JIYONG

Gabby shocked me to the core when she told us that she wanted to be “just like me”. To a parent, hearing this is fluttering, but to me, it is a nightmare, all because being me is both a blessing and a curse. I may have all the luxuries this world has to offer, a lot of people knows me and looks up to me, but my journey to success is not easy at all. It took a lot of tears, sweat and blood to get to where I am now, and just by thinking that one of my children will go through the process of it is enough to make me go crazy.

“NO!” Clara shouted after hearing me say that I won’t let Gabby live her dream. “You don’t have a say on anything, GD” she pushed me a little, “You may be her Dad…but you are not and will never be in the right position to crush her dreams. How could you?” she is mad and at this point, all I want is to stop this conversation.

“I get where you’re coming from. I swear, I do. I totally understand your fears. Thing is…it’s not right to say no to our daughter just because you don’t want her to be hurt or be feasted on…or go through the hardships that you went through because I’m sure that she’s considered all of that even before breaking the news to us”

“Haven’t you seen how proud and confident she is while talking to us about it? She knows what she’s getting herself into! You can clearly see in her eyes that she’s ready for anything…she knows what she wants and she’s driven to get it…killing her dream is like killing our daughter and I will not let you do that to her…not when I can totally relate to it…only difference is…I am so used to killing my dreams…of crushing it before it even begins and it’s all because of my stupid fears”

Clara’s emotions are too intense that I can feel each of them piercing right through me. I know of the dreams she let go and how bad she regrets not pursuing them.

“When you were young, you dreamt of being a superstar…at a very young age you’ve already figured out what you want in life and made it possible…you do shows…perform in front of a crowd…you even convinced your Omma to let you join YGE” she smiled and I smiled back while being reminded of my first day in YG. “Did Omma stop you? Did she say no to your dream? No, right?” she asked and I slowly nod. “She was even with you in all your performances and concerts…and after all the scandals and bashings that seem to be endless…did she tell you to quit your job and just live quietly when I’m sure all she wanted to do every time you’re in bad light is to just keep you near her so she can protect her lovely son with all her might…but she didn’t do that…she let you go on with your career and endured the intense pain she feels every time people pull you down” Clara held my hands, “Have you ever thought who you will be if she didn’t let you chase your dream? There’ll be no G-dragon” she clutched my hands to her chest, “Omma and Appa supported you all the way surely because they know that you got what it takes to be a superstar…they saw the potential in you and didn’t let it go to waste…and now…you’re in the same situation as them…it’s your turn to be a supportive parent to your child who wants to walk the same path as you”

“I’m sure it’s hard…but with us behind her…I know she’ll get the motivation and will to power through…and if all things fail…we’ll be there to catch her. What do we know? Gabby is the one who’s going to continue your legacy in the industry…the legacy that you worked so hard for your whole life” she ended by hugging me tightly.

I feel like a bucket of cold water was poured on me after hearing everything my wife has said. I feel so pathetic to even think of crushing my own daughter’s dream just because I want to protect her from the world that brought me to where I am today. My fears blinded me of the good things that will surely come out of this. I know Gabby, she doesn’t make impulsive decisions. That young lady has mastered negotiating with herself and debating herself when certain matters need to be decided on. I may have missed the moments wherein she showed or told us that she likes to join the industry, but I know and I can truly attest that she got what it takes to be a superstar.

Enlightened though still bugged by a lot of negative things, I looked for Gabby and found her inside one of the mini houses. This has been her thinking camp ever since her drop out from Law School, and it never fails to amaze me how she can fit herself in it.

“This kid” I shake my head upon seeing a handwritten sign taped on the door that says DO NOT DISTURB EXCEPT IF YOU’RE DAD. “Knock Knock!” I said without knocking. I know she can hear me.

In a split second, she opened the door and crawled out of the house. We sat on the grass, under the morning sun. “You know so well I’m going to look for you, huh?” I asked.

She giggled, “Yeah. That’s why I put that sign on the door. The little twins keep on bugging me…so for them to leave me alone…I made this” she tugged the sign off and crumpled it.

“Where to start?” I asked. I honestly don’t have a ready speech for her.

With a nervous expression on her face, she faced me and hold my hand, “Dad…I know that this is so random and too sudden…but ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always imagined myself on stage whenever I’m watching the 2ne1 Aunties perform. They are my music heroes…well…” she went frantic when I jokingly glared at her, “Them and Big Bang” she added, making me laugh, “I know what I’m capable of and I know what I lack, Dad. My singing may not be as strong as DK’s, that daughter of yours can sing in eight octaves cleanly, but my voice has a different flavor just like yours, the uniqueness of it can draw crowds” she smiled sweetly, “I may not be as beautiful as Isabella Unnie who is also a great dancer…but that woman cannot bust a move anymore” she rolled her eyes, making me laugh, “And I can…and it’s all because during my free time in university…I practiced dancing…I wanted to join the dance club actually but my acads are more important so I just passed on it…but now that I have so much time in my hands…I can commit to training already” then she snapped her fingers, “Ah! I’ve spent my whole childhood learning dances, voice and musical instruments…I’m even the only one out of your nine kids who took acting workshops and excelled in it…if you and Mum haven’t noticed Dad…I am also the only one who took these lessons seriously…and it’s all because I really wanted to be in the same industry as you…I was just afraid to tell you early on because you made it clear that you don’t want any of your children to follow your footsteps”

“You know what baby girl…” I squeezed her hand, “I almost crushed your dream”. I am coming clean to her, and I don’t care if she hates me for it.

“Why, Dad?” she innocently asked.

With a heavy sigh, “To simplify it, I don’t want you to go through all the hardships that I’ve gone through just to be where I am today. I was thinking…you can pretty much be whoever you are but not an entertainer…all because I’m afraid that my world is going to eat you up and torture you like it did to me at some point”

“Let me be honest with you…the world that you’re about to get into is not all glamour and flashing lights…and fame” I inhaled as much air as my lungs can take and exhaled slowly, “It can be dark and dirty as well…and no matter how hard you to try to not be in the dark side of it…one way or another you will find yourself in it and it’s not a good place to be”

“At first…things are easy…all you’ll do is train which can be isolating because you’ll be in the studio for hours on end…and as time passes by, you’ll realize that your time is being eaten by training that even in your sleep you dream of it…you will live and breathe dancing…singing…acting…for…I don’t know” I threw my hands out, “A couple of years and in my case…six long years…” I chuckled, “The wait is what’s going to keep you on edge…it’s the frustration every time one of your co-trainees is given the opportunity to debut before you that will make you fall deep into sadness…but if you’re really willing to reach your goal…you’ll it up and work hard to be the next trainee to debut”

“And then you debut…it feels surreal…because finally after all the hardships you’ve gone through training your off in the studio…you’re now performing on stage in front of a crowd that will either hate you or love you. From there…you’ll work doubly hard to keep up with competition coz if not…you’ll be left where you started when everyone’s going ahead already. I’m telling you…competing to be on top is gruesome…you’ll see how unfair things can be…that sometimes you’ll ask yourself…”Why the heck am I doing this?” But at the end of the day…you’ll keep on fighting and it’s all because the goal isn’t reached yet. You only just begun”

“Let’s say you already have your break…the BIG BREAK as they call it…you’ve hit the jackpot…people knows and adores you…A LOT…your songs are hitting the roof…this is the stage wherein you’ll feel pressured to produce good music even when sometimes nothing is really coming out…and as the people’s interest in you grows…crazy news about you will be made…this is when scandals and tasteless news and rumors will come out…some may be true…they can all be lies…but one thing is for sure…some people out there wants you to fall and their way of making it possible is by throwing dirt at you…”

“Remember this Gabby” I tapped her nose and she scrunched it cutely, “People will envy you the moment you reached the top…and they will do everything to drag you down…and it doesn’t matter if it ruins you and all that you worked hard for…because for them…this is a game…when for you…this is your life…unfortunately…they don’t care”

After all that I said, I cannot even see a tinge of fear in my daughter’s eyes. What’s clear is her grit to get into this world that I saw and felt way back when I was just a newbie. I can clearly tell that she wants this and she has prepared herself for this.

“I know you’re strong. I know you’re hungry for success and I’m all for it”. This is when Gabby’s face started lighting up. “Your Mum and I supports you in this new path that you want to take”. To my surprise, she bolted up and rejoiced. I pulled her back down. “BUT…” I brushed off some hair off her face, “You have to promise me that you will be open to us with everything…you’re about to ride an invisible rollercoaster that will play with your emotions…and all we want is for you to tell us if something is bothering you…if someone does something to you…don’t hesitate to talk to us…and if things are too much for you…just stop…and we’ll look for another path for you to take on”. She hugged me really tight and I hugged her back with tears pooling in my eyes. My heart is racing because I feel like I’m going to be reliving my past once all of this begin.

“I will not let you down, Dad!” Gabby is also in tears, “I will make you and Mum proud” then she looked down, “You’ve heard it from me before…I know…but this time…” then looked straight into my eyes, “I promise to finish what I started. I know this is too much for you…but trust me…I got this”

Her last words are what sealed the deal for me. SHE GOT THIS.

Then she told me her entire plan. According to her, she’s been looking for management companies a week after dropping out from university. She has this mindset that if Law School fails, she’ll try the entertainment industry. And while we’re all busy with Clara, she started talking with companies. She assured me that these companies have good track records. As much as I want to keep her close, I cannot make her bend at all. She told me that YGE isn’t even an option and said that there can only be a good number of Kwons in YGE, she doesn’t want to add up. She shocked me once again when she said that she might carry a stage name without the Kwon surname. This kid of mine really wants to peel off from my shadow and I’m going to let her.

After an hour under the sun, we went inside the house with beautiful smiles on our faces. Gabby gathered her siblings and Clara in the living room to announce the good news.

“So…Dad and I had a one on one talk” she is standing at the center, rocking back and forth in giddiness, “HE IS LETTING ME TRAIN!” she shouted in glee.

And the celebration begins. The girls formed a circle and jumped up and down while singing 2ne1’s I am the best, while the boys just clapped their hands and gave their Noona a high five.

“This is going to be one heck of a ride” Clara hugged me and I sighed heavily.

“I suddenly want her to debut already so that we can go head to head on the charts” I joked and she hit my chest. “Seriously…how competitive can you be?” she asked. I laughed, “I just want to experience how it is to share one stage with my superstar daughter” I kissed her on the forehead and tightened the hug, “She got this” I whispered.

She nodded, “Yeah…she totally got this” she repeated.

Afternoon came and all the kids were borrowed by my parents to spend some quality time with them since there are no guests at the pension this weekend, so it’s just going to be me and Clara up until Monday and honestly, we don’t know what do with our solo time.

“I miss their noises” Clara is binge watching her favorite show for hours now, while I’m trying to finish a song for one of the boy groups that I produce for. “Can’t we just go to the pension as well?” she crawled out of bed and walked to me.

I pulled her to my lap, “We can…but…it’s not every day we get to have the house to ourselves…also…in a few days I’ll be busy again” she turned her head to me, “Let’s take this time to enjoy ourselves and bond some more”

In two days, Big Bang will be flying to Japan for a special performance and some secret projects that I’d be revealing in the days to come. Originally, our plan is to just do limited promotions for our comeback album, which means that we’re not going to be on music shows every week like we used to and we’ll only grace a few television shows and interviews, but due to public demand, our plans are changing once again, and with all the decision making on our hands now, the members and I are in continuous deliberations to come up with a concrete plan for all of us.

“I’m going to be honest with you…” she leaned on me, “I’m bored” she said and pouted her lips cutely.

I playfully bite her shoulder, “What do you feel like doing?”

Ever since she came home after their accident, we haven’t really been to a date, like go out and eat in a fancy restaurant when before it happened, Friday nights will always be Mum and Dad night. I miss giving her surprises.

“Can we call the girls over?” she sounded like a teenager asking her parent a huge favor, “I miss hanging out with them” she flashed her most beautiful that I cannot say no to.

It seems like I have to forget about date night and let her spend it with Railey and Daryl instead. The trio is in bad need of a bonding session anyway, especially the two who are so stressed at work.

Of course, where the girls are, their husbands will be. TOP hyung and Youngbae are coming over as well but unlike our wives who are most likely going to chat over wine and do crazy stuff like dye their hair (this is the messiest activity they love doing), we are going to spend hours in my home studio with the high hopes that we’ll finish a couple of demos for Youngbae who asked TOP hyung and I to do one song each for his coming solo album.

“We’re here !” Daryl walked in with sass.

“Let’s start the party!” Railey screamed on top of her lungs.

As for Clara, “I’m so ready for you asses!” she is so excited, that she has forgotten about me already.

The moment the girls arrived she didn’t give a damn on me anymore. She looked at me once and smiled, and that’s it! Oh well, she really missed hanging out with her girls and this night is for them anyway, so I’m going to keep out of their radar and let them enjoy themselves.

“Oh thank goodness!” I welcomed TOP hyung and Youngbae after close to an hour with just the girls around. Being with three hyper-active women is giving me a headache.

“I’m supposed to be here earlier than Railey but she asked me to deliver food to my Noona’s house for the kids since they’re on a one week vegan diet and she’s afraid that they’ll bend because you know how delicious Noona’s cooking is…it’s hard to resist…so she insisted to make food for all of them instead” TOP hyung said while carrying almost a whole cart of wine.

Youngbae sighed, “I’m supposed to be here early too if it weren’t for Daryl who made me bathe the kids all alone and drive them to Omma’s house after”. I can feel how exhausted he is.

“Aigoo” I patted his back. If there’s one thing I hate doing as a parent, it is bathing little kids. If you’re already a parent you must know how challenging it is to clean a toddler who cannot stay still.

Time passed and the girls are at the pool area, chatting while painting each other’s nails. The members and I on the other hand, ditched our supposed recording and played a video game instead. We’re missing our maknaes though. We called them to join us, unfortunately, they are busy but they promised to make it up to us next time.

“Food truck’s here!” I got off the couch excitedly.

TOP hyung looked at me in surprise, “You called for a food truck? Yaaa….Jiyong-ah…this is just an ordinary get to