The car stops outside 5 Pieces apartment. Jonghyun lowers the volume on the radio, where 5 Pieces’ song [-erase you-] just starts to play, and he rests his elbow by the windowsill of the car-door on his left, having that manly feel about him while Hannah sitting next to him with her hands clasped together on her lap after removing the seatbelt, stiff as a statue. This car ride has been awkward and silent, the two of them listening to the radio.

Jonghyun lets his arm reach over from the door’s windowsill to the steering wheel, tapping on it soundlessly with the tip of his fingers. He doesn’t have a melody as his head is almost spinning by the thoughts messing up in there. It’s obvious that Hannah has done something wrong, she has only glanced at him two times during the ride and both times she looked like she was going to break down and her whole voice has been shaking when he has asked her some basic questions he always asks her. She is holding her hands together in tight fists, and while she is looking like she is panicking on the inside and outside, Jonghyun looks completely relaxed on the outside while he is a huge mess on the inside. He has waited for her to say something, to bring up the right subject; he is waiting for it now too when they are outside the apartment, but Hannah seems to be totally lost.

“Goodnight,” she whispers and in a hurry gets out of the car.

He grabs the steering wheel with his whole hand when she leaves, biting together and under the long-sleeve sweater his muscles are straining. She is walking away from the car, her head down, while he is waiting. Hannah has just reached the door to the apartment building when Jonghyun opens the door of his car, stomping outside and rounding the car, following her. She doesn’t seem to notice as she opens the door and takes a step inside before she turns around like he has seen her do before when he has dropped her off; she sees if he has driven away. Her mind has so many voices talking to her that she hadn’t heard the car-door slamming shut and when she turns around now, Jonghyun walking with heavy and fast steps up to her she gets such a shock that she jumps and backs away. In the shock of him approaching her, his face hard and angry, she is looking up at him and he can for the first time for the past two days see her face looking at him. It never was MAMA that made her look so worried, tired and out of focus when he has seen her before, it was the fact that she had kissed Honggi and she couldn’t bare to meet Jonghyun’s eyes that made her like that. He remembers her voice when she had whined for Maria in the corridor not long ago; she had whined about how she didn’t want to confront Jonghyun about cheating because she doesn’t want him to hate her but she wouldn’t be able to live not telling him. She just now left him without saying anything about it – does that mean she can live without telling him?

“You were really going to leave without saying anything?” Jonghyun asks when taking the last steps up to her. His pace is too fast so when he comes up to her he puts his hand on her shoulder to not let him self walk in her while slowing down, and instead makes her take two steps back before his feet have stopped, “The whole ride I have waited for you to bring it up, to be the one explaining it to me. Not a single word has been said while you look like you are in a fright.”

“He told you? Honggi told you?” she stutters, leaning back to not stand too close.

“Does it matter? What matters is that you got out of my car, telling me ‘goodnight’ without a single word that you kissed Honggi!” His voice got higher when saying the last part, his face grimacing and Hannah too makes a face when he says it.

“I can explain-”

“Can you? Can you really explain the reason why you kissed Honggi when I’m your boyfriend? If you REALLY can explain that to me, fine, do so.”

Hannah’s eyes are big when he gets quiet. She can’t explain it and he knows it. He hates the fact that they have kissed, just a few days ago, and he can’t understand why she would kiss him at all. Well, he knows that she likes him, but if it is as she said to Maria that Jonghyun could’ve been her first love; then why would she kiss Honggi? The look on her face shows that she regrets it, but it doesn’t explain why she did it. Jonghyun puts his hands behind his head, elbows pointing out and he almost takes a turn, his face-expression shows how upset he is and he keeps his hands on his head when looking at her, frustrated and upset.

“Why did you kiss him, Hannah? Why?” he asks with teary eyes, not understanding it at all.

“He kissed me,” Hannah whispers, starting to cry. She can’t believe she did such a thing. He rolls his head around and Hannah is fast to continue. “It wasn’t like … that. He wouldn’t stop talking about my family, saying a lot of things without knowing anything and then … and …”

“He kissed you?!”

“I told him he isn’t my boyfriend so he shouldn’t talk like that!” Hannah bursts out, not planning to tell him anything about that she felt so bad that she hugged Honggi. “He didn’t kiss me.”

Jonghyun’s hands fall down on his sides. “So what, you never kissed…?”

Hannah lowers her eyes, speaking in a low voice. “He came later to our room, and … he kissed me.” She grabs his arm when he looks to fire up. “I got shocked! I was tired and confused and there were so much going on and he kissed me.”

“And you didn’t push him away?!”

“I tried!” Hannah cries. “I’m not strong, Jonghyun.”

“You are strong! You could wrestle down half of the male idols that don’t go to the gym frequently,” he screams at her, grabbing her wrists and holding on to her when she tries to get out of his grip.

“Honggi goes to the gym and you know that!” she cries out for him. “Let me go.”

Jonghyun pushes her to the wall, pinning her against it by holding her arms there with a steel grip. Hannah cries quietly. No matter how hard his muscles are flexing, his grip of her wrists aren’t harder than as if he would hold her hand when walking side by side down a street. It doesn’t hurt on her wrists, but she doesn’t like it. She leans back against the wall when he gets closer to her, his face by hers, and with a low, rough voice he speaks, making the hair in her neck stand. “Did you kiss him back when you couldn’t push him off?”

She cries more, lowering her head and she can hear that he is crying too, leaning his forehead at the side of her head with her hair in his face.

“I can’t trust you,” he whispers in her hair, his nose running while crying. “I can’t trust you because you are so naïve when it comes to guys. I try to trust you, I want to trust you, but every time you mention Honggi … I just can’t. And you are so damn naïve when it comes to guys; you are so clueless. But it’s always Honggi. Why? Why does it always have to be Honggi you mess up with? Why can’t…”

He gets quiet with a sigh and Hannah bites together when his grip of her wrists loosens, letting her go without him leaning away, and she closes her eyes with the tears falling when his hand is placed by her neck, her hair in the way for him to touch her skin. She just stands against the wall, still and just sobbing with the tears rolling when he leans his head back, placing his other hand by her neck too, and his hands holding up her face so she looks at him when opening her eyes. She closes her eyes again, opening them a few seconds later when she can hear his lips part in front of her.

“Why can’t you just stay away from him? Why just can’t you do that?” he asks her, shaking his hands as if he wants to shake her, but he doesn’t hold on to her like that so her head doesn’t move.

“You think I wanted to kiss him?” Hannah asks, the tears almost stopping by now.

She is about to continue when he interrupts her. “So you didn’t want to kiss him?”

“No!” she screams before he can say something more, shocked by his question, hurt by it. “I didn’t want to kiss him! I don’t want to kiss him! I don’t know what happened that night. I avoided it but then he surprised me and I had no idea of what I was doing! I told him I don’t want anyone else but you, and I still messed everything up! That’s what I do. I mess everything up because I can’t express myself and I did the most horrible thing I possible do.”

“Then try,” Jonghyun says while biting his teeth together, holding her tight with one hand at the back of her neck. “Try to express yourself to me. Try.”

“I can’t,” Hannah cries.

“You aren’t even trying.”

“I have tried! I have tried for more than two years!” She cries more when he takes his hand away from her, the warmth from his breath disappears when he steps back. He looks hurt, his own tears keeps rolling down his cheeks and his chin is shaking when he looks at her. She won’t say anything. Not a single word to even try to tell him anything.

“Then…” Jonghyun breathes, holding out for it, not wanting to say it and he ends up looking away from her. “This won’t work.”

He hesitates when Hannah looks up at her. Her face is mixed of her clear skin with the redness from the crying, her eyes completely red and tears have created a flood down her cheeks. Her lips are wet from the tears. Her lips that Honggi touched recently with his own: the lips that should only be touched by Jonghyun. Thinking of that makes him walk away without hesitation. When opening the door he can hear her say his name one time, but he doesn’t look around. He walks to his car, tears falling down so his sight gets blurry. He drives away fast, not wanting to see her, not wanting to hear her call his name, not wanting to think anything about them – them, that doesn’t exist together anymore.

Hannah has fallen on the floor after calling for him, seeing him leave. Her crying echoes in the entrance of the apartment building as she is lying on her knees, leaning forward with her head and arms on the floor, crying uncontrollably. On her left hand, on the ring finger, she has two silver rings. One that she shares with 5 Pieces, a ring that shows off their friendship and promise to be 5 Pieces; and one that is the couple ring Jonghyun gave her.

She doesn’t know for how long she lies there, crying endlessly. All she knows is that her heart keeps pumping uneven in her chest and the tears aren’t stopping, her breathing is weird and her whole body is hurting. She stumbles up on her feet, falling back down to sit on her heels when an outburst of crying comes back. Her nose keeps running and she doesn’t know what is what. On the second try to stand up she manages to sway over to the elevator, getting inside and falls back down on the floor to cry.

Is this it? Has they broken up? Is this what it feels like? She knows it is her own fault. She ruined it, she always ruin things. But never has her heart hurt this much. Not even when being in the car-accident, not when waking up and she couldn’t move her body; her heart never felt like this.

Somehow, and with some time, she enters the apartment. Ace gets so happy to see her, but Hannah just walks by. She goes inside her bedroom and falls down on the floor, grabbing the quilt from the side of the bed and pulls it down while crying loudly. She hates herself; how could she do this? How could she treat him like that? She hates that she still think this is right. If she kissed Honggi, it is only right for Jonghyun to break up with her. She doesn’t deserve him, she deserve to be in pain as she is in now. She cries while holding the quilt to her heart that is hurting so much that the rest of her body is hurting too.

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“Just go to bed and be quiet,” Emelia sighs when entering the apartment after the late radio program. She sounds tired and Maria coughs while throwing her shoes off. Carolina is talking though, to Julia apparently as the other two members doesn’t seem to care. Manager Kim just dropped them off before leaving, so it is just the four ladies coming back to the dark and quiet apartment.

Emelia calls out for Ace, wondering where their cat is and Maria coughs again, her footsteps coming over to the bedrooms before she gives a light sound to Ace coming out from Hannah’s room. “Is that were you are hiding, darling? Is our baby awake too?” Maria cutely asks while picking up the kitten to her arms, hugging him while heading over to the door that is slightly open, leading in to Hannah’s room. She peeks inside the room with just her head, seeing Hannah lie in her bed. She is laying the wrong way with her feet where her head should be and the quilt is strangely lying over her as if she has been moving around a lot. “Hannah, did you talk to Jonghyun?”

No response.

Maria gives Ace a kiss on the fur when walking inside the room, whispering for the kitten that she might be sleeping. She rounds the bed and bends her knees to try seeing Hannah’s face, but the girl turns her head against the bed to hide, but Maria saw. She gives out a sound before dropping down Ace on the floor, going down on her knees by the side of the bed.

“Hannah, what happened?” she whispers, placing a hand on the quilt. “Hannah…? Please talk to me…”

It looks like Hannah is shaking her head; she does something at least without saying anything and she pulls the quilt over her head. But her body isn’t still, Maria notices; she is crying.

“Magnae! You missed some incredible time with Younha,” Carolina jumps inside the room while singing, jumping up on the bed to lie over Hannah. “Did you miss our presence?”

“Carolina, shut up,” Maria growls at her and pushes her off the bed before returning with that soft voice to the youngest. “Hannah, talk to me. Tell me how it went… He didn’t forgive me?”

“He broke up with me,” Hannah cries and Carolina, who had been sulking on the side for Maria’s bad behaviour, drops her face.

“He did not!” Maria can’t believe it. “Because of that? Did you tell him how much you regretted it? You have done other things that he has forgiven you for! Hannah!”

Maria leans over to her when hearing her cry more and Carolina looks confused, asking why he would break up with her. Emelia peeks inside, asking what the crying is over and Carolina answers in her surprise that Jonghyun broke up with Hannah. “He did WHAT?! HOW DARE HE?!”

“It’s my fault,” Hannah pouts under the quilt, the tears won’t stop.

“The hell it is! You-”

“Honggi and I kissed!” Hannah answers when sitting up, giving her members a face that is covered in water – its tears. She looks like a complete mess and Emelia leaves the room when seeing it. Julia is standing by the door to the room, asking quietly why they did that while glancing after Emelia. Hannah covers her face in her hands, not wanting to show her face, not able to take the guilt, and she lies down again to hide under the quilt. Emelia comes back and the girls get a shock to see her wearing her jacket again.

“Ya, where are you going?” Maria asks and Hannah looks up anew.

“What do you think? I’ll go kick that idiot’s face off as I told him I would do two years ago if he hurt her! He has made her cry enough of times already-”

“Don’t be stupid!” Maria bursts out as Hannah lies down again, unable to stop the crying. “Hannah is old enough to shout at him all by herself. And beside, she was the one making the mistake so he should not be the one at fault. This is their problem to solve.”

“Are you hearing yourself?!” Emelia shouts and then points at Hannah. “Did you see her face? Can you look at her face and say that she can take this?! We should never have let it start from the beginning! We swore to look out for each other, and this is what we let happen? I don’t know about you, but I can’t take anyone of you being hurt.”

“I hurt myself, Emelia,” Hannah says under the quilt. “Go to bed.”

“You are hurt because you like two guys at the same time and you can’t handle it and NO I am not going to bed!”

“Leave my room!” Hannah shouts, sitting up again and she points for them all to leave.

“Hannah…” Maria whispers but Hannah just lies down – the right side this time – with her quilt thrown over her. Julia grabs Carolina’s arm to make them leave, and Maria hesitates before she leaves. Emelia is pushed out too, and after the door has been closed Hannah can hear them arguing outside it.

She continues to cry by herself. Her members doesn’t care that she is hurt because she loves him, and some part of her wishes she didn’t care either. She wishes she didn’t love him; that she could just take this behind her and continue to work and have fun with her members. But she can’t. She won’t. She won’t put it in the past, she won’t think of Jonghyun in another way than her boyfriend, now when she has started to get used to it and she definitely can not live if she can’t think of him that way. The whole night she lies and cries, the tears just stopping for a short time before they come back. She keeps writing a text-message for a long time, writing and re-writing and she cries and she tries to write it again… In the end, she just takes it all away and hides under her pillow to cry even more.

Maria can’t sleep. She keeps thinking of Hannah. Their youngest is still the youngest; she might be the only one who has had a real boyfriend, but she is still the most innocent and clueless among them. How that works, she doesn’t know, but that’s how it is. Somehow they had managed to calm Emelia down, or at least let her wait until morning, but while listening to the surrounding now Maria doesn’t think it will be better in the morning. Hannah maybe did the mistake of letting Honggi kiss her, but there is no way that Maria can just try to sleep in the room next too and let her be all alone like this.

Getting out of bed, Maria is wearing a yellow frilled tank top with matching shorts, her hair messy after that she has been rolling around in bed, thinking of what to do. She leaves her bedroom quietly to not wake up the others, and she walks by Carolina’s room, not looking inside the dark bedroom when passing it and rounding the corner to where Hannah’s room is. And she stops.

“What are you doing?” she hisses quietly.

Standing by Hannah’s closed door she sees Carolina, wearing her bright pink pyjama set with heart-dotted top and pants. If the outfit was red she would look like Santa Claus’ wife at night. Carolina is standing with her hands together, looking nervous fiddling with her fingers and her face-expression is so foolish for Maria. Behind Carolina, further down the corridor, also Julia is coming, she too dressed in her nightwear of t-shirt and a sweatpants.

“We can’t let her cry like this,” Carolina whispers, sounding like she is going to cry too. “Emelia already went inside.”

Maria looks surprised and just hearing that Emelia has gone inside she opens the door – fast but as quiet as she can – and when getting inside the room the other two follows. Emelia is lying on the bed, next to her just a pile of quilt is seen, beside from a pair of feet pointing out. Hannah is still wearing her socks, Julia notices and she follows Maria around the bed to get on Hannah’s side. Emelia looks up at them when they arrive and she shakes her head for them to not say anything, but she moves up to sit with her back against the wall to let the others fit in the wide bed. Hannah keeps crying under the quilt, not stopping, and the ladies doesn’t do anything else but to try to fit comfortably on the bed, just to let her know that they are there. Carolina gives off a small sound and Emelia almost kicks her with her foot, giving a questioning glare to why Carolina is crying a little. Carolina can’t help it. Hearing Hannah cry so much under the quilt is horrible.

It’s still slightly amazing how a person can cry for so long. Just when they think she has stopped crying, Hannah starts to give off sounds that startle them all and she starts to cry again. Emelia is rubbing her hand on the quilt over Hannah’s back whenever it happens. Maria leaves after a while, going to her cell phone where Key has been texting and calling her. She is gone for half an hour, her voice heard even if she goes as far away as possible in the apartment to not be heard. You can’t hear what she says, but you can hear that she is talking.

“I don’t care if he is making you unable to sleep with his crying, we have the same situation here,” Maria’s voice is tight as she wants to use a high voice to shout at Key to not complain but she can’t use a high voice because of those in the bedroom. “Yes! She has been crying hysterically for hours. I have never seen her like this… … Well, he was at fault too, don’t you think? … Yes, he was! Hannah was taken by surprise and she did push Honggi away, so what’s the big deal? It’s Honggi he should be angry at, not Hannah- Oh, screw you too, Kibum!” Maria hung up like that, just to have someone call back a minute later. “Minho, you are an angel if you give the phone to Jonghyun, I need to talk to him… … Just give him the phone then … … Just put the ing phone by his ear!”

Emelia comes out from the bedroom hearing her shout, and she stomps up to Maria while waving her hand to get the phone. Maria curses at her to stay away, turning away from her as Minho says the phone is on speaker near Jonghyun, so she can talk how much she wants. Maria gets quiet first, grimacing as she can hear Jonghyun cry.

“Now you listen to me, Jonghyun,” Maria starts off in her mother-like voice. “Listen and shut up, because I got some things to tell you.”

She is just about to continue when a *beep* sound is made and she looks at the cell phone in her hand with huge eyes.

“HE HUNG UP ON ME?!” She turns back to Emelia. “HE ING HUNG UP ON ME!”

Minho calls her back though when noticing what Jonghyun did, and Carolina leaves the bedroom too as she can’t just lie there and listen to the voices going higher and then lower and she still can’t hear what they say. Emelia comes back, lying down next to Hannah to hug her through the quilt, hugging her and closing her eyes as if she wants all of it to disappear. She doesn’t want Hannah to cry, she doesn’t want Maria to shout at their friends, she wants Jonghyun to cry and feel bad, but she doesn’t want things to be like this. And Hannah won’t stop crying. She just simply doesn’t stop. The noise continues out there, Maria is firing up on first Minho and then she gets to talk to Onew, calming down when talking to him.

Soon it gets quiet. Everyone need sleep, and though Hannah doesn’t sleep nor does she stop crying much either, the other ladies are so tired that they fall asleep eventually. Emelia and Julia falls asleep on Hannah’s bed, and when they have fallen asleep, Hannah peeks out under the quilt. The sheet she has rested her face on is drowned with tears, her sleeves on the cardigan she is still wearing is covered in tears too just as her face and her eyes are swollen. She whimpers and lies down her head again, not having the strength to keep it up. She sees Emelia lying next to her, using a pillow against the wall to almost sit up. Julia is lying sideway at the end of the bed, so if Hannah moves her feet a little too much she might kick her in the face. Hannah wipes her nose with her sleeve, closing her eyes in a try to not start cry again. She can’t take this. Her heart keeps hurting so much, as if she has been wounded and the wound keeps aching so much that she can’t stop crying. How will she continue to live without him? How can she possibly spend another day without being able to smile when thinking of him? It’s like she can’t breathe. She knows that she told herself, Jonghyun did it too, that they would never let their relationship get before their members, their work. That was the only reason her own members as well as SM Entertainment let them continue their relationship. Lately all that talk has been rubbish; it has been delusions of the truth that she can’t hide, she has avoided it because she loves her members and she doesn’t want to loose them, but to loose Jonghyun, what point would it be to have everything else? She won’t be able to work, to be with her members and smile, how can she do that?

Is it really over? This is what it feels like when … when … when it ends?

But it can’t end. How could it? How…?oHo

Hannah hides herself under the quilt when the others are starting to wake up, getting ready for the day slowly. They go to Hannah’s room over and over, trying to see how she is doing and trying to talk to her, not succeeding though. If Hannah says something, she is telling them to leave her alone. It continues like that until Manager Lim arrives. Maria called him – she couldn’t help but to call him when she woke up and couldn’t get Hannah out of bed – and he comes earlier than he should have just because he isn’t a complete fool in thinking she will be ready.

“Hannah, get up,” Manager Lim says when entering the bedroom, walking up to the bed to try removing the quilt over her. Hannah holds on to it tight, not getting up. “Get out of bed, shower and get dressed. You have a schedule.”

“I’m not going!” she cries under the quilt.

“Are you going to let a boy make you fail your fans? What about 5 Pieces?” he asks her, knowing that the other ladies have tried about the same thing.

“I’m not going!”

“HANNAH!”

“I’m not going!”

“Appa, stop,” Julia says by the door when he is about to do something. “It won’t work. We tried it already. She doesn’t care about us.”

“She’s heart-broken, Julia,” Manager Lim tells her, looking sad at the girl by the door. “Jonghyun hurt her.”

“I hurt him,” Hannah corrects him under the quilt. “I ruined everything.”

“Hannah,” Manager Lim says when sitting down behind her on the bed, having that voice of a father she never had back in Sweden. “You did not ruin anything. You are young and make mistakes to learn from them. Isn’t that what you girls always say? You make mistakes to learn from them, it is the same thing now. Maybe it feels like you can not go on at this moment; you are hurt, but don’t let a boy keep you crying like this when it is just part of life and living. Today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life, you will meet other boys, fall in love-”

“I won’t,” Hannah interrupts him, still under the quilt, “I won’t love anyone else.”

“Hannah,” he sighs, “first it was Honggi and now-”

“I don’t care about Honggi! I never cried for him!” Hannah cries and she turns around, putting the quilt away to glare at him. He gets a surprise to see her face, pale from tiredness and her eyes are swollen, her whole face wet from the tears that have dried and the new tears and her hair is such a mess. “I love Jonghyun more than anything and I screwed up because I couldn’t take it! Because I was stupid enough to not push Honggi away!”

“Then if you knew of your mistake, why are you crying so much about it?” Julia asks by the door, receiving a look from Manager Lim as if she should be quiet.

“It hurts,” Hannah cries and her manager sees how she puts her hand to her chest. “I can’t help it. It hurts so much.”

“Hannah,” he says softly, “The only thing that can make you miss your schedule is if you are at the hospital, and the hospital can’t cure heart-ache like this. Go clean up and do as you always do, and let’s follow today’s schedule; it will feel better after that.”

Hannah shakes her head and starts to wipe her face again with the sleeves before hiding under the quilt anew, saying she won’t go anywhere. “You can’t just lie in bed!” Julia complains but Hannah just tells them to leave her alone. Manager Lim gets up from the bed, telling Julia to go even when she says they can’t leave her there, but Manager Lim pushes her out.

“Hannah,” he stops to turn around, “you are not going to the Coca Cola event, that was already planned, but we will come and get you afterwards for your Inkigayo performance. You won’t skip that.”

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Headline 01st: 5 Pieces Sends Their Love To SM Town Family On Younha’s Starry Night Radio + Talks About MAMA