Love is when you look at your person and your heart smiles together with your lips.

Last night is a blast! I cannot remember most of what happened. I wasn’t even able to put an entry here, dear diary, all because I’m dead drunk, and now I’m suffering from the worst hangover EVER!

Being with my girls the whole night is pure bliss. We gossiped like we usually do. I asked them the floating questions in my head that I’ve been dying to have answers to, and they also showed me my “bedroom secrets”, that my husband is unbelievably aware of. They fed me stories from when we were just beginning our lives here in Seoul. I can tell that we had so much fun.

“So…tell me…” the girls and I chose to hangout at the pool area since our husbands occupied the living room (they are supposed to be doing something in GD’s home studio but changed plans). “Do I look much better now than when I first got out of the hospital?” I asked.

For weeks, whenever I look in the mirror, I keep on seeing a different Clara. My insecurity, though not as bothering as before, is still there.

“You look so much better, sis” Daryl pats my hand and smiles, “Are you still bugged by your scars and hair?” she made me look the other way so she can check the back of my head.

Railey puffed, “I swear sis! Jiyong doesn’t care about your scars. I bet you…he doesn’t even notice them. Just like us, we don’t care about it at all” she pulled me to her and gave me a side hug.

“My only concern is…how am I going to go out in public with this face?” I pointed at my long scar, “I mean…people will surely notice this” I trace it with my finger, “It doesn’t look good at all”

Okay. Maybe you’re thinking, why the heck is she making a big deal out of this?

It is a big deal when you’re a wife of a celebrity who is one of the most photographed human beings in the planet.

“The whole world knows of your accident, sis. They will surely let that scar pass” Daryl said.

Railey nodded in agreement, “It’s all about the confidence. You need to bring back the Modern Day Clara’s self-esteem because the Ice Age Clara needs it badly”. This made me laugh.

According to the girls, I have two personas. The Ice Age (means the old me) and the Modern Day (meaning the present me). These two keeps on switching from time to time, and even though they find it cool, I sometimes find it confusing because I can’t tell which is which in certain circumstances.

Time passed with us reminiscing our younger years. The girls are in awe because I can remember everything clearly. It must be because of my mind reset.

“I can still remember us on the rooftop of Daryl’s house where we always hangout after school. We’ll steal a few bucks from her Daddy’s not-so secret cash stash to buy a huge box of pizza and milkshakes” I lay my head down on Railey’s lap and rest my feet on Daryl’s leg.

“Oh yeah!” Railey snapped up, “We were new friends then. My family and I just moved in the Upper East Side. I was so nervous to go to school because all the students there are posh like that in Constance Billard-St. Jude’s School type”  

Constance Billard- St.Jude School – Is the school in Gossip Girl. It doesn’t exist in real life. What is Gossip Girl? It’s an old television show that the girls and I adore so much because of the fashion and not so much for the story.

We came from Trinity, a private school and is ranked as one of the best schools with a highly competitive admissions process. I was a student there since Kindergarten, Daryl came during our freshman year in high school, while Railey came during our junior year.

“You are Malibu Barbie” Daryl laughed, “Every girl in our school hates you because you have all the boys’ attention the moment you walked in the entrance. Only Clara and I loves you because we really don’t see you as a threat”

Railey is originally from Malibu. She’s this sun-kissed beauty with a height as tall as the Empire State Building. Her family moved to Manhattan when her Pops transferred jobs. She’s the athletic one amongst the three of us, and is a boy magnet.

“They hate you because you can go to school without make-up on when they’re splurging so much money on their faces. I can still remember our classmate Devin spreading a rumor about you saying that you got your whole face done” I followed.

Daryl cracks up, “Turns out…she’s the one who got almost everything done! Oh gosh! I will never forget one gym class where I hit her face with a volleyball and her nose bent to the left”

That memory is etched in our minds forever. It’s the first time I got detention, all because I was Daryl’s accomplice. I keep on giving her a volleyball until she successfully hit the target. Railey, on the other hand, is clueless that we are doing a revenge for her.

“Well…I am “fine China” that every student bows down to” Daryl proudly said. She is already a character back then.

One of the richest in campus, her family is originally from Beijing, she and her Daddy moved to Manhattan after Daryl’s mother died. She was left with no one but her father, that spoils her to the core. Railey and I used to envy her because she’s allowed to do almost everything, while the two of us are still restricted to a lot. She’s the only person on the face of the Earth that I know, who drives a Rolls Royce as her first car.

“Daryl is always on detention” Railey spills, “And the reasons? It’s either she’s caught by the head mistress making out with some dude or she did something to someone”

“She’s not the Beast of the East for nothing” I teased, making them laugh.

Daryl tamed a lot and her maturity is impressive, but once in a while, we can still see that teenage girl in her, who loves being in trouble. Her big heart though, never changed. She’s still soft as a marshmallow to the people she loves.

“Then what am I?” I asked curiously, truthfully not knowing the name or the label I have in our school.

“You are Boring Clara” Daryl answered in a heartbeat.

I am speechless.

Daryl chuckled, “You may be one of the most beautiful…respected and intelligent in campus…your Mum may be the head of the Parents’ Association…and you may be carrying an Hermes Birkin and walking in either your Jimmy Choo’s or Blahnik’s…but you’re oh-so boring…people wouldn’t even sit with you at lunch unless you bribe them”

“That’s not true!” I said in defense.

“Sadly sis…it is” Railey countered, “I may only be there for a couple of years but I’ve heard enough stories from others saying that you are too perfect…too prim and proper…to fool around with. That’s why…no matter how nice you are to them…they choose not to be friends with you because you look like you’re no fun at all”

“But I got a friend before you guys…that’s enough for me”

“A friend…” Railey playfully squishes my face, “One friend that you’ve been with ever since you were little kids…who I really believe doesn’t have a choice but to stick with you” she said, receiving a not-so painful pinch on the arm from me. “You’re lucky we came into your life or else…you’re going to be left with no one”

Yeah. That’s why I’m thankful to the girls for sticking with me even when I’m “boring Clara”, if they didn’t come into my life, I must’ve gone through life alone since that one friend died long ago.

“And you even fell in love with that friend” Daryl said, reminding me of the boy who I had a mutual understanding with but never really had the chance to be in a relationship with.

G-dragon is not the only guy to fall in love with me, and he is not the only guy I fell in love with. There’s another one, that I believe my husband knows about because I told him our story during our first date.

“Thinking of it…your life must’ve been so different from this if he’s still alive” Railey said and the atmosphere became serious.

Daryl took a deep breath, “Yeah. I actually have a feeling that you and him will end up together. It’s pretty obvious that you have feelings for each other. It’s just that…you’re too focused on your studies and he’s too weak to make you bend” she sighed, “But I’m glad your life didn’t go his way or else you wouldn’t be here…you’ll never meet Jiyong”

“I agree, sis” Railey brushed her fingers in my hair, “If you ended up with the other guy…I have a strong feeling that you will get tired of him easily…all because both of you are so in-tune with each other that your relationship will be no fun in the long run, while Jiyong is so far from him, not only because he’s a superstar but also because he is carefree. He balanced you and let you discover yourself until you form another being that is really meant to be you”

 As much as I miss that boy, I am thankful that our relationship didn’t go far, because the girls are right, we’ll be endgame, which means mine and G-dragon’s paths wouldn’t cross, and this life I’m living is not going to exist.

After that heavy conversation, we decided to paint our nails just like what we used to when we were in college. I can still remember a round table in one corner of Daryl’s bedroom that is filled with nail polish bottles, that the girls and I impulsively buy every time we go to the mall. One summer, instead of looking for part-time jobs, we enrolled ourselves into this nail tech program and earned a license.

“My hands are too shaky now” I cannot even keep the polish on my nails only. It keeps spilling to my skin.

Daryl bursts out in laughter, “They’re too used, sis”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked, innocently, and she did a hand gesture that I would rather not write nor describe. It’s too graphic even for me.

Daryl is still dirty Daryl. It’s one of her many charms. Love it or hate it.

“Flash news” I stopped doing my nails and smiled at them, “I already gave in to him”

And they squealed like seals.

“Seriously…what’s with the celebration? Just to remind you girls…we’ve been doing it for decades already…nine kids were made…there’s no need for the whole she-bang”

Wait. Did I just use the term she-bang? Oh my! I’m really from the Ice Age.

“Sis” Railey puts her hands on my shoulders, “You haven’t been laid in months! Also…it’s Ice Age Clara’s first time to taste the dragon…that’s why we’re celebrating…we’re happy for you!” the girls exchanged high fives.

“How was it?” Daryl casually asked.

I sighed heavily. Swallowed hard. I don’t know why, but my nerves are up. My heart is beating fast. “It was mind blowing” I answered way too dreamy, and they laughed.

“I’m telling you…it was so empowering. It’s like he’s giving me the chance to shine by letting me do whatever I want to do with him. It’s so far from the stories you told me about before”

The before that I’m talking about is during our high school days through early working years. Whatever experiences they had beyond that was washed out of my mind already.

Daryl hissed, “Of course, it’s different!” she threw a cotton ball at me, “Our periences before are mostly casual. There may be feelings but not as much. Also…it’s not clumsy and icky…and fast anymore” she flicked her hair, “Gosh! My high school experiences are the worst! Those guys need to be burned alive for being bad ”. This made us laugh hysterically.

“Agree” Railey followed, “Those experiences are so far from the ones with our husbands. Also…just to inform you dear sister” she pointed at me, “Out of the three of us…you are the most active”

This is news to me. All this time I thought we just do it whenever we’re in the mood and we just happen to be in the mood all the time these days. Turns out, we’re active, meaning we may be doing it for a good number of days in a week.

“How about you guys?” As much as I don’t want to ask, for I feel like it’s very private, but my curiosity is kicking in.

Daryl sighed heavily, “I’m lucky if I get some twice a month”

“Seunghyun and I always talk about it and plans it, and is looking forward to it…but once we’re already in the moment…we’ll end up doing something else…like…online shopping or laughing at memes he sees on the internet” Railey looked so devastated.

“He told me I was aggressive” I remembered the time GD and I did it first in my office.

Daryl almost spitted out the apple juice in , “Jiyong told you that you were aggressive? THE KWON JIYONG told THE CLARA KWON that she is aggressive?” she in total disbelief.

I nodded, “I don’t really know what he means by aggressive but he said it’s a good thing”

“Damn! What did you do? Did you do splits or something?” Daryl is once again making me insane.

“I didn’t!” I exclaimed, “And splits? Who in the world…”

Railey pats my back, “It’s a thing sis”

A thing! Really?

“No way! I cannot even stretch my leg too far any