Hi Diary,

It’s been months since I wrote an entry. Well, months that I cannot remember, but based on what I’ve written here, it seems like I was going through so much these past months that it’s tiring me. As much as I want to ask them what happened, I choose not to, all because I might not be ready for it yet.

I must admit, all that happened and has been happening hasn’t sink in. From the day I woke up until now, my mind cannot seem to process everything. I hate having an Amnesia. I hate that I cannot remember my life after the year twenty-eleven. It saddens me that I don’t even have a clue on how good my life is beyond that year. I hate that I cannot remember my children. Can you believe it? I have nine! NINE! And even though it’s been days already, there are still times when I get them mixed up which , BIG TIME. I can only imagine their frustration, but I’m lucky because they are good kids.

And of course, the biggest bummer of all, I forgot my husband. The fan girl in me will always jump out whenever he’s around. I cannot look him straight in the eyes no matter how hard I try and how bad I wanted to. I flinch every time he touches me, even when he doesn’t intend to. The girls will always tell me that my heart will surely remember him even when my mind cannot, but my heart is surely playing because it beats for him, that I’m sure of, it’s just that, I am questioning myself if what I’m feeling towards him is not just a fan girl reaction or that it’s my love for him as a wife that’s taking over.

A couple of days ago, my in-laws came to visit. I was so shy. It feels surreal because I only see them in pictures on the internet. From their stories and the way they talk to me and treat me, I can say that we have a special bond, and that they adore and love me. It’s just unfortunate that my mind cannot remember them. My Mother in-law cannot stop from crying. It brought me to a wild emotional ride because I cannot imagine what my Mum’s reaction would be once she knows of my condition. I’m sure she and Dad will go insane and maybe do everything to bring me back my memories even when it’s so impossible for now.

Speaking of my parents, I told G-dragon and the girls not to tell them about my amnesia. Given that we are years ahead and not in twenty-eleven anymore, they are old, and this news might stress them so much. Honestly, I am thinking to just pretend to be normal because I don’t know how I’m going to break this news to them. On the other hand, they deserve to know. I guess I just have to take things one at a time just like what I intend to do with my life now.

It's been a week and I’m finally out of the hospital. It was a week full of revelations, stories and wonderful people. Who knew Clara Olmos (the boring girl) will have a lot of people in her life? I cannot believe that I made a life more than what I intend to and expected. A life that is so colorful and magical. I mean, who would even believe that my most impossible dream and my craziest prayer will come true and be answered?

I AM MARRIED TO G-DRAGON!

If that’s not crazy, I don’t know what is.

I’m telling you, the twenty-one year old me is doing backflips and cartwheels when I found out about it. I really thought Railey is married to him. That prank feels real. I was so jealous of her to be honest. Like, seriously and dead jealous. Questions like, why can’t it be me? And what’s wrong with you that your best friends have married big celebrities when it looks like you didn’t? Turns out, all three of us married well and I cannot be happier enough to know that my girls and I are still together, just like what we promised back in high school, and we’re going through life together.

Speaking of G-dragon, I see a good person and a husband in him. There was this one night when Railey and Daryl kept me company in the hospital because he cannot, for Big Bang is preparing for their comeback reunion (It’s insane to think that GD completely retired as an artist and is now a producer and talent maker), and we had a talk about our husbands.

“Tell me…how are you and Jiyong doing now?” Daryl asked while peeling a clementine for me.

I sighed, “I don’t know, but we’re awkward or maybe it’s just me who is awkward”. As much as I don’t want to be, I cannot help it, mainly because I don’t know how to move and act around him yet.

Railey smiled, “Sis…it’s all good” she touched my arm, “Jiyong expected it anyway”

“He did?”

She nodded, “Yeah. He knows that it will take some time before you build back the bond you two have, given that you cannot remember anything about you and him”

That ! Yes, I get him, but is there really no way for us to regain what we have before my accident? Isn’t it going to be so much work for him, knowing that he’s the one with the memories and I’m the one just waiting to be fed?

“He might tire out” These words came out of my mouth unintentionally. I was just thinking of it.

Daryl smirked, “Jiyong will NEVER!” she handed me the clementine and squeezed herself beside Railey on the single couch near my bed, “Your husband has been through so much in this marriage that whatever sorcery is happening now, is just a piece of cake for him” she said and a lot more questions entered my mind.

For days now, I keep on hearing them say that G-dragon and I have been through hell and back together. That our love has been tested for so many times, but we’re always victorious. It is intriguing, but none of them are into details, so I decided to just wait for the day until they tell me stories about it.

You see, when you’re in my position, you will always have this battle where you wanted to know everything right away while the other half of you is just isn’t ready. I also don’t want to be a burden to them. I don’t want them to feel obligated in feeding me memories, which I’m sure is tiring and draining.

“You know what…honestly…I still cannot believe that I’m married to him” the girls laughed upon hearing this. “I mean…who will even think that our paths will cross? You two will always tell me how crazy I am to be so attached to this person that doesn’t even know I exist”

As for our love story, the girls and even my in-laws, unanimously decided that G-dragon should be the one telling me everything, but because he doesn’t have much time to hang out with me, I still don’t know how we started even when I’m already dying to know all of it.

“Believe me sis, we are shocked as you are” Railey said, making me chuckle. “When we first got here, you cannot contain your excitement because there’s a huge possibility of you and him bumping into each other, but that’s just it. You’re not looking forward or even wishing to be friends with him, simply because in your mind he’s up there” she pointed up then pointed down, “And you’re down there” she smirked, “The first time you saw him, you froze and you’re too awkward whenever he’s around. It’s embarrassing!” she exclaimed and I just look at her in disbelief.

“Really?”

Daryl rolled her eyes, “You turn into a stone whenever you see him. The first time you did, you nearly fainted. Good thing, we were there to keep your sanity intact”

“From the way I see it before, all you want is to see him up close. That’s it. That’s the goal. The fact that he’s just arms reach is out of your mind. For you, he’ll always stay as a celebrity who you look up to and respect, and you’re afraid to cross the line between going personal and being a fan” Railey shared and it sounds exactly like me.

Whenever I think of G-dragon back then, I know so damn well that I will embarrass myself in front of him. It can be me crying so hard or blabbering senseless whatever. That’s why, the freezing or turning into a stone whenever he’s around