JIYONG

In the many years that I’ve been a Father, not even once have I thought that one of my nine children will become rebellious or a problem. Well yes, as a parent, I have to expect the bad and the good from them because even I, as a teenager and even an adult, have done so many mistakes and rebelled more than I ever thought I would, but I guess I just have to live with the starting from now since the only way I can do for my child is to get him out of the path he’s taking on and bring him to another where I know he’s going to be safe and better.

Walking to Danny’s room, my heart starts beating really fast. Last night’s happenings weren’t good at all to the point that I regret every action I’ve made and each word I said. Good thing I was able to release my disappointment and anger by taking time off from the family and just walking around the neighborhood.

“Danny” my voice is shaky “Open up”

To be very honest, I’m not expecting him to open up, simply because I know that he’s not yet ready to face me as I was not ready to face him. But, I better talk to him already than make this whole thing big, for if there’s one thing my wife always tell me when it comes to dealing with our children, it’s talking to them in a nice and understanding way no matter how hard it is.

I’m so sure that he’s already awake, so, I just decide to get his door key from the entrance table downstairs and open his door without his consent.

“OH!” he looks in total shock upon seeing me “Dad” he calls and bows his head down as if he’s shy or embarrassed.

I take a deep breath and exhale heavily “We’re already having breakfast…aren’t you going to join us? Your Noonas prepared it and also…your Gabby Noona is here”

He can’t look at me in the eyes “Yes Dad…I know…she went here to wake me up a while ago”

The sight of him still gives me so much pain, for I still cannot believe what he’s been doing these days.

“You should go back Dad…I’m not yet hungry anyway” he says after seconds of silence.

Is he pushing me away? I wonder what is really happening to him. Where did my baby boy go? It feels like I’m in front of a stranger now.

Not wanting the chance to talk him out of his troubles to slip from my fingers, I sit on the edge of his bed, facing him, and stare at him. The tension inside the room is building up, making it really hard to act normal.

“Danny” I call and he looks at me slowly. My mind is blank but my heart is so full of things that I want to tell him.

“First of all” this is really hard, but I got to do what I have to do, and that is to be a Father to him. With a sigh “I’m sorry for last night”

The moment he heard me apologize, he lifted his head up and looks at me. “I’m angry…totally furious…and it’s all because I’m not expecting all these from you...to tell you honestly…Dad…” I point at myself and tears suddenly start pooling in my eyes “Dad is really hurt by what you’re doing…up until now I still ask myself… “What have I done wrong for him to act this way?”…I admit…I’m not a good role model to you and your siblings for I smoke and drink…that lecturing you about the things you shouldn’t do should really not be done by me…but…if you only know baby boy how I tried so hard to stop these vices for you and your siblings to grow up seeing nothing but good things from me…you will definitely see how hard it is for me”

“I’m sorry for not being there for you all the time even if I’m not that hectic like before anymore…I’m sorry for being physically present but mostly mentally absent…Dad still has a lot on his plate but with only one word from you my children…I will leave everything behind and attend to your needs because you are more important than my job and everything and anything in this world”

My heart is the one doing all the talking for me as of the moment and I’m just letting the words flow from my mouth. Danny is on the verge of crying already and I’m the same, and this is so new to us for ever since he became a teenager and basically started having a life on his own, he has never cried in