JIYONG

Love heals. It makes the freshest and deepest wounds dry faster. Scars will be there, but it won’t remind you of your pain whenever you see it. Love makes cold hearts, warm. It has this miraculous effect even in the most impossible of people.

Week three of Clara’s journey to getting better and I must say, this is the most humbling experience of all. Being in this with her, I learned so much more about me. Like, how I can juggle so many things at the same time. Yes, I’m used to multi-tasking at a very young age, but this is different. My patience is longer than I think, and when I thought that I already know my self-limit like the back of my hand, I discovered that I can cross lines and go beyond my boundaries just to get things going.

I’m working the same way as before. I don’t know why, but Big Bang is working like never before. I’m telling you we’ve never worked this hard even during our rookie years. The members and I are like newly oiled mean machine, as if our age doesn’t limit us to some things. Believe it or not, we decided to do promotions for our comeback album, an idea that none of us were considering at the beginning. I mean, how do you think forty-something year old grown men can go up against the younger generation? We don’t have any idea. One of the reasons why we pushed on with this is that, we heard about our generation of idols making a comeback too, a fire ignited inside the five of us, we were pumped up to do things in full swing again. As people say, these coming months will surely be the biggest Kpop throwback which excited me to the core.

Aside from family and work, I’m also working on myself as well. It’s not just my wife who is counseling but I am too. I decided on this after a talk with Dr. Cho who told me that anyone can seek help with or without a psychiatric diagnosis. Like me, all I need is someone outside from my social circle to talk to and share my thoughts with who can give me unbiased feedback that keeps me aligned and on track.

“Jiyong, I think it’s time for Clara to finally go out and enjoy the great outdoors again” Dr. Cho told me after my session with her. “Her progress is really impressive. She does slip out sometimes, but she can get herself again. It’s like, she’s claiming back what is really hers, which is her strength and big personality”. Hearing this makes my heart jump in glee.

The past weeks has been so good to us. Not only is Clara beginning to be interactive and reactive, her aura is brighter as well. Unlike before, she can keep up with long conversations already. A few days ago, I caught her and our daughters talking about the newest release of PMO. Of course, I eavesdropped, and it seems like my girls are not digging the new release that made me recall each item for assessment again.

That night, I gathered the three of them in our bedroom after a whole day of being in the PMO office with my staff who are equally shocked that Clara and our daughters are not into our new release when they are usually the first ones to compliment it in the past. With me are all the newly launched PMO items hanged in racks and some neatly laid on Clara’s work desk. I will let them critique each item and take note of it.

“Wow!” Dk walked in first with a bag of chips in one hand and a can of soda in another.

Clara and Gabby followed, and that’s when I noticed their new hair colors. It seems like our daughters are getting fond of coloring their hair because just three weeks ago, they went with Noona to the salon where they had their hair done. Gabby changed hers from strawberry blonde to ash gray. DK changed hers from mahogany to auburn. What amazed me is my wife, who sticks with one color all these years, is beautifully carrying a honey blonde hair now. It made her look younger. It’s making me want to start experimenting with my hair again just to keep up with her visuals.

“Your Mum looks like she just stepped into her thirties” I walked to Clara and stared at her for a good minute before kissing her lips, “You look really hot, babe” I whispered in her ear and winked, making her giggle.

Gabby throws herself on our bed, “We went to the salon almost around the same time you left for work, Dad” she kicked her slippers off and crawled to the pillows, “The Aunties are shocked to see Mum, especially Aunt Taehyun. They missed her there so much, that they are all hands on in dolling Mum up. Just look at her!” she smiled at Clara who is smiling back at our daughter, “She doesn’t look a day older than thirty”

DK passed by me and joined her sister in bed, “So true”.

 It seems like Ms. DK Kwon has forgotten one of our house rules which is no eating in bed, because she started munching on her chips. I’ll let this pass.

“And!” she raised a cheesy finger, “We also had our nails done!” the two proudly showed me their perfectly made nails, “Mum even has a small diamond on her thumbs”

I looked at Clara who happily showed me hers. “I splurged with this” she looks disappointed but the twinkle in her eyes tells me she’s satisfied, “Oh well…” she shrugged it off and head to our bed too.

Standing in front of them, I get to stare at them for a while. My three lovely girls are just so good to look at, especially my wife who looks normal already.

“Aigoo” I still cannot get over their make-overs. “I was away for only the whole afternoon and you guys already decided to go wild” I sound so fatherly, it irks me.

Clara is just staring at me, her smile never leaving her beautiful face. “I enjoyed every minute of it, babe” she speaks after a while, “If only Railey and Daryl are here, it’s going to be much more fun” her voice isn’t weak anymore. I can hear so much of her already, and it’s a big win.

I hissed, “If those two are here, your hair will surely be in a crazier color, like vibrant green or even violet” I sighed and they laughed out loud.

“I don’t get it, Dad” DK butts in, “You’re the master in hair transformations, why is it now you’re sticking to boring colors?”

I chuckled and brushed my hair with my fingers, “Let’s just say that my scalp had enough. I’m done torturing it”

Gabby shakes her head, “Too bad, I really thought we can bond over salon dates every week. I was actually imagining us sporting the same hair colors”

I must say, my heart melted upon hearing that. I know that ever since they were little girls, every time I bring them to the salon with me, they will always bug me to allow them to color their hair the same as mine which I didn’t allow, of course, and now that they’re at the age where they can pretty much do whatever they want, here I am, giving myself a break from most of my younger self habits.

After that, we went on with the assessment already. I told them to be honest and to not hold back. I might be digging my own grave here, for I know how harsh my girls can be, but I’m up for it.

“That coat is cute” Clara complimented one of the three coats that we’ve released. “It’s very….you” she followed, making me chuckle.

Gabby nods in agreement, “That coat doesn’t have a problem, Dad” she stands up and went to the racks, “This don’t really appeal to me” she pulled out a jacket and showed it to her Mum and sister, “It’s too…” she taps her index finger on her chin, “Bland” she continued, “There’s something lacking”

And there goes one item to be pulled out from the line.

“This cap” here comes DK. She grabbed a white cap from their Mum’s work desk and wore it, “It’s beautiful…but!” she removed it and looked at it closely, “I wish for it to have a more feminine touch”

That night, I found new eyes and voices to help me with PMO, and they are my daughters. And, they didn’t really filter their words. They talk to themselves and give harsh feedbacks on some items as if I’m not in the same room with them. Gabby even called me a fashion icon with color coordinating problem.

It’s another good day and I have a wonderful plan to make it perfect. I have this whole day off because the other Big Bang members are out doing their solo work, and because I’m the only who is fully inactive in the industry, I don’t have anything to do, so I’ll probably just bum around the house.

With that, I decided to make this day a family day. It’s been a long time since we had one, and with all the things that’s been happening to us, I think this is the right time to reunite and bond with family again.

“Huh?” Clara and I just finished our breakfast when I told her about my plans.

I reached out my hand to her and she happily took it, “We’re going to the kids at the pension in a while, babe” I told her and a spark of excitement showed up in her eyes.

Tears started filling them after a while. I somewhat expected her to be emotional. As per Dr. Cho, I need to be watchful in times like this because her play of emotions may cause an episode, and we don’t want that to happen.

“Hey babe” I snapped her out of her thoughts by making her stand and sit her on my lap. “I know how much you’re missing the kids, so I’m bringing you to them” I kissed her shoulder and she flinched a little when my lips touched her skin.

With my arms tight around her, “Aren’t they mad at me?” she asked.<