“Emelia didn’t tell you?” Julia wonders.

“Tell me what?”

“She talked to them both, telling them to clear everything between them and using her talking skills or something, I don’t know how but within hours she told me that the first step is done,” Julia answers and shrugs her shoulders. “There are apparently a lot of unsaid things between you all; Jonghyun, you and Honggi.”

“So all of this is because of Emelia?”

“It’s thanks to Emelia,” Julia corrects her. “Jonghyun and Honggi were really good friends before, and you were too. Then that you and Honggi had this strange relationship with him constantly trying to date you and you constantly turning him down while you still were really good friends, that’s … that’s just strange. And then Honggi found out about you and Jonghyun, and the table got turned up-side-down.” She can see how Hannah is thinking like crazy. “Hannah, listen; Emelia probably told the boys that being friends is the best thing. She knows you-”

“She doesn’t know me,” Hannah mutters and without listening to anything more she stomps away, leaving another person sighing behind her.

Hannah heads straight back to the dressing-room; though she doesn’t forget to bow in greetings to the people she walks by. She looks inside the room, hoping to see Emelia back, but instead she sees Honggi and Jonghyun both in there. Honggi is sitting by the table while Jonghyun is standing up with his hands resting on a chair across the table. Both looks up when Hannah peeks inside and she is fast to enter, closing the door behind her without looking back or stopping her steps.

“What did she tell you?” she asks them both, glaring from one to another. “What did Emelia lie about?”

“She didn’t lie-”

“What did she say?!” Hannah has no patience and she is not in the mood of any strange answers. Honggi gives a sigh over it and she turns to Jonghyun only, waiting.

“This isn’t the place to talk about it on,” Jonghyun says and both of the boys can see she is almost shaking.

“You brought it to this place,” she growls at him. “What – did – she – say?”

Jonghyun glances at Honggi who quietly puts his hands together and Jonghyun stands up straight, looking at her again. But it’s Honggi who takes the word, not being in a rush to say the sentence at all; “She said that you need as many close friends as possible because you don’t have a place to return to.”

Hannah bites her lip, not saying anything while letting those words melt in. She knows what it means and she can feel her eyes getting teary. Both of the boys are watching her and she manages to nod, breathing out slowly. Her voice is low when she asks if she said anything more.

“Hannah…” Jonghyun whispers but she cuts him off in a strict voice, saying she wants to know.

Again it is Honggi who says something. “Emelia also said that it’s only three people outside the group that you have been able to tell everything to; that you have let inside your circle. One of them is your stylist, Yong Hyun… … and … the other two are us…”

She gives a weird sound, a sound that’s supposed to sound amused but she just sounds annoyed. “I bet she did…” she mutters before she looks at them again. “So this is all a joke? You are trying to fool me that you want to be friends or whatever and then what?”

“It’s not a joke,” Jonghyun tells her.

“It is a joke!” she cries out, not in a loud voice but not really quiet either. “You two are just being Emelia’s puppets and doing whatever she says, believes anything she says.”

“We’re not!” Jonghyun’s voice gets higher to make her stop. “Honggi and I talked yesterday, and yes it was Emelia who made us do it but it is not because of Emelia we managed to talk things through. Hannah, you keep saying that you don’t regret things from the past because it can’t be changed and that you have just one life so you should think of the present – not the past nor the future – well, wouldn’t you regret it if you lost one of your best friends because of the past?” He is hinting at Honggi.

“I won’t regret it,” she says, but her voice is low because of the tears in her eyes returning.

“You have always at lying,” Honggi says and you can see how she is about to snap at him again so Honggi is fast to continue; “You are right, Hannah, I have been horrible to you and you have kept giving me chances that I kept blowing up. I have been selfish and I have felt left outside, and I’m sorry for that.”

“It doesn’t change anything,” she shakes her head. “No matter what you say or do, it won’t change anything. You crossed the line, Honggi.”

“I know, I know that. But … But I am asking for a final chance. We have fun times together, as friends, and since …” he gives a glance at Jonghyun, clearing his throat before continuing, “and since we both know that we are part of each other lives, I don’t think we should waste it. I definitely know that I have been a huge selfish idiot for a while, I have been blinded, and you have no idea of how hard it is to admit it, but I really want to be your friend.”

It gets quiet again. Hannah turns to the side, not liking how both of them are looking at her for a response. “I can’t believe you are ganging up on me,” she sighs and hides her face in her hands. The seconds passes. She doesn’t know what to do. She wants to punch someone again, frustrated and confused. She can’t believe Emelia said those things to them, and she definitely can’t believe that Jonghyun and Honggi are together trying to change her mind. Honggi looks at Jonghyun who looks back at him, both mouthing for each other to wonder if they should say something more or what they should do. Hannah gives out a sigh and puts her hands on her hips when looking back at them. “Are you two really friends?” she asks.

“We’re working on it,” Jonghyun honestly answers. “I mean, we are friends, but we are working on all this … weird things, that has happened.”

“I punched you,” Hannah remarks with her eyes on Honggi.

“And I will always remember it as my wake-up call,” Honggi nods with a smirk. “It was a pretty good punch.”

“So we are all cool?” Jonghyun wonders. Hannah’s tone had changed…

“No,” she answers and Honggi’s shoulders sink. “I can’t forgive him for that, and not you either.”

“What have I done?” Jonghyun sounds shocked.

“You listened to Emelia,” she answers with a grimace but then looks at them both. “If you two wants to enter my circle-” she uses the words Honggi said Emelia had used, “- you will have to work for it and give it time.”

Honggi nods, agreeing on it as he sees it as a conclusion to that he has a chance while Jonghyun looks shocked again and asks if he isn’t already in the circle.

Maybe it sounds better between the three friends now, but Hannah sits down in the room, alone once again, and she is angry at another person this time. Everyone is coming back, one after one, and Hannah is quietly sitting in the sofa on her cell phone and not talking to anyone. She doesn’t know how it is between her and Honggi; are they friends or are they just awkward? She will know later, they will after all go to the drama awards together. She hates it. She hates the fact that everyone around her treats her like an open book, a language everyone can read, and she hates that they are using it against her. Why does Emelia tell them these things? Why does she keep interfering with things she said she doesn’t even want to exist? Is she trying to make Hannah forgive Honggi so they can be friends and Hannah will slowly get confused in which one of them she likes the most? That time is past. She knows she loves Jonghyun, that fool who actually listens to Emelia. Why do they listen to Emelia?

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Maria asks when falling down on her in the sofa, sitting next to Hannah. Hannah mumbles something, but Maria just leans back with raised eyebrows and in a funny, raised voice asks; “Say whaaat?” She has no idea of it Hannah is trying to contact aliens with that mumbling and death glare or if she is still angry at Honggi, but Hannah looks like she can throw her fist again anytime. “Is it still about Honggi?”

And just at that question, Emelia enters the room. With her eyes looking through the room it isn’t hard to find the girl sitting in the sofa and glaring straight at her. Emelia knows the reason for the glare, she isn’t stupid, and she knows she can’t just avoid it and bring it up after their schedules so she walks up to Hannah to take a seat on a chair next to the sofa.

“Are you going to scream at me?” Emelia asks in this really super annoying tone for Hannah’s ears, making the blonde-haired girl lean forward.

“WHY did you talk to them? Why the do you always have to pretend you even care about what’s going on between others and what the is wrong with you going around pretending you know me from inside-and-out and talk about things you shouldn’t even talk to me face to face about??” She isn’t screaming, she is pressing down her own voice, making it rough and hard, filled with irritation and anger and she doesn’t care about Maria shockingly saying her name.

“I solved it, didn’t I?” Emelia answers and Hannah is so close to throw something at her.

“You solved nothing! They solved it because they care about me, and they-”

“I care about you,” Emelia hisses with a special specification on ‘I’, firing up right away. “I talked to them because of You and I told them all those things because of You.”

“No you didn’t. You did it because you think you can get something from it. You always think like that. Unless you can get something out of it you don’t like it at all. You wouldn’t care if I broke up with Jonghyun but you would care if I said I don’t want to be Honggi’s friend, all because of what you want – what you want is all that you care about. That’s why you talked to them. I’m not completely an idiot, Emelia, and I have known you for eleven years. If you think you know me, then I should know you too. Your games don’t work on me anymore,” Hannah says and she can see how Emelia’s eyes are darkening while hearing what the youngest is saying. Maria is just quietly sitting next to them, not really knowing what is going on and maybe it is because she doesn’t know anything she doesn’t try to interfere. And it’s not like the two girls are screaming at each other. Their voices are low to not grab attention but their tones are saying even more than their words.

“You’re right: I did it because I think it is a mistake what has happened between you and Honggi,” Emelia confesses. She isn’t the kind to deny things. “I did it because I knew before anyone else that all of it was a ing huge misunderstanding and a mistake and I talked to Jonghyun and Honggi because I knew you wouldn’t listen to me. It’s about 5 Pieces and-”

“It’s not about 5 Pieces!” Hannah’s voice rose and she is fast to lower it again when getting glances from the room. “It is NOT about 5 Pieces. Everything in my life is not about 5 Pieces; just the same everything in your life isn’t about 5 Pieces. I can’t have friends if the people I trust can’t trust me. If you won’t let me solve my own problems and realise my own mistakes when it is NOT about 5 Pieces, how do you expect me to survive?”

“It is about 5 Pieces, you idiot.”

“This, is 5 Pieces,” Hannah is fast to say and she moves her hand to the people in the room. “Five Swedish girls, music and our fans – that’s 5 Pieces. 5 Pieces is not about a member’s boyfriend or friends.”

“But you keep making it part of 5 Pieces when bringing it backstage instead of taking care of it on your spare time.”

“This is my spare time! I don’t have a place to go back to where I can be just Hannah and take care of my personal issues; this is the life I have, where I can’t do things in private because there is no space or time for it.”

“Then quit it if you are so dissatisfied with it,” Emelia hisses. She leans back to let Hannah have the word but then leans forward again, almost spitting. “You don’t even like getting attention. You would choose to hide in a basement rather than standing in front of a camera. I don’t get why you even came along to Korea in first place.” She gives a shrug on her shoulders at the last part, leaning back again. “Oh please, are you going to cry because of that?”

“Emelia!”

“What?” Emelia lifts out her hands at Maria who called her name, and the attention in the room turns to them. Hannah is sitting and not knowing what to do. She wants to run away, but she doesn’t want to let Emelia have the last word, and Maria looks like she has never heard the two of them talk before.

“Fine,” Hannah ends up saying, having the two girls turning their heads to her. Hannah glares at Emelia. “Fine. I don’t like getting all the attention. I ask myself the whole time why I even considered taking the auditions when I hate being in front of cameras and I still have no idea of how I have managed to survive living like this for four years. But then I think of how my life would have been if I didn’t come to Korea, if I didn’t spend these four years the way I have done – do you think I would have done better? Do you even think I would have been alive? I see faces of people saying they love us every single day; people that think We are great, that we have talent and that we are giving out a message, and I think that I could never have spent these four years happier than what I have. I am not dissatisfied. I am happy to be alive, and because I am the happiest when I am on stage with 5 Pieces I can’t help my personality to come out when I’m not with the four of you. Yes, I would choose to hide in the basement rather than being in front of cameras, but because of you I don’t do it.” A tear falls down on her cheek without her wanting it and it makes her take a second to breathe, but she doesn’t look away from Emelia. “If you keep saying you know me, you should know that.”

Emelia gives out a sound with her tongue, looking away just for half a second before looking back at Hannah. “You are probably one of the most stupid people I know of,” Emelia says, her voice soft, her eyes red. She moves her chair to sit closer, her knees touching Hannah’s and she doesn’t care about that the others in the room are quietly looking at them. “I know that about you. But you said I don’t care and that I talked to those other idiots because of me. I wouldn’t even care about what they do if it wasn’t that they mean a lot for you. You know what I said to them, don’t you? Then you should know that I only said that because I know how important it is for you to be surrounded by people that won’t abandon you.”

She is pouting, Hannah is. Pouting and wiping away tears before they can fall down from her eyes. She has nothing more to say, and when she keeps looking down Maria keeps figuring that out because she puts her arms around Hannah for a hug from the side.

“I have no idea of half the things you two just have said to each other, but Hannah made Emelia cry and I am forever happy,” Maria says, being her usual self and by her words Hannah looks up at Emelia to see that she is crying. Far in the other part of the room, Julia and Carolina look at each other with questioning looks. They just heard the end of the whole scene, so they have no absolutely idea of why Emelia and Hannah were so angry at each other.

For some reason, there is no apology or more things said between them. Their stylists and manager keeps looking strangely at them, not either knowing what happened, and Hannah for some unknown reason spend the rest of the rehearsal blushing whenever Emelia comes up to her because Emelia doesn’t say anything but just embraces her for a hug – the whole time. It doesn’t matter where they are, the moment Emelia sees Hannah she walks up to her to give her a hug, a long or short hug, and according to Maria it is their rapper’s way to apologize. Hannah knows nothing about Emelia apologizing through hugging, which maybe is why she keeps blushing by the intimate moments that she never expects will happen, but she still likes it.

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“Don’t look so uncomfortable,” Hyejong giggles and pushes Hannah’s hand away from pulling in the purple fabric.

Hannah bites the inside if her lip, glancing around at the people sitting by the tables around the table she has been seated by. SBS Drama Awards has already started and Hannah is wearing a satin panel mesh-overlay cocktail dress. It is a beautiful dress, revealing her arms and shoulders and it goes down to her knees, which she now when sitting down is trying to cover by constantly tracing her hands over the satin fabric of the dress, straightening it out over her legs. Hyejong sitting next to her won’t stop smiling over it, jokingly tells her ‘welcome to my world’ by meaning that everyone is nicely dressed in beautiful dresses and looking extremely formal. It is different from the award shows Hannah has attended before; usually dressed in her stage outfits, which beside from last year for [I Love You] never were a dress. She keeps touching her hair too, making sure it falls down her back that isn’t really covered at all, the dress only covering below her shoulder blades. It’s great she has hair extensions, her thick hair able to cover her back with a few locks still hanging down over her s.

She takes a deep breath with another nervous glance at the surrounding. Actors and actresses; she sees Lee Minho, Kim Sang Joong and even Park Yoochun, and there are just really amazing actors and actresses there. Hannah had arrived to the award show on the red carpet with Honggi and Mat and she is now sitting with the two of them as well Hyejong and Hyunsuk; all five members of the Midnight Dream band together.

Honggi gives a smile sitting on her left side, seeing how she is glancing around. He leans just lightly to the side towards her.

“Breathe out,” he whispers to her and Hannah does as she is told, “and breathe in… breathe out…”

She ends up smiling when he continues. “I know how to breathe, Honggi.”

“Just making sure,” he says and she gives a soft smile at him. It did calm her a little; slowly breathe in and out as he instructed her.

Actor Lee Deok Hwa, one of the older faces that Hannah definitely recognizes though she hasn’t seen many of his movies and dramas but more that she has seen him at other events and he also was a guest on Running Man, is the first one to present an award. She smiles the moment he greets everyone in this really nice hoarse voice that she likes and Honggi smiles next to her because in just a second her nervousness changed because of the actor on stage. He will present the New Star award, which is given to a bunch of the new actors/actresses of the year; Hannah has studied the awards well because it is her first time attending.

First to be called is Minho – yes, SHINee’s Minho – who is sitting at the table in front of where Hannah is sitting. F(x)’s Sulli and SNSD’s Yuri are also there, and everyone formally claps their hands while the fans in the back are cheering. Hannah happily claps her hands when Hyunsuk’s name is called and he gives a smile when standing up, nicely dressed in a black suit and he bows with his hand on his stomach and heads up to join the others on the stage.

“The beautiful Hannah,” Lee Deok Hwa calls up and it is Hannah’s turn to smile and get up. She doesn’t forget to bow to the amazing actors and actresses sitting by the tables she walks by while a female voice is saying something about her acting in the drama Midnight Dream. They knew about this award beforehand, which is why Hannah isn’t so surprised and she prettily stands in the line with the others that have been called up. Hyejong gets called up too.

She is smiling widely, bowing and shaking the hand of the actor when she receives a small bouquet and the award that he hands out to everyone and she then stands there and listens to everyone taking turns to say their speeches. Hannah listens at Minho saying his, and her mind goes off to wonder what she will say. Manager Lim made her prepare beforehand just in case but she spaces out, not even remembering the name of the drama producer all of a sudden. The moment she remembers it she sticks to that name while trying to remember more people and when her time finally comes she starts off with a wavering voice, glancing down at the award in her hands and she looks over the audience while continuing to simply thank all the people that helped her for the drama – producer, the staff, the cast, she says the names of teachers that helped her with acting and talking, managers, stylists, her members and fans, and the seniors and friends that helped her out too (she said Kyung Ho’s name in it all too) – and she ends by saying it is an honour to receive an award for her first drama where she learnt a lot and had a lot of fun and she bows simply before stepping back to her position.

Hannah is back in her seat after being backstage, and she is again nervously sitting there.

Half an hour later she is sitting there with blushing red cheeks while seeing different kissing scenes from different dramas showing on a screen, and the current one is showing the kissing scene with Hannah and Honggi from their drama. She glances at Honggi when a small screen next too is filming the two of them and fans in the back are screaming out loudly, making it really difficult to not laugh. Someone even whistles in the back.

What comes next for Hannah, after sitting and watching the awards being presented, is to head backstage and get changed in to her Ann clothes. Midnight D is once again performing, this time performing their drama song [Midnight Dream]. When they start off performing, Hannah is so nervous that she just looks at the cameras filming. She thinks it is the fans that cheers that makes her get more comfortable, or because her voice sounds surprisingly good, but she thinks she performs pretty well. The place is filled with actors and actresses and most of them think that it is impressive to have the popular 5 Pieces’ Hannah both getting award and performing on the stage tonight, and they are nodding along to the song. One of the actors even gives his seating-friend the thumbs up.

{Twitter, 5P_HANNAH: Backstage before the performance at SBS Drama Awards, the final Midnight Dream of the year! (picture with Hyejong in pretty dresses)}

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“And the second Best Couple Award goes to Lee Honggi and Hannah from the drama Midnight Dream,” actor and MC Lee Dong Wook announces and fans are having a blast in the back while Honggi gets up on his feet, placing a hand on Hannah’s shoulder for her to get up too. For some reason she finds it amusing and she keeps smiling, half laughing, behind her hand when heading up on the stage to receive the award together with the first acting couple announced for the award.

Hannah gets a surprise when receiving the award. She thought they had to share one award but it is in fact four awards handed out to them, just so they all can get one each, and Hannah laughs behind her flowers when stepping back to let the others talk first since they are expected to say something. Honggi smiles at her, not looking like he expected something like this either, and he asks her if she wants him to do the talking. She nods, unable to stop smiling so all he can see is her eye-smile looking up at him behind the flowers.

It is their turn and when stepping up to the microphone stand, someone in the audience calls out ‘ppoppo-hae’ which receives some supporting cheers and it makes Hannah – who has taken down the flowers of course – blush, because it means ‘a kiss’. Honggi’s awkward laugh is heard through the microphone. He gives a smooth thank you speech, an awkward speech and he glances at Hannah, not really knowing what to say for receiving such an award and when they are done, the two MCs wants to like interview them. Hannah stands there and is so awkward, not knowing if she should turn around and laugh or if she should start pressing her warm cheeks, but in the end she just stands there and gives a difficult smile.

“Then I would want to ask the HongAh couple,” the female MC says and looks at her papers. Honggi smiles when hearing the nickname, “the two of you got a lot of attention for working together in the drama because you were already known for being such good friends before the filming; was it easy to act as a couple in the drama because of your friendship or was it awkward? Please tell us about it, Hannah-shii.”

“Um…” Hannah says and when looking up at Honggi standing between her and the MC she gives a giggle. “I think it was easier and fun most of the time, but some scenes were definitely awkward.”

“Who was the most nervous for the kissing scenes?”

They both give each other a glance and Hannah motions for him to answer. “It would be really fun to say that Hannah was the most nervous, but I think I was more nervous. Maybe because Hannah is younger and because I have had acting experience before, she would maybe expect me to kind of lead…” he starts off saying, going off track at the end and Hannah laughs when fans are shouting how cute they are. “Both of us were nervous, so I tried to make the mood better by telling jokes and making Hannah laugh. But I don’t know if it worked though…”

With a laugh he leans back, finishing it off like that. When they are able to walk off the stage, Hannah is laughing again and Honggi laughs over how awkward they must have looked.

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