When fighting’s all you need to do but doesn’t have the will to fight anymore, what do you do?

Five days in, and my family isn’t getting any better. From having a real tight bond, we are slowly breaking the ties and it’s gotten me to a point where I’m tired of dealing with it. My kids are continuously looking for their Dad with Gabby on the lead, they go to YG every day, hoping to see Jiyong there, but according to the YG people, he hasn’t stepped foot ever since that night. They went to their Aunt Dami’s, he wasn’t there either, she doesn’t even know what happened, the kids didn’t dare to share because they know how big it’ll blow up once my in-laws know of what’s going on in our family. They go as far as dropping by to our other houses and even their Dad’s bachelor condo, and found him nowhere. They contacted our house caretaker in Jeju Island and they were told he wasn’t there as well.  Oh well, it seems like this time, Kwon Jiyong doesn’t want to be found.

As for me, I’m totally out of zone. I haven’t gone to work even when I’m needed there the most. Railey and Daryl are so considerate, given that YGR is in the midst of a looming problem. Heck! I haven’t gone out of this room longer than ten minutes. The big kids were the ones manning the house, as well as their siblings. They only see me for a little while and I cannot even pull out a smile. I feel so bad for them, but I can’t seem to pull myself out of this system shutdown.

And Isabella, my once adorable and sweet darling daughter, is out of the house just yesterday. She decided to move in to Gabby’s apartment for a while ‘to give all of us a time to breathe’ as she explained it, and I let her, that I’m sure once her Dad learns of it, will go ballistic on me once again. What can I do? Our daughter wants out of this family. So, better let her have her way! After all, this is the freedom she’s been craving for.

Funny, because I’ve never been out of the loop. I’ve had problems harder and more difficult than this, but for some reason, I can’t force myself to do anything. It’s like, I’ve lost grip of my whole being. That I’m just existing but has lost the will to live. All I want is to be alone, in silence, with a bottle of wine by my bedside and a bottle of Tequila to get me sleeping through the night. Alcohol is all I have as of the moment, and it never fails to numb me.

“She’s still in there?” I heard Railey.

“Yes, Auntie. Mum didn’t even touch her food this morning as well as her lunch. Her door’s not locked now. I think she forgot to lock it. She’s sleeping right now” based on Gabby’s voice, I can tell that she’s stressed. I’ve never heard her in this tone.

“Don’t worry. We’re already here. We’ll whack the life out of your Mum” Of course, Daryl is here as well. It seems like my girls are here to try to rescue me again.

I counted to ten and there they are, barging in my room, faces shocked as they found me sitting on the love couch, drinking wine straight from the bottle.

“What the !” Daryl came rushing to me and snatched the bottle away, “You seriously lost it, huh?” her eyes are scanning me from head to foot, then shifted to the bottles on the floor in a corner.

Oh, Jiyong is going to be so mad upon knowing that I’m near to wiping out his wine stock. I even drank a full bottle of his most precious wine that dates back the year he was born.

“You are an alcoholic in the making, sis” Railey started tidying up by fixing my bed. “Gosh!” she showed Daryl the pack of cigarette under the duvet.

They both look at me, “Really?” Daryl darted her eyes. I chuckled, “That’s Jiyong’s. It was under his pillow. I tried one though” the voice that’s coming out of me is so different. I slur. I mumble. It’s funny how I can’t pull my together when drunk.

“And?” Daryl forced me to stand, pulling me up. I giggled, “I still can’t find joy in a stick. I don’t even know why Jiyong can’t stop smoking” I answered playfully. “You are light as a feather” she wrapped my arm around her shoulders, “You’re already underweight before all this happened, and you’re even lighter now. How the heck is that even possible?”

“No!” I resisted when she was about to put me in the tub. “Bring me back to bed, please”

As we all know, Daryl doesn’t really acknowledge the word NO. With that, she carried me inside the tub, making sure that I’m perfectly under the shower.

“!” I shrieked the moment cold water hits my skin.

“Yeah, that’s the way I like it” Daryl then started bathing me. “I hope the cold water wakes you up from your