minute’s Hyuna, backstage at the concert in Vietnam. The day has been awkward for Hannah, looking sad whenever Honggi walks by her without saying anything to her. He glares at her at times, but that’s all. He laughs and is friendly with everyone else, but he glares and looks sad or angry when looking at Hannah. Though he acts like that, all Hannah is worried about is Jonghyun. She wonders if he really will tell Jonghyun, and she is confused if she should tell him first or what she should do. Carolina had been sleeping the whole night, unaware of everything that had happened, and Maria who often is the first to notice some weird behaviour with Hannah is too sick to even notice the socks on her feet are two different types.

Maria’s voice is heard to be hoarse during their performance. She is taking medicine and is resting well, too tired from the cold to even be joking around in the back, but on the stage she is pretending she is healthy and well and she does surprisingly great during their live singing though her voice is hoarse – Maria gets proud over herself too, saying this is what makes her the amazing captain.

Right after the concert in Vietnam, the ladies head to Hong Kong to prepare for MAMA 2012 that is tomorrow. The flight isn’t even two hours long, but it gives Hannah enough of time to start to panic by that Jonghyun will be there – Honggi won’t, but she doesn’t know if the two of them have talked to each other. She seriously doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t even want to tell her members about it, knowing they will hate her or say she is playing around, and she doesn’t need to hear that. She keeps looking confused the whole day, panicking on the inside and when they finally get to reach the Hong Kong hotel (Hannah and Carolina shares room again), Carolina disappears to go meet some idol friends at the hotel while Hannah heads to Maria’s room.

Hannah tells her everything. All about the kissing, the talking, trying to explain her confused feelings, being asked about it more because Hannah is just simply said confused and there is no one better than Maria to talk to. Maria doesn’t hate her even after being told everything, but she says that Hannah is playing around with Honggi and Jonghyun – if it is the confusion of her feelings or not, Maria doesn’t judge she says – and she tells Hannah to tell one of them off, once and for all.

“I have done, over and over again. Honggi doesn’t listen,” Hannah whines. She is sitting tailor on the bed wearing a hooded zip-up cardigan in black with the sleeves in two different colours and a pair of sweatpants, a warm and cosy outfit and she is holding on to the edge of her sleeves in her palms to have something to keep her fingers busy with.

“You tell him you like Jonghyun more but still ends up kissing Honggi. He can’t take your words seriously then,” Maria answers as if it the easiest thing to figure out. “Your mouth actually tells him two different things and since he wants the one thing you say you don’t want, of course there is no stop to it all!”

“So what should I do?”

“Have absolutely no idea…” Maria mutters, coughing. “Honggi isn’t here, so wait until after MAMA to think about it though.”

Hannah nods, looking sad. “We should focus on tomorrow, right?” She sighs and Maria leans her head on her pillow in the bed, nodding tiredly.

Manager Kim returns to the room, Hannah and Maria gets awkwardly quiet by it just to start laughing by the rest of the ladies of their group entering after their manager. Because tomorrow is a nervous night, the girls gather together in one room to calm each other down – ending up making each other so excited that they can’t even fall asleep at the end. Tomorrow, Mnet Asian Music Awards will be, and it will be the second time 5 Pieces will appear together. They are excited and nervous, wanting to present themselves well at the red carpet as well as for their performance.

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Thinking of just MAMA isn’t hard: Especially not during rehearsals the next day. 5 Pieces is changing their performance, at least one part due to Maria’s cold – her nose isn’t running that much today as it has done the past two days, but her voice gets hoarse after performing half a song and is hurting a little – and Hannah is seriously panicking over her solo performance. She is sitting on the side in the audience, the place empty from fans but idols, celebrities and staff is present. Hannah is sitting where the idols will sit during the actual award show, and she is for the first time in her whole life biting her nails of nervousness. She doesn’t even react when someone sits down next to her; her eyes are stuck on the stage where SISTAR is rehearsing.

A hand is placed on hers, carefully making her put it down on her knee so she can’t bite on her nails and she finally looks at the person next to her.

“Your nails will be ruined if you do that,” Emelia says next to her in a low voice. “It’s the first time seeing you this nervous. Not even at our first concert you were this nervous.”

“That’s because you were next to me at that time,” Hannah mumbles and looks back on the stage. “That place is huge. The whole world will look at me.”

“You think too much,” Kangin mentions in a simple tone when sitting down next to Emelia.

Hannah pouts, not knowing if she thinks too much but she is definitely not thinking positively. Emelia sits next to her with a hand on her lap, telling Hannah to just drop everything on her mind and think that she is standing on stage with the other members once the rehearsal is starting. Hannah gets out of her seat after a while, waiting impatiently for her rehearsal while walking around and she is taking deep breaths over and over. Whenever meeting someone’s eyes – it doesn’t matter who it is – she is fast to look away, not able to keep her eyes steady. If this continues, she will faint on stage. What if she forgets the lyrics? Her voice might crack… By the time it is her rehearsal for [I CRY], her members are standing with her on the side. Emelia repeats to her to think of standing on the stage together, though the ladies won’t be standing there together. Maria, their sick leader, tells her she will do well. They know she hates being on stage alone, and Maria is almost regretting not convincing to perform the song together when seeing how nervous Hannah really is.

Sitting in front of the stage, also standing nearby the stage is other idols. When hearing [I CRY] is going to be rehearsed, many want to see it. Even Wang Leehom is visible, but what Hannah really starts to smile over when the rehearsal starts is that members of their SM Town family being present are spotted standing closest to the stage, making sure she sees them. Jonghyun even tells her to see it as a normal SM Town concert, just like last weekend. She is thankful seeing them wanting to make her more comfortable, but she doesn’t want to show to everyone there that she is freaking out to be performing alone.

Hannah’s voice is unsteady when she starts off singing and she looks down from nervousness. Her arms and hands are shaking so she has to hold on to the microphone with both hands. Starting off singing, she is worried she will mess up, but she reminds herself that it is her fourth year performing and she can’t disappoint her members as well as her SM Town family watching. She thinks of the song, the lyrics she wrote about a year ago and imagines that Taemin is playing the piano on the side, calming herself down. Her voice sounds nervous, she knows it does, but she keeps trying to imagine herself not being on MAMA but at a normal stage of [I CRY] with Taemin next to her, playing the music she hears. One hand drops the microphone and she sings while thinking it is the SM Town concert rehearsal – her SM Town family trying to make fun of her in front of the stage, Taemin handsomely playing the piano heard in the audio and the staff working hard to make her look her best on the stage.

It goes well. Surprisingly, Hannah thinks, but it isn’t as good as usually because she is too nervous. Once it’s over, she bows and runs of the stage – yes, she does run off the stage when hearing she can leave – and she runs straight in to Maria’s arms on the side, hiding her embarrassed face when saying she wants to go to the backstage room right now before anyone can make fun of her.

5 Pieces focuses a lot on their rehearsal. They practice backstage, going through the changes now when Carolina will do Maria’s part in the song changing and they look through their practice video to remind themselves of things. Nervous? Indeed! They still enjoy the time, talking to the other idols and some of their friends (Hannah nervous and awkward whenever Jonghyun is around) and they even get to greet, meet and talk to Wang Leehom and Adam Lambert.

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Hannah is wearing a pair of red wine fleece-lined cropped leggings to a loose long-sleeve top in black and a pair of high heels that matches her members. Her outfit matches her members with the dark colours. Her hair is long and lightly wavy and they have parted her hair in the middle for MAMA 2012, the blonde hair always standing out in the surrounding of Asians, even if other idols colours their hair she still manages to stand out. Sitting next to Hannah is Maria, who is extremely happy to not have to wear a dress at the moment – her slim figure is wearing a black padded shoulder long-sleeve blouse, fitting her body and a pair of black skinny jeans. She is totally black, her extremely long hair is brown and with a simple long gold necklace she looks stunning like always.

The ladies all look mature sitting next to each other at MAMA 2012; they are sitting by the stage, the show has already started and they are sitting with other artists. It is only at the beginning, Best Male Group is being awarded at the time Hannah looks over her shoulder to look behind them where f(x) is sitting. Hannah smiles and brings her hand over the chair’s backrest to take the hand that Amber reaches out for her and Amber leans forward to talk to her. Hannah’s smile grows when seeing fans just two meters behind wave towards her in hope she will see beyond Amber, and she sees them wave and takes her hand out from Amber’s to wave back before turning her attention back to the stage when Maria pats her lightly on the leg to get her attention as Big Bang is winning the award and the ladies claps their hands politely.

Best Female Group nominees are being showed. A small proud feeling is in the ladies when they see their own [Black & White] video show for 5 Pieces being nominated. Because they aren’t Koreans or even Asians, the ladies are getting super excited when seeing their faces and name among the nominees at award shows.

“And the Best Female Group award goes to … 5 Pieces!”

Hannah stands up while clapping her hands, laughing and drops the clapping to embrace her members and they are slightly congratulated by the other idols when hurrying up on the stage. Carolina takes a hold of Julia’s hand when they walk on the stage and Hannah trips along behind them, hurrying her steps to keep up and she bows either with her back or head before stopping next to her members on the stage. Carolina links her arm with her to make her come closer to the ladies standing next to each other and Emelia is the one talking, using Chinese to thank all the Hong Kong fans and then shifting to Korean to thank the usual SM Town family, fans, and so on. They are smiling and at the same time, sitting on the side, Super Junior’s Donghae whispers to s that the ladies are probably not even aware of that they won since they just keep smiling without looking surprised. Maybe they don’t show that they are surprised to win, but their smiles are so cute.

After sitting down in the audience again, 5 Pieces is having fun being part of the audience. Happy without being nervous about performing, they are enjoying watching the award show. Maria looks like she seriously is going to run up on the stage like a crazy fan-girl when Epik High performs dressed out as Batman villains that she has a big time crush on (especially Joker and Bane) and even the camera captures her unbeatable face-expression while enjoying the performance. The ladies though go totally wild cheering and congratulating first SHINee on their Best Dance Performance Male Group award, followed by f(x) winning the female group award. When SHINee wins first, the ladies are crowded by f(x) leaning forward over them to congratulate the boy-group too, the two girl-groups being a mess when wanting to congratulate them together.

While Roy Kim is performing, Hannah sees Emelia turning around and almost looking like she is going to fall back in the chair when trying to talk to some of the EXO members in the back. F(x) returns from being backstage with the award they just received and Hannah puts her hand up to do high five with them walking by and she is about to give out a whine when Krystal grabs her hand hard instead of hitting it for a high five. Krystal laughs and gives her some sort of hug to apologize if she did it too hard; she was just fooling around and Hannah just smiles.

The next award is being presented, the nominees showed. Hannah can hear her members shout out when Hannah’s [I CRY] comes up as the nominee for Best Vocal Performance Solo and Hannah looks at them before awkwardly laughing. She had no idea she was even nominated for such award, and she is curious if it is about how good the live performances are or if it is about something else.

Maria pats her on the leg and points over across the members for Hannah to look, and when she looks she sees Jonghyun and Taemin giving her the thumbs up, looking like two fools wanting to get some attention. She grimaces for answer and leans back in her seat, then laughs anyway of the awkwardness by how her friends are cheering her song on in such a category. They shouldn’t have their hopes up so much, like Hannah who just wish she can do the performance well. Thinking about it, her live performances aren’t that good, not compared to all the ballad singers like K.Will.

“Mnet Asia Music Awards,” actor Gong Yoo starts to say when looking at his card with a smile, “Best Vocal Performance Solo Award goes to … Hannah!”

The whole place goes out in cheering while Hannah gives off a scoffing sound, smiling in shock behind her hand and she looks at her members with the fast arriving tearful eyes. The tears appeared the moment she gave a reaction, as if they have been waiting to come out. Her members are getting up before her to cheer and congratulate her. Best Vocal Performance?

She bows when standing up, not knowing that it is her own members she is bowing to or Super Junior stepping forward next to them. Behind their chair, f(x) is congratulating her too and Maria turns Hannah around for her to head up on the stage, though Hannah is still hiding behind her hand and she looks like she really can’t believe what is happening. She can’t believe it either. What is going on? Suddenly appearing next to her, the two who had run around behind EXO to get around the congratulating group to get up next to Hannah and she laughs when giving Taemin and Jonghyun both a hug. Taemin gets a hug especially because he is probably a big thank for her getting an award with this song, and Jonghyun had followed along because he wouldn’t want to miss the chance to get a hug. Hannah looks confused when heading to the stage and she stumbles on the first step, her body feeling like it is shaking when she on her own is walking over to the actor and actress presenting the award. She is so close to crying, bowing to the audience when walking on the stage and she accepts the award with two shaky hands. [I CRY] is getting an award; her song!

“Oh…” Hannah breathes out when she reaches the microphone, looking out over the audience with vibrating lips. She smiles widely when hearing her SM family shout among the loud fans and it is so obvious that she is nervous and definitely did not expect this. Fans are shouting because she definitely can not hide her surprise and nervousness. She gives a small laugh over the cheer, the corner of her smile going up and down as she doesn’t really know how to control her expression. “First, I want to thank … oh, my ladies 5 Pieces, always, and SM Town family and Kyung Ho…”

Hannah looks like she is spacing out, definitely not looking like someone who has been performing for four years but she is so cute that even the idols and artists sitting there are unable to stop smiling.

“And, I also want to thank SHINee’s Taemin for helping out performing the song with me most of the time,” Hannah remembers and smiles when more cheers from the audience comes and the camera films Taemin happily standing up and clapping his hands for her, “also Lee Sooman teacher, Park Hyekyung and Pete, our managers and, huh, our fans Puzzle and everyone who have liked [I CRY]… Thank you!”

She bows one time when taking a step back, a second time to the right and a third to the left before she makes a fourth to the front again, holding on to the award tightly. Coming backstage, Hannah can’t close , her eyes getting teary anew. She gets to calm down herself with her breathing habit before walking out to take her seat again. Right when seeing her members sit there and cheer on Adam Lambert performing, Hannah bites her lip and when taking her seat she turns to get a hug from Maria right away as Maria noticed her coming. Emelia reaches over her first for Hannah to touch, not able to like get up and congratulate her again while they are sitting like this, but just seeing each other’s faces makes Hannah smile nonstop. That smile will not disappear yet in a while. She can’t get that her song got award for anything at all, and Best Vocal Solo, Maria says is about Hannah and not just the song. Hannah sits and hugs her friend’s arm while watching the performance – her smile doesn’t fade.

Not much later, it is EXO and SHINee’s turn to perform. SM family in the audience are wild, honestly, they are. Youngest EXO performs [MAMA] with all members, and Hannah is first sitting and just watching it as if she is spacing out again. She can’t help but to follow Maria in doing some random moves with her arms, pretending to be following along in the dance. F(x) is sitting and waving their hands with happy faces, and Carolina is doing the same while the random duo Hannah and Maria are the only ones pretending to be following along the dance with their arms. They scream at Tao’s jump though, like little fan-girls and they are having fun cheering their juniors on even more after that.

They are moving their heads and such during the time travel part of EXO performing an H.O.T song and DBSK song shortly. Maria looks seriously like a fool moving her shoulders during [Mirotic] and Hannah is sitting next to her and smiling while lip-synching some parts. They are doing well, their little juniors, and the ladies join in f(x) in cheering loudly for them. They also perform SHINee’s [Lucifer] and when SHINee is joining them, Hannah screams just as loud as the fans. It is good she is sitting next to Maria because these two are the same when it comes to cheering. They scream, wave their hands, they try to dance randomly along to the songs and they are having fun watching, and they are the same during SHINee’s performance of [Sherlock]. Hannah also giggles over Jonghyun’s red pants, making Maria tell her to not become a ert – Hannah promises she will never be. They are always doing so great and she feels like a little girl watching them with that smile. All about Honggi is forgotten; she loves the time at MAMA with her friends, the awards and performances.

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Headline 29th: Posters/Advertisement Of 5 Pieces Hannah’s 2nd Chocolate CF Seen Around Japan

Headline 29th: 1992-Line Reunion In Vietnam